THE CHILD IN ME

By Moxy Panrede

I look like a kid. If you saw me on the street with jeans and a t-shirt, you’d swear I was a twelve-year-old girl. I am 5’0 tall and weigh 120 lbs. I have cute chubby cheeks with dimples, brown wavy hair, and big blue eyes. Though I can pass for 12, I am actually 34. I have three beautiful little girls that look just like me. My oldest is 12 years old. I’d do anything to protect them. My husband is a wonderful man, a pastor at Our Lord, The Savior.

I work at the local library where I am in charge of story time. Reading children books is perfect for me because I can change my voice into and sound like any wooden animal or character. I make silly noises while reading and act out all the wacky scenes, a complete kid at heart. The kids love it.

I was reading Little Red Ridinghood to a room full of children when I saw him. He walked in scanning the crowd of children. When he found who he was looking for, he looked up at me and instantly recognized me. Our eyes met briefly. I hesitated for a second, put my head down slightly, and continued reading.

“Tap, tap, tap” I said holding the book open towards the crowd of children with one hand and I knocking on an invisible door with the other. I was sitting on a chair animating the book. The children were sitting on the floor with their legs crossed and heads tilted slightly upwards.

“Who’s there?” I said in my grandmother’s voice. Though my eyes were on the book, I could see him peering at me in my peripheral. The academy trained us on what to do in these situations. If we, the bait, met a perp in public, we were to act normal, try to get away, and contact our unit immediately. I chanted in the back of my head-- “Don’t give yourself away. Keep reading. Act natural. Remember, you look much different in real life. There’s no way he knows.”

I knew this was just wishful thinking. His face said it all. He knew who I was. He’d seen me before and not at the supermarket or at the front desk. He’d seem me in girl scout uniform sucking on a lollipop or drinking a coke.

“Your grandchild, Little Red Riding Hood,” I changed my voice to sound like the wolf faking a small child’s voice. As soon as I finished the words, I knew it was a mistake. My child-like voice was just too similar to Cindy’s, my “bait’ persona. He knew we were on to him. He darted through the crowd of mesmerized children, walking fast towards a little girl sitting in the middle. The little girl was looking intently at me, hanging on my every word. I read fast and got to the part of the story that every little kid knows and loves to act out.

“Whoa, Grandmother, what big arms you have!” I said slightly louder than usual. I made the all-familiar “say it with me” gesture and stood up.

All the kids stood up and yelled,

“All the better to hug you with, my dear.” I hugged myself and some flung their arms around themselves, and others hugged each other. The commotion slowed down the man a bit, but not enough. He kept walking in the direction of the little girl. He dodged small little hands and elbows, pushing them away, muttering excuses and pardons.

“Grandmother, what big ears you have!” I said to the herd of excited children.

“All the better to hear you with, my dear” The children cupped their ears, bent slightly at the waist, and swayed as they screamed the words. The man missed the head of a small little boy bending over and hopped to reach his target. The little girl jumped back in surprise when the man grabbed her shoulder and swung her around.

“Grandmother, what big eyes you have!” I loudly whispered. I put the book down on the desk behind me and reached for me phone. I unlocked it and called the number saved under “Gingerbread House.”

My supervisor picked up immediately. I could hear him in the far distance. Only I could hear him, “Rosewood, here. What’s the emergency?”

I didn’t answer. I left him on the line and turned back to the crowd expecting to hear the next words.

“All the better to see you with, my dear!” yelled the children folding their hands into circles up to their eyes like binoculars.

The little girl recognized the man and turned around to make the gesture along with the rest of the children. The man walked around her, grabbed her by the waist, and hoisted her up. She looked to be around 7 years old. She protested slightly and shimmied her body trying to get down the man’s torso. She looked at me anticipating the next words. I started to panic. If he left the room with that little girl, we may never see him or her again.

“Grandmother, what big mouth you have!”

“All the better to eat you with, my dear!” screamed a herd of little voices. The kids started to growl, hands raised like claws, and pretending to bite. The man walked towards the back of the room carrying the little girl. She was propped up on the man’s shoulder, claws out, and growling like the rest of them. I glanced at my phone and saw black screen. Rosewood must have hung up thinking it was a misdial. I had to think fast, or I’d lose him.

“Special guest today! The Big Bad Wolf is here—and he’s taking Little Red Ridinghood. Get him!” I pointed at the man carrying the little girl. All the kids stopped and looked at him. He froze and gave the kids a small smile. He was average height but look like a giant compared to the rest of them. All the kids ran and tackled him to the ground. The little girl joined the fun. She pretended to hit him like the rest. Others slashed at him with their small hands opened-palmed like a sword. All the parents lined up on the back wall started laughing.

“Slash, slash! I got the Big Bad Wolf” one of the kid’s said.

“No. I did. I am the Hunter” responded another. Both standing in triumph. They pointed at the man with their sword-like hand as if they just defeated a dragon.

I hastily grabbed my phone and pressed redial. This time Rosewood did not pick up. No one picked up. I couldn’t believe it. Someone always manned this line. We were call it only in life-or-death situations. How can no one pick it up!?

 As I walked towards the back of the room, I could see the man looking at me through the children’s limps. He kept smiling and playing along but his eyes betrayed him. He just knew and he was furious. I reached the door and dialed “Gingerbread House” again. This time a woman answered.

“Operator” she said calmly.

“Hello! Code Van Helsing! Van Helsing!” I whispered anxiously into the phone. My heart was pounding. I sounded strange in comparison to her relaxed tone.

“Yes. Rosewood is on his way.”

“He is! How?” I managed to say. I reached the door and quickly stepped outside. Closed the door behind me and slammed my back into it. I held the doorknob between my hand and my lower back. I bent down breathing heavily into the phone. 

“We tracked your location. We were able to tap into the security cameras. We understood the situation as soon as we saw him grab the little girl.”

“Thank God! How long ‘till he gets here?”

“A few minutes. I suggest you catch your breath and go back inside. The children won’t be able to hold him off for much longer.” Her voice sounded serene and uninterested. As if this was a common occurrence.

“Does this happen often? What am I supposed to do?”

“Yes. It happens all the time. You have to stall him until the unit gets there.”

“Okay.” I said meekly into the phone. She hung up without another word. I looked up at the celling and prayed for courage. I’ve only been operating as “bait” for a week. Our training was months long, but we didn’t do any physical training. It was mostly observing how children behaved, our speech in chatrooms, current lingo, emojis, abbreviations, etc. Nothing about how to bring down a sex offender in a room full of children.

I was recruited by Albert Rosewood. He attended one of my readings and approached me afterwards. It was strange because he wasn’t a parent. No child ran up to him at the end of reading time. He lingered around until everyone was gone. As I was cleaning up the area, he approached me. I was a bit intimidated. I looked around and saw that I was alone with this big black man. I took a few steps back as he walked forward.

“Mrs. Thorn, I am Special Agent Charles Rosewood. I’d like to speak to you about an opportunity.” He explained raising his hands in a gesture of peace.

“Yes?” I couldn’t recognize my voice. It was low and trembling. He pulled out his badge and held it up in front of my eyes. I relaxed a bit but still in high alert.

“I’d like your help in bringing down real monsters.” I though he was joking since I had just finished reading “Sleeping Beauty” to a crowd of children. I acted out the since of the Prince taking down the dragon. But his voice was serious. The more he explained, the more I understood his meaning. I agreed to join his team a few weeks later. I kept it secret from my family. My cover was book club and library events. I trained about three times per week at the “Gingerbread House”, Rosewood’s unit’s headquarters.

My training group had five women. We all looked much younger. We were hired to be the bait for sex offenders—monsters who prayed on innocence. After training for a month, I got assigned to Rosewood’s unit, Gingerbread House. They created a fake profile for me on social media and chatrooms—monster’s hunting ground. My fake persona, Cynthia was 14 years old and a girl scout. I even recorded a few videos showing off my fake pins. In one of the videos, I was licking a lollipop and describing my pins in my child-like voice. The same voice, the man just heard inside. The profile went live two days ago. In less than forty-eight hours, my unit had already arrested eight sex offenders for child porn, solicitation of a minor, and human trafficking.

I was now this little girl’s only hope. At least that was my thinking as I took a deep breath, opened the door to face the monster inside.

The man was fixing himself upright when I walked in. I calmly walked towards the little girl he had been carrying and kneeled down.

I asked, “Were you a good Hunter? Did you slay the big bad wolf?”

She smiled broadly and answered, “mm hmm. We got him.”

“Good job. Is he your Dad?” I asked without looking at him. 

“No. A friend of Mommy’s. Bobby gives me ice cream.” Classic grooming tactics. I thought. She looked up at him smiling as if he was going give her one right there and then.

“Yes. But we have to leave right now.” The man whispered anxiously and looked towards the door. He reached down to grab the little girl, but I pulled her towards me in an embrace. He missed her by a few inches and looked at me in reproach. I stared up at him tightlipped and fearless, with the little girl in my arms. For a moment, he looked like he was going to snatch her from my arms by force. He stepped forward a bit but stopped and looked at the door instead.

Rosewood and three uniformed officers barged in. One of the police officers veered left and another fanned right. Rosewood walked towards me, the third officer right behind him. They were wearing tactical gear with weapons clearly visible at their waist. The two officers began ushering the children and the parents by the wall, out of the room. I stayed frozen on the spot kneeling with the little girl in my arms. The man backed up with his hands up in the airs.

“I haven’t done anything. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even touch her.” He said nervously as he retreated away from me and the kid.

“Get on the floor and put your hands behind your back.” Rosewood commanded. His voice authoritative as if he was holding a gun to the man’s face, but he wasn’t. The man did as he was told. Shaking he got on one knee and then the other, laid down on the floor and put his hands behind his head. Rosewood rushed to his side, pulled out a pair of silver cuffs, and began placing the man under arrest.

I finally relaxed. The little girl looked back and started to cry. I was just thankful that she was safe.

The man was a serial molester. He had been elusive and hard to catch but had taken an interest in my online persona. The team was preparing a trap for him and had sent him various pictures and videos of Cynthia, in hopes that he would arrange a meeting soon. When Rosewood saw him on the security camera, he knew instantly that the little girl would be his next victim.

My child-like appearance made me a superhero. My side job is protecting girls like my daughters. Protecting the children who sat before me legs crossed and doe-eyed during story time. I was helping to protect the child in me. I was a victim of sexual abuse as a child but now, I slay dragons.

#The End#