THE LIGHTHOUSE

Home is where the heart is. This is a saying my mother lives by. This is a saying my mother always used to tell me. My mother always believed that your heart will lead you to the place you were always meant to be.

My mother still believes this. She writes to me all the time. Her writings are a lifeline to my home. In the letters my mom says to me "Jaylen, let your heart lead you home." Only if it was that simple.

I lived in the most beautiful place imaginable with the most beautiful and loving family and then tragedy struck. In the blink of an eye my whole world fell apart. My life since that day has never been the same. I have never been the same person.

Harbor Haven, the most beautiful place to live. My place of birth. My home for twenty-one years. I'm thirty now. So much time has passed since I left home. The memories of home are still with me.

The memories never go away. Remembering is the hardest thing to do. Remembering Harbor Haven brings tears to my eyes. I missed home every day for the last nine years.

Pictures of home. Pictures of my family always bring me comfort but there is one picture I can never bring myself to see and that is a picture of my father.

My father was the best. He was funny, kind, caring and compassionate. He was a good husband and an incredible father. He gave the best hugs. He meant a lot to me, my mom and to Harbor Haven.

Remembering this part is killing me. The last time I saw him, my father and four of his friends were getting on my father's boat the Heart of Diamond to go fishing.

Fishing is a way of life in Harbor Haven and my father was one of the best. Tears are falling down my face. I gave my father a hug and told him I loved him. He got on the boat. I waved goodbye. That was the last time I saw my father.

A big storm. The storm of a lifetime was barreling towards Harbor Haven. We began to prepare for the approaching storm but my mind was on my father.

He was still out at sea with no way of coming back. The winds were picking up. The sea was getting rough. It was getting dangerous to stay at home.

Waypoint is the highest point in Harbor Haven. That is where we went to protect ourselves from the storm. I was reluctant to go. I wanted to wait for my father.

My mother pushed me to go to Waypoint. She told me "The lighthouse is a beacon for travelers on the open sea to find their way home." I prayed my mother was right.

The storm lasted the whole night before it died down in the morning. We left Waypoint and headed back down to town. What we found was a town in ruin. We knew it would take a long time to rebuild Harbor Haven.

We got to work immediately. My mind was still on my father. I saw the look in my mother's face. She was worry too. I constantly looked out onto the sea willing my father to come home.

I urged my mother to go to the mayor, the town council, the search and rescue team to ask for help. We both went to town. The wives of my father's friends were there too.

After intense pressure from not just the families but from the rest of the town. The mayor sent the search and rescue team out on a rescue mission to find my father and his friends.

The storm that hit Harbor Haven happened during the holiday season. My favorite time of the year. But that year wasn't a happy time. We had to rebuild Harbor Haven and my father still hadn't come back.

There was nothing to celebrate in Harbor Haven. There was nothing happy about the holiday season. No tree. No decorations. No Christmas Carols and especially no father.

The holiday season came to an end. No sign of my father, his friends nor the Heart of Diamond. The mayor called off the search saying "The winter and the rough seas are too dangerous to continue the search." My heart dropped to the ground.

Months passed and spring came. The mayor refused to send the search and rescue team to search for my father. I was angry. My mom was indifferent. She wasn't the strong woman I remembered.

Six months after my father and his friends disappeared Harbor Haven held a memorial for them. The whole town came. That's how much my father meant to the town. I began to cry. I wanted my father back. I still do.

One month later my father and his friends were officially declared dead. I was so angry I refused to talk to my mom.

I never gave up hope. A part of me knew why my mother gave up. She couldn't handle the disappointment. I hope and hoped until there was nothing left in me.

When my twenty-first birthday came and went, I made the hard decision to leave Harbor Haven. I couldn't stand being in Harbor Haven without my father. I know I hurt my mother. I thought at the time it was the right thing to do. Now I don't know what to do.

I spent eight Christmases away from Harbor Haven, away from my mother because the pain of losing my father was too much for me to bear. Always hoping for him to come back and then the disappointment came. It was too much.

I miss home. I come to the beach because it calms me down and brings me peace and a sense of home.

The waves are beautiful, just like home, just how I remembered. It brings tears to my eyes knowing this is my ninth Christmas away from home, away from my mom.

I don't know how to go back home. I don't know how my mom is going to react if I return home. If her letters are any indication my mom wants me to come home.

I go to the beach every Christmas since I left home and this year is no different. This is the only way I can be close to my father.

I sit on the sand, close my eyes and, I talk to my father. "Daddy, I miss you so much. I feel empty without you. I haven't been home in nine years. Help me go home daddy." I open my eyes. I feel something hitting my foot. The tide must be coming in.

I pick up the object hitting my foot. It's a bottle. I look at the bottle. A paper is inside the bottle. I take out the paper and read it. Oh My God! my father's handwriting.

"A gift for my Jaylen. My dearest daughter. This letter has traveled many miles to you. From the sea to the land. From my heart to your heart. I've traveled many miles out to sea and I always came back. I fear this time I may not come home. These words are my last words to you."

"These words from my heart is my last gift to you. I know this is going to be hard for you to understand but in time you will. You will understand that I will always be with you. During the hard times and the good times. I will love you to the end of time. My darling daughter take these words and find peace. Find meaning in your life. Find your way back home."

"Find your way to the lighthouse. My special place and now your special place. Look out into the sea and I will always be there. My Jaylen, you will forever be my mermaid of the sea."

Forever your

Father

Home is truly where the heart is. Thank you daddy for giving me this last gift. I love you forever. I'm going home.