One Bad Apple

Sensitive content: Mass mortality event

Hunger clouded Chloe’s judgment when she took a bite out of a suspiciously brown apple, her dinner for the night. This was the only food in her home since she was too lazy to go grocery shopping earlier that day. The apple was certainly spoiled, but Chloe didn’t notice. She was hungry, so she took another bite. And another! Soon, all that was left was the core. Then, Chloe went to sleep. 

Chloe woke up the next morning to a rumbling stomach. Even after going to the bathroom, her insides growled. She made an appointment with the doctor to figure out what was going on. 

The doctor put the chest-piece end of the stethoscope on Chloe’s belly and listened for bowel sounds. 

“How peculiar,” said the doctor. “Your digestive tract is talking. It’s asking to speak with you.” 

The doctor took off the stethoscope and passed it to Chloe like a phone. Chloe put on the device, placing the chest-piece end of it on her belly.

“Hello?” asked Chloe. 

“Hello,” said Chloe’s gut. 

“Why are you making so many noises?”

“Because we want to tell you something,” 

“We?” 

“Yes, we. We are your gut bacteria,” said the bacteria in Chloe’s gut.

“What do you want to tell me?” 

“The apple you ate yesterday possessed a super bacterium that gave you powers.”

“What kind of powers?” 

“Powers to control all bacterial organisms with your mind,” said the gut bacteria. “You are our ruler now! You rule all bacteria.” 

Chloe wanted to ask more questions, but she also didn’t want to waste the busy doctor's time. She took off the stethoscope and gave it back to the doctor, who told her that her stomach bug would be gone within twenty-four hours. Then, Chloe left the doctor's office and did some long-overdue grocery shopping before going home. As she put away her groceries, she marvelled at the potential of her new powers. She was excited to learn how to use them. 

To begin her self-led training, Chloe stood in front of her bathroom mirror and thought hard about the bacteria in a big pimple on her forehead. Go away! She thought. Suddenly, her pimple began to shrivel. There was still a mark on her forehead where the pimple was, but it was no longer red and swollen. The scar tissue would heal quickly.

After her pimple experiment, Chloe walked to a nearby playground. Just as she expected, she saw a child rubbing his eyes in the sandbox. The child’s eyelids were puffy from making contact with the bacteria in the sandbox sand. Chloe thought hard again and soon enough, the child’s eyes looked normal, and he was no longer scratching. 

When Chloe could confidently use her powers, she set up a clinic for personal health-related disinfection services. The clinic was successful and through her practice, Chloe killed bacteria in stomach bugs, pimples, eye infections, and other bacteria-infested contaminations. She also honed her bacteria-creation power and used it to form helpful probiotics in her patients who suffered from digestive problems.

Chloe and her practice gained international attention. Patients from all over the world traveled to get treated by Chloe, and people stopped by the clinic just to witness her powers in action. After months of treating patients, she was asked to do an interview with National Geographic about her origin story, and she accepted. 

“The bacteria talked to you?” asked the interviewer, shocked. 

“Yes, after they told me I had powers, I started killing them with my mind,” said Chloe. This sounded bad when she said it out loud. 

An incriminating article profiling Chloe was released in the next issue of the magazine. Readers were shocked to discover that bacteria could communicate with humans. And they were outraged to discover that the celebrated woman with proven healing powers was actually a soulless murderer of living, speaking creatures! They wanted to protect bacteria because protecting sentient beings was the ethical thing to do. So people began to post cute cartoons of bacteria with pitiful anime eyes across social media and garnered the support of many A-list celebrities. Soon, bacterial rights activist groups began to protest outside of Chloe’s home. 

In response to the rise of bacteria sympathizers, Chloe and several public health professionals warned online that an unsanitary world would be an uninhabitable one for humanity. However, pro-sanitation media was downvoted and censored by many countries’ governments due to overwhelming pro-bacteria sentiment. 

With worldwide support for sentient bacteria, various non-profit committees lobbied for bacterial rights and soon enough, international laws were created to protect bacteria. Governments funded research to find ways to live alongside disease-carrying bacteria, and rubbing alcohol, hand sanitizer, and hydrogen peroxide became banned in most economically developed countries. The world turned into a filthier place.

Within the next few months, an expository documentary was released about Chloe and the unethical practices of her clinic. This led to a hasty lawsuit against Chloe at the International Criminal Court on the grounds of genocide. Unsurprisingly, she lost. She was sentenced to one trillion years of strict house arrest- one year for each bacterial life that was estimated to have been taken at Chloe’s clinic. Since she was a highly dangerous criminal, she would only be allowed one grocery run per month. Chloe was able to receive house arrest instead of prison on the condition that she would never use her murderous powers again. Her lawyer said that this was the best possible outcome. 

Although Chloe felt resentful, she followed the Court’s orders. The world was happy that justice was served; no one would ever hurt innocent bacteria again. 

Within a few weeks, there was no more cheer. Everyone forgot about Chloe because of a deadly super-E. coli pandemic caused by a growing reluctance to wash fresh produce. Disease would continue to spread because people had to eat, but they didn't want to kill the bacteria on any of their food. When the world population rapidly reduced from this pandemic, public sentiment about sentient bacteria finally changed. Bacteria were monsters! They didn’t care about humans the same way humans cared about them! Who thought it was a good idea to ban all sanitation products?!

The pandemic led to an emergency UN Conference in Geneva about the current state of global public health. Soon after, the ICC overturned their decision to punish Chloe. Once the decision was overturned, Chloe killed all the bacteria in the world that were harmful to humans. But she was too late. Although she finally killed the harmful bacteria, their destructive behaviour left behind unalterable consequences. There was no more farmable land or seabed on Earth, and all livestock became extinct. The Earth could no longer produce food for humans. At least Chloe used her powers to provide universal access to clean water! But with no more food, the extinction of humanity was imminent. 

In a matter of time, Chloe was the last living person on Earth. She outlived everyone else thanks to her powers and because she had lots of canned food remaining from her strict house arrest. But like everyone else, her food supply dwindled to nothing. 

In her hunger, Chloe felt sentimental. So she went to a local apple orchard, now barren, to reflect on the meal that would lead to the end of the world. In this orchard, she realized that one bad apple spoiled a bunch of humans. If only she knew before she bit that apple that the proverb was actually a prophecy! She laughed with hindsight as she fell to the ground from the lack of nutrition in her body. 

Just as Chloe breathed her last breath, the Earth’s surface vibrated from celebrations of bacterial independence from humans. Bacteria cells multiplied by the second to take over the planet. Humanity lost, and E. coli won. Now, bacteria rules!