The Cost

The day came that he had to start again, from the very beginning.

“Lucifer?” A gentle voice spoke, a kindness in the dark.

His eyes opened before he felt it; the great gnawing emptiness. It should have been full; of life, of light, the joy of peace eternal. But it was gone.

“Where am I? Assie, where are we?” Lucifer’s voice was panicked, uncertain, reaching for Asmodeus’ hand. He found it, waiting, as it always was.

“You’re out, Luce. We are all out.”

Lucifer looked at him for the first time, eyes adjusting to the pre-dawn light. “Out?” He whispered.

Asmodeus’s beautiful face was twisted in pain. “Can’t you feel it?”

Lucifer almost crumpled in on himself. “I didn’t know it would be like this! We’ve made a mistake!” Lucifer struggled to stand, pushing himself up off the cold, dark ground.

But there were arms holding him back. “You can’t, Luce. You have to rest.”

“But I didn’t mean for this!”

“I know, Luce, I know. You didn’t know. None of us knew.” The regret was etched upon his features.

“But it hurts! I’ll go back and tell him that I’ve made a mistake. That we want back in… that I’ll never, ever challenge him again. I didn’t know!” Tears began running down his face.

Asmodeus brushed the blond hair from Lucifer’s face and dried his tears. “Shush, now, my love. We can try it. We can go back and maybe he will let us back in. But for now, you need to rest.”

Despite his best efforts, Lucifer’s eyes closed again.

When he next awoke, he was in a bed, warm, with Asmodeus beside him, as he always was.

“You’re awake. I’ll get the nurse.” Asmodeus smiled at the man in the bed. Wherever Lucifer went, he would be.

“Nurse? Where are we?” Lucifer pushed his battered body up onto soft, downy pillows. He looked around. Stone walls, candles, a small fire in the grate.

Asmodeus stood. “We are being looked after, and cared for. It’s okay. We are in one of His houses.”

Lucifer nodded. “And the others?”

“Also being cared for.”

Lucifer’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Assie, who do they think we are?”

“Exactly what we are. Angels, in need. Now, let me go.” He gently pulled his hand away. “I can answer more questions after we have cleaned your wounds.”

Lucifer looked down. His torso was bandaged and blood was seeping through. “I hadn’t even noticed,” he said, softly.

Asmodeus left the little room, returning with a woman, dressed in long, black robes. She bowed as she saw Lucifer.

“Lucifer, Bringer of Light. I am honored to be able to help you. We are all at your service.”

Lucifer looked towards Asmodeus who shook his head, almost imperceptibly.

Don’t tell her. If she finds that we have Fallen, she may stop her care, and you need it.

I understand, Dear One.

Lucifer gritted his teeth at her administrations; she removed the bandage, cleaned the brutal cut, and re-bandaged. She didn’t know that Angels shouldn’t bleed. They were the first ones she had met.

She left the room, bowing again and reassuring them of her continued care.

“We can’t stay, Assie.” Lucifer began to get out of bed, hissing through his teeth in pain as he reached for his ruined gown.

“Just go easy,” replied Asmodeus, as he helped his lover stand. “You’ll re-open that wound.”

“I shouldn’t even have a wound. We need to get home. I need to ask His forgiveness, I cannot live like this. I can barely breathe, Asmodeus.”

Asmodeus’ face fell. “I know. We all feel it.”

Lucifer paused.“How many of us are here?”

“Just the Seven. The others have gone into hiding.”

Lucifer nodded. “Okay, then. Let’s leave them here, and then hopefully we can tell them that they can go home.”

Asmodeus helped Lucifer stand and he limped slowly towards the door.

“Do we still have our gifts?” Lucifer asked, almost afraid of the answer.

“Some. I haven’t tried them all. I moved everyone here and then I have been waiting for you to wake. I’m hoping we can still get home.” Worry crossed over his handsome features. This was a new expression.

“It’ll be okay, Assie. I’ll fix this.”

The pair made slow progress as they left the House of God and stepped out into the light. Lucifer lifted his face to the Sun.

“I’ve always liked Earth.”

“I’m not surprised. It’s His crowing glory. He channeled everything into it, including parts of Himself.” Asmodeus replied, looking for an appropriate place to sit so that Lucifer could rest.

“And yet he gave to to them, the humans. They barely even know his name. Why not us?” Lucifer allowed Asmodeus to lower him onto a rock, wincing.

“Because we have the whole of Heaven, Luce. Why would we need Earth?”

Lucifer sighed, looking around. “I suppose you’re right.” His voice dropped lower, unsure. “He will let us go home, won’t he?”

Asmodeus took Lucifer’s face in his hand and tilted it upwards to look into eyes full of regret. “He has preached forgiveness to the humans. He will honor the same to us, I’m sure of it. Now. Are you ready? Can you fly?”

Lucifer shook his white wings out, testing how much it hurt. “Yes, I can fly.” He bit his lip. “I’m so sorry, Assie. I shouldn’t have done it. I should have stopped it before it went so far.”

Asmodeus planted a soft kiss on his lips. “We made the decision together. We all thought it was the right thing to do.”

Asmodeus offered Lucifer his hand once again and they lifted gently into the air, ready to face their maker.

As they descended, Lucifer’s heart sank even further. Michael. Michael, who was wielding his fiery sword, with an angry look upon his face, and not alone. A small army was behind him, standing in formation and ready to take action.

Lucifer landed gently in front of him and immediately dropped to his knees. Michael took a step backwards, surprised. This was new humility from the Light Bringer.

“I need to see Him, Michael. I need to talk to Him.”

Michael shook his head, sadly. “He cast you out, Luce. He’s not going to let you back in. You knew that.” He stood firm.

“But I was wrong! And I’m sorry!” Lucifer begged, from his prone position.

Michael raised his eyebrows. “He knew this would happen, you know. He knew you’d try to return. But you were warned, Luce.” He looked towards Asmodeus. “You were all warned.”

“But we didn’t know, Mike.” Asmodeus stepped forward and bowed his head to his old friend. “We didn’t know what it would feel like. It’s … awful.”

“Of course it’s awful! You’re cut off from Him! I don’t know what else you expected!”

Lucifer stood, and Michaels’ eyes widened as he noticed the bandage around Lucifer’s middle.

“Oh, Luce.” Michael’s anger dissipated and he went over and gathered up the wounded angel into his arms, the brotherly love between them overriding everything else. “You’re hurt. Listen, I’ll take you to Him, but I can’t promise there will be a different outcome.” There was compassion in his voice, but very little hope.

Lucifer pulled away and managed a small smile. “Thankyou,” he whispered. “It means a lot.”

Michael lead Lucifer and Asmodeus through the gates and into the sacred grove. “He was here, last I saw.” He turned to look at the bereft pair. “Good luck. I hope you get what you want, I really do.” With a final glance, Michael left, leaving Lucifer and Asmodeus alone.

“When He’s in the Grove, it’s never a good sign.” Lucifer sighed, sinking down onto the soft ground, the Tree of Ages spread above him. He dropped his head to his knees. “At least my side doesn’t hurt here.”

Asmodeus sat down beside him. “It’ll be okay, Luce. He’ll forgive us. It’s what he does.”

After a short while, they heard footsteps. Reverently, they stood, keeping their gaze fixed on the ground.

“You may look at me, Lucifer,” a voice said, softly, gently.

“I can’t, Maker. I’m too ashamed.”

Asmodeus looked up and saw a perfect reflection of himself, like always.

“Lord, we have come in sorrow.”

He walked over to Asmodeus and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know, Child of Mine. I know.” He turned. “Lucifer, look at me.”

Lucifer lifted his eyes, unable to refuse. As had happened with Asmodeus, standing in front of him was his own replica, down to the dirt-streaked face and bandaged stomach.

“This is what you have become.”

Lucifer dropped his eyes again. “I know. I am so, so sorry. I was wrong. Challenging you was wrong. I thought I knew.”

He took Lucifer’s hands. “You can’t come home.” There was regret in His voice, which somehow made it worse.

“But I’m sorry! I’m begging forgiveness! I didn’t know what it was going to be like!” Lucifer dropped the ground again. “I will kiss your feet! I will do anything! Let us come home!”

“No, Child.”

Asmodeus copied Lucifer and sank to his knees. “We are asking forgiveness, like you give to the humans. Please, Lord, don’t treat us differently.” An air of desperation was beginning to creep into Asmodeus’ voice as he began to realise their hope was in vain.

“But you are different, Asmodeus. You had it all, and yet wanted something more.”

“And we were wrong!” Lucifer’s sobs could be heard across the grove. “I was wrong.”

Lucifer felt a hand on his head. “This cannot be undone, Child. You were warned, and yet your actions did not change. You are Fallen, and you will remain Fallen, until the End of Days. This is how it is.”

“But I don’t understand,” Lucifer wailed. “Why do humans get forgiveness and yet we do not?”

“Because you were supposed to know better, Lucifer. Look.” He gestured around him, to the magnificence of the Grove; paths between ancient trees, the gentle stream, the sound of laughter on the breeze. “You made a mistake, and you gave all of this up. But I do not make mistakes. Lucifer, I am unchanging on this. You made your decision, and I have made mine. You are Fallen, and now you must leave. You won’t be admitted again.”

He turned and began to walk away, but Lucifer grabbed His robe.

He paused. “You will let go, Lucifer. You do not belong.” His voice rang out with the sound of a thousand trumpets and with a wrenching cry, Lucifer let go of the robe and was cast out once again from the only home he had ever known.

Lucifer and Asmodeus hit the ground, hard.

Grabbing hold of Asmodeus, Lucifer roughly turned him around, panicked. “Your wings, Asmodeus,” he whispered.

Asmodeus felt behind him and paled. He turned Lucifer around.

Their wings were gone.