Gone : End Of Imaginations

“He pushed me on the bed while unbuttoning his shirt and stepped on the bed leaning his body on mine.”

 A random guy suddenly appeared in my dirty mind. “Oh, what is wrong with me snap out of it,” but I couldn’t stop myself from developing the scene into something more. 

The warmth of his body invaded my body running through my skin. I felt his breath all over my neck. He brought his lips closer to mine. I closed my eyes even before I could see his eyes. His body felt really nice and the way he touched me pleased me more than anything. His kiss was wild, that his hands reached my shirt slowly unbuttoning it. 

“Snap out of it, I slapped my face.”

‘I used to be a very bright student when I was in high school, but what happened to me. Why am I like this? Reading all sorts of books and eating junk food.

 No wonder my parents left me. After all, they adored my sister more than me. They must be living a good life now, I said stepping down from the bed. 

It’s been a while since I stepped out of the bed. I hadn’t eaten anything in a few days and now I don’t even have the energy to read anything. How am I going to be a novelist if I don’t read a lot of books, I kept talking to myself in a big house full of nothing but loneliness.’ 

‘For instance, I wish that they were with me but they don’t even want me around. Isn’t it better to just disappear from here? No one cares about me anyway. I am ready to die but I don’t want to see my body rotting lonely in a house like this.’ 

“She is crazy,” this is what I started to hear in the second year of high school. “She has got too much brain, how dare she score more marks than me when she is a year younger than us.”

 People kept blaming me for a gift that I had in my life. 

‘I want to be homeschooled, I told my parents after returning from school one night. Okay sure, that is the only reply I got from them. They brought all sorts of teachers near my feet and I learned well.’

‘Look at 20 years old me, who does nothing but eating and reading.’ I said to myself while looking at myself from the mirror. 

‘It’s been a while since I saw a real guy, I never got to experience anything romantic even though they suddenly take over my mind. It has been the same guy all these years but I never got a chance to see who it is.

Unlucky me, I said to myself while heading to the bathroom to take a shower. My hair was a mess and I smelled like a sock.’

‘I let myself get buried in the bathtub so that water can cut through my skin. The water was cold and tempting,

 someone stepped into the bathtub, “I see that you are taking a shower without me.” I could feel him slowly leaning toward me. The water was overflowing and the wine glass which was on my hand dropped.

“Ooh, girl you shouldn’t have let it fall.”

For the first time, I saw his face. He was quite handsome, but I couldn’t recognize him. Who is he? Why is he always in my wildest imaginations? Does he know that I like it when he appears in my dreams?’ 

‘His breath came closer and closer I felt his muscles touching mine. They were soft and stiff at the same time. “What are you planning to do?” I asked him smiling. “Nothing just trying to be yours,” he replied back with a smile.

 I really love your smile. Whenever you smile, I fall like crazy for you. Why don’t you step out for a while and enjoy, he said while putting on a child-like smile. 

Why don’t you like staying with me in this small place? You can feel me and I can feel you. I think it’s better for us to stay here.

So you want me to stay here not on the bed. Wow, you are such an interesting girl. I just noticed, I replied back wanting to take the lead of the conversation. 

This is the first time you have talked this much. It feels really good to see your face. It’s really handsome that it makes me want to crave for you more.

This is a small gif for you, I said kissing him.’ 

When I came back to my senses, I was still lying on the water and the wine glass was on the floor shattered into pieces. I stopped for a moment to think whether it was real or not. 

‘I must be going insane from staying home all this time. 

Maybe I should head out do some shopping and buy some groceries. After all, I need more books.’

I got dressed completely black, which made me look like a gangster. “Who cares anyway. This is the style I love,” I turned around while looking at myself in the mirror. The dress, the accessories, and the boots seemed a bit too much but it’s been a while since I dressed up like this.

The streets weren’t crowded as I expected but there were so many hot people here and there. “What’s wrong with me? I am going to meet with an accident if I am going to space out thinking about things like that while walking.” 

My soul got excited more when I saw my favorite book store. It was there since I was young, “that is what made me a girl full of lust,” I told myself while smiling. 

I was about to open the door to go in, but I felt the touch of someone on my back and it felt so nice. “Long time no see,” he went in saying that. What did he mean by touching me like that? It’s not the way that a person normally touches a friend.

 ‘It felt so good, now I am even craving for him. “Samael, wait for me,” I went running towards him. 

I intentionally tripped, “Yuki, you need to be careful”. He grabbed me by my waist and held me. “Do you want to spend some time with me tonight?” he asked me while holding me. 

But why all of the sudden, I said gently closing my eyes. He let me go and looked at me with his blushing cheeks and looked cute and hot at the same time.’ 

‘Ah, never mind that. I guess you are busy reading. No, actually I am not, I said adjusting my dress. But why do you want to come to my house all of the sudden? 

I just got a new Game, he said smiling showing me the new game CD god. Who the hell bought you something that expensive, I asked him while taking it away from his hands. 

My sister of course. She is the only one who buys me this kind of stuff, he said taking it back smiling. 

Sure sure, let’s play at my place. I will buy you lunch, by the way, I said while grabbing a few books, and also I will buy you those books. Why are you so generous all of the sudden. That’s not like you at all.

 Ah, never mind if you don’t want it.’

‘It’s been such a long time since I met him. Must have been around 2 to 3 years, but me recognizing him from just his touch was simply amazing. He grew like a real person while I grew to look at books. He must have a good job now. 

“Oi, Samael, what are you doing now? I guess you are not like me. Reading books all day while eating parents’ money.” 

“Don’t worry about me. I am doing great.” 

“Aren’t you being a bit too rude,” I said smirking at him. 

I really meant it when I said it. I am doing pretty great compared to how I used to do. I am not that dumpster boy anymore. I run a huge publishing company now. You can say that I am the most successful one in the country. 

Ah, I see, good for you.

 What’s with that attitude? Aren’t you happy for me?’ 

‘If you are done picking up your lunch let’s head home, oh alright. I was thinking of coming a bit later cause I have some stuff to do. Alright then, I will head back home myself then, I said standing up from the chair I was sitting in.

 In a few minutes, I found myself walking in a lonely street back home with two packs of lunch. Why did I even invite him for lunch? The sun was rising above my head, making the environment hotter and hotter every second. 

Someone dressed in black popped out all of the sudden, right in front of my face.’

“Where did he come from?” I spaced out for a minute to think that and the next moment I came back to my senses there was a gun pointing at my face. 

“What the hell are you doing? What do you want from me,” I raised my voice at him hoping that it will scare him off. 

“Do you really think that your little tricks will work on me”, he replied back. 

‘Who was playing tricks on whom now and do you think that I haven’t seen or played with guns, you are wrong. I have seen them enough not to get scared when they are pointed at me.

 Lady, why are you acting all mighty. Take out all your money and put them on the ground. Do it right now before I shoot you. 

So you are doing this for some petty cash?’ 

Someone grabbed his hands from the back and flipped him over. It happened in a blink of an eye. Which made me wonder, how did he even do that? It was non-other than Samael who flipped him over like that. 

The trigger must have been already pulled down that he shot a bullet right into my feet, thank god I dodged it. 

He called the police and handed him over to the police, without bothering to talk much with me. Finally, the environment was clear enough for me to breathe freely. 

‘Thank god I came in time, he said. Then shall we go, he said taking my hand. He pushed me into the dark alley which was right next to us and leaned onto my body pushing me towards the wall. 

What are you trying to do? I asked him being confused like a butterfly trapped in between two warm palms. 

When will you realize that you are mine, he said smiling bringing his face closer to my neck. From when was I yours, how come is that I never knew that. Isn’t it a bit weird? I said smiling.

 I felt his soft warm lips hitting a mine. Hey Yuki, you there? I felt someone swinging their hands in front of my eyes. What are you thinking while spacing out? Ah nothing, let’s just go.’ 

‘We finally arrived home, that’s when I got reminded that my house was a whole mess. He took a step inside. “When did you late open the windows? It is wet and damp in here like an abandoned place.” 

I will help you out to clean this. I think we have time to do that before we start playing. 

Ah okay, let’s do that. We started to clean. I dressed him an apron and gave him a duster, while I went inside to get changed. Since I gave him my apron, I didn’t have another apron for me. Thank god, I had a bunch of sweatshirts and pants.’ 

We cleaned the house like two happy kids. “Now, let’s go to your room, do you really want to clean that pigpen,” I can do that myself.’ 

‘Let’s eat first. 

“I said that we are cleaning. Don’t get in my way.”’ 

‘Oi Yuki, what have you been doing all these years. Look how many books there are and your taste in books hasn’t changed a bit. Romance and BL. why don’t you ever read anything other than that? 

If you are done looking at that shall we just clean the room? There was barely any place left to store the books, so we left them on the floor.’

‘What is that wire, he asked me looking at the wire that was running under my bed. Oh, it’s nothing. Never mind that. Let’s just go on with what we were doing. Be careful you might trip by getting your feet entangled on it. 

Don’t worry about it, I will keep that in my mind. Just a moment after I said it. He tripped making me fall on the bed together with him.

 This time I wasn’t even sure whether it was my wild imagination or whether it was happening for real. 

Why are you looking at me like that, he asked me while looking straight into my eyes. His lips were right above mine, which made me want them on me so badly. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asked blushing with shaking eyes. I closed my eyes, letting him take the lead. It felt so sweet and intimidating. I was glad that he didn’t force me. He was so sweet, which made me want to kiss him like crazy.’

For some reason, his body became lighter and lighter every second. I opened my eyes and looked straight into his closed eyes again. That’s when I realized something that was hidden deep down in my consciousness. “It was him all this time. He was the one in all of my imaginations.”

‘He broke the kiss. “Yuki, it’s time to go. He said looking at me with eyes full of tears.” Why are you crying, I asked him standing up. It’s nothing, I just want to say this one thing.’ 

“I love you.” 

“Me too”

‘I will get going then, walking towards the couch where his coat was. He grabbed his coat and waved his hand at me. I will walk you out then, I said going behind him smiling. 

He went along the street among the trees which were full of orange-red mixed leaves. He waved his hand at me.’ 

‘When I went back in and realized that we didn’t get to do what we were supposed to do. We didn’t play the game nor we ate. His CD was on my couch. I grabbed it and ran out.’ 

“Samael!” I shouted his name. He hadn’t gone much further.

‘I could see his face full of tears. What’s wrong? I asked walking towards him. Stop right there, he said replying to me back with a face full of sorrow. 

“I can’t come back now, -

I am just a piece of memory in you,

Now its time for me to stop bothering you, 

I hope that we can meet in our next life,” he said.’ 

‘With that said he turned into a white mist disappearing into thin air.’ 

“Goodbye,” these are my last words to you.