Deep Drifts

Deep Drifts

           Alex was pissed.  It was cold, it was early, and he hated to travel, but he was mostly mad at me.

           “Dammit Hannah.   The least you could do is tell the museum you’ll be late and drive me to the f’n airport.  That old art’s been around for ages, it can wait a few hours more.”

I didn’t respond. I already told him I had an eight o’clock appointment with some art restoration experts.

           “I’ll call you tomorrow when I know what time my flight will get in. Unless, of course, you’re too busy to pick me up!”

           “Of course, I will. “

           Alex turned away when I tried to kiss his cheek, got in the cab and slammed the door as they pulled away. Sighing, I wrapped my coat around me. Jeez it was cold and damp. It smelled like snow was coming. How does snow have a smell? It’s just frozen water, right? Well, anyway, it does. The clouds were heavy and threatening. I decided I would take Sassafras for a walk so we could both get our exercise and she could take care of business before the snow fell. Sometimes I got odd looks when I was walking my cat, but this was New York. Most people were intent on getting wherever they were going, heads down and full steam ahead. Alex made fun of me, but it was good for both of us and kept her litterbox clean a little longer.

           My instincts were right. Just as Sassy and I returned, big fat flakes came floating down. I scurried to our apartment, relishing the warmth that enfolded us. My phone rang as I got the coffee started. Damn, it was Alex. Now what? 

“Hey, it’s starting to snow pretty steady, so don’t take the car to work. I don’t want you dinging it up. The bus will be safer. Gotta go.” Click.

I blinked a couple of time at the abruptness of the message. After five years of living together, it still surprised me.

           “Well, never one to waste words unless he’s trying impress an investor!”

I didn’t have to fix breakfast, or worry about dinner, or make sure Alex’s shirts were back from the cleaners. I simply sat with my feet up, sipping my coffee with Sassy curled up in my lap before going to work.  Ahhhh!

           Using the time on the bus to go over my notes, I smiled in anticipation of the meeting. These were some of the best restoration artists in the world. I had learned so much from them and was always willing to learn more, especially from my friend Ben. He just returned from doing a job at the Uffizi and promised to fill us in. He was dead serious about his work, yet had a boyish joie de vivre about him that made him fun to be around. In fact, he was just entering the museum when I got there. His face lit up and he gave me a big hug.

           “There’s my Hannah! No one I’d rather spend time with in the dusty environs of a restoration basement.”

           The day flew by.  I was surprised, and a bit embarrassed, by the praise I got on my latest work, even though it was a minor piece of art. We all left the building together and stopped stock still outside the door. Gritty, busy, indifferent New York City was gone! The high-rises were wedding cakes, the trees were Chinese art and the landscape was pristine. Even the people we saw navigating the sidewalks daily were gone, replaced by laughing strangers engaging each other with comments, or even snowballs! One of which, our stuffy old Gustaf from Switzerland, threw at Ben.

           “Hey, Hannah. I have pass your apartment to get to my sister’s. Want to share a cab? “Ben asked.

Sure sounded better than waiting for a bus, which would undoubtedly be packed. I took him up on his offer.  As our cabbie slewed his way into traffic, Ben gave me a serious look and said,

           “We didn’t have much time to talk during the meeting and I have something important I want share. Would you mind if I took you to dinner before going home?”

           “That sounds fine. I’ll warn you though. I’m starving!”

Laughing together, we decided on a great little bistro just a block from my place. We were engulfed by the most wonderful smells, and the soft murmur of diners enjoying their food and each other. We both chose chicken cacciatore and shared a bottle of Pinot Grigio. We discussed his trip to Florence until our meals were served. His descriptions made me a bit jealous.

 “One day.”, I thought.

After properly raving about our food, Ben turned to me with a small smile.

           “Do you know you are your worst critic? You don’t realize what an artist you are. When my associates complimented you, you dismissed it by saying it was just a minor piece. You see, that’s what makes a truly great restorer. They will work as diligently on a minor work as they would on the Sistine Chapel.”

My eyes went wide. “Oh, God forbid!” I laughed.

           “Well, yes. I agree. However, what I’m trying to say is that you are good, I mean, really good. With more exposure to museums worldwide, you could be right at the top. Our board is looking for someone just like you. You’d work with me for a while, but then you would be assigned work on your own.”

           “Do you really think I could do that? What if you’re wrong. What if I try and fail?”

           “Other than a wounded ego, you’d be no worse off than you are now. I don’t think you’ll fail, but I knew this would concern you, so I spoke, in complete confidence, to your director. I asked, if hypothetically, you were to take a sabbatical, or a short-term assignment elsewhere, what would be the likelihood you could return to your job. He said, as much as they would hate to lose you, even for a while, you would always have a place with them. Plus, he pointed out, any lauds and honors earned by you would only make them look better to have had you on their staff. At this point it’s all conjecture, but would you consider it?”

           I set down my bite of tiramisu. My mouth had suddenly gone dry. Would I? How could I? Alex hated when I was gone, and it was his apartment. What if he just decided to end the relationship? I know I fulfilled a lot of wifely duties, but most of those could be done by a housekeeper, which he could well afford. What would my life look like if this happened? Whew, it was too much. What would I do with my cat?

           “I don’t know Ben. That’s a big ‘what if’.  I’ve got to think about it.”

           “My sister has a full apartment in her basement and I’m staying there until the sublet on my downtown place is up and I can move back in. I’d like you to think about this. The good, the bad and the ugly. I’ll be in touch and we can talk. Would that be okay?”

           “Sure, I can do that, as long as you won’t try to talk me into anything.”

           “That’s a deal. Let’s finish our espresso and I’ll walk you home in the snow!”

We both smiled at the thought and did just that.

           Sassy was curled up on the chair closest to the radiator. She looked up, swished her tail and went back to sleep. Not the most enthusiastic greeting, but enough for me. It was so quiet. Alex usually arrived home first and would be talking deals on the phone when I arrived. Anything I wanted to share with him, would wait until dinner. 

           “Hey Sassy! It’s just us two tonight. Fixing dinner will consist of opening a can of food for you and a glass of wine for me.”

           I changed the station from Alex’s soft jazz to my preferred romance instrumentals. It was still snowing, and heavily. From this sixteenth floor advantage, it was magical. Having changed to my favorite jammies, I snuggled in my chair and watched the flakes dance against the black night. My eyes closed as I began imagining what it would be like traveling and seeing famous artwork up close and personal. I smiled when I awoke because I had been dreaming of being in the Sistine Chapel with nothing but two paint brushes and a cotton swab to finish the cleaning.

           It was heavenly to not be on Alex’s schedule and sleep in an extra hour. When I was fixing my coffee, it occurred to me that it should be lighter by this time. I glanced at the window and it took me a few moments to realize the light in the window was a layer snow! The whole window was covered with it. I turned on the TV and drank my coffee as the newscaster told me Manhattan was basically shut down. What a odd feeling to be surrounded by this thick white blanket; rather like being in a cocoon. I’d better call to see if the museum was opening. There was no answer, so I called the secretary, Ann’s home number.

           “No one’s going anywhere today Hannah. Nick, who would climb Mt. Kilimanjaro to get to work, is currently watching old war movies, the kids are making a snowman and keep slogging in every fifteen minutes. and they’re all asking for me to make pancakes. It’s gonna be a long day girlfriend.”

           “Okay. Keep me posted.” I can’t even see out the window right now. Alex will be calling and expects me to pick him up at the airport.”

           “That’s not going happen kiddo. All the airports are shut down and they’re expecting this snow non-stop for at least another 24 hours. Hope your fridge is well stocked.”

           “It is Ann, same for you. Guess the grownups get a snow day too. I can’t say I’m broken-hearted. I might get caught up on some reading. Talk to you later.”

I puttered around the kitchen for ten minutes, checked email, took a hot shower and slipped into comfy sweats. Grabbing a book from my substantial ‘to read’ stack, I settled in. Later, lowering the book, I noted the complete silence. It was eerie. I wasn’t used to being alone, nor was I used to not having a list of things to do before whatever o’clock. My eyes flew open. What am I doing? I jumped up, slipped on my boots, and jacket and headed downstairs. I didn’t want to miss the snowstorm of the century! I assumed I would see most of my neighbors down there, but I didn’t. It was like an old science fiction film where the actor wakes up to a world with no one else in it. I opened the door and just stood there taking deep breaths of air that could only be described as ‘crisp’. I pushed my way through the snow mounded on the stoop and took in the amazing depth and purity of the blanket that coated everything. Smiling, I slipped my hood back, pulled my hair behind my ears and started making the first snowman I had made in decades. The consistency was ideal; it was just moist enough to hold together. My little guy was only about two feet high and I didn’t have any coal, carrots, or top hat for him. Aha! I dug in my coat pocket and found some pennies. At least now he could see. I was also getting damp and chilled myself, so decided a hot cup of cocoa was a good idea. Taking one last look at the untouched snow surrounding my frigid creation, I headed up to home and hearth.

           Sitting there, warm cup in hand, I started to associate that landscape with Ben’s remarks yesterday. What if I had a clean slate? What if I could recreate a different future?  Pushing away the doubts, fears and problems that immediately popped into my head I thought, “To hell with it!”

For once I’ll just fantasize about it; assume there is nothing to stop me. It was like dreaming while awake. I was free to do wonderful things, without doubt and without errors. I was superwoman. I could see Ben with me, and we’d spend hours discussing our work over coffee at sidewalk cafes. In this hypnotic state, the suddenly ringing phone made me jump and poor Sassy ran for cover. 

           “Hannah? It’s Alex. Are you okay? I couldn’t reach you at work. Are you as trapped as we are?”

I explained the situation and he swore.

           “I was calling to tell you I can’t get home. The airlines have no idea when this crap will clear up. The hotel will let me stay since any reservations they had can’t get here anyway. I’m bored stiff, and their restaurant is lousy. At least the bar’s well stocked. There’s nothing to do in this drab little piece of Americana.“

           “Maybe you can get out as the day warms up and walk around. A lot of places like that have parks and ice-skating ponds. It might be fun to watch the kids playing. I even made a little snowman this morning.” By the way, my meeting went really well, and they thought I did a great job on the French painting.

           “Oh God! You’re such a Pollyanna. Just stay handy so I can reach you if there’s a break and I can get out of here. “

           “Okay. Take care of yourself. Love you, Bye”

           “Huh? Oh yeah, you too, Bye.”

           “What a schmuck!” I could feel my mood darken just a bit. I put my book away, washed out my cup and decided to take a nap. I felt a little more myself when I woke up an hour later. The room was brighter too. About half of the snow had melted from the window and let in more light, even though it was still snowing. I was more comfortable with the silence now and the way I could hear my own thoughts with no need to defend, or even express them. Alex didn’t call again. By bedtime I could tell tomorrow was another snow day. Hmmm? Maybe I’ll dig out that great book on the restoration of Flemish paintings.

           I did that and more. I hummed around the apartment, wrote some long overdue letters, did my nails and spoiled the cat with tons of attention.

           “Hi! It’s Ben. You hungry? 

           “Uh, yeah. Why?”

           “Super, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes with Chinese.”

I rushed to freshen up, put on some lipstick and run a brush through my hair. Oh, and put on a clean Tshirt!

Then there he was laden with enough food for an army.

           “How did you get here? It’s still snowing.”

           “There are some streets open if you have the right vehicle and my sister does. It’s a Jeep with chains.”

           “Determined little devil, aren’t you?”

           “You’re not the first to tell me that. Let’s set the table. This cold weather makes me hungry as a bear.”

            The first five minutes was taken up with passing containers around. Once we’d settled in, he asked what I was working on and if I could have a dream assignment what would it be. Boy, did that open a conversation. We never stopped sharing through cleaning the kitchen together, a bottle of wine and him sharing ‘war’ stories with me. At one point though, he wasn’t able to stifle a yawn. I looked at the clock and couldn’t believe it was almost eleven. I go up and came back with a pillow and some blankets.

“There’s no way I’m going to make you drive on those icy roads in the dark. Scrubbing his face with his hands, he let me know he’d be glad to take me up on the offer.

I was just crawling into bed myself when Alex called.

“Hey, it looks like I can get a flight home day after tomorrow. Thought you better know so you can make plans.”

I could tell he’d had a few too many drinks, but that was understandable.

“Okay, thanks. Did you find anything interesting to do while you’re there?”

“Yeah! I freakin’ went skiing with the President. What the hell do you think I was doing?”

Just as I started to reply, I heard a woman’s voice, “Hey Alex! Where’s that drink you were gonna fix me?”

“Who’s that?”

Alex muffled the phone and said something, came back on the line and told me it was just the T.V.

“I’ll call you with the flight info. Gotta go.”

I sat there staring at the phone. What the hell? There weren’t too many ways you could play that scenario out. I mean I had a man spending the night but as a friend. Alex wasn’t the kind of guy who had a woman in his room to discuss investments, I lay awake for a long time pondering the last three days. I’m a believer in things happening for a reason. This snowstorm may well have given me a chance to consider a new beginning, to bury the bleakness of unfulfilled dreams. I’ll talk to Ben in the morning and we’ll see how we can make this work. I immediately burrowed under my blankets and drifted off into a deep sleep.

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