Yogi's Enlightenment

Yogi’s Enlightenment

By Meenakshi Sarkar(India)

Satisfied, he emerged out his bed, fully aware his wife hadn’t had an orgasm. Nevertheless, little he could do about that. Avani, his wife, had tears rolling down her eyes and she buried her face into the pillow. It had been only eighteen months of their marriage, but Avani never felt newly-wed. There was a monotone in their marriage, when complained about would find a nod from her husband-Nirvana.

Avani could hear Nirvana’s restless sighs coming from the bathroom. The shower was creating a dirth like sound. She was sleepy, when she felt two hands clenching her feet, Forgive me if you can, I think the time has come, Nirvana said placing his head on her feet earnestly.

Avani murmured, Is it me who has pushed you this far?

You are a beautiful woman, Avani. Only if it was pleasure that I was seeking, Nirvana said with a calm smile, as always.

Avani watched her naked husband getting into saffron drapes, and then disappearing from the door into thick darkness of the night.

*

Next morning, Avani opened her eyes to an alternate reality of her marriage she and Nirvana had talked about in recent past. Avani called her husband’s office and informed them that her husband had quit, and asked them to co-operate. She called her family and told them that her husband has abandoned her, and he had bequeathed the house to her. Nirvana and Avani both had agreed on different pursuits. Nirvana had told Avani that should this eventuality happen, she could find her lost love again with her old lover, while he would climb North, towards the Himalayas- the abode of Gods!

Nirvana joined a band of Sanyasis he found in Uttarakhand.

*

Downgrading himself from the city life of luxuries and comfort, to finding food and making fire, gave Niravana a childlike enthusiasm. Sitting over hilltops meditating, or sitting by the river banks watching the ripples in water caused by ducks and swans, arrested his thoughts in spirituality.

Over months of his stay with the band of hermits he had a chance encounter with, he had undoubtedly de-toxed himself. The little regrets and the brow of guilt of abandoning a young wife, were finding a way out. But, it was salvation he wanted.

He would hear the word a hundred times a day, Salvation, but was nowhere close to knowing what its meaning encompassed.

He started climbing higher towards the Himalayas. He found a very quaint village of 50 people in the valleys, and went on to stay there for the next two years. All by himself.

He found a Lord Shiva temple there, and felt compelled to look after his Shiva. In a chest in the temple, he found a host of old scriptures, that were used by hundreds and thousands for over hundreds and thousands of years.

The first thing, those scriptures and their weariness told him that he wasn’t the first one who had come this far looking for answers of the soul. And he believed it was supernatural intervention that he made a stop in that village. He felt like God’s favourite child.

First, people in the village started noticing him. Then, the more he learnt about the principles of the universe, and the principles of infinity, the same people felt compelled to gather around him and wait for him to speak as he quietly meditated under trees or sometimes on rocks. In his appearance, his soul was the most prominent feature. But his mother used to say, it was his nose. He would fondly remember her, and tell about her to the villagers, and they would have a hearty laugh over tales of their Swami getting whipped.

In the two years he spent there so far, his presence had popularized the village. His teachings were being heard across mountains. Many tourists would touch his feet, offer gifts and ask him, What is the purpose of my life?

It’s not your life, Swami Nirvana would reply. It’s just your mould. Change your mould and so will your life.

*

Several years later…

Preparations were on for a massive Satsang at the banks of Alaknanda river. Mystics and ascetics from across the country were coming to participate and contribute to the event. It was the opening of Swami Nirvana’s Ashram. Donations and labour from devotees had helped see this project the light.

It was being called the Spiritual Fair in the North. Fellow hermitages had also come together to offer support and provide accommodations and fooding to devotees coming from across the country and beyond. They collectively decided to call the Ashram- Nirvansharay.

The event began at dawn, and saw some very holistic practices and preaching. The sound of ‘Om’ buzzed the winds up North. Everyone wanted to meet this new Swami Nirvana. Press wanted to interview him. He granted everyone their wishes. They performed a purifying Yajna at dusk to close the evening.

It was then, that Swami Nirvana made acquaintance with Swami Advaita. These two picked their bundles and made a small trip alone to one of the neighbouring hills, where Swami Advait said was a rare herb which once eaten would keep ones belly full for the whole day. It was an adventurous night for them, and they shared many a laugh together, before finding that herb, eating it and then Swami Advait confessed immediately that no herb in the world could fill a belly for the whole day. So, you still lie? Swami Nirvana asked jovially.

I still play games, Swami Advait replied heartily like a child. And I still like adventures. I came here not because of you. I came here for the North.

Swami Advait was from the holy land of Varanasi. Next day, he was to take the podium to share Aadi Shankaracharya’s philosophy.

Over the next two days, their bonhomie increased. Could be even seen getting into debates, which onlookers wouldn’t understand. They were heard discussing nuances of non-duality, spirit, myth and creation. The Gods from above were also eagerly watching to see whose side was winning. Was it Brahma or Vishnu? Or Shiva or Surya? Or Indra or Krishna?

On the last night of his stay, Swami Nirvana invited him over to his hut to have dinner together. While Swami Advait was expecting a feast. Swami Nirvana decided to surprise him by laying before him a plate of fruits and boiled vegetables and rice. You know we are allowed to cheat, every once in a while? Swami Advait complained jokingly.

Before going to sleep, Swami Advait saw the former close his eyes and offer gratitude to the heavens and skies, and then come back inside and bow down and join hands before a photograph.

Who is that?

My mother, Swami Nirvana replied.

May I have a look?

Sure, he said as he passed the photograph to his friend. Swami Advait immediately contained his surprise and smiled as he gazed at the picture. I am assuming, she is no more, he said.

Several years ago.

They both joined the band of hermits taking their bath in the river, next morning. During their bath, Swami Advait said, I am to leave today. But I have one last thing to give. It’s not what I could call a gift. At best, it’s a challenge.

Swami Niravana looked at him in bewilderment, expecting another riddle to come his way.

Who was your father? Swami Advait asked.

Pt. Vishwanth Mishra, Swami Niravana replied.

Swami Advait made a dip inside the water, and said as he emerged out, No he was not. Who was your mother?

Devi Tulsi Mishra.

No, she was not. Tulsi Bai was a prostitute.

Rage hit Swami Nirvana like he had never experienced in his life. He had dozens of hermits around him, even though they could not have listened to their conversation, but would, if Swami Niravana responded. That was with fist and fury. Swami Advait had reduced him to feeling the same emotions that he believed he had washed off in another bath several years back.

Leave today. You are corrupting this place, Swami Niravana commanded.

Later, Swami Advait went back to Swami Nirvana’s hut and touched his feet. Swami Nirvana said, I saw you as a very good friend, with whom I wanted to share a meal when I go to Varanasi later this year. But mischief has a place,

Swami Advait settled near his feet. I am sitting here, so it’s easier for you to kick me if you don’t like what I have to say. I will play many a mischief with you again and again, but I have not insulted your mother. I don’t know who your mother is.

Swami Nirvana heaved angrily and replied, Perhaps you have eaten the wrong herb this time.

You are not recollecting things properly, Swami Nirvana. But I am sure you would, when I have left your presence, he said and left.

Swami Nirvana refused to accept that he was the son of a prostitute. The woman he worshipped every night!

As Swami Advait had said, he hadn’t come to meet Swami Nirvana, he had come for the North. He continued on his journey further North.

A week later when he was coming back, some hermits of Niravanashraya crossed paths with him in the forests, and insisted that he meet Swami Niravana once before continuing on his way back to Varansi. He hesitated initially but gave in, when he learnt that his friend had put himself in isolation since the conclusion of the event. Swami Advait was quick to make out that he was the culprit, behind this esteemed Swami’s battling insides. The hermits said he has been sitting on the same rock since the last two days, and been watching the making of dusk and dawn.

Swami Advait upon his return to the Ashram did something, which no one else could have ever dared to. He went and shook Swami Nirvana from his deep meditation.

They went on to take a walk along the river. Swami Nirvana confided to him that the latter had succeeded in permeating doubts into his system. You have me shaken over an outlandish accusation. You have shown me my place. I am at the bottom of the spiritual ladder.

No fantasy can shake you, if one has, that must not be a fantasy then, Swami Adavit replied. Unlike the rest of us, you have a very reliable sense of choosing from truth and lies. Because you feel shaken, it only lends substance to what I told you.

And how would you know?

I used to teach Sanskrit and Social Science in a primary school in Varanasi. That school was previously a brother, donated to the Trust by Tulsi Bai, now Devi Tulsi Mishra.

My mother?

I don’t know who your mother is?

You keep saying that, what is that supposed to mean?

Only if you let me finish …. Swami Advait said.

Tulsi Bai was a courtesan. One of the liked ones of the wealthy. A certain gentleman fell in love with her and wanted to help her to switch to a new life. He wanted so because he was infertile, and wanted to partner up with someone who too was wounded. Tulsi Bai and Pundit Vishwanath, were two halves that came together to make a full one. I believe, they must have lived happily.

They were peaceful, Swami Nirvana replied.

So, Tulsi Bai signed off her brothel to a Trust and left Varanasi. Whose son you are, Swami Advait? Of that I have no clue. For all I know, he could be anyone in this world. Perhaps, that’s why you felt the urge to find guardianship close to heaven. We all have our own journeys Swami, he added.

Forgive me if I have offended you. I have nothing else to add, he further added as he joined hands. I must leave, he said and left the valley.

*

About a month later, Swami Niravana left Niravanashraya quietly without telling his disciples where he was going, only that he was coming back.

The huss and buss in the train to Varanasi almost made him nostalgic about his old life. He could see a younger version of himself in several faces. Some of them recognized Swami and came to seek blessings.

From his previous conversation with Swami Advait, he had made out that there was at least some truth to what Swami Advait had to say. And he was in a moral dilemma. He could not figure out what he should expect from this trip that he was taking. Which truth would he prefer? That Tulsi Bai was not a prostitute or that Tulsi Bai was not his mother?

The last time he was restless like this was when he was climbing North. He did not know then, what to expect from the universe. He remembered he was looking for salvation. And only now, he was coming to the sullen realization that how beautifully the universe had distracted him from his quest. The universe and the scriptures transformed his desires from material to immaterial, but they were still desires nonetheless, but it had not taken him closer to salvation.

If earlier he wanted a good meal for himself, now he was looking for good company. He had spent some very cherishable times with Swami Advait. To think of it, he never even tried finding good company with his wife Avani.

Was his life running in a loop? Had all these years of Sanyas, only caused a change of perspective. Some knowledge about universal principles entitles him to bless people? Because he feels closer to God, does it really make it so?

The city dust was already beginning to corrupt his tranquility, and it was with a frown between his brows, and uncertainty in his gaze, that he realized he was entering Varanasi Station. For a minute there he felt like everyone else in the train. Human. And it scared him. He swallowed down those thoughts, as he picked up his bundle to come outside, sighing.

As he alighted down the train, Swami Nirvana saw himself walk up to Avani, who was standing with joined hands looking up at him. He was so stunned to see her in the platform, he didn’t even realize he was walking up to her. In his mind, he was still frozen at the moment he spotted her from the gate of the train.

Avani had tears in her eyes, and she bowed down and touched her husband’s feet. It is customary in Hindu culture. Then, she asked the boy next to her to touch his feet. He wished them both happiness and joy.

Who’s this boy?

Avani broke down at that question. I was bringing him to you, was all she managed to say, and Nirvana understood everything.

What’s your name, boy?

Shankar.

I am Nirvana. You are my son, Shankar. Take a good look at me, he said as they both filled each other in their eyes. Like staring into a mirror. Shankar looked exactly like him. The same complexion, a broad forehead, eyes dazzling in brilliance and at the same time condemning him for his absence.

In that moment, he felt all the love in the world for him, yet it was not fatherly affection.

He just turned twelve, Avani said.

What does he like?

Cricket. He wants to play.

Let him. Didn’t you marry, Avani?

I couldn’t. After him, she said referring to her son.

I can’t come back, Avani, he said.

I know. I was just bringing him to meet you. I expect nothing. Just bless your son.

He put his hand on his son’s head and said, Kalyanvastu.

I live in Niravanashrya in Uttarakhand. You can come there anytime, but you will have to be very disciplined there, he said to his son. Are you naughty?

No,

He is, Avani said cutting in.

Then he has taken after you, Swami Nirvana said laughingly.

We will leave now. This was all I wanted, said Avani.

Swami Nirvana waved to them as they disappeared in the crowd.

*

Many years later, sitting amongst the same crowd of villagers whom he used to entertain with stories about his mother, he narrated them that incident. Swami Nirvana said laughing like a child, It was funny, that in my pursuit of finding who was my father and who was my mother, I found that I was the father.

Swami, did you go on to find out the truth about your mother?

Swami Niravana smiled and said, I was in dilemma then. Which truth to find? Whether to find out if Tulsi Bai was my mother or to find out if Tulsi Bai was a prostitute?

I just asked myself, Swami Nirvana added, Would I rather not have Tulsi Bai as my mother if she turned out to have been a prostitute? No, way. Prostitute or not. She was my mother. My birth mother or not. She was my mother.

Once, I understood this, there was no point of entering Varanasi. I took the next train back, he said as he stood up. Someone asked from his back, And Swami, what about your salvation?

We can all find our salvation, he replied. Some want salvation from their miseries. Some, from desire. Some, from lust. The path of austerity takes you along the ultimate salvation- salvation from rebirth!

When he turned back, there was no one behind him.

It was his salvation calling him!

He gazed into the horizon, and could hear the ring of several universes. He felt the blaze of the sun, and the cool of the moon. He heard ‘Om’ reverberating through the air.

He closed his eyes, and saw the doors were opening. The doors that had been hidden in the dark for so long.

A gentle smile emerged on his face, as he bowed his head before the skies. He had got his call!

***