wish we had more time

*Lumi uses he/they pronouns and therefore the pronouns may switch during some sentences and paragraphs.

The Pier

June 7th 2031

The day is warm. The kind of warm that makes you lazy. Lumi and I are laying like starfish on the pier, arms and legs outstretched as we look at the clouds and watch the day go by. It's a good kind of silence, just the birds chirping the ocean waves and the happy feeling of just being in each other's company.

At some point during the day a bit after noon when the sun was starting its downward descent Lumi sits up and fidgets with something in her pocket.

“Kay, sit up, I have something to give you.”

I sit up. Pausing as the blood goes back to where it should be and the world refocuses. “Aww, you bought me a gift. How cute,"

“Yes, I am very cute, now close your eyes.”

I close them but then open one. “No peeking.” He scolds.

“How do I know I can trust you? That you would push me off. Or kill me or something?”

“Why would I do that?” He laughs.

“I don't know.”

“Look I promise it's a good thing.” He sticks out his pinky. “Promise?” I ask.

“Promise.”

I close my eyes and I hear him move into a position behind me. Then gently lifts my hair up and clicks something into place. His breath is warm on my cheeks when he next speaks. “Now open.”

I finger the thing on my neck. It's a golden heart locket. I open it and inside are the two of us smiling and sticking our tongues out. “So you can remember me. When you have to leave.”

“I love you so much.”

I hug him and squeeze him tight wishing I never had to let them go.

The pier

June 15th 2032

His hands are warm over mine as we dangle our feet off of the pier, the waves licking the shore a few feet in front of us. He shifts his body and turns to lay on me. His orange curls resting on my lap and his eyes looking directly into mine. “How's work going? He asks. I laugh lightly. “It's not a job.. It's an organization.”

“You mean cult?”

“Were making the world better.” I tug playfully at his hair.

“Fine. How’s the NC?”

I sigh the laughter gone from my voice. “It’s fine.”

“Good fine or bad fine?”

I stare off at the cloudy skies. “Things are getting worse. More and more rebels are infiltrating the city and it's hard to tell good from bad these days."

“And?” He asks expectantly. He knows that’s not what’s really bothering me. “Im not supposed to leave the compound..” I whisper.

“They're saying it's too dangerous.. We don't know who's the enemy, so we can't see anyone else.”

“Like im a rebel spy.” He scoffs. But his face falls when he sees my eyes.

“It was never supposed to get this bad.. The war.. The rules.” I tighten my grip on his hand. “We were never supposed to be kept apart.

“Then quit.” They suggest even though they know it's useless.

“You know I cant.”

He gets up from my lap and starts pacing worriedly. “Well, what's the worst that could happen?” They ask looking me directly in the eyes. I look away and pick at the wood. He goes still. “They wouldn't…”

“Kill me?” I ask with a scared laugh. I lower my head. “I know too much and they can't have me running around. I could give info to the rebels.” Their eyes are wide with fear.

“It's fine,” I mumble

“No, bb it's not. It's already against the rules to be in a relationship and now this? Im scared for you, promise me you'll be safe.”

“I can't make promises I can't keep.” My earpiece buzzes violently. “I have to go.” I stand up and wrap my coat tighter around me. Before leaving I pull him in and kiss their forehead. “Will you come back?” He asks.

“Always.”

But I know it's a lie. Don't make promises you can't keep. My mind whispers. 

Headquarters

June 17th 2032

“Let's get straight to the point shall we?” The prime mistress spins around in her big chair to face me. “Im disappointed in you, Kay.” I open my mouth to talk but she silences me. “You've severely broken the rules.”

“I'm sorry, I don't understand.”

She pulls something from her pocket. My gold heart locket swings slowly back and forth on her finger. My hands clam up. No.. I clench my hands into fists and resist the urge to spring up and grab it from her hands. But that would only make this situation worse than it already is.

“How did you-”

“Tch, tch. It doesn't matter how I got it. There are no secrets here.”

The PM opens the locket and pulls out the picture. And runs her fingers over it softly. “Such a pretty face. And those curls, breathtaking.”

“Please,” I beg. “You don't understand.”

“I think I understand quite well. Kay, you know it's against the rules to have a romantic relationship. Its a d-”

“Distraction..” I mumble.

“Exactly. And you're for sure not supposed to be sneaking out. You've put us all at risk. Someone could track you back here and then we would be compromised. All of us here, compromised. I don't think you understand the danger. And you don't know if this person Is a rebel spy. They could be using everything you tell them against us. Your lucky you haven't been caught.”

“I've been really careful!”

“I expected higher of you Kay. I thought you were devoted to this country.”

“I am.” I get down on my knees. “I'll do anything for this country.”

“Good. That's what I thought.”

The PM turns their head to the guards at the door. “Dispose of the boy.” She commands.

“NO!” I scream and spring to my feet. My voice echoes over and over again. No.. no.. no

You can't take him from me. He’s all I have..

“You can do that.” I choke out.

“Does there seem to be a problem? I thought you said you were devoted.”

“Please don't.”

“Kay, you know the rules. You broke them and now you have to face the consequences.”

“I love him..”

“If you loved him you should have stayed away from him instead of risking all of our lives.”

My mind is frantically racing.  There has to be another way.. There has to be..

“I'll erase his memory!” I say desperately

She looks at me and ponders that for a few seconds. “That could work.”

“Thank you, thank you.” I get back down on my knees and bow to her. “But..” She walks over to me and uses her sharp nails to tilt my head up towards hers. “If I hear that you try to see him again. He’s dead.” She locks eyes with me. “And so are you. You're one of my best soldiers so don't make me do that.” She throws me a small metal device and turns to walk away. “You have until tomorrow night or you're both gone, don't disappoint me.”

The Pier

June 18th 2032

The day is perfect, sunny and warm with a nice breeze to keep the heat in check. The seagulls squawk happily and there's a big smile on your face as you bound over to me and wrap me in a hug, your hair tickling my nose. “Hi!” He exclaims happily. They take my hands and look at me worriedly. “You okay?”

I open my mouth to respond but the buzzing in my earpiece cuts me off. “This is your only chance. Lead him to the cave, take his memory. Do not warn him or give me any reason to be suspicious. Don't let me down.” It goes silent. 

I turn my gaze back to Lumi. “I'm doing great!” I say with a forced smile, 

“Good!” He smiles and turns to start walking down the beach. 

My face falls. Why didn't he notice that I'm not okay? Am I that good at pretending?

I want to take Lumi’s hand and run, far far away from this place. To somewhere where Lumi and I can live happily. In a little cottage in the woods, with a garden out front full of lavender plants and little mushrooms. Where we could lay in the grass and look at the stars. A place where we could make brownies at 2 am and throw flour at each other's faces. With a big comfy couch with white fluffy blankets and we could watch the snowfall and drink hot chocolate. We could go on a long walk in the rain, dance and spin each other happily and then take a warm shower together. 

“Don't get distracted.” My earpiece warns

Lumi’s a bit ahead sitting cross-legged in the sand. “You know what I want?” They ask. “A jellyfish.”

“Oh?” I ask in curiosity.

“ Do you think that's legal?” They wonder. “I want a moon jelly.”

I pause. “You mean..”

“From heatwaves?” They finish. “Yeah. So whenever you leave I can remember you.”

I can't do this

I can't do this

This is someone who loves me so much

This is someone I love so much

This day is so perfect. He’s so happy. Why can't we go swimming? Or sit on the pier and talk until the stars come out?

You have to. My brain reminds me.

You have to, and you have to now.

Lumi cocks their head at me. “Kay, are you sure you're okay?”

“Yes, yes it's fine, I actually have something to show you.”

The cave is dark the sound of water dripping can be heard from farther up. They reach for their phone in an attempt to turn on the flashlight but I grab their hand to stop them. “Don't. It will be more magical in the dark.” I lie.

“Fine. But I'm holding onto you so you can protect me.”

As we walk farther in he starts to shiver. “K.. Ka..Kay.. this is very pretty.. But im coldddd.”

My earpiece vibrates. “Everything is in place,”

Do it

Do it

You have to,

You have to.

Or you'll both be dead

Lumi would want this.

It's better than being dead.

JUST DO IT

I push Lumi off of me and they stumble backward, tripping on a rock and falling down. “Kay?” they ask fearfully. I hear fumbling and within seconds they have their phone out, shining the flashlight right in my eyes. I have a small memory gun pointed at their head. They crawl backward as fast as they can, their shirt and pants catching on the rocks as they go but their eyes never waver from mine. “What are you doing?” They ask. I bite my lip and stay silent. “Whatever it is, you don't have to do it. You don't have to let them control you.”

Don't cry.

“I love you Lumi. I wish we could have had an aquarium full of moon jellies, wish I could have woken up in your arms. I wish we had longer together.”

I take a deep breath and wrap my finger around the trigger. “I wish I didn't have to do this.”

“Kay?” There's panic in his eyes, like cornered prey.

“I'm sorry.” I whisper. “I'm so sorry.”

And then I pull the trigger.

The pier

June 14th 2031

Say you'll remember me. Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset.

Lumi sits on the pier, the evening wind blowing their hair in front of their face which they swat every now and then with a laugh as it keeps flying in their eyes. My toes are in the sand as I cautiously take a step toward the ocean. The waves are soft and warm tendrils tickle my toes. The wind blows my golden hair behind me and my white dress dances in the wind.

I turn back at them and smile. “Come on!” I exclaim. Lending out a hand.

“Do I have to?” They whine. “It's coldddd.”

I look at them pleadingly. “Pleaseeee. Your like always cold."

“Fine.” 

They push off the pier and land in the sand with a soft thud and proceed to take my hand. “I love you, you know that right?” I ask.

They laugh. “I love you too.”

I grab them by the waist and pull them closer to me. I kiss them on the cheek and smile. “Always.”

Their faces soften. “Always.”

The Cave

June 18th 2032

“Say you’ll remember me,” I whisper. “You said you would never forget me, prove it to me.” their body starts convulsing their arms and legs flailing trying to grab onto something that isn't there. “Please remember me. They're going to take you away from me." I muffle my mouth. Don't cry, don't cry. No weakness, no connections.

Their body stops moving and they lay still on the stone floor.  Remember me, remember me.

“Who are you?” They ask. A single tear slides down my cheek and I drop to my knees. “No…”

I squeeze my eyes shut and bite my lip. You need to stop crying. There are so many things I could answer. There's so many things I want to say. Back to the first day, we met when I flounced over with a big smile giving you a wave and walking over to say hi because you looked like you needed a shoulder to lean on. “Im Kay.” I want to say. “I’m… your girlfriend.” Back to the day when we were walking together in the dark, the streetlight and the stars lighting our path when I asked you to be my boyfriend.

“I'm someone who loves you..”

The three words I whispered in your ear when we were dancing in the rain. They squint their eyes at me and ask again. “Who are you?”

Someone who loves you, your girlfriend. I'm Kay.. I love you.

I stare them straight in the eyes and take a deep breath.

“Me? I'm no one.”

When I turn away I can't stop the tears from falling. I cover my mouth.  You had too.. You had too.. You had too.

I tap the earpiece

“It's done.”