Something Blue

Trigger Warning: Kindly note that the following story contains sensitive themes such as; physical violence, abuse and mental health.

Las Vegas, Nevada

1960

"Alice, darling, if you don't hurry we're going to have to postpone our elopement," Frank O'Brian spoke through the door, adjoining their hastily-booked double room.

"We haven't said our vows and you're already trying to be rid of me," Alice said as she swung the door open. Frank entered and for a moment, stood stunned. For what must have been the thousandth time, or more, he thought, "God, she's beautiful".

He realized he'd said it aloud when she replied, "Why, thank you. Now, help me please." She turned to show him the row of small ivory buttons trailing down her back.

It took all of his will power not to rip off the infuriatingly stubborn buttons. And then some, not to let his hands wander. Alice had turned up on his doorstep in tears after her parents had disapproved them courting. He hadn't reasoned with her. Hadn't tried persuading her to talk things through with them. He wished he was a better man. But, he wasn't. They'd thrown caution to the wind, and eloped to Vegas. But, Alice was young and inexperienced. He had to do right by her.

"Do you have everything you need?" he asked.

"Let's see. I have something borrowed," she pointed to the bouquet of lavender and baby's breath she'd borrowed from reception. "Something new..," her fingers touched the lace trim of the gossamer veil framing her face, "...and something old..," she said wrapping her arms around his waist.

"You little witch!" he said, feigning outrage. She laughed. It was true that she was twenty, and he, thirty. Age however, wasn't a factor either of them thought bore any significance in determining their compatibility.

Her laughter subsided. A frown creased her brow.

"What is it? Forget something?" he asked.

"Something blue," she said, eyes widening in realization.

"Three out of four. That isn't too bad, right?" he tried to reassure her. "We're running late, honey. The reverend will only be available for the next half hour."

"It's okay. We're here together. That's all that matters," Alice said. 

As soon as they'd arrived at Viva L'amour Wedding Chapel, Frank had left for the restroom. That was almost five minutes ago. The reverend was looking as antsy as Alice felt. Had he gotten cold feet? Made a run for it? No. This was Frank. He wouldn't. Would he?

Alice's anxiety threatened to overwhelm her. Just as she braced herself to hunt Frank down, he burst through the stained glass doors of the chapel. A shock of blue fabric poked out from his hands.

"Where were you?!" Alice cried.

Frank made his way down the aisle, draped a satin belt around her waist, making fast work tying a simple bow.

"The lady in the store said it's Serenity blue."

"I thought you'd left me," Alice said, tears prickled her eyes.

"We haven't even said our vows and you're already trying to be rid of me," he said, tenderly brushing her cheek.

"Don't use my words against me," she sniffled.

The reverend cleared his throat. Everyone took their places. He began by explaining the significance of rings and of their union. They exchanged vows and rings, all while a reel-to-reel tape played generic wedding music in the background. Alice went through the motions on autopilot. All she could think about, was the something blue around her waist, and the immense love she felt for the man standing next to her.

****

Rancho Mirage, California

Present day

"Poppy." Leo's mouth moved, his brow furrowed. The students occupying the bus were likely creating a decibel of noise that could make ones ears bleed. I heard nothing. I'd caught a glimpse of myself in the window. Noticed the bruise developing on the left side of my face. My world had fallen silent.

He had hit me. My father. The one who'd consoled me whenever I was upset, planned movie nights, and acted as my shield, had turned his rage on me. I'd hardly recognized him. His features so violently contorted by dark and ugly emotion. I'd have remained blissfully unaware of his true self, had I not returned home for my forgotten sunscreen, and seen him strike my mother. Imagine, discovering something life-changing over a reason as mundane as that. 

I couldn't fool myself into believing it was an accident. A mistake. The first blow came when I intervened and threatened to call the cops. The second came when I called him a coward. There hadn't been a third. Leo must've heard the commotion from his house across the street, and intervened. 

Leo was a linebacker. He'd practiced Tae Kwon Do and Krav Maga for the better half of his life to "manifest discipline", he'd said. I knew it was so he'd look badass when picking up girls. It'd come in handy. He'd easily subdued my father. When the cops arrived, my mother had apologized, and explained that it was all a misunderstanding.

"Does it hurt?" I heard him ask.

His broad shoulders blocked out the chaos around us. I was grateful for it. I didn't want to see everyone getting on with their lives. Happy as can be, while mine crumbled down around me like a failed soufflé.

Something in my soul had ruptured. Died. Lost forever. And that was far more damaging than any physical pain I suffered. I couldn't lay that gloom and doom on him.

 "Not anymore," I said.

The look in his eyes said he knew I was lying. He didn't push me. Once again, I found myself grateful to have his friendship.

The bus pulled into Rancho Mirage Retirement Village. I began to question why I was here. I'd needed an escape. The two and a half hour drive to Rancho Mirage had seemed like the answer. The aim of these trips to retirement villages, hospitals and nursing homes was to entertain the elderly and raise their spirits. I hadn't thought about how I was going to do that, when my own spirit felt beaten down. Huh, look at that. A pun, I thought. Humans truly were resilient creatures.

"You coming?" Leo's question drew me out of the shitstorm of despondency brewing in me.

"Do I have a choice?"

"You always have a choice."

"What are my options?"

"Stay here. Dwell in your thoughts. Drive yourself crazy."

"And?"

"Go out there. Replace bad with good. Keep living."

I sighed. He was always right. I would never tell him that. His head was big enough.

As we stepped of the bus, Mrs. McGregor, a teacher, addressed us.

"Everyone, listen up. A resident has gone missing. We'll form search parties. Mrs. O'Brian is eighty-two years old, so it's understandably a cause for concern. Let's do what we can to help out."

After an hour of searching, I was convinced that Mrs. O'Brian had the power of invisibility. The air was thick, and the sun, merciless. Some searchers had deserted, others had taken a break.

My face stung. A reminder that I couldn't escape my hurt, even a hundred kilometers away from the source. I'd gotten stares. No one had asked about the bruising. Yet.

I was searching for blissful shade when the splash of water had me venturing down a row of trees that gave way to a lake. And lo and behold, standing knee-deep in the glimmering water, was Mrs. Alice O'Brian.

 I felt as though I'd walked into a painting. Village personnel had shared a picture of her. It hadn't done her justice. She didn't look a day over fifty. The dress she wore looked expensive. An ivory affair with a simple blue belt to complete the picture. 

"Mrs. O'Brian?" I called. 

"Who are you?" she asked. She didn't give a chance to answer before asking curiously, "What happened to your face?" 

"My father," I answered with a shrug. I didn't feel the need to lie. I was neither embarrassed nor ashamed.  

"Did you put up a fight?" Mrs. O'Brian asked.

"Yes."

"Good girl. It's only when you let them break your fighting spirit, that you lose your dignity." She said nonchalantly, as if explaining how to make a grilled cheese sandwich. 

"Have people tried to break your spirit too?"

"I've lived a long time. Met a lot of horrible people. None of them worth mentioning." 

"Any gems?" I found myself asking.

"One. He left me years ago. I'll settle that score when I meet him next," she said without a trace of bitterness.

"Mr. O'Brian?" I asked. She said nothing. Simply lifted her face to the sun and smiled a smile of nostalgia, warmth and longing. I concluded that despite popular belief, age had zilch to do with beauty.

"Do you...miss him?" I treaded cautiously.

She was quiet for a moment and I didn't know if I'd overstepped.

"It felt like some essential part of me had been cut off," she began. "Eventually I understood that he hadn't left me. We never had children. But we lived a full life together. I still had the memories..." she trailed off.

She must have seen the question in my eyes.

"I'm beginning to forget."

Those few words broke my heart.

"Would you like to join me?" Alice asked abruptly, pointing to a picnic basket lying at the base of a large tree.

"Oh, I don't want to intrude," I said, awkwardly. Not sure whether she was just being polite.

"Today's my wedding anniversary. It's the first time I'm celebrating it without Frank." She didn't have to voice the reason. She wanted to celebrate it, while she still remembered.

"In that case, I'd be honored." And I was.

I texted Leo, letting him know that I'd found Alice, as she'd asked to be called, and that she was okay. We shared a picnic. Alice shared anecdotes about her life. Some were unbelievable, some funny, some sad. They all painted a narrative of a life well-lived. 

She told me about the belt. And about how her mother had eventually come around after seeing her emerald set in a frame of diamonds, and decided there was no man better for her daughter than Frank. Two hours of stories and comfortable silences passed. I forgot about the world beyond the trees and allowed myself to enjoy the moment.

When we returned, we were met by exasperated staff and genuinely worried residents. The day proceeded as planned. There was a buffet of delectable foods, drinks and desserts. A raffle, karaoke, golf and other games. The most astonishing though, was Bingo. Alice won the grand prize. She'd picked up an abandoned card and entered mid-game. She had incredible luck.

The dance party was in full swing. As I set off through the village, I thought it strange. I had arrived here plagued by my own troubles, wondering how I was going to spread happiness when I felt none. Little did I know, that these strangers would turn a day I'd wanted wiped from existence, into a memory I wanted to cherish.

I found Alice standing on a little pier lit by lanterns. She spotted me and waved me over.

"I want you to have this." Alice handed me a small wooden box. Shooting her a curious look, I opened the lid and was thunderstruck.

"Alice, I can't accept this. You've known me for barely a day!"

"And yet I know you'll treasure it."

I tried futilely to find the right words.

"Breathe new life into it. New memories." Alice lovingly ran her hands over the length of neatly folded serenity blue fabric, as if consoling a child or loved one, before drawing away.

"I don't think I deserve this," I said. 

"That's okay. I know you do."

Afterwards, Alice simply stared at the night sky illuminated by a sea of stars.

"Night has fallen and it's time for me to close my eyes."  

"Are you tired? I'll walk you to your room," I offered.

"No need," she said patting my cheek. In that moment, I saw Alice's true age reflect in her eyes. She turned and began walking away only to turn around and say, "Live through the hard times. It won't be all bad."

Standing there in her ivory dress, caressed by moonlight, with a back drop of stars, she looked ethereal.

As she walked away, I barely managed a "Thank you." I was choked by emotion. I stood there for a while gripping the box in my arms. "Thank you," I whispered again into the night.

When I returned, festivities were wrapping up. Residents were tired after an eventful day. There was a glimmer in their eyes though, a flush in the cheeks, and a spring in their step that had been missing before.

"Hey. Where'd you get lost?" Leo said from behind the monstrous stack of chairs he was carrying.

"Oh, I needed some fresh air. Bumped into Alice while I was out. We chatted."

I instinctively knew he was giving me that look. It saw through the barriers and blockades to parts of me I didn't want anyone to see. That I didn't want to see. 

"I can never hide anything from you," I thought.

He didn't say anything as Mrs. McGregor announced that we would be leaving soon.

Students and teachers boarded the bus, waving farewell as it took off. Holding a lifetime of priceless memories in my arms, I felt a pang in my chest. Feeling foolish for not properly expressing my gratitude to Alice. I prayed my feelings were conveyed in those two words. It would have to suffice until my next visit.

Two days later, I received news that Alice had passed on peacefully in her sleep.

***

Boulder, Colorado

Fifteen years later

"Ah, there you are," I mumbled as I caught sight of a familiar wooden box on the top shelf of my walk-in closet.

Even standing on my tiptoes, my fingertips barely grazed the box. My husband had forgotten I was vertically challenged when he'd designed our home. To rectify his error, the sweet oaf had integrated step stools throughout the house. I was about to make use of one, when an arm reached passed and grabbed the box with ease.

"You know, I vaguely remember painstakingly building steps for moments like this."

"Well then, what purpose would you serve?" I retorted.

"I could think of one... or two," Leo said. I saw the glint in his eye, the cheeky, suggestive grin. I was tempted. But we were already late.

"Raincheck," I said, before maneuvering out of his reach and towards the mirror. My all white ensemble needed a pop of color. 

And I have just the thing, I thought with a smile, which vanished as I lifted the box lid.

"Oh my God." My voice was soft, even to my ears, but Leo was next to me in an instant.

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"The belt...it's gone! I distinctly remember packing it away. I even loaded it with my luggage, in my car and not with the movers. You don't think it somehow got lost during the move, do you?!" I rambled on, on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry," he said as he held me.

"It's all my fault. You don't have to be sorry," I cried.

"I should've told you," he said. His arms wrapped around my waist. I caught a glimpse of blue fabric. Serenity blue. 

I looked at him, confused. An apologetic smile tugged at his lips.

"I don't know whether you remember, but the last time you wore it —think it was at Sherri's wedding— it got snagged. I had it mended," he explained.

I ran my hands over the delicate lace and rhinestones that were a new addition to the previously plain satin. I had completely forgotten about it being snagged.

"The seamstress said even if she stitched it, it wouldn't be the same. She patched it and adding the sparkly stuff. If you don't like it I can go back—" he rushed on, noticing my inspection of the belt.

"I love it," I said, cupping his cheeks. "I love you. Thank you."

"I love you t—" I cut him off with a kiss. Trying to convey my gratitude, for always noticing the big things and the littlest of things. 

"Is it too late to cash in that raincheck?" I asked. Before he could answer, a blur of pink tulle and nylon netting appeared in my periphery.

"Parents, can you pause being gross for two seconds. I'm going to be late for my recital," my daughter, Allison groaned, wrinkling her face.

"If we were never gross, you wouldn't be here, Daughter," Leo countered.

"The babysitter's here, oh— " our eldest entered right at that moment, but made a U-turn, "—nope, I've already sat through this conversation once before. That's enough awkwardness to last a lifetime. I'll wait for you guys in the car," he announced. 

"Uhm, Mom, you're a mess," Allison said, waving her hand in front of her face.

"Huh? Oh boy."

The mirror confirmed that Allison hadn't exaggerated. I looked liked a more-than-usually deranged clown. Grabbing a tissue, I tried salvaging the situation. Suddenly, I felt it. Laughter. It bubbled up from a place I thought had been lost forever. I couldn't contain it. I placed one hand on my belly, feeling the contrast of the buttery satin against the bumps of the rhinestones. It overflowed.

"Dad, I think Mom needs a head doctor," Allison said. I laughed harder.

"She's just happy," Leo replied. "Honey, we'll be waiting for you outside." 

I stood there alone, but not lonely. I had everything I could ever ask for. I was truly content. Happy. I felt whole again. The hard times had given way to countless blessings. Two small words that held the weight of my emotions echoed in my mind.

"Thank you," I whispered.