Chill, Dude!

CHILL, DUDE!

The last day of classes. Exams are the only things between the students and summer. This is a senior class, so most of the kids have summer jobs, and the majority are headed off to university or college. There are a few who are heading right into the world of work or an apprenticeship, and a few who are coming back in September because they don’t have enough credits to graduate.  

This is a physics class. Definitely not an easy class. Most students have struggled with the concepts presented, at one time or another. But they all worked hard, and with the exception of one student, the remaining twenty-seven students are going to pass. I am proud of their hard work.

Most will be able to declare that they met the prerequisite of a senior physics credit necessary for their university or college programs. A very few — three, to be exact — will point with pride to their stellar A-plus grade in my class. I understand that two of the three are going into engineering, and the third will be entering the field of pure science. All three are extremely studious students, and mine is not the only class in which they have exemplary grades. In fact, one will be this year’s Valedictorian at graduation. She is extremely well-spoken, manages to hold down a ninety-eight percent grade average, as well as a part-time job, volunteers at an animal shelter, and helps immigrant children with their English. Another is the the second ranked in the school, the Salutatorian, with an overall average of ninety-seven. A very close and competitive year.

And a few will just shrug, and say that at least they passed. This happens in every class, not just physics. These are teenagers, and life sometimes gets in the way. They get a job, or they get a new boyfriend or girlfriend, and their focus changes. Not that they aren’t trying to be successful, but there are only so many hours in the day, and something has to give. And, sadly, that something is sometimes school. But don’t worry about these students. They’ve already been accepted into their post-secondary programs. They just won’t have the GPA that they had hoped for. These students are going to pass, and all is well, academically.

Except for the two students who have not made the grade. One is right on the cusp, and with a passing exam mark, will be able to earn her credit. But this is not good enough for this student. She plans to pass, but has signed up for tutoring, and will be retaking the course over the summer. She needs this credit, but more importantly, she needs to understand the concepts presented for her area of study, medicine. She wants to get it right.

The other student, well, it’s not going to work out for him. I offered after school help, and tutoring, but he declined my offer. I did not send home reminders, did not require his parents sign failed tests, nor invite them in for a conference. Not because I’m an uncaring teacher, but because the student is over eighteen, and my school board considers that the age of majority, therefore making the student’s progress in my class — or any class — his private concern, not his parents’s. 

I have taught this student before. It will not be pretty once they realize that he is not going to pass my class. It would, of course, be my fault — I don’t know how to teach; I should have told them; the curriculum is too hard; he should have the opportunity to hand in missing assignments, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I cannot, although I would love to, explain that there is a reason that their son is lagging behind, and that there is a correlation between the number of days absent (thirty-one) and his current grade (thirty-two). Don’t get me wrong. This student is a nice young man. He’s laid back, funny, and makes me laugh, but he doesn’t really want to be here. The only reason that he took AP Physics course, he told me, is because his parents insisted, last year, when he was seventeen, and they were the boss of him at that time. Not now, though. He told me that his parents think that he applied to university, but he hasn’t. Instead, he’s starting his own business — it's already up and running, which is why he missed over thirty days of school. I don’t worry about him.

But today is the last last day of classes. I will give the students their mark updates, as well as go over the exam study sheet for their final exam, which will be written in three days. As well, there will be a pop-quiz. I love pop quizzes.

8:50 A.M.

“Good morning everyone,” I said, smiling at — I did a quick head count — twenty-five out of twenty-eight students. Not too bad for the last day of class. I noticed that even Mickey was in his seat. I hadn’t expected him to show up. No chance of passing, but there he was. I was glad. He’s a nice kid, and I like him.  

While everyone settled in, I pointed to the board:

#1: Mark Updates

#2: Exam Review

#3: ????

I handed out the mark updates. This is not the first update, nor the second. Of the nineteen weeks in the semester, I have handed out mark updates every week. As well, the marks are posted online for parents and students to see, to ensure that their marks jibe with mine. I have been known to make a mistake — say, transposing a mark. Like the time I entered “39” instead of “93”, which caused a bit of a fracas. Not so much from the student, who pointed out my mistake, and I fixed it, but from mom, who accused me of trying to sabotage their child’s chances of getting into a good university.  I just want to point out that I rarely hear about marks that are higher than they are supposed to be.

All that being said, the mark update distribution went well. Everyone was happy. Even Mickey. When I handed him his mark update, he just laughed, and said, “It’s cool. You tried. I didn't.”

Next, exam review. I believe that the best surprise is no surprise. That’s why the exam included all the topics that the exam would cover, with the focus on the formulae needed to enable the students to solve the problems presented. The exam wasn’t too hard, but you had to understand the concepts to do well. Most of the students were ready, and those who had concerns knew that I was available to answer their questions.

Bethany, my Valedictorian, raised her hand. “What’s number three on the list?” she said pointing to the board, and the mysterious number three.

“I’m glad you asked,” I said. “Number three is a Pop Quiz, class! Yay!” I clapped my hands.

No one clapped and no one said “yay” back. There was rumbling, a lot of groans. Some disbelieving “What!?!”s. And, I noticed, a few mouths hanging open in disbelief. A few students whipped out their phones, and were frantically texting. To whom? I couldn’t imagine.

“That’s not fair!” said Jared. He just finished his text, and put his phone on his desk, screen down. “You can’t just spring a test on us, last minute!”

I could see that Jared was getting a little frantic. He had the second highest mark in my class, and in the school. He was the school’s Salutatorian, but I knew that both he and his parents were extremely unhappy with second place. He believed that he deserved to be Valedictorian. To them, Salutatorian was the first loser. And Jared Jordan was not a loser.

I smiled, calmly. “So, we have just had the exam review. What better way to see if you’re ready for the exam?”

“This is not fair!” he said again. “My parents will be calling the principal. This is against school rules.”

“Chill Dude.” said Mickey. “It’s only a quiz. No bigs.”

Jared glared at Mickey. “Shut it, loser!”

“Jared! I admonished. He settled. I returned to the subject of the quiz.

“True, there are no evaluations for the last week of school” I said. “But this is a practice quiz. If you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to. But it can help you strengthen your test-taking skills and comprehension. And it shouldn’t take any longer than ten minutes.”

“What’s it on?” asked Bethany, frantically flipping through her notebook.

“It’s a pop quiz,” I said.

I waited for the grumbling and complaining to settle down, went to my desk and pulled out a stack of single page quizzes. Holding them to my chest so no one could see what was written on the paper, I addressed the class.

“So, as usual, I need you to turn your phones off, and put them in the upper left-hand corner of your desk, screens up.”

Everyone complied. This was the SOP for my class — standard operating procedure — and everyone knew the drill.

“Okay, is there anyone who is not taking the quiz?”

No one opted not to do the quiz. Even Mickey was going to do it. Jared had also opted to do the quiz, which was surprising, considering his previous outrage. In fact, he had a smug little smile on his face … 

I handed out the quizzes, face-down.

“Okay, you can start,” I said. The sound of rustling paper filled the room, pause, then the sound of giggles, and a few “Are you kidding me?” I smiled. And waited.

Almost immediately, Jared said, out loud, without caring about his fellow quiz-takers, “This isn’t what’s supposed to be on the quiz!”

I said nothing. But now I knew.

After a couple of minutes, Anton put his hand up. I walked over to his desk, and gave him a sucker. Then Jennie, and then Simon. Both also got a sucker.

The quiz was over in about five minutes. I collected the papers.

“Best test I ever wrote in this class!” declared Mickey. Everyone laughed.

“So,” I said smiling. “Anton, Jennie, and Simon each got a sucker? Anyone know why?”

Bethany stuck her hand up.

“Because they read the instructions before starting.”

“Correct!” I paused and looked at the class. “This wasn’t really a knowledge quiz.  Instead, it's supposed to remind you to read the instructions, and to use your brains. Remember, if you hear hoofbeats, it’s probably not a zebra, but a horse. Don’t over-complicate things. It’s gong to be fine. You're going to be fine." I looked around the classroom, smiling. "That’s it! See you all on Friday.”

The class got up to leave.

Just then my classroom intercom buzzed.

“Mrs. Blankenship?” said the disembodied voice, “Mr. and Mrs. Jordan are here to see you. They are in the principal’s office.”

Good thing I had my planning period next. I grabbed a copy of the quiz and headed down.

“Mrs. Blankenship,” said my principal, Harry Porter — close enough to Harry Potter that that he was mercilessly ribbed by the students. It didn’t help matters that he resembled Professor Dumbledore.

“Jared’s parents received an urgent text from him this morning, stating that you were planning to administer a pop quiz. Is that right?”

“Yes, it is,” I said.

Jared’s father hijacked the conversation.

“Isn’t it true, Mrs. Blankenship, that there is a board policy that forbids the administering of any evaluative work in the last week of school?” said Mr. Jordan. I was pretty sure he was a lawyer. Who says Isn’t it true, except a lawyer? Or maybe someone who watches too many courtroom dramas.  

“It is.” I said.

“Then, how do you defend your decision to administer the pop quiz all-the-while knowing fully-well that is was against board policy?” 

Yup, definitely a lawyer.

“Well,” I said, “First off, it wasn’t for evaluation, second— “

“That’s a lie, Mrs. Blankenship.” My eyebrows shot up at his words, but I said nothing. “Jared showed us the quiz last night, and it was definitely for evaluation,” said Mr. Jordan, interrupting me.

I looked at the Jordans, then I looked at Harry. 

“Can I ask how Jared came to have a copy of the quiz?” I asked “I didn’t print it out until this morning, right before class.”

It was beginning to dawn on Mr. Jordan that maybe Jordon shouldn't have had a copy of the quiz, but he decided to bulldoze through.

“That is not at issue. What is at issue, is that you, against board policy, administered a quiz for evaluation.” He slapped down a copy of a quiz. Harry pulled it over and looked at it, and passed it to me.

“Is this not the quiz you gave the class today?” Not waiting for an answer, he plowed on, “See, it has today’s date on it, says that it is out of twenty-five, and says that it is for evaluation purposes. Don’t try to deny it, Mrs. Blankenship. I have the proof right here.” He slapped the paper in front of him.

I had him now.

“No, it is not the quiz. And before you interrupted me again, Mr. Jordan, I was going to point out, in addition to not being for evaluation, no one had to write the quiz if they didn’t want to. Jared chose to write it, by the way. Thirdly, today’s quiz was a reminder to read instructions and not to make things harder than they have to be. And, fourthly, this is Jared’s quiz from today.”

I turned over the quiz in front of me, and slid it towards the Jordans. They read it. There was silence.

POP QUIZ!

— Good morning class!  

— This is a multiple choice quiz. Circle the correct answer for each question.

— Make sure to read the quiz over, before you start to answer the questions.  

— REMEMBER, THIS IS A POP QUIZ. A POP QUIZ.  HINT: POP. QUIZ.

1. What do you call current societal norms?

A) Apocalypse culture

B) Cat culture

C) Pop culture

D) Culture Club

2. What is a popular breakfast pastry?  

A) Croutons

B) Fries and gravy

B) Pop Tarts

C) Turnip

D) None of the above 

3. Which of the following is NOT a type of soda pop?

A) Coke

B) Hires Root Bear

C) Milk

D) Pepsi

4) In a children’s rhyme, Pop Goes The Weasel, what sound does the weasel make?

A) BANG goes the weasel

B) POP goes the weasel

C) SPLAT goes the weasel

D) WHOOSH goes the weasel

5) There are three mascots for the cereal Rice Krispies. Two are named Snap and Crackle. What is the third named?

A) Amadeus

B) Pop

C) Thug

D) Wolf

6) What is the name of the popular snack that many people buy at a movie theatre?

A) Fava beans

B) Oatmeal

C) Popcorn 

D) Nothing! Snacks are not allowed at movie theatres

— If you have read through the quiz as instructed, and have not written anything on your quiz, raise your hand, and I will give you a Tootsie POP as a reward for following instructions.

— Once you are finished, review your answers. Remember Occam’s Razor — sometimes the simplest explanation is preferable to the one that is more complex. Don't complicate your answers.

— Good luck on the exam!

“Oh,” said Mr. Jordan. “I see. There seems to be some sort of misunderstanding.”

“There certainly is,” I said, sliding the paper over so Harry could read it as well. “But, I do have some questions about how Jared came to have a copy of a quiz that only exists on my personal drive here at the school. A password protected, secure platform.  That quiz has never been administered, never been printed. How’d he get a copy?”

“Yes,” said Harry, looking up from the paper. “How did Jared get a copy of the quiz?

After the meeting had concluded, in which the Jordans refused to let us ask Jared any questions without one of them present, Harry and I had to figure out what to do about Jared. He’d obviously been able to hack into the school’s computer system. The quiz was a plant. And we now knew that Jared was not above cheating to achieve his goals.  

Harry didn’t know the circumstances. I explained that Jared’s parents were furious that he wasn’t Valedictorian. They insinuated favouritism, and inferred something more sinister happening between Bethany and her male teachers as the only reason her marks were so high. They were desperate for Jared to be the best, bar none. Full stop. And they let their son cheat to achieve that standing.

*****

“Is he going to live?” Detective Terry Waits asked the EMT.

“Yeah. He’s probably got a pretty severe concussion, but he should be okay once the bruises heal,” said the EMT. “But he’s still unconscious, so we’ve got to get him to the ER, STAT.”

Waits’s partner, Carlos Ito, looked from the kid on the stretcher to the petite, dark-haired girl, sitting on the curb, quietly sobbing.

“She did that?” asked Ito.

“Yup,” said Waits, “When she’s not first in her class, working, looking after animals, or teaching kids English, she’s also a black belt in Krav Maga. She kicked his ass.”

“What did he say to her that got her so mad?”

“He ambushed her, and started yelling that he deserved to be Valedictorian, and that if she was dead he’d be number one. Crap like that.” She paused. “He had a handgun, and was waving it around. So Bethany over there,” Waits tilted her head towards the girl, “disarmed him and put him down. Hard.”

“All this over marks at school?”

“Yup. Bethany told me that he got caught hacking into the school computer system today, and was desperate. The gun was the kid’s dad’s gun. Unlicensed. We’re picking dad up right now.”

“No shit,” said Ito. “All this over school?” he asked again.

“Yup.”

“Man,” said Ito. “Important enough to threaten a classmate’s life?”

“I guess,” said Waits. “He was under a lot of pressure from his parents. Be the best at any cost.”

“Then the cost’s too high,” said Ito.