The Chips

Bay Bridges Barbeque chips are her favorite, not just any brand, it has to be that specific brand. As kids, teenagers, and especially adults, Heather had to have these chips. It wasn’t that they were good, but they were also a comfort food for her. Most people had to have coffee or energy drinks to start their days, but Heather had to have a small bag of chips to have a good day. It was one of those things that made her an oddball, but also the person I loved the most. The biggest issue for the last couple of years is finding these chips. Heather always knows where to find them, she has a sixth sense for them. But I don’t… apparently. I’ve been to every store by us and searched the internet for what seemed like ages, still nothing. Not even a lead. 

I wanted to surprise her with these chips, she needs a good surprise. When she found out her husband was having an affair with their family doctor, she had a downward spiral. At first, she just looked tired and her attitude had changed from mostly positive to severely negative. The people around her were sympathetic at first, especially me. Then we grew tired of hearing how Logan cheated on her, how she had to find a new doctor for her and the kids, how devastated everyone was because her husband couldn’t keep it in his pants. Life was awful and men were all cheating pigs. When I pointed out that she had a young son who wouldn’t be like that, she scoffed and said he’d be like them all. I think for me, hearing her talk about Luke was the last straw and I exploded. I told her that she was letting her heartbreak take over her life, that if she were talking like this to Luke and Lana, that they were going to be messed up when they grew older. That if she were any kind of mother, she’d count her blessings with the kids and nail Logan to the wall in court. Her response wasn’t one of anger or hysteria, she was the opposite as she said I was right and she just needed some sleep. She asked me politely to leave and even waited with me for a cab as we had been drinking a lot of wine. I want to say that’s the reason I blew up at her, but it was just all too much. I know she didn’t mean anything about Luke, Heather was a great mom with all the love for her kids. Maybe that’s even what went wrong with her marriage, the fact that Logan wasn’t her first priority. But to me, that was no excuse for what he did and the wine was no excuse for my behavior. Heather was hurting and with good reason, her and Logan had been together since college. They were THE couple every other couple measured themselves, THE couple goals couple. Until Logan came home and told her otherwise. After I went home, she took the pills and drank more wine. I don’t know what came over me, but after I left the cab, I knew something was wrong. I called her several times and after twenty minutes of her not picking up, I called the cops for a welfare check. They found her unresponsive and the door unlocked and were able to go in to find her passed out on the bathroom floor.

These chips were needed, to surprise her… and to ease my conscience. When the cops called me back, my blood ran cold and I called Logan immediately so he could let the kids know. Logan may have been enemy number one, but he was sobbing on the phone with me and kept saying she has to be fine, she has to be fine. The kids were trying to calm him down when I took another cab to be with him and the kids. Heather was ok, for the most part. They had to pump her stomach, but after a few days in the hospital, color was returning to her cheeks. She said it was constant therapy and hearing that other people had been having these thoughts just like her. While I was happy that she was ok, I knew she had a long way to go. These thoughts weren’t just going to go away and there was no magical wand to wave everything away. Her and Logan were still divorcing, Logan was still moving in with the doctor. And these chips were still so difficult to find. We hadn’t talked about that night, I just wanted to avoid my inebriated words that hurt my best friend so much that it pushed her over the edge. I knew how far that she was teetering, how fragile she was nowadays. Even now, downtown in front of all these people, I wanted to cry like a baby. We had known each other for twenty years, since we were ten. I was there for all of school and the big events including the birth of her two kids. Logan and I were a team, making sure her bag was packed, her privacy was protected, and she had whatever she needed afterwards. We were so intertwined and to have done this, it killed me. 

I was walking around and out of the corner, I saw the Bay Bridge logo. 

FINALLY!!! 

I went inside and my heart deflated when I saw Salt and Malt Vinegar. I wanted to give a bag of chips the middle finger. 

“Hi, do you have the Barbeque ones, please?” Tears welled  in my eyes and the cashier gave me an odd look. 

“Are you ok, ma’am?” 

I nodded, afraid to speak.

He sighed, “I wouldn’t normally do this, but you apparently need these,” he grabbed a few bags from the back and rang them up for me. 

I told him everything and the relief was instant. He stared at me like he didn’t get paid enough for this. An understanding smile dawned on his face and he said, “12.41,please.” 

Heather was released a few days after my meltdown in the shop and I wrapped the chips in gift paper. She smiled a haunted smile when she saw the gift and hugged me. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. I was confused until she said, “I should’ve told you what was going on, what I was thinking.”

“You did, I just wasn’t listening,” I was starting to cry, it was the second time I felt relief since all this happened, “I was just so tired of hearing the same thing. I was being ridiculous. You’re my best friend and you’re hurting.”

We hugged and played the confession game until she finally tore into her gift. 

Her eyes lit up when she saw the chips. 

“You’re the person who knows me best and you saved my life.” 

She tore into the bag of chips and did something I never thought she would, she held out her chip bag and offered one to me. She would share anything else, but these chips were always special. I took a chip and bit into it, feeling the smoky flavor dissolve in my mouth. I could see the love for these, they were the best chips I’d ever eaten.