Finding Home in Trying Times

The ship they found themselves huddled got dark at night … and Theo meant really dark.

With only the moon to really light their way, and the lack of resources to keep oil lamps running all day, many inhabitants refused to work during this time. Of course, the main exception for this was the second in command, Katie, and the lookout in the dilapidated crow's nest. That position was usually up for grabs, but if no one chose, their self assigned leader would pick at random. Due to her inactivity and reluctance to work, Vivienne was usually chosen for that position. She was probably up there now, gun in hand, eyes on the horizon. Making sure nothing came at them from either side.

But they weren’t the only ones up.

Theo felt like his brain was teasing him at this point. He couldn’t sleep for the life of him, and he didn't want to turn around and risk waking Evangeline. She worked too hard, and she needed her rest. And maybe that’s why he couldn't get a grasp on it. Did he even work hard enough to deserve it?

He squeezed his eyes so tight he was seeing stars. He had to get himself out of that mindset or he was just going to drown himself in it. Usually, one of their group members could snap him out of it, keep him busy enough to draw his attention away from his own misgivings. But it was in the night, in those cold, horrible hours, that his thoughts started creeping in. God, this wasn’t fair. Theo swallowed down that sickly lump in his throat and buried his nose in Evangeline's hair.

That fresh coconut scent was quick to fill his lungs, settling deep in the very core of him. He wouldn't readily admit it, but that smell reminded him of home, back with his family—the people he would sacrifice everything for, even that grouch of an uncle. But they aren't around anymore to protect. He was with strangers save for Evangeline. The only one who gave him a chance--defended him. She was his own personal guardian angel, and that name of hers only solidified the idea. 

Theo’s heart thudded painfully against those birdcage bones of his, desperate to break out. To go to his people, to his home. But he couldn't just leave. If this was the closest he would get to them, then he would keep it as close as he could, tucking himself into the crevice of this precious thing. Evangeline wasn’t even aware of how much she meant to him either, but he wouldn’t keep it from her if she asked. It could only be her, though. Maybe Katie? She was good at keeping important secrets. She wouldn't even tell Theo what gifts Evangeline liked when her birthday rolled around. He felt awful when he had to give her some dumb little shell, but the way her face lit up made it kind of worth it.

Then again, that was probably because she didn't even know what she wanted.

Theo let out a soft breath of laughter, just faint enough that Evangeline didn't even stir. He blew some of her hair on his nose though, and he had to brush it away before he sneezed. He only let his fingers linger for a second before wrapping his arm back around her waist. 

He laid there, clutching the sheets to keep from seeking out her hand. 

When did he get so starved for contact?

It wasn’t with everyone, though. Only her and occasionally Vivienne, though that was because of the woman’s incredible hugs. Maybe it was that smell--so similar to his home that it made his heart ache. The sweet coconut paired with the hint of earth and copper coming from her skin; he reveled in it, wanting to live in it for the rest of however long they had. It wasn’t in her shampoo, that much was obvious, they hadn’t gotten any recently, so he had to assume it was either natural or she had been blessed with it. The gods would favor her, wouldn't they? Like Pandora made with the best possible gifts.

Theo felt that familiar tug in his heart, though it wasn't entirely pleasant. It was something he was becoming more and more accustomed to lately. Jealousy. He twisted the sheets, knuckles paling considerably, to keep himself from clinging to Evangeline. He couldn't wake her up, not when he was having a crisis. 

But despite his best efforts, Evangeline started to stir.

“Anthony,” his heart stopped for a solid second before slamming back into his ribs. Her voice was raspy and slow with sleep, and hearing his name said in that tone really wasn’t helping his major crush on her. 

“Hmm?”

“Why are you up?”

“Can’t sleep,” dammit, his voice cracked.

He just wanted her to go back to that sweet dream world of hers, ignore the turmoil going on in his own mind. But as his luck would have it, she didn’t. In fact, she not only ignored his desperate silent plea’s, but turned around in his hold to face him. And god, if that wasn’t terrifying.

How was Theo expected to make these feelings go away when she did stuff like this?

“Don’t lie to me, I can see a crease on your forehead,” she punctuated her little observation by reaching up to tap the space between his brows. “Means you’re thinkin’ about something.”

“When did you get so observant?” He gave her his signature smile, though he knew she was beginning to catch on to when it was faked. She was smart, and he couldn’t hide it from her anymore. Soon enough she’d be able to read the love pouring off him in waves, she did talk about aura’s quite a bit. Wait, did he just say love? No, he couldn't be in love with her, that wasn’t possible. That was the worst-case scenario, these feelings had to go away. He had to go back home to his family, to his people. He couldn't find another home now, not when he was this close to getting that old part of him back.

“Hey, stop that,” a sharp pain in the center of his forehead caused him to jerk back.

“Eva, stop, you’ll leave a mark!” He whined, scrubbing away the pain.

“Then tell me what’s going on in that little rat cage of yours.”

“Rat cage?”

“Come on,” she leveled Theo with a stare that set his heart aflame. How was he supposed to tell her about everything going on up there when he couldn't even make sense of it?

Evangeline's forehead was almost pressed against his at this point, and judging from the warmth emanating from his side, she had her hand on his waist. Why was her hand on his waist? More importantly, where were his hands? He glanced down briefly, freezing for a split-second when he saw how his fingers had become twined in her hair. When did that happen? She didn't seem to mind. She wasn’t even saying anything. Just staring at him. Waiting for him.

Waiting for what?

Right.

Tell her what he was thinking about.

I really want to kiss you.

Theo couldn't say it, but God did he want to.

He teased the frayed edges of her hair, staring intently at the feathered look it gave pinched between his fingertips. He didn't want to meet that intense gaze. He was too afraid of what he’d do if he were caught in it. 

“Theo.”

“You.”

Damn.

Evangeline didn't respond right away and it felt like an eternity before she said anything. Her hand teased the hem of his shirt, it must have come untucked when he was trying to keep his mind occupied.

“What about me?” Was Theo imagining things or did her voice sound strained? He chanced a quick look at her face and sure enough, those eyes were centered on his. He felt a chill go down his spine and the skin along his arms erupted into gooseflesh. 

Theo swallowed thickly, desperately trying to keep himself calm.

Did they get closer? They were only inches apart, and her other hand was resting palm up between their bodies on the sheets. Never had he felt more tempted to hold someone’s hand. He wanted to feel her fingers twined with his, maybe rub his thumb against the soft back of her hand. Move over the hills in that; her veins, arteries, tendons. But more important than any of those was the need to have her to feel this way. This torturous way. Where every moment they spent around each other was arduous and long, and also terribly fast and overwhelming. Every spared glance was a second of contact that got seared into the brain and stayed there on replay for the next day or two.

Or maybe … it was all in his head.

But he didn't want it to be.

The world had ended months ago and this was his only chance at something.

“Can,” his voice got caught in his throat. Could she hear how loud his heart was beating? “Can I tell you something … and you promise not to laugh?”

“Anything.”

‘It’s now or never, Theo,’ Alex said in the back of his mind, soft and suggestive all at once. That woman may have claimed to not be a siren, but she couldn’t stop the temptation she led him to. Not in lust, or anything particularly sensual, but in desire. He ached to tell Evangeline exactly what he wanted. How he craved every moment they spent together and despaired at the moments apart. How, when the sun hit her face at that perfect angle, she looked like a goddess, a goddess he wouldn’t hesitate to bend a knee and worship for.

“I think I … I want to kiss you.”

“What?” Theo’s eyes snapped to hers, searching her face for any tell, any reason why she would say that. Did she not want to? Of course not, she wasn’t attracted to him, she wanted Griffin or their leader, Avon, she didn't want him. He had good looks sure, but that could only go so far. He had not been in this group for as long as the rest of them had. They were dependable, worked well together, like a well-oiled machine. Avon would give her a better future than he ever could. He was too afraid to even leave the ship’s metal walls. Not into that hellscape.

Avon didn't hesitate, but Theo did.

“Sorry,” he started, going to back away. He could blink away the stinging in his eyes when he was turned away from her. He didn't want her to see those tears. No one could. “You can ignore tha--”

“I didn't say no.”

Theo stopped and looked back up at her.

Evangeline was staring at his lips.

He swallowed again, and it must have been audible because she pulled that intense gaze back up.

“I don’t,” he shook his head minutely, “I can’t have you feel like you’re being forced. You have to understand that I have feelings for you, and I … kissing you, and being with you, would be amazing, but you don’t have to want those things too.” He let go of her hair. “I want you to choose me because you have feelings for me, not because you feel obligated to.” His voice came in a whisper.

“You’re such an idiot,” Evangeline said. “How could someone so smart be so dumb?”

“What?”

“I like you too dammit.”

“Are you crying?” Theo felt panic jab at his heart, and he hurried to carefully wipe away those tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. He left his hand cradling her cheek, reveling in the way she pushed her cheek further into his palm.

She had freckles.

26 of them.

They were faint, too shy to show themselves to the full extent.

How would it feel to kiss them?

Would the skin of her cheek be just as soft?

He didn't even realize how close she had gotten while he laid there, admiring her, until she actually had pressed her forehead against his. Her eyes were hooded, slightly upturned, with newly emerging crows feet settling in the corners. As if you hadn't noticed that before, that subconscious part of his brain teased. It was right of course, but he hadn’t been able to see them at this range. This close … wow, they were close.

Theo’s heart, surprisingly, hadn't been hammering away. In fact, he would say it had slowed considerably. And while he was confused at first, he came to realize why very suddenly. His sister used to tell him that when you met the one you truly cared about, the one some said was your soulmate, you wouldn’t feel flustered, or have your heart pound every second you were with them. It was quite the opposite, actually.

Your soulmate was the one most calming to be around.

They were your home, and you shouldn’t feel anxious in your home.

If you truly loved them, then they would be the ones you came back to, your star to orbit.

He felt his shoulders relax, and his heart settled back into his chest. 

“Can I?” Theo asked, though his eyes were already half-closed. He waited with bated breath, despite every part of him screaming to meet her. He had to let her make this decision. He had all this time to come to grips with his feelings and had no idea how long she had to sit with hers. She needed this time, so he would wait for her.

“Yes,” that faint whisper rang like a bell in his ears.

Theo found that he didn't have to wait very long. Evangeline was already kissing him.

He couldn’t fight the smile rising on his lips as he slid his hand around the back of her head, cradling it and gently pulling her closer. God, he felt like he was on cloud nine, head feeling just as light as the rest of his body. It was like taking a breath of fresh air. Actually--

Theo breathed in as he moved back, reveling in the way Evangeline tried to follow him. He kept his nose pressed to hers, panting lightly before letting out a breathy laugh. She followed suit soon after, her hand moving to cover her mouth as she giggled, shoulders shaking. 

He gently grabbed her wrist, whining when she wouldn't budge.

“I wanna see your smile, come on,” he begged, swinging his leg over her hip to try and push her onto her back. It was sort of successful, though it wasn’t as cute as he wanted it to be. He just ended up practically crushing her with the weight of his body. She huffed out what little air was left in her lungs and rested her head back against the pillow when Theo pinned her hands between them.

Theo grinned up at her.

“Satisfied?”

“I don't know,” he hummed, “might have to see it a few more times to be sure.”

“Now you’re just being sappy.”

“You love it though,” Theo let go of her hands and settled beside her, wrapping his arms around her middle and resting his cheek on her collarbone. She didn't respond right away, but she didn't need to. He was starting to feel the dark inky reach of sleep start to climb at the edges of his mind, and the beat of Evangeline's heart was singing that faint lullaby. A steady set of beats to put him to sleep. Theo felt his lips pull into a wider smile as he pressed a kiss to the hollow of her throat. He could do this now, kiss her, hold her, and she would reciprocate it.

“Yeah,” she murmured, reaching around the width of his shoulders to tease the frayed edges of his hair. “Yeah … I really do.”

And the end of the world suddenly began to become a little easier to handle.