Snowy Tragedies

The bright lights from buildings all around shined in the windows of my apartment, allowing me to see the snow outside. “I’m sorry, Mom. The weather has been unpredictable these days. We’re supposed to get up to six inches.”

I can hear her sigh through the phone, her disappointment obvious. “Will you still be able to make it for New Years?”

“I don’t think so. Some roads are already being blocked off.”

After bearing a goodbye, I hung up the phone, sitting down on the couch with a blanket of guilt. This is going to be a long holiday, I thought to myself.

Meghan sat across from me; the office silent with emptiness. “I can’t believe we have to work Christmas Eve. It’s bullshit!”

“Well, it doesn’t look like we’ll be going anywhere anytime soon. Look outside.”

She followed instruction, her eyes widening at the sight. “We won’t be snowed in, right?” there was a hint of worry in her voice.

“Maybe. It’s hard to say. But we better try and get these files done before we lose power. Heavy snow equals downed power lines.”

Meghan nodded in agreement, returning her focus to the computer on her desk. I did the same, praying to god that the power lines would hold up.

The lights of the Christmas tree danced across the living room. “Lilia,” Mommy called from the kitchen, “you might want to hurry up with Santa’s cookies. You don’t want to be awake when he arrives.”

Jumping up out of excitement, I ran into the kitchen, the smell of freshly baked cookies filling the cozy apartment. “Is Annie going to help?” I asked, my voice holding a hopeful tone.

Annie, my twin sister, had gotten the flu only the night before. With her weak immune system, it was clear that she was suffering painfully.

“Annie needs to rest, you know that, Lilia.”

“I know. It’s just that…she won’t be in the Christmas spirit like us. What if Santa doesn’t visit her?” my mind was racing a mile a minute.

“Oh, don’t be silly. Santa won’t decline Annie of her Christmas. That would certainly be unlike him, wouldn’t it?”

I nodded, hopping onto the island. My fuzzy socks—reindeer and snowmen smiling cheerfully—resting on a stool. “Are we decorating them?”

With the cold of the winter settling in, I turned on the furnace, a throw blanket wrapped around me. The lights had begun to flicker every few minutes, making me worry. There had been warnings that New York may lose power but I hadn’t actually believed them.

The microwave beeped obnoxiously, drawing me back into the kitchen. Eagerly, I pulled the leftover soup from the rectangle of heat—in need of a deep clean—and made my way to the table.

The warmth of the soup filled the coldness of my heart, a lonesome depression slowly taking over me. This had been the first Christmas I had spent away from home. Every other year in college, I’d managed to get home by plane. But because of the snow, the planes had been delayed and some even canceled.

I sighed, resting my head on the cool marble surface. The cold had brought a wave of fatigue with it, lowering the mood of the night even more.

“Why me?” I spoke into the island, “why me?”

“Goddammit!” I yelled, hitting the side of the computer angrily. “Joseph! Calm down!” Meghan laid a hand on my shoulder, her voice shaky out of fear.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, “I’m sorry.”

With the power gone, darkness overtook the office within a matter of seconds. “We’re completely screwed,” I sighed, allowing myself to fall back into my chair.

“Not completely—”

“Yes, completely. We both just lost our files. Now what?” I looked at her, my throat dry and scratchy. She shrugged, leaning against her desk. The corner of the metal was digging into her pale palms, the blood rushing to the surface.

“Want to go for a walk?” Meghan blurted out, looking at him with a sincere smile. “A walk? In that? It’s a freaking blizzard, Meghan!”

She laughed kindly, “Come on, it’ll get you into the Christmas spirit.”

“I’m Jewish.”

“Fine, then. You can stay here alone while I go and get some fresh air.”

“Goodnight, Annie,” I smiled up at the ceiling, closing my eyes. “Good—” she broke into a coughing fit. My smile immediately turned to a frown. I sat up quickly, “Are you okay?”

Annie nodded, covering her mouth. “Yeah, I’ll be okay.”

After a few moments of silence—other than the soft sound of sniveling—I rolled over to face her. She had her stuffed bear—proudly named Pinky—tucked tightly to her chest, an arm wrapped protectively around his stomach.

“Hey, Annie?” I whispered; afraid mommy would overhear. We were supposed to be asleep by now. “What?” she groaned, yawning softly.

“Are you excited for Santa to come?” I looked over to her, the moon-shaped nightlight had stopped working because of the power.

She shrugged, “I don’t know. Are you?”

“Of course, I am!” I sat up, shocked. “How could you not be excited for Santa?”

“I don’t know,” she shrunk back into the covers. “I mean, you know what the people at school say—” Angrily, I cut her off.

“I still think he is real!” I sighed, turning away from her with a huff.

“I’m sorry, Lil—”

“Goodnight!”

The furnace had clicked off, taking the light from nearby apartments with it. I sat alone, huddled up in three different blankets. The poorly insulated windows allowed cold air to seep through the glass.

Shivering, I made my way into the bedroom, the tiny window parallel to my bed. The covers of my bed were sprawled all over, the sheets un-tucked from the mattress, the pillows on the floor.

Suddenly, my nightmare came back to me. The fear was surreal, overwhelming even. I dropped the blankets, my hands going to my ears. The voices of my sister seeping in.

“You killed me. You lied to me. You betrayed me.”

Her voice lingered in my brain, echoing over and over. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled through my tears, “I never meant for anything bad to happen to you.”

With that, I collapsed onto my un-kept bed, passing out just as my body touched the mattress.

Anxiously, I grabbed my jacket, racing out the door. With the light from the moon, I tracked her footprints in the snow, finding her on a bench under a tree. “You know,” I called, “you’ll die if that snow comes crashing down.”

“I’ll take my chances,” she responded, not even looking at me.

“Listen,” I said as I sat down next to her, “I’m sorry for what I said earlier.”

“What? That you’re Jewish? Joe, you can’t control that.”

“No, no,” I groaned. “I mean about yelling at you. I’m sorry for that.”

“It’s fine,” Meghan sighed, leaning against the back of the bench. “It’s so beautiful out here, isn’t it?”

I nodded, trying to silence the chattering of my teeth. “Very beautiful.”

It was, in fact, beautiful. The snowflakes falling slowly, joining the others on the rim of Meghan’s hat. The pompom on top had gone completely white.

“See? Aren’t you happy that you left the office? Got some fresh air?”

I rolled my eyes, “Yes, I am. Go ahead and say it.”

“I told you so,” she laughed, her voice cheery. “This is nice. With it just being the two of us.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “funny how things work out this way, huh?”

“Yeah.”

After drifting off to sleep, the sound of sniveling acting as white noise, I began dreaming. I dreamt of everything imaginable; the people at my school; the dog in the apartment next door; Annie and Mommy; Santa Claus; even Rudolph.

It was funny though, because when I woke up only an hour later, it had seemed as if I’d been asleep for days. There was shouting, crying, even sirens. I woke up with a start, the sound of Annie retching into the garbage can.

“Lilia Raymond, if you don’t get your behind out of bed now, you’ll be very sorry!” my mother yelled from down the hall, her voice shaky. “Cuh-coming,” I called back, stuttering for the first time out of many afterwards.

The dog next door—known to us as Riley—had begun to bark at the commotion---as mommy called it. “What’s going on, Mommy?” I asked, panic causing my heart to race.

“It’s your sister, she got worse through the night. The ambulance won’t be able to get here in time so we are walking. Get your snowsuit on and hurry up!”

“Is Annie going to be okay?” I asked, glancing up at her fearfully.

“I sure hope so,” she responded, unable to look at me.

“Help me, Jordan, help me,” my sister cried, the restraints pinning her wrists to the hospital bed. I sat in a nearby chair, tears welling in my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, “I can’t…”

“It’s all your fault! It’s your fault that I’m in here!” she yelled; her voice raspy from just gaining consciousness. “Get me out! Get me the hell out of here!”

She began using her nails, tearing through the bed sheets. “Get me out!”

I stood up, running towards the door, the only escape from the monster I had created. Gripping the handle, I tried to turn it. It wouldn’t budge, giving a squeak. My mouth had fallen open, the surroundings beginning to turn white.

I felt like I was gonna pass out. “Get me out of here and I’ll do the same for you!” she screamed. “Help me!”

“It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream,” I whispered to myself, sliding down the wall with my hands stuck to my ears. No matter how hard I pressed my hands to my ears, her screams only got louder and louder.

I woke up, tears streaming down my face. My entire body was shaking, my hands gripping the sheets. The duvet had been launched off my bed, joining my pillows in a messy conclusion. My throat ached, as if I’d been screaming all night.

Quietly, I brought my knees to my chest, resting my head before closing my eyes. “I hate you,” I whispered to myself, in attempt to silence the screams inside my head. Unfortunately, it had never worked.

My cheeks were flushed from the cold, my fingers and toes numb. “We should probably head back before it’s too late. The power may come back on soon and we can’t spare a minute of that time.”

Meghan nodded, standing up to join me. “It’s been a good break from the office. Certainly, one we earned.”

“Yeah, that’s for sure.”

The walk back was quiet, yet comfortable. From working together for almost fifteen years, we’d come to know when the other needed space. “You know, I think I’m just gonna go home, you know, get some rest,” Meghan said, stomping the snow off her shoes when entering the office.

“Oh? I, uh, okay. I suppose I will too then,” I responded, hiding the sadness with a smile. Quickly, I grabbed my bag, not wanting to make her wait.

“Are you going to be okay to walk home by yourself?” I asked, looking from her to the ground and back to her.

“I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about me all the time. I’m an adult, you do know this right?”

“I know,” I chuckled nervously, “I just get anxious when it’s late like this and people are alone. You should know this too.”

Meghan rolled her eyes, her smile lighting up the dark building. “Great comeback, Joey.”

“Oh, come on! Not that stupid nickname!”

“It’s not stupid! When I first met you, that was the only name that you went by,” she closed the door, locking it after.

“That was almost fifteen years ago! I was just out of university. Same with you. Remember when you went by 'Meggers'?” I bit my lip to keep from laughing. Meghan had always cringed every time I’d brought up the name.

“I hate you so damn much,” she laughed, the darkness hiding the obvious blush she’d developed from the memories.

“Well, I hate you too.”

I wrestled with my backpack—a large unicorn plastered on the front—trying to shove as much stuff inside as possible. The iPad, a couple books, a spare pair of clothes, and anything else that I could fit.

“Hurry up!” my mother called from the doorway, gripping Annie with a stern hand.

I stood in the center of our shared bedroom, feeling stuck. “Lilia, if you don’t get out here in the next ten seconds, you are staying home alone.”

Quickly, I lunged for Annie’s bed, the faint smell of puke filling my nostrils. With a gag, I grabbed Pinky and my backpack, sprinting for the door.

“I don’t like it when you count like that,” I mumbled, sliding on my sneakers. “It scares me.”

“That’s the idea, Honey.”

“Mommy…” Annie droned on; her eyes half open.

“Yes, Ann, we’re going. Get your shoes—ugh, never mind.”

Mommy picked Annie up in what she called bridal style, carrying her out of the apartment. “You, Mommy, you forgot to lock the door,” I yelled down the hall.

She turned, visibly angry. “Does it look like we have time for this right now?”

I shook my head, running to catch up to her. Regret filled my body as I lugged the backpack behind me.

“Why do we have to walk?” I groaned, growing silent as my mommy glared at me.

“We’ve talked about the unnecessary questions, Lilia. What are they?”

“Unnecessary,” I responded, trailing along behind the two. “I’m sorry, I’m just…nervous.”

“There is no need to be nervous, we just need to get to the hospital before—” she stopped herself.

“Before what?” I asked, eyes widening.

“Before it is too late.”

The scent of vodka woke me up, making me eager to open it up. Quickly, I grabbed a glass—from the collection that I saved for special occasions—from the cabinet, setting it on the table.

The brightness of my phone screen made my eyes burn. 2:46a.m. “Ugh,” I groaned, “merry freaking Christmas to me.”

The glass emptied quickly, filled up, emptied. The cycle continued until there were only drops left in the bottle. With a burp, my face met the couch with a slam. The soft cushion felt like a stack of bricks.

The thoughts of my sister returned, ruining the short-lived happiness that had come with the booze. I sat up on the maroon coloured couch. There she was; Quinn Lee. She stood in the corner of my living room, dressed in what I’d seen her last.

The hospital gown hung off her body as if she were a hanger. “Quinn…” my voice trailed off, my hands finding their way to my face. “You!” she glared at me, her blue eyes complementing her brown hair.

“You left me! In that room! Why?” she screamed; the deafening scream she’d always used when she didn’t get her own way.

“I…I, uh, I’m sorry,” I was stumbling over my words, the confusion of seeing her again was too much all at once. “I didn’t mean to, to leave you.”

“You are a liar! You’ve always been one!”

The voice, the voice that had haunted me for nearly a decade. “No, I…I would never lie to you.”

Suddenly, she began to scream nonsense. “Shut up!” I tried to tune her out, a failed attempt.

I began rocking back and forth on the sofa, realizing the similarities from then and now. “You aren’t real, you aren’t real!”

We parted at a stop sign, the roads deserted, snow hanging in the trees. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at work, same as always,” Meghan gave a smile, I gave one in return. “You really think it’ll be the same?” I asked, looking down at my untied laces.

“What are you talking about?” she asked nervously.

“I mean…after all the talking, didn’t you…feel anything?”

“Joseph, I, I’m lost. Really, what do you mean?”

I looked down, embarrassed. “Never mind, clearly…never mind. I should be getting home. You know, feed the cats, take the dog out.”

Meghan glanced back at me, hurt. “Uh, yeah, yeah I should be getting home too.”

I stumbled my way home, my legs weak and fatigued.

The generators the hospital was using provided heat and light. That was something I had missed more in the past five minutes than any other blackout I’d been alive for.

“Excuse me, hello?” my mommy yelled at the front desk. “My baby, she needs help. Now!” she pleaded, pulling me close. The nurse behind the desk smacked her gum, pointing towards the room labeled “Emerge”.

“Wait in there, I need her health card and birth certificate though.”

My mothers jaw dropped, “I, what? Why would you need that? My daughter could be dying and you need her freaking birth certificate?”

I flinched at the harshness of her voice. “Mommy, stop yelling. Please.”

“It is the procedure that must be followed. The birth certificate and health card hold any information on her health background.”

“Mommy!” Annie cried; her cheeks stained with tears. “It hurts!”

Ignoring her, Mom turned back to face the nurse. “If this doesn’t seem like an emergency, then what is?”

The nurse—her name tag reading “Velma Dixon”—bit her lip nervously. “She does look awfully pale. Let me get ahold of one of the staff members. Maybe we can squeeze her in.”

“Thank you. Lilia, go and sit.”

I sat in front of the television; the power had only returned minutes before. The sun shown brightly through the window. I gasped in shock, two images on the screen. A girl named Annie Raymond and a woman named Meghan Flint had passed in the night.

Christmas isn’t pleasant for everyone. Closure isn’t guaranteed…