If Only

It’s Friday afternoon and it’s time for Brenda Marsh to head to the grocery store on the way home from work. Brenda is a retired schoolteacher who now works part-time for a local insurance agency on Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons. But, on Fridays she gets off at 4:00, which is perfect for beating the 5:00 crowd at the store.

However, on this particular Friday, she had to stop for an oil change on her car before going to the store. She still arrived ahead of the afternoon crowd, but just barely. She could see the additional customers arriving as she shopped at the usual Walmart not far from her house.

Brenda was in the produce section picking out tomatoes, facing toward the entrance, when she looked up and saw what she thought was a familiar face.

“Is that who I think it is?” she thought to herself. But just as she tried to concentrate on his face, he turned and walked toward the non-grocery sections of the store. Brenda continued her thought, “That man looks too much like Jerry not to check it out.”

So, Brenda abandoned her tomato selection and pushed her cart, following him to wherever he was going.

Jerry and Brenda started dating in the 1980s during the last semester of their junior year of high school. And during their senior year, they started talking about getting married one day. Although they went to different colleges, they remained committed to each other.

At the end of their freshman year of college, Jerry started pressing Brenda about getting married. But she wanted to wait another year. However, Jerry insisted that he was ready now.

When Jerry didn’t back down, Brenda came up with what she thought was a brilliant idea. They should date other people and then compare notes about their experiences. She thought it would help broaden their appreciation for each other. It might also bring some fresh ideas to improve their own relationship.

So, Brenda told Jerry, “You know what, we need to date others.”

Jerry was taken off guard when he heard her say that. He immediately responded, “Date others? I don’t want to date others. I want to marry you!”

But Brenda took advantage of the fact that Jerry always did exactly as she said. So, he reluctantly obeyed.

To make the story short, Jerry went out with Christine and decided that she had more to offer him than Brenda. And rather than discussing it with Brenda, he decided to make a clean break with her.

Brenda was shocked!

She wondered, “Why didn’t Jerry discuss his date with me? He always followed my instructions.” Then Brenda remembered, “I told him to go date someone else, but I never actually said we should discuss the date afterward.

“Oh, what a big mistake to not give him that final instruction! If I had, he would have dutifully had that discussion with me.

“If only I had told him!

“If only….”

Brenda never considered that Jerry would actually fall for someone else. She had taken his devotion to her for granted.

“He said he wanted to marry me. So, what did I do? I foolishly shoved him into finding someone else!

“I should have known better.”

But Brenda had put that big mistake behind her years ago. “I can’t undo the past,” she said to herself. “Right now, I’m more interested in finding out if this man I’m following is Jerry.”

Brenda pushed her cart, walking as fast as she could, trying not to lose site of the man she had seen. Then he turned into one of the aisles near the pharmacy.

As she reached that aisle, she slowly turned in to see him looking at the vitamins. She just stood there for almost a minute, trying to determine if it really was Jerry. After all, it has been almost 40 years and people’s appearances sometimes do change.

Then, he must have sensed that he was being watched and turned to see a woman was indeed staring at him.

When he saw the familiar face, he jerked his head back as if he was startled and said, “Brenda? Is that you?”

All in one motion, Brenda slowly nodded, put on a huge smile and started moving toward Jerry. And Jerry moved toward her, and they instinctively exchanged a friendly, affectionate hug.

“I heard that you live somewhere in town,” Jerry said. “Elaine Chapman at my church is the one who told me.”

“Oh?” Brenda said. “And what else has my friend Elaine been telling you?”

“Well,” Jerry said, “I already knew that you married Kevin Marsh in the nineties, and you soon moved away because of his new job. But Elaine said that you moved back after the marriage ended after only a few years. I’m truly sorry about that.

“Also, Elaine said that your dad died last year and that your mom has COPD. How is she doing, by the way?”

“Mom could be doing a lot better,” Brenda said, “but she won’t give up smoking.”

“That’s too bad,” Jerry said.

Eager to get off that subject, Brenda said, “Tell me about you. Where do you work?”

‘Talbert Industries,” he said. “I manage the research department. I’ve been with them for 13 years.”

“Wow!” Brenda responded. “You achieved your goal of being a high-ranking manager in the corporate world.”

“Yeah, I guess I did, didn’t I. What about you? I know you are a teacher. At what school?”

Brenda said, “Actually, I retired two years ago. And after only two months of doing nothing, I was bored to death. So, I found a part-time job at the Crawford insurance agency.”

“It looks like you reached your goal too, being a teacher and all,” Jerry said

“Well,” she began, “after my divorce, I decided to put men and romance behind me and focus on my teaching career.”

After these few exchanges, Brenda finally worked up enough courage to ask what she was dying to find out. “Are you married?”

“Yes,” he replied, “Christine and I are still together”

Brenda couldn’t help but notice the ever so slightest strain in the way Jerry said Christine’s name. “I wonder,” she thought. “Is there a problem there?”

She continued, “Do you have any children?”

“No. No children. It’s just the two of us.”

Brenda’s female intuition immediately kicked in, and she thought, “If they’ve been in love for all these years, why aren’t there any kids? Something isn’t right,” she surmised.

Reacting to Jerry’s statement, she said, “Well at least you two have each other.”

“Yes,” Jerry said. “that’s what people always tell us.”

Now Brenda felt sure there was a problem. But she knew better than continuing to talk about his marriage.

She said, “I live not too far from here, so this is my main store. But I haven’t run into you here before. Where to you live?”

“We live about three miles on the other side of the main highway. Our regular store is about two miles further. When Christine asked me to get some multi-vitamins, it was just easier to stop here.”

Brenda was curious. “Where does Christine work?”

“She doesn’t work,” Jerry replied. “She’s a housewife.”

Brenda decided she had heard enough about Jerry’s home life, so she started winding down the conversation and said, “Well it’s getting late, and I need to get my groceries and go home and fix some dinner.”

Jerry replied, “Yes, if I don’t get home soon, Christine will wonder what happened to me. It sure was nice seeing you, Brenda.”

“I’m glad I got to see you too, Jerry,” she said. “Have a safe trip home. Traffic is likely getting heavy now.”

So, Jerry left to go check out.

Brenda just stood there watching him leave with her thoughts running wild.

“You know, Jerry’s personality hasn’t really changed much. When we dated, he was loyal to a fault. It was almost as if he was afraid to go against me for fear of rocking the boat. I think he was afraid that I might break up with him if he didn’t obey.

“It seems to me that Christine has figured that out and knows how to manipulate him. I mean she doesn’t work. Why couldn’t she run out to get her own vitamins? And Jerry seems a little too familiar with the location of their regular store. I wonder, does she have him do most of the shopping?

“And what’s this about no children? He didn’t say anything about them not being able to have children. I can’t help but wonder about that part of their relationship.

“If there really is a problem, would Jerry have the guts to stand up to her? Would he have the nerve to end what appears to be a fruitless marriage?

If only that happened, I think he and I could have a beautiful relationship.

“If only….”