HERE ON THIS NIGHT

Dropping his keys once, and then again. An unsurprising end to an even more unsurprising day. A deep breath, and success-access granted. As jerry entered his apartment, he was more than ready for a warm greeting from Leanne, but upon walking in, he had forgotten, she was not here on this night. Jerry walked over to the window and gazed upon the street below, the people wearing sequence top hats, a child riding on his fathers’ shoulders, and the weather almost magical-large chunky snowflakes falling in a windless and somehow mild evening. It was New Years Eve.

In the bathroom Jerry stood, facing the mirror, observing the remnants of his last day of work for the year, patiently waiting for the faucet to run warm water. His hair, the most uncomfortable blue, yellow and orange, white makeup smeared as if trying to escape his skin, and a red sphere for a nose. A necessity for any clown worth their salt. And then, the tears began to flow, carving riverways into the white makeup down his face. Leanne was his sister, best friend, protector and someone to protect. They faced the world together their entire life, she was not here on this night, and she would never be here again. Did I miss something? How could I not know? Why would she choose to leave me alone? These questions despite the amount of space they took up in Jerry’s life continued to remain unanswered, they haunt him everyday. And regardless of all the questions, pain and loneliness she had bestowed upon him, Jerry knew for certain the world was a lesser place without her in it.

The sound echoed from the hallway, pinging off the walls and pausing Jerry’s honest cry. Above the flower shop where he lived, Jerry occupied the only apartment; there should be no sound coming from the hallway, he thought. Then he heard it again. As Jerry approached the apartment door to investigate the mysterious noise, he thought to himself, this is how horror movies start, but with the roles reversed; the clown being antagonized rather than the antagonist. Jerry opened the door slowly and glanced down the hall. At first, he saw nothing. Was this noise maybe all in his mind? A self created distraction from his sadness? He pondered. Then, he saw it very clearly, eyes that glowed an intense yellow……. pointed ears lined with spikes of fur……. razor sharp whiskers………a body black as night, like a phantom shadow lurking at the end of the hall, and about the size of Jerry’s hand.

Jerry closed the apartment door, slid down the wall and sat on the floor, his breath instantly shallow with very little air making it into his lungs. This conductor of hallway racket could have been anything else; a raccoon, a sewer rat, or a murderer “The New Years Eve Slasher”. No, of course this had to be the most terrifying entity of all, as if sent to mock Jerry on a night already filled with sorrow; a little black kitten.

When Jerry was a child, he had been attacked by the neighbor's cat. This cross-species scuffle left damage not limited to the now faded white slash marks on his arms. It ran much deeper than that.

Sitting on the floor inside his door, Jerry realized that on this night he only had room inside himself for one emotional tsunami, and this space had already been occupied by the recent loss of Leanne. Jerry took a breath, filling a portion of his lungs, and then another, flooding his entire lungs with oxygen and what felt like courage. This creature must have followed Jerry in when he came home, this was his responsibility. And then, without a plan he opened the door to the hallway.

Jerry cautiously walked out and sat on the ground in the hall, the little black spectral figure remained still, determined to hold its ground at the other end. They both sat there sizing each other up, reminiscent of a western dual. Jerry wasn’t sure why the little black kitten wouldn’t just walk over to him, but at the same time he wasn’t sure what he would do next if it did. Then Jerry realized it, a self awareness of his appearance took over; a clown that had been crying sitting in the middle of a dimly lit hall was less than a comforting sight. Jerry began to slowly de-clown.

 Jerry lifted the synthetic mound of unnatural color off his head, the little black kitten maintained his gaze upon him, without a single blink. As the wig was removed, a cascade of fake silver coins tumbled down his face and body into his lap and onto the floor around him. Props, used for a magic trick that never ceased to befuddle or amaze children and adults alike. The little black kitten then moved a little closer, the pupils of his eyes expanding, becoming rounder, and enabling him to take in the sporadic glints of light created by the falling coins. Jerry’s clown gear did not just entertain other humans apparently, he thought. And then for the first time that evening he smiled, faintly. And in this moment Jerry began to feel a little more comfortable with his hallway visitor.

Jerry elevated one hand and wiggled his fingers, summoning magic from the air around him, and reached into his opposite sleeve………but nothing came out. The little black kitten looked at Jerry curiously and at the same time appeared slightly disappointed that the magic running through his fingers had not conjured up anything at all. The exact desired effect Jerry had intended. The opposite hand then raised into the air, his fingers wiggling again, and a reach extending into the opposite sleeve. This time, a flowing and seemingly never-ending train of colorful handkerchiefs expelled out. The magic had worked this time. The little black kitten was mesmerized and drawn to the colorful fantasy.

Jerry flung the one end of the handkerchiefs toward the little black kitten while maintaining control of the other. Then, like a light switch being turned on, suddenly the kitten was done observing and he began to play. Jerry watched the little black kitten as he rolled around and jumped in the mounds of colorful fabric, and his faint smile then became full and sincere. A feeling washed over him, the feeling he always got when someone enjoyed his act. Jerry began to gently pull the handkerchiefs toward himself, while the little black kitten continued to play. Then, the little black kitten realized he was being lured in closer to the mysterious wigless figure sitting in front of him. The frolicking stopped; the Little black kitten was still unsure. 

Both sat still and silent, again on the hallway floor, just a few feet away from each other, and Jerry was all out of tricks. And then he noticed it, with the little black kitten closer than ever before, he could see it. The little black kitten was not looking at Jerry’s eyes, in fact he was not looking at Jerry at all. The little black kitten’s eyes were fixated on Jerry’s nose, a red foam beacon calling to him ever since Jerry sat down. His hand raised up slowly toward his face, and the little black kitten seemed to know exactly what Jerry was going to do. His eyes grew wider as his hind quarters raised off the floor. Jerry carefully rolled the nose to the little black kitten, a last-ditch effort. Then, with the precision of a wild panther he batted the foam prey right into Jerry’s lap, and without hesitation, the little black kitten followed.

Once again, they both sat in the hallway, but this time together. Jerry looking down at the little black kitten in his lap, And the little black kitten peering up at Jerry, into his eyes, truly seeing him for the first time. For a moment Jerry’s fear crept back in, and just as his breath became shallow again, the little black kitten decided his chosen course of action that would finally end the standoff between them. The little black kitten flopped down, stretching out along Jerry’s legs, he could feel the strong vibrations created by the intense purring. He reached down slowly with a shaky hand, and with the first pet of the little black kitten, Jerry’s tears began to flow once more.

From inside of Jerry’s apartment, he could hear the people on the street below, counting down the last seconds of the year, and in this moment, he had never missed Leanne more, but she was not here on this night. However, Jerry was now not alone. And as the sounds of celebration rang through the streets, Jerry felt it, for the first time since Leanne left him alone in the world……. hope. A new year had begun, a fresh start for Jerry, and for the little black kitten.