What's Wrong?

What’s Wrong?

“What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what’s wrong? I can tell something’s off…I don’t know. I just see it. And I have my own things to say, but just tell me.”

“Your own things to say?”

“Baby. What’s wrong?”

“Do you really want to do this tonight? It’s been a long week.”

“Yes! I want to know what I did.”

“It’s nothing you did. I just feel…sad. Lately.”

“Sad about what?”

“I don’t know. How we used to be. I feel like we’re just going through the motions. I don’t feel heard, or valued, and it makes me sad.”

“I’m working all the time! Between running the business and keeping up with my regular job, it’s constant!”

“I know. I just don’t feel…interesting to you anymore. You focus on what’s important to you at the moment, and that hasn’t been me in a long time.”

“I just hung up that shower curtain last week without being asked!”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with paying attention to me.”

“Yes it does! I heard you say it had fallen!”

“I appreciate you doing that, but it’s not what I’m talking about.”

“Then what are you talking about?”

“Just feeling like I’m not really important.”

“You’re important!”

“That’s not really true. You prioritize what matters to you. You were in four fantasy football leagues this year. You ran one of them! Because it mattered to you. You used to spend that kind of time trying to get my attention.”

“That didn’t take time out of my schedule. I could do it from my phone, wherever I was.”

“You can prioritize me from your phone too. It doesn’t have to be time consuming. But an actual conversation once in a while on your way home from work would be nice. You talk to everyone else you know in the car.”

“No I don’t...”

“Or ask me to come by work? Remember how mad you always got at your old job when I didn’t come to lunch at least once a week? You haven’t invited me to your new job once and you’ve been there eighteen months.”

“It’s forty-five minutes away!”

“I drove that far to have lunch with Linda today! I can manage that. Especially on Fridays, when I don’t have as much to do. But you’ve never asked. I don’t even know where I’d go to find you once I got there.”

“There's just always stuff going on. I never know where I’ll be.”

“Maybe there’s someone there you don’t want me to meet. Or who you don’t want meeting me.”

“What does that mean?”

“Someone who’s having an affair at work wouldn’t want their wife dropping by, would they?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” 

“I’m serious. You keep work and home lives totally separate and it opens up all sorts of room for doubt.”

“I’m not having an affair.”

“How would I know?”

“I’m not!”

“Because you’re so fulfilled around here? We hardly talk. When we go out, you spend half the evening talking to the couple next to us. It’s like you’ve just decided I must not have anything interesting to contribute so you’re looking for something–or someone–else to hold your attention.”

“I just get caught up.”

“Right. That’s my point. You used to get ‘caught up’ over me. I used to be the thing distracting you from all the other things. Now I’m just one of the other things. I just don’t feel like much of a priority.”

“That’s not true.”

“What? You can’t tell me whether what I feel is true or not.”

“I don’t do that.” 

“Do what?”

“Make other things a priority.”

“Really? Isn’t this how your first marriage ended? You were always gone, always doing this job–the one you said you’d never take again because it ruined your marriage–and she got sick of doing it all by herself?”

“No.”

“She got angry and yelled and accused, but really I think she was just sad that she was so low on your list. She didn’t know how to say she was sad, but I’m saying it. Now.”

“No. I’m not doing that this time.” 

“You’re not even listening to me tell you I’m not being heard–”      “Yes I am.”

“Stop cutting me off!”                                                                  “I’m not.”

“You’re literally talking while I’m talking.”                         “No I’m not.”

“SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME.”

“I’m not doing that.”

“Why did you ask me what’s wrong if you don’t want to hear the answer?”

“I didn’t.”

“You DID.”

“Don’t hit me.”

“It’s a pillow.”

“Where are you going?”

“Away from you!”

#####

“Where did mom go?”

“I don’t know.”

“She didn’t have shoes on. Or a jacket. It’s pretty cold outside.”

“She’s fine.”

“I don’t think someone who walks out of the house at 10pm without shoes is fine.”

“I’ll call her.”

“Looks like her phone’s right there. See it ringing?”

“Shit.”

“Are you gonna go look for her?”

“She’ll come back.”

“Then I’m going.”

#####

“I have no idea where she could be.”

“Where did you drive?”

“I went up to this corner, took a left, and just made a big loop around that church on the corner. I went wherever she walks the dog.”

“You don’t think she went down near that homeless shelter?”

“No. No way. She listens to too many of those true crime podcasts. She knows how to stay safe. But I bet she’s cold.”

“Okay, I’ll go look. Stay here in case she comes back, and let me know if she does.”

“What did you say? To make her leave…”

“Nothing. I just asked her what’s wrong.”

“Did she tell you? What’s wrong?”

“No, she just…I was…I don’t know. I’ll go look.”

#####

“Mom!”

“I’m sorry baby. I’m so sorry. I know you were worried. I wasn’t trying to scare you. I needed to cry, and pray, and I just couldn’t in front of him. Not then.”

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m cold.”

“Yeah. You were out there for over an hour. Where did you go?”

“I sat on the church steps. In the back.”

“We drove by there!”

“I know. I saw you. I couldn’t talk to him and I couldn’t be here without talking to him. I’m sorry.”

“Next time this happens, will you please go to the same place? So I know you’re safe?”

“Yes. I didn’t even take my phone. I just had to get away. I wasn’t thinking.”

“I know. I’ll let him know you’re here…Hey. She’s back. She’s okay, just cold…He’s on his way back.”

“Did you tell anyone? I didn’t mean to be dramatic.”

“Just Sarah–I’ve already text her you’re back. She’s okay…Where is he going?”

“Probably to bed. He’s mad. He won’t talk to me again until morning. We’ll sort it out then, I guess.”

“Are you okay?”

“I will be. We’ll talk it out tomorrow and get better. I promise.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too, sweet girl. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

#####

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry about last night.”

“Me too. I just needed to get away. To cry and pray and think…I couldn’t do that when you kept cutting me off.”

“I know.”

“Did you even actually want to know what I’ve been feeling, or were you just asking so you could tell me what you think is wrong?”

“No, I want to hear it. I guess I was just feeling defensive.”

“About what?”

“The job. All the work I do. I feel like I have no balance. I don’t have time to make you feel like a priority. Or to do other things either.”

“Other things?”

“Like working out or catching up with people. Spending time with the kids. I feel like all of those things are taking a backseat to work.”

“Maybe we can talk about how to change some of those things.”

“Yeah, that’d be good.”

“I’m not having an affair. I’ll try to find times to invite you to work. Introduce you to people.”

“I’d like that. Thank you. Do you want some coffee?”

“Sure, thanks. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling ignored. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

“It’s okay. Thank you for saying that.”

“You really are my whole reason for doing everything. You’re why I work so hard. I brag about you to everyone. That probably doesn’t mean much if you’re not hearing it, but I do.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you. I appreciate how hard you work. I’m not trying to say you shouldn’t work hard. I’d just like to feel more important to you, too.”

“I know. I’ll work on that.”

“Okay. Here’s your coffee. Is that my phone?”

“Yeah…”

“What’s wrong?”

“Who’s David?”

The End