Silent Revenge

SILENT REVENGE#

‘Thou shalt not kill’

How do I not kill?  I only know how to kill.  How can I stop what I was born to do?

All my life I had wanted to be a nurse, caring and nurturing those in need of care or help.  My parents told me it would never happen, that I needed to study and that I had neither the inclination or aptitude to put in the long hours required.  In reality they thought I was dull and stupid!  but I was determined to prove them wrong.  I enrolled on a nursing course and sailed through all my nursing exams coming first in my year and then, when the time came that they needed caring for, I was there for them. Just to prove them wrong.  They were very lethargic about my education.   Oh they made sure I was fed, clothed  and watered, all the things I needed to live, but they forgot the need for human kindness and touch.  There was no nurturing of me mentally - forget it. I was a late developer both physically and mentally, they did nothing to encourage me.  They ridiculed me to the point that I was glad to go school to get away from them.  My mother would take me, and my father would pick me up.  To the outside world they were the perfect parents.  But indoors it was a different story. Oh they didn’t hit me, or beat me, or care enough to ground me.  I was always ‘that waste of space’, that ‘deceptive little shit’, or ‘that useless twat’.  I never knew why they called me those names, they never bothered to hide their scorn.  I was quite a plain child - nondescript even.  They thought I  would grow out of my awkwardness and shyness, it wasn’t until I went to nursing school that I found my true vocation.

I was a good nurse,  Am a good nurse.  I really have tried to do what is expected of a nurse.  I’m patient, kind, thoughtful, nurturing, caring.  Nursing is not just a job to me but a vocation.   The only drawback is, I use my nursing for retribution.  You see, I believe that the end justifies the means. I tried to be good, just do my job, but, human nature being what it is, there is no way I could just stand by and watch the atrocities people do to other people.  Even those you are supposed to love.  

The girl came in.  My God she looked like a terrible sight.  Her face was beaten to pulp. Bruised and cut.  Doctors worked on her for a long time, stitching and sewing.  She looked like one of those dolls on the television programme ‘raggy dolls’ by the time they had finished.  Her hands were just as bad.  They must have been beautiful once.  Ladies hands, pale and unlined, manicured nails with a light pink nail polish.  Now, all that was left of the nail varnish was painful, ragged stubs. She was mumbling as if dreaming or remembering.

She looked at me through eyes glazed with pain and puffy. I whispered in her ear: It will be ok…

I'm sitting here waiting for news of my beautiful wife.  I didn't mean to hurt her, she always makes me do it. she promised she wouldn't say anything.  if she knows what's good for her she better remember that! I can see the nurse looking over at me. What is the bitch saying now, hasn't she learned her lesson yet?

The nurse approaches me and asks me if I'm okay? I say fine and then she tells me it's going to take some time as my wife has to go to surgery. Why don't I go home and come back later. She asked me for my name, address and contact number so she could contact me if needed. I thought why not the bitch  wouldn't say anything so I left. 

 I didn't mean to hit her but she made my eyes see blue and my brain was full of emotions I felt like I couldn't control,  and I didn't like that. But this time, this time was the last straw.  She'd been shopping again!  Bags with new clothes in were left on the floor. What's wrong with that woman, a lazy bitch, but I can hear her in the bath…

The nurse phoned me to say it was okay to go and see my wife. I got ready and grabbed my car keys making sure that the outside light was turned on as it could be dark in the night as our door was sheltered by a number of trees that obscured the light from  the street lamps. I turned it on but realised it was not working, something else like that stupid bitch should have seen too, never mind I stepped out of the door and the most horrendous pain I have ever felt coursed from my body and my face. I threw my hands up to protect myself. I felt pain escalating through my hands as they started to burn them too.  God help me! 

I waited for him to come out of the house after I rang him to tell him to come visit. I noticed there was a light outside the door so I removed the bulb before he came out.  As he came through the door, I threw the Hydrohalic acid I had removed from the hospital in his face.  I heard his screams as he put his hands up in front of his face to stop the pain, so I threw more. I disfigured his face,  I disfigured his hands.  He'll never do that to another woman again.  I  watched as the acid ate away at his face and hands.  I knew it would burn until it was removed. If he lived, and I hadn’t made up my mind yet, the acid would cause him lifelong deformities, hopefully some went into his eyes and would cause blindness and also permanent damage to his facial features such as scarring that would affect his ability to create expressions. He would certainly look like the devil now.

I used a strong corrosive with a PH level of 14.  It was my choice of weapon for several reasons; adaptability was one, also the versatility and ability to instantly incapacitate him.  I knew that hydrofluoric acid would cause corrosive burns immediately on contact with his skin, and also affect his respiratory and gastrointestinal mucus membrane.  I wanted maximum damage in a small space of time.

  Hopefully, he will suffer like his wife did. He disfigured her, I disfigured him.

The means justified the end.  I was a good nurse, I am a good nurse. 

HOUSEWIFE

I don’t know how I will ever forgive myself, selfish I know - but there's no other way.  I mean, it started so innocently, just a chance meeting really, who would have thought it would end like this.  I can’t  have any regrets. What we shared was fantastic.  The depths of feeling he taught me during our passionate afternoons will stay with me forever.  First, meeting in the cafe, me cappuccino, him, Americano with milk.  Hands, both reaching for our cups, touching for just a moment, I felt an electric shock and apologised.  He later told me he felt the same.  Wasn't the first shock I received from him.   I needed  stimulation both mentally and physically.   I found them both.

After that I would visit twice a month and we would spend wonderful afternoons in the hotel, just two consensual adults making love.  That is, until three months ago when I missed my period.   I couldn’t think of it as a baby.  I didn’t want to bring a baby up on my own and after discussion  with the doctor, and discussing the alternatives, I decided to have a termination. The father didn’t seem to want to know, so the decision was mine therefore to make.   The doctor made all the arrangements for me to be admitted for the termination as quickly as possible so that I would not go over the time when the foetus would be regarded as viable.

The day I went into the hospital I was a little apprehensive about what I was about to do but otherwise not too bad.  No second guessing my decision.   A lovely nurse came and gave me my pre-op injection and also some tablets.  To help with the anaesthesia she said. She talked to me the whole time while waiting for the medication to take effect. I felt so relaxed around her and then they came to take me to the theatre.  She said she would see me when I came back… 

The housewife was desperate to end a life,  so I helped her.  I prepared her propofol and administered it to her in preparation for her surgery.  What no one realised was that I also added a large dose of warfarin.  I held her hand and told her I would see her soon, as she got sleepy before being wheeled down to surgery.  She never came back from having her baby terminated.  She bled out during the operation.  A life for a life.

I was a good nurse, I am a good nurse. 

I’m no avenging angel, but when I see innocents getting hurt, I have to act.  I try to be good, but it never is that simple.  

It always catches up with me.