Lost souls

“Why don’t you put the high beam on darling, surely that will help?” Said Bruce. He superficially fiddled with the dials and buttons on the illuminated panel in front of him. His bright red nail varnish completely at odds with its surroundings.

“High beam!? High beam!, that’s probably the most stupid thing I have heard you say in the last eighteen months….no wait, in fact, that is the most stupid thing you have ever said man…….well, apart from the time you asked if we had any fresh ice cream, as you were sick of that frozen rubbish we’d been eating…. And don’t keep calling me darling. ”

Sanka pushed his dreadlocks away from his face. His skin took on the calm green blue hew of the control panel.

“High beam, no way man, what do you think we're driving? This is a spaceship in case you hadn’t noticed.”

Bruce stared out of the window at the infinite black void that surrounded them. 

“I don’t know…… I just thought it might help, that’s all. This is officially the longest trip home ever! It’s not as if any of your suggestions have been any better. I mean as far as we know we’re still no closer to finding ourselves, so we can put an end to this nightmare.” He dabbed at his eyes with his sleeve and turned away waiting for the confidence to return to his voice.

“How have we ended up like this? I mean you couldn’t write it could you. An athletic, reasonably young and incredibly good looking gay man, and a six foot two Rastafarian, marooned together for ever in the furthest corner of the universe….. I mean you’re not even my type!......It’s a joke.”

“It’s diversity quotas, that’s what it is man.”

“Well Screw diversity quotas, bitch!” Bruce’s voice started to break.

“Oh man not this again. Why you always crying like a baby. Make sure you don’t let any tear drops escape like you did last time, they will short out the circuits if they get into the electrics. Remember? Nothing works if the internal electrics go down.” Sanka turned his head away as if checking a reading on the screen next to him. 

“No hair dryer.” he said smirking. 

“No makeup mirror…… Man, not even an electric razor. You will have to go old school. Grow a goatee! Like mine”

Bruce slammed to dashboard and finally took the bait.

“Over my dead body.” He shouted, looking at himself in the window. He pouted at his reflection. His ruby lipstick perfectly matching his nails. He always felt he looked hot when he lost his temper.

“I just want to be perfect for when we get there. Perfect for when our journey ends.” They sat in silence for a few minutes with the rhythmic bleeping of the controls the only sound cutting through the white noise of the engines.

Sanka stared at Bruce. He sucked in air through his teeth and stroked his goatee beard. He closed his eyes and let his head rest against the seat.

“Over my dead body?” He whispered to himself. “Man….Over my dead body? Why do you have to be so blunt? I know we can’t change the situation but you could try and be a bit more thoughtful.”

They sat in silence again for seconds, minutes, hours. Time had lost all meaning. The bleeping sounded like the ships life support machine. Sanka occasionally twisting dials and pushing buttons to keep them travelling in a straight line. 

Bruce spoke first.

“So can we just run through this again? I really don’t mean to sound thick, and I know I’m blond, and, well, incredibly good looking and all that, but I’m struggling to grasp exactly what’s happening. So you’re telling me that we are currently, actually dead. Correct?”

“Correct man.”

“And due to some crazy astrophysics, time and reality have sort of warped, leaving us both alive and dead at the same time….Correct?”

Sanka kept his eyes focused on the dials and nodded slowly.

“Correct man.”

“And until we can catch up with our dead selves out here in this hell hole, we will be stuck like this for eternity. Correct?”

“Yeah man, correct.”

Bruce looked thoughtfully out into space. He tapped an immaculate red finger nail on the console in time with the bleep.

“Shit, that’s awful….Dreadful….I mean that’s really bad, I’m going to run out of makeup….and hair dye. I am blond, or at least I was when I was a kid, it just needs a little….. Reminding sometimes, that’s all. Don’t judge bitch.” Bruce’s mind was working overtime with all the possible consequences of the situation.

“And we’ll run out of food right?”

“Right man.”

“So we’ll die again…. I mean that’s just messed up! Right?”

“Yeah man.” Sanka nodded.

“So when the rescue mission finally finds us, my roots will be showing, I’ll have a beard, and no mascara…...well, just kill me now sister!”

Sanka swivelled round on his chair, and exhaled deeply.

“There’s no rescue mission.” He said.

“We lost all communication after the explosion. I wasn’t going to tell you…… I’m sorry.”

They stared at each other and said nothing. The spaceship continued on, rhythmically bleeping and humming, console lights flashing.

A tear left Bruce’s eye and floated towards the windscreen. They both watched it bounce off the glass and float between them. Sanka caught it and squashed it into his trousers.

“I told you man, no tears!”

Bruce, admiring his reflection, puffed out his cheeks accentuating his pout.

“So that’s it?..... We’re well and truly screwed” 

Sanka hesitated.

“Yeah man. We’re screwed.” He glanced at Bruce who stated out of the window into the darkness, unaware of Sanka’s thoughtful gaze.

“Unless….well there is something I’ve been thinking about. You’re not going to like it though. I’m not even sure it will work man. We are sort of working outside the text books if you know what I mean. Call it freestyling man.”

Bruce sat down and swivelled his chair to face Sanka. He took his hand and clasped it. He took a deep breath.

“Try me darling.”

Sanka resisted pulling his hand away. He observed the contrast of their skin, Bruce’s delicate slender fingers clasping his hand tightly. He shifted in his seat before speaking.

“You know we’re not so different after all, me and you. We may come from completely different backgrounds and lived completely different lives, and I know we argue all the time. But right now, when you strip it all back to two human beings….we’re not that different.

Bruce squeezed Sanka’s hand and smiled.

“Spare me the bullshit darling and spit it out, I can take it.”

Sanka raised his eyebrows and a big grin immerged.

“At least you’re consistent man, I like that about you….. Brace yourself….. If my theory is correct when the explosion happened, the atoms that make up our bodies got split in two. Creating duplicates of us. They died in the explosion, and we lived. Although we are only half of what we should be. We have been looking for our duplicate ship so we can re-join ourselves, and….Well I’m not sure exactly how this will all work out man but we should join back together again and die….. I think.”

Bruce’s face remained expressionless.

“And?”

“I’ve been thinking man, if we are only half of what we should be and we are only searching for ourselves so we can die…..we might as well just…… Die now. At least we could be in control of it that way. Go out in style man.”

Bruce stood up abruptly leaving his chair spinning.

“But I thought you said we couldn’t die until we find ourselves? That’s why we’ve been floating around out here in this tin can for over a year, driving each other crazy. Believe me Honey, it’s only that knowledge that’s stopped me killing you in your sleep.”

Sanka looked a little hurt.

“I’m joking darling, I couldn’t possibly kill you in your sleep and risk letting you see me without my face on!! No I decided long ago that I would have to see this thing through. So tell me, what’s the plan?”

“Well man you just hit the nail on the head….it’s this tin can that’s keeping us alive….my plan is simple. We have ourselves a nice dinner. My preference would be the freeze dried vacuum packed steak and fries. We put on a little music, maybe some Bob Marley.”

Bruce coughed.

“Maybe not.”

Sanka continued.

“Have a lovely final dinner together. Then we open the lid! We step outside. If my hunch is correct, once all our atoms are in the same void, the vacuum will bring them back together again. And we’ll die…. Again man…. Only properly this time.”

Bruce just stared at Sanka.

“It’s brilliant, I love it.”…..And if your hunch is wrong?”

“We die anyway….it’s a win, win!”

Bruce thought for a moment. 

“Sounds like an invitation to dinner….Honey, I thought you would never ask! I’ll need some time to get ready of course. You can’t ask a girl on a date and not let her get ready now…..give me an hour, I’ve got things that need plucking!”

Sanka grinned.

“Yeah man!”

Sanka pulled a bed sheet from the laundry and spread it over the table. He found a couple of torches, switched them on and stood them upright in two of the bigger sample pots he could find. He stood them in the middle of the table. He scrolled through the images on his tablet until he settled on a vase full of red roses. He propped the tablet up against the sample pots. He filled two beakers with black currant juice and set out some plastic knives and forks. Finally he switched the interior lighting off in the cockpit so only the faint glow of the console lit the room.

“Perfect man…..perfect.”

Bruce returned to the cockpit strutting like he was on a cat walk. His standard issue lounge wear had been modified for the occasion. He had cut the trouser legs and sleeves off so it looked like he was wearing hot pants and a crop top. His immaculately painted nails and deep red lips caught the light from the console and sparkled. 

“Wow man” Sanka said. “You look amazing…. Shall we?”

Sanka had a towel hung over his arm like a waiter. He pulled out a chair for Bruce and gestured him to sit down.

“Madame!” He said.

They talked and ate and gushed at how amazing the food was that evening. And at how unbelievably lucky they had been to get the best seats in the house. What a view they both exclaimed while clinking their plastic cups and drinking their pretend red wine. They sat silently looking at the unchanging darkness outside. Bob Marley played on quietly.

“I’ve had such a lovely evening darling. It’s the best date ever.....Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I wouldn’t have wanted it to have been with anyone else. Have you finished?....... I thought it looked nice outside, we should take a walk. Get some fresh air.”

Bruce smiled and dramatically dabbed at the corners of his mouth with the table cloth.

“What a wonderful idea darling…there is just one more thing. I would like to choose the music we go out to.”

Sanka nodded.

“No problem man, no problem.”

Bruce tapped a few buttons on the console and turned the volume as loud as it would go.

They moved into the airlock and stood together at the hatch and waited. Bruce’s hand slid inside Sanka’s who squeeze tightly.

Sanka looked at Bruce and gave a reassuring smile.

“You ready man?”

“You better believe it sister, it’s been a blast!”

Sanka pushed the button and the alarm sounded as the hatch slid open. Simultaneously the music system belted out the first line of the song. There was a hiss of air, as the pressure in the ship was released. Bruce and Sanka looked at each other, everything happened in slow motion, their hands squeezed even tighter. Just before the blackness took them, Sanka saw Bruce singing the words at the top of his voice, with a huge smile on his face and tears being sucked from his eyes.

“At first I was afraid, I was petrified! Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side!”

Sanka smiled.

“Yeah man!”