Lost Davis

This story contains adult contents, mental health, suicide, substance

11.30 pm.

I saw that numbers on the digital table clock in my hotel room, all white and gold furnitures, very fancy room, while sipping to my gin and margarita. I’m so used to the luxury room I almost never drop my jaw anymore when I’m in one. It’s one of the good things about my job, staying at the most prestigious hotel in town, not to mention I get to travel anywhere around the world.

Ping!

“Hey, Babe. Miss me yet? I’m thinking about flying to you this weekend.”

Sofia is a sweet girl I’ve known since few months ago. I didn’t feel the thrill nor excitement when I saw her name popped on my phone screen, and I’ve been ignoring her text since a week ago, a day after our first meet up, my first visit to her country and our first night together.

About my job, it’s classified. But my type of job is something about terminating contracts that needs to be terminated anywhere worldwide. I always keep the details of my job a secret, even to Sofia, a girl whom at first felt like somebody who would make me settle and stop looking, wanting, craving.

I reach out to the other phone next to the one with Sofia’s text, checking on images sent by Tiffany.

“You’re wild. Love it.” I typed.

I’m eager to know if we could have some more fun after I’m done with my business here. But I couldn’t move on with the sensation I’ve got from the images Tiff sent me. I’m craving for more even if I know I should’ve sleep and get enough rest for business meeting tomorrow after 12 hours of flight this morning.

Maybe it’s the gin, maybe the pills, or maybe the below expectation night I spent with Sofia last week, so I started to look on an account I never follow but always on top of my search feed, @breastfeedinglola. Of all the similar accounts I’ve been following, I said following cause I always lurking to their pages, and I said similar because of the contents they try to sell through the platform to gain followers, this is the only account that hasn’t get ban yet, she use the cover under “breastfeeding mom” to avoid being suspended. I don’t know if people ever notice, but it’s been years since this account been active and the babies never grown, she breastfeed different babies in each of her posts, and she wears costumes. But I would rather not get involved, I’m here to see videos of Lola undressing those layers of majestic costumes she put on to cover that beautiful part of the chest she has and drive us guys crazy.

An hour or so has passed since I started scrolling Lola’s page, I’m tired but from the look of it I know it’s gonna be another sleepless night as I always have, and somehow it only get worse every before the important meeting. Instead of stressing about it, I decided to go out and stroll around the city. I have visited this country town time and time again, but never this part of the city.

1.00 am.

Ping! Another text from Sofia.

“Are you still at the meeting or at the hotel already? I don’t want to interupt tho, have a goodnight!” I can feel the sincerity of how she is missing me and want to hear from me, but I wish that text was from Tiff. Sweet, soft but wild mixed together are always the best package.

I’m sitting on a bench with river view after roaming around for half an hour. I see people hurrying for home, some youngsters on the street doing whatever youngster do, street mussicians jamming, local restaurants where the owner doesn’t speak my language.

“You’re not from here are you?” I didn’t notice a guy with a white mask already sitting next to me while I was too immersed observing the city, I could figure from his voice he’s a little tipsy.

“Yes, I’m a tourist.” I don’t want to appear rude, “Just got here few hours ago.”

“Perfect!” And then he hand me a flyer, an invitation to a party at a nearby nightclub with special dresscode. That explains the mask.

“Oh, interesting. But I’m not wearing costume nor bring any in my luggage.”

“Bro, I got you. I’ll lend you mine.” I’m not sure what he meant by that. Does he have extra costume? Is he gonna let me wear the one he’s wearing or he has more costume ready in his car? His statement got me overthinking, but I’m not up for any party tonight, let alone a costume party. I just want to enjoy the night view, drink some alcohol back at the hotel later to cure the insomnia, get sleepy then peace out and pass out.

“Oh, that’s nice. Actually I’m here for business, and unfortunately I have an Important meeting tomorrow, so I should get back to the hotel in a minute. I appreciate the invitation, man!”

“You sure, Bro? Even if Lola’s there?” Said the guy while lifting his mask up to his brow. Now I’m certain that he is drunk.

“Lola? The brea-” I stopped for a second, “Do this guy know @breastfeedinglola?” I thought to myself. “Lola who?” I continue.

“The Holy Mother Lola.” I’m super tempted to know more about this Holy Molly Lola, but on the other hand I’m not sure with this drunk guy. I’m also curious is she the same Lola Or completely different Lola? And what if she’s another amazing Lola that ever exist in this world? But if she is any better than the Lola I know, I should’ve known.

As intriguing as it sounds, I should stick with my plan and stay out of this.

“I really want to know this Holy Molly Lola, but I need to go back. Thanks, man.”

“Well, Okay, Dude. Just don’t drown yourself into the river, cause that’s what I thought you’re about to do when I saw you sitting on this bench.”

“Wha…Ahh, ahem.” I laughed awkwardly.

“Anyway, gotta regroup with my mates at the party. Hope you enjoy your- pffff, business trip, whatever.”

“Ahah, I will. Thanks, Man. Nice to see ya!” Not really.

“No worries, Dude.”

“Don’t forget your invitation.” I said while handing out the flyer back.

“Nah, you keep it. In case you change your mind.”

“Alright!”

I look at the flyer once again, thinking. Then I look back at him, making sure he is far enough for me to follow him to the club. Curiosity killed a cat, I’m just a mere human, and I think loyalty doesn’t really exist in my DNA. I’m talking about loyalty as a loyal follower of Lola. I tried to be a better man once for Sofia, but it didn’t last until I realized I’m not ready for that yet. I feel guilty for ignoring Sofia, but as weird as it sounds it hurts me more to cheat on Lola for another Lola.

Even if I know people will have more sympathy towards Sofia the more I talk about her, I’d still wanna talk about her cause I’m not completely off on her, I’m just not that sure anymore as I was before the meet up. I felt the strong chemistry with her when I first hear her voice, and that first call was great and promising. I fell in love at first instance with what I saw, her eyes are gorgeous, she’s super cute in all of her pictures, and when I read her intro, my heart skipped a beat, and I slid into her DM rightaway to make sure I’m not missing my shot on her.

I arrived at the same club that’s written on the invitation, but I lost the dude with the mask on the way. I get inside the club but I don’t see anyone wearing any costumes, masks or any special dresscode, it’s just a usual nightclub with no special theme or dresscode. Though most of the people there are men.

I didn’t know what was the DJ said cause I was busy thinking about going back to the hotel after I finished my gin and tonic, but suddenly people in the club start counting together from ten to one, after the countdown people start putting on masks, capes, bonet, and start yelling and chanting on a name.

“Lola! Lola! Lola!”

Then come out a woman in a costume with a mask covering half of the face, surrounded by four half-naked bulky men who are whining and crying like baby. Some guys in the audience copying the bulky men. She start dancing weirdly and slowly undressing her costume, then those men start feeding from her breast like todlers, and they keep on doing that for an hour straight.

“Motheeeerr!!”

“That’s my MOMMM!!”

I really am regret the decision I made out of curiosity. Not only because a shocking truth about Lola exposed, that she’s actually an exotic dancer performing a weird dancing with weird bulky men wrapped in a super weird perfomance, plus I have to experience it among weirdos and perverts.

“Look who’s not wearing a costume over here!!” A familiar voice exclaimed from behind me. It’s the guy with the white mask who invited me to this party for weirdos. Now that I said it, the memories of me scrolling on @breastfeedinglola every time I want a quick excitement, and other similar accounts who sexualize stuffs that wasn’t supposed to be illicit and exploit them, flashing in my mind. Now I do feel like one of the weirdos, and I feel disgusted with myself.

“Aww, my poor baby. Are you my baby?”

All the lights on me, and all the attention from people at the club who were busy chanting and drunk over Lola’s performance has shifted towards me.

“Uhm..a…am I?” I was dumbfounded and confused but forced my self to respond. Reading the audience face, I quickly added. “Yes, Mommy. You know, everytime I feel thirsty I am, I, I always scrolling on your feed…Mommyy!”

“Awww, you are my babyyy!” I can see from her reaction how she’s overwhelmed by my confession. She look beautiful still as in the videos, half dressed, showing her beautiful and soft bouncy twins, hanging and prancing like a fluid filled rubber balloon. The only different is how it makes me feel. I feel sick. I’m sick of this place, I’m sick of the people here, I’m sick of Lola, and I’m sick of myself.

“Mommy will give you a gift for being a good baby.” She said in a playful motherly tone, while bouncing with a little jump in every accents of her speech. And everytime she bounces, I heard those filthy babies in the audience crying and wanting for more.

“Guess what, you get to feed from Mommy’s breast in the nursery room. Yaayyy!! Hee-hee.”

Two of the bulky men behind her come down from the stage to get me and escort me to a room she called nursery room. I have a very unpleasant feeling about this, but I just play along out of habit, thinking that if I just go with the flow, this weird act will end quickly.

They told me to put on the costume hanging inside the wardrobe, then they leave me to get dressed. I’m fully dressed, I even make sure every detail on the costumes are neatly placed. I brushed my hair with my fingers while cheking on my look in front of the antique designed mirror, making sure I look elegant and handsome as if I’m enjoying this moment. But deep inside, I’m restless, praying desperately so this night come to end faster. At that moment, the night with Sofia flashes in my memories. It was calm, I enjoyed her company, we laughed at each other’s joke, never once I saw a judging look from her being it was our first time to get to see each other in person, though I’m dandy, I never consider my self as a super goodlooking guy, even for her.

For me, woman who are made of beauty, kindness and sincerity doesn’t exist ever since I got my heart broken by Trish seven years ago. Trish wasn’t my first love, but she was the love of my life, I never love any girl before or after more than I love Trish. And she broke my heart. And I was too naive and stupid, thinking that Trish will comeback to me by showing her my sincerity and how much I love and care about her. I was just like Sofia, naive and stupid. But now I start seeing my self as moron.

I reach out to the door, but it’s locked. I try to open it forcefully, it didn’t seem to budge. I tried to scream, but I don’t think they could hear me. Something feels off, and this unpleasant feeling start shifting into fear. So I keep on screaming, calling, kicking the door, everything I could in my power to get out for hours until I get tired.

I sit on the floor with my back against the wall and pull out my phone, the one where I saved Sofia’s contact and tell her that I’m sorry for ignoring her messages, how I’ve been depressed and struggling to cope with that, how I need time alone and often lose track of times cause I was busy distracting myself from depression. I wish I could tell her more about me and about Trish and how we’re actually similar to each other, I wish I could tell her about tonight and every weird things about me, which I think she won’t be mind listening without judging, I wish I could tell her how broken I am inside and been waiting for someone like her to appear even only in my dreams. But I’m gonna save it all until I get to meet Sofia again.

I hear the loud noise outside gradually fading, then a clicked sound of the door being unlocked. I see Lola coming in, still half undress with loose corset, and her breast hanging and bouncing up and down. I hear the door being locked again from outside and I could hear the voice of the bulky men bawling and half laughing.

“Have a good time with our Mommyy! Mwahaa!” Said them.

Lola doesn’t look too happy, she looks tired and gloomy. She stare into me without words, somehow I feel a glance of pitty there. Then she take off the corset and any clothes that wrapped her tummy, and I see her bloated belly that was folded before flap down flat to the floor.

I feel sick constantly and throw up.

9.00 pm.

Ping!

Trish noticed a messages from a familiar name. Puppy Davey. It’s a nickname she gave for Davis and she never changed how she saved his name in contacts. She still stalked him once in a while, curious on how he’s doing. Reading the name makes her feeling nostalgic of the time when she finally felt so loved by someone, and how it was actually so pure and sweet, until she finally realized how she need to live in reality, and everything that was so sweet didn’t taste as sweet anymore, but unfortunately, Davis failed to see that. She wasn’t proud on how she ended the things with Davis, in fact the guilt still linger inside her, but it is what it is.

“Hey Trish, it’s been a while.

I know you’ve been living a good life, the life that you always dreamed of.

And I’m happy for you.

I’ve been doing well myself, living a very good life.

You know that very well too, cause I saw you popped on my social media watcher once in a while. And that kinda motivate me to do better, everytime I do something, I do it with a thought that you will see it, and I will show you. Until I realized I’ve been obsessed.

But not anymore.

I’m truly happy for you.

But now I’ll be doing well for me and be happy for me”

Trish smiled after she read it, she felt so relieved, knowing that they can move on with their life, happily, with the choice of their own although the memory stay.

3.30 am.

Ping! The sound wake Sofia up. She’s always been a light sleeper, she could easily wake up with only a soft chat notification, especially when she’s in the heart of waiting, longing for answers and explanations. And the only name she’s been wanting to see so bad shown on the screen.

“Sofia, Baby. I’m sorry for getting back to you this late.

I’ve been so depressed lately, the work is too much recently and I needed time to think.

I’ve been missing you lately and I feel bad for the time I was M.I.A.

I hope you still give me chance to explain, and I will.

And no, you’re not a bother. You can talk to me anytime you want.

How’s life been for you?”

She doesn’t know it will be this painful to read the message that she’s been waiting. It hurt so bad that she doesn’t want to see it anymore. Why it has to be this long? Why now? After she waited for a full gloomy month. She deleted the texts and Davis from her contact, then put away her phone out of her sight and back to sleep in tears.

6.00 am.

At a local newspaper which Davis doesn’t speak the language.

Three different people and a group of teenagers reported seeing a man sitting alone on the bench by the river before he jumped and drowned himself into the river, a drunk guy, a street mussician, a restaurant owner, and a group of teenage B-Boy dancer.