Wing Woman

    “God, I hate flying”

     I look out the window of the 747 so foolishly boarded in my rush to get cross country as quickly as possible. We are flying through some dark clouds so there is little to see. The old familiar fear rises in the pit of my stomach as I try to push it back. I have to maintain myself. Don’t start to panic. Nothing’s going to happen. I try to flood myself with calm, even as I’m white knuckling the arm rest. The four Jack Daniel’s I had before the flight aren’t working. The plane is shaking a little bit.

    “I get it, I am a nervous flyer myself” The stranger next to me smiles reassuringly but her voice doesn’t sound nervous at all.

     “I never liked it and avoid it whenever I can. Cars or busses are safer.”

     She chuckles. “You do know that’s not what they say”

     “Who says?”

     “The experts, of course.”

     “You can’t trust them, what makes them experts anyway?” My face feels hot and flushed. Am I turning red?

      “Well they say flying is much safer that driving. Thousands dead every year from cars, but no fatal plane crashes in the United States for several years now.” She’s trying to calm me but I’ve heard it all before. Don’t believe a word.

    “I know, I’ve heard all of that. But it just takes one plane to crash and over a hundred dead, just like that. What if it’s this plane? I can feel it shaking.” Is my voice trembling? I don’t want her to notice and think I’m a coward. Hell, I am afraid. It’s embarrassing for her to see it.

     Her face shows concern or is it contempt, I’m not sure. She’s middle aged but still in good shape and pretty.

    “It’s alright, don’t worry. Planes do all kinds of different things in flight. A little shaking is perfectly normal. I fly quite a bit and know.”

     “You must think me a real loser for being so frightened and you’re so calm”

     “Oh, I’m not calm. Just a good actress.” She teases. “What’s your name?”

      “Charles, but my friends call me Charlie”

      “Well Charlie, I’m Rachael, but my friends call me Rachael” She smiles and extends a slender hand.

    Because my hand is sweaty and a little shaky, I hesitate momentarily to return her handshake but overcome my reluctance. She doesn’t seem to notice or care about the condition of my hand.

    “Where are you headed?” I ask

    “To Dallas, I have a job in marketing, so I do a fair amount of traveling, but I still understand the nervousness. Never feel quite calm till the plane touches down and stops moving.”

     “I can’t tell you are nervous at all.”

     “Like I said Charlie, I’m good at acting the part of a calm, cool, and in control flyer. Perfected the part, you might say. How about you? Where you headed?”

     “Family crisis, my mom is in bad shape and I have to head to a small town about a hundred miles outside of Dallas and get there quickly. Otherwise I’d never be on this death trap.” I smile trying to make a little joke of my fear.

    “Sorry to hear that, Charlie. I hope she gets well soon.”

     “So do I, but the doctors say the odds are against her. So, this might be my last visit. I have to tell myself that as long as there is life, there’s hope.”

      “God, I’m sorry, I lost my father about a year ago. It’s horrible to go through.”

       Our conversation is interrupted by a few particularly bigger bumps than the previous ones.

      After the shaking stops, her demeanor seems to change and she sounds a little different when she resumes talking.

      “Charlie, I feel bad for you. Not only are you having to deal with your mom’s illness but then you have to brave this shaky flight.”

       “I thought you said a little shaking was normal?”

       “Well a little shaking at times is normal.” She gets a little closer to me and lowers her voice a bit. “However to be truthful, this flight is a little more bouncy than usual. But I’m still not that concerned yet.”

      “What happened to projecting the fearless business woman?” My fear level is rising again.

       “Sorry, I guess I just feel more comfortable with you. I usually sit next to people who are totally fearless. They will ride stoically through the bumpiest of flights showing no emotion, while I am churning inside but still projecting my calm exterior. But with you, I can be real. It’s liberating.” Her slightly moist hand finds mine and squeezes it slightly.

     It’s comforting to have a fellow passenger reveal her inner anxiety to me. We are companions in fear. Friends of anxiety.

     “Don’t worry it’s nice to know I’m not the only one. Sometimes I feel that I can’t even talk about it without people giving me all the statistics about how safe flying is and how foolish my concerns.” I smile at her. Our inside joke.

    She softly laughs. “You got me Charlie, I was overcompensating I guess. What can I say? Hope you don’t think I am a pure hypocrite?”

    “Hypocrite? Heaven forbid, just a good actress.”

   “Oh my, Charlie. Flattery will get you everywhere.” She bravely says but her hand pressure gives her away.

     More ups and downs and more bumping now. Worse than anything before it.

     Quickly the fasten seat belts lamp comes on and the Captain’s voice comes over the loudspeaker. Telling us we are experiencing a little unexpected turbulence but there is nothing to worry about. Talk about acting. Do these guys train in how to project a confident and reassuring voice or what? I’m not believing him at all. There’s got to be something wrong. Otherwise why the seat belt light and message from the captain? Why the ever increasing bumping. The engines don’t sound right at all. This isn’t how engines should sound. Are they cutting out, losing power? Are we losing altitude?

     I look over at Rachael. There is fear in her face now. Our sweaty hands are in a death grip. I’m so glad she’s here with me.