Gravity, is working against me.

Just to be clear, I’m not a moron. I know my Newtonian physics, the laws of gravity work on me just like anybody else. The thing is, and I know for sure, the thing is that gravity has got something against me.

Why would it be so aggressive is beyond my understanding, but I can feel it pushing me down, compressing my bones, my stomach. Opposing my every move.

I tried to get it checked, first I got to the best physicians in the country. They tried with blood analysis, x-rays, postural gymnastics, positrons, CT-scans, high vitamins diet and even a prostate check. No nothing.

The hell, I even tried with acupuncture, they were pretty kind. And the incense, the rituals, the needles made the room look like a shaman’s tent. They said that my first chakra was clogged and purified me for just 150 bucks, but it was all the same.

Still that push, the force of my weight grinding my bones, cutting my breath. Gravity squashing me to the ground.

For some time I thought I was some sort of physical freak.

When my condition started I had to get some more information, I started studying all that I could regarding this mysterious force and what we understand of it.

It’s a known fact that the scientific community still has a lot to uncover regarding gravity. Maybe I’m like a fish-bait for gravitation, and it focuses on me with unusual intensity.

I even knocked at CERN’s doors once, maybe they could have tested me for quantum gravity effects. Could have been cool.

Maybe I could get on a scientific paper “Huge discovery of rare interaction between gravity and man”, could have opened new discussions on the nature of science.

It was a bit of a failure. They kicked me out directly at the reception, when I told them that I wanted to be tested for the effect that gravity has on me.

As if the clerk there at the reception was some sort of PhD, still he thought he knew better, he heard enough and kicked me out.

Waste of time, but at least Geneva is a cool city. And the altitude helps.

I suppose it’s common knowledge right, gravity goes with the inverse square of distance.

It means that the farther you are from the center of the Earth, the lesser the gravity is. That’s why I started hiking. Going up the trail takes a toll on my muscles, but step after step I fell the pressure lightly relieving.

A diver rising from the ocean depths slowly coming back to the surface must feel the same.

Yet the diver sooner or later breaks the surface. I instead reach the top, and the relief comes, but still a residue of gravity pushes on my chest. And after a breather I have to come back. I have to climb down to the surface, to the stifling crush of gravity.

Maybe I should try with NASA, or Elon Musk. He likes this freaky stuff, maybe if I tweet him he will put me on his space rockets.

That’s what I need, get as far away from Earth as I can. And I know what you’re going to say. Even in space there is gravity, from the sun, Jupiter or Alpha Centauri. Anywhere in the universe there’s something pulling on something else, I studied it.

But I know for sure, that it’s just the Earth. That aggressive gravity focusing its evil grasp on me, it is only here.

I’m shortsighted though, let’s hope that it is not a problem to get into Space X, ‘cause NASA will surely reject me, they hate on glasses apparently.

Of course I work in a basement. Where else could it be.

The worst moment of the day is arriving at the stairs, looking at them through a distorting mirror, and knowing that step by step I’ll be diving deeper into the mounting pressure.

The first step is like intentionally walking over burning coals, or stabbing your own hand. You know you are going into a torture chamber, and you do it on your own. Brilliant.

You get used to it though. I always do, at least, almost forget the push compressing my lungs. The day goes on almost continuously holding my breath, eight hours of free diving in front of a computer screen. But I almost don’t notice it, that my lungs don’t ever open completely.

Then going back up on the stairs I remember, my lungs open, and I realize how much gravity was weighing on me. Not that reaching the street is much better, but at least is something.


Recently I’ve gotten a lot into John Mayer. Great guitarist, knows how to make blues appeal to the modern audience. I’m always listening to his songs, got my youtube history and spotify playlists filled with his pieces. Gotta tell you, he understands something. He’s got that rhythm, that voice, you know he knows something that you have to know too.

Today I wrote a mail to my boss, and all the work team:

"Dear boss and team,
I have to now say my goodbyes, as my professional path is steering away from Corp Inc.
I wanted to share my thanks for all the time spend together, the sweat and tears we shed as a team.
Thank you for all the lessons that I learned for each of you, I hope that I gave back at least as much as I received. 

But above else I wanted to thank each one of you for huge pile of shit and frustration that you burdened me with. It was ten years of hell, of feeling useless and humiliated, and it is all your fault.
I hope that you never have to feel the same and that never agail will you do the same to anyone else. 

I sincerely hate all of you.
Feel free to forget me as soon as you delete this email.

I know my Newtonian physics, the laws of gravity work on me just like anybody else.

But just with that, and I know for sure, just with that gravity has stopped pushing against me.

And I’m free, free fallin’ fallin’

February 24, 2022 01:15

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R. B. Leyland
14:01 Mar 05, 2022

Really didn't expect the ending on this one, I bet a lot of people feel this way in life too. Great job on this!


18:11 Mar 05, 2022

Thank you for your support! It was a fun little experiment in the middle of a big carreer change, i was able to explore some of my emotions. It's nice to see other people enjoying it! :D


R. B. Leyland
20:49 Mar 05, 2022

Writing is a good way to express emotion, that's for sure! Hope everything went well with the change.


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