The Girl of his Dreams

  I saw her again. I don't know if I was awake or still dreaming, but I definitely saw her. I thought all of this had ended after the funeral but now I don't know. Is this a haunting? Is it just stress from what happened with Dave? Jimmy said that maybe if I write down everything that's occurred, I can get it out of my head and I can finally sleep again. Even though it feels wrong after what I found. But here goes.

Poker Night

  It started a few weeks ago, right before Halloween. It was a regular poker night at Frank's, but Dave was late. Jimmy, Frank, Lucas and I just played without him. It was almost midnight when Dave finally showed up with the strangest expression and soaking wet.

"Dave, I was starting to get worried about you!" I said. "You weren't in the office today."

-"Uh yeah, I just took a little trip to Watertown."

"Is it still raining out there?"

-"No, no rain."

"Then why are you all wet?"

-"Oh, just a swim."

None of us got that. We just looked at him in silent confusion.

-"Hey, did you guys know that Emma died?"

Deadpan. Now the silence was from shock.

"Emma Belle from school? When? How?"

-"Just today. They apparently don't know the cause."

And then I noticed his distant shallow smile.

"Well come on and sit down, man!"

We dealt Dave in and kept playing for another hour while trying to talk about Emma. Dave was awkward and unusual but nothing in the conversation was really memorable. The funeral would be here at home next Saturday, not in California, and we all planned to go. When we headed out at around one o'clock, Dave's car was not out front and I offered to give him a ride home. He didn't seem to remember how he'd gotten to Frank's house, and I told him we would report his car stolen in the morning.

"So what were you doing in Watertown?" I asked him, just trying to figure out what was going on.

-"You ever read the Bible?"

It was hard to keep my eyes on the road. He didn't seem right. "Not as much as I should. But yeah."

-"You know Jesus said that if a seed doesn't die it will always be alone? But if it dies it will have new life."

I asked him if he feels alone.

-"I think it's just time for a change."

"What kind of change?"

-"I have an idea, but I can't tell you. Yet."

I glanced over and saw that distant smile still clinging to his mouth. "Okay, man. Just be safe, and don't be afraid to talk to me if you need help with anything."

He and Emma dated in high school and I don't think he ever got over her, so I knew this had to be a heavy blow. I was just trying to look out for him.

When we arrived at his place, his car was in the driveway, covered in mud. Engine running. He said he drove down to the river earlier, but had no better explanation than that.

  Five days went by and I didn't see or hear from Dave at all, so Jimmy and I went over to his place after work on Thursday to find him. His front door was cracked open, but he didn't answer when I called for him. So I pushed it further and we went in. The house was a mess. Food on the counter, cooked, but uneaten. Candles burned all the way down. Empty liquor bottle on the floor. Torn shirt on the back of the sofa. In the bedroom, boxes of old memorabilia scattered across the floor and bed. Bathroom mirror cracked. But there were two things in particular that caught my attention more than the rest; a wallet I'd never seen before with nothing but a picture of Emma inside and a little journaling notebook, like the one I'm writing in now. If only I had known the significance of the wallet then, I would have taken it and saved us some trouble. Maybe. I'm not so sure anymore.

Jimmy was pulling my arm to leave when I saw a stain on the wood floor, mostly hidden by the rug. Looked like a blood stain. Panic started to set in. I fumbled with my phone to call the police as we headed for the door, when Dave was suddenly there. Blocking our way. We froze, he lunged. He attacked us, hitting, biting, squeezing Jimmy's throat. I had to kick him hard in the chest to get out of the house, but he didn't chase after us. I demanded that the police come though we weren't going to stick around. But when they arrived, his house was ablaze, and he was nowhere to be found. I only realized that night that I had taken the journal, stuffed into my jacket pocket. And I then stayed up reading it until the sun was lighting the pages.

I should probably include some of that journal here, otherwise this won't make any sense.

The Journal

Hello, Journal. I'm not sure why I decided to start writing this now, but I've got some things on my mind. I'm in Los Angeles for work as I write this and I thought I would see if Emma had time for a drink. But she was out for lunch when I checked in at her office. A place called Frankie's. When I got there, I saw that she was with someone else and I didn't want to interrupt. I did find a new wallet though at little tourist trap in Chinatown. It says "Make Your Dreams Come True" on it. Cheesy.

I had a dream about her last night. Her black hair and emerald eyes. Why did we ever split up?

I went on a date with Liv from work yesterday. We had dinner and went to a show. It was Jimmy's idea. She's nice and I like her, but I don't think there will be a second date. I brought up Emma again and she was visibly annoyed about that. I just can't stop comparing them to her.

I went and saw that psychic today and had her read my fortune. I didn't quite follow every explanation, but apparently the tarot cards revealed some warning about obsession. I think the cards were the Devil and the World and Justice? I don't know, it's probably all bogus. I'll have to look more into that.

She finally answered the phone! We didn't talk long, I could hear her boyfriend in the background. His name is Jimmy too, just like my old pal. Funny little world. She didn't think it would be a good idea to see each other when next I'm in town. Jimmy shouted "in your dreams!" That made me mad.

The psychic was wrong about my fortune. As I've been studying, I keep coming up with readings of romance and dreams and new life. Exciting stuff!

I did something stupid last night. Emma called to tell me she broke up with Jimmy. I got the car started as we talked but she told me not to come, she just needed to tell someone. So I drove to a bar instead, it's been a long time since I've done that. Is a bartender a good therapist? Anyway, I was pulled over afterward and spent the night in lockup, but they let me go in the morning after I paid the fine. That's it, I'm never doing that again. Never drinking, never thinking about Emma, and never writing in this again. Good bye, Journal. Hello, life!

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I am as one reborn! From death into new life with new hope aflame inside me. I had a vision as I drowned. All went black save for a single spot of brilliant emerald. I felt the verdant embrace and I knew it must be her spirit beckoning me from beyond. I am now resolved to do it. It is the opportune night, when spirits may cross over and I will not shun my opportunity!

I beg you old book be my medium as into the void I go after her spirit be my anchor in the world so I don't get lost in the vast empty cosmos up up up I go up and out of my mind and in my soul where are you my love my life don't let me drift aimlessly airlessly always out of me into you be a beacon for me shining in the darkness of my soul dark as your raven hair I see you I see your emerald star in death we will have new life but if I can't have you what good is my flesh I drowned for you died for you I am coming for you to bring you back with me I hear your voice it whispers to me I love you I love the examiner judges me please this can't be wrong I know it's wrong hide me with your ebony veil from his eye that sees all I've done but I can't go back without you please come in death everything out here is dead is this all it is cold sick light I have you I have to now return don't let go why are you letting go I will hold on and make you real again not just a dream but mine alone reality slipping from me filling me again falling from the edges of infinity back down to infirmity filling with this emptiness why does it feel so empty when I have you are all I need to crash into the sea of my mind drifting now to sleep to sleep to slee.__

My dream you are so beautiful! How did I ever live without you? Can't you sit by me while awake?

She's finally here with me, watching as I write. But she can't see the words, or maybe doesn't know the words. Is that strange? Is this right, what I've done? I have to remember to put the wallet in a safe place.

Her voice doesn't sound right, but when she whispers, always whispers, it's intoxicating. I close my eyes and get lost in the warm black pitch of her presence. Time is slowed. How long has this night been? How long this lifetime?

Why does she hurt me, after everything I've sacrificed for her? How could she say such things? Such terrible things. About my friends.

I won't do it. Damned if she reads this. I don't want to do it. But I have to obey. I cannot give her up! Not after I worked so hard. She'll really leave, I think she really will. They won't understand. No one will. But it has to be done.

Where can I go when it's all in my head? But she's not just in my head, she's here now. Isn't she?

The Funeral

  It's been a week since Emma's funeral and now tomorrow is the next one. The police had asked each of us where Dave might be, but the only answer any of us could give was Saint Luke's Church on Saturday. It wasn't a solid enough guess or a big enough case for them to allocate any sizable resources, but they said there would be an extra squad car on the block during the funeral. It took some convincing to bring Jimmy along, shaken up as he was. If Dave did show up, I knew I had to get ahold of that wallet but I didn't know how I could do it. I figured he had to have it with him. It was only a hunch, but it was all I had.

  Half the town turned up to mourn Emma. The large church was packed like sardines. It was claustrophobic. In that sea of people, there was no finding Dave. I felt trapped and vulnerable, without knowing the source of the danger. Jimmy and I sat near the back on the right side, while Frank and Lucas took the other side. Toward the end of the service, after the family members had finished paying their respects and reminiscing over lost days, I had given up hope of finding Dave. He hadn't come. To where had he dissappeared? Would I ever know what he had just gone through? I only wanted closure for this mystery and help for my friend. Then he walked up on stage from a back door. Jimmy and I both sat up, suddenly tense. Disheveled hair, days-old stubble, red and wild eyes. He looked right at us and smiled.

-"Friends!"

There was a hoarseness to his voice that normally wasn't there.

-"Why is everyone so sad? Emma's not dead. She's finally home!"

The wary congregation assumed they knew what he was talking about and mumbled some affirmation.

-"That's right! The dream of success and fame had sunk its teeth into her, and she suffered for it. But I rescued her!"

No murmurs of affirmation for that one.

-"And you all sit there in your church pews and judge us for the things we've done? You have no idea what price I've paid to take what I want! And now you want to take it from me!"

  His face lifted slightly and his head cocked like a dog's and he began laughing. I got the feeling then that we weren't supposed to be there, that we'd made a mistake in coming.

Some men near the front stood up and started to approach the stage. He said something about fate and the end of the universe. Even as they grabbed him, his crazed sermon flowed from him like someone reciting an ancient incantation with exaggerated fervor.

I'll try to remember everything I can, it might be important.

-"I am the servant of my Lady and it is by my hand that the Aetherium Gate has been opened once more. Your souls are lost while I am at her side. And now none of you will be able to stand against the tide of darkness that floods down from the emerald star to raise up the Cthonic City in reclamation of its birthright dominion. You will all fall prey to the sirens of Asmodeus and Baalzebub as you have already fallen prey to your own lust for comfort and pleasure and power. When the stalker of dreams grabs hold of you, your soul will never be found!"

But Jimmy and I did not stick around to listen for long to that infernal speech. We were outside when the police rushed in and the screaming started. I glanced back, and through the scrambling bodies, I saw Emma standing up from her casket and bright green flames shooting from Dave's eyes. The police report is wrong. I know what it saw. Jimmy tells me I need to get my facts straight. He won't say it, but he thinks I'm crazy. I'm not crazy.

  The next thing I remember is driving my car. Dave was in the car, fighting with me, grappling for the steering wheel. Eyes still blazing green. Jimmy unconscious in the back seat. The car busted into the railyard, and it took all my strength to avoid the train. Then we were on the bridge. Jimmy came to as we rammed through the side barrier. He scrambled out the rear door as the car came to rest teetering, front tires over the edge. I tried to plead with Dave to stop, but his hands were on my throat. I hit him as hard as I could in the face, which made him turn toward the windshield for only a moment. He must have seen the rushing waters of the river down below us. When he turned back to me, the green in his eyes dimmed and faded. His grip on me relaxed. The car lunched forward as if being pulled into the river like a backwards battle with an underwater angler. Dave's face suddenly changed from madness to fear and he grabbed ahold of my hand. He looked deep into my eyes, pressed something large into my hand, said I'm sorry, then pushed me out of the door. Jimmy caught my shirt to keep me from spilling over the edge as the car plummeted into the abyss. I stood there and stared at the aftermath flowing swiftly away from me until the sirens arrived. The object in my hand was the wallet. Inside the wallet was the picture of Emma. Is this the Aetherium Gate? I know I have to burn it, to destroy it.

  But I can hear her voice begging me not to. And those eyes are so... captivating. She says she'll sit with me at Dave's funeral tomorrow. I'm so tired but I know if I go to sleep she'll be there again. But staying awake is no safer. I won't look, but I think she is sitting in the corner, watching me. Always on the edge of my sight. I want to look. 

I have to burn the wallet.