The Girl in the Glass

The Girl in the Glass

Katie

As dusk falls on the street, I take my evening walk. I walk after work each day, weather permitting. I’m a scientist, so I know the data behind exercise. I’m also stuck at my desk all day, and I need a release. As I walk, I work through my anxieties of the day. Some people talk on the phone while they walk, some listen to podcasts… I think. I think about why I’m still single at 40. I think about all the embarrassing things I said that day. I think about why my favorite protein bars must be refrigerated but others don’t. But mostly, I think about my work. 

I walk from my quaint neighborhood with craftsman cottages and turn left, and then right, and find myself walking past the elite homes of the neighborhood that’s near mine, but just out of reach financially. They aren’t all beautiful, though. There’s always that one that real estate agents lovingly call a “fixer upper.” Which is really a kind way to say ugly eyesore. 

I take a deep breath and feel my shoulders fall. It’s a physical representation of my anxiety taking a step back and giving me some space. Space between my shoulders and my head; space between my body and my brain.

Jamie

I don’t know about time anymore, but I do know that most days that lady walks by. She doesn’t wear a smile, yet her face is almost a smile. I know she can’t see me. I’m not an idiot. Sometimes I still try to wave for help, only because it makes me feel hope. Then she walks by, and I’m left with the sinking feeling in my stomach- the one you feel when the airplane drops altitude. I’m still here. 

I don’t know how long I’ve been here. I was little when I was taken, and I lost count of the days. Mostly because I started sleeping during the day, but then sometimes I would wake up and it was dark. So that was weird.

I do remember when I was taken, though. Sally grabbed me by the upper arm when I was running around the unused field at my brother’s soccer game. Here and then gone, in a flash. I didn’t freak out at first, because she was a lady, and she looked like a mom. I thought maybe my mom told one of her friends to come get me because the game was over. But also, I knew, because of the way she grabbed me. I remember the sinking feeling then, too. 

Katie

I’ve always wanted to buy a fixer upper, but what experience do I have with construction? None. Well, not counting the renovation videos I’ve watch on TikTok. It doesn’t seem that hard. Famous last words. 

As I walk, I remember, and cringe, how I burped in the middle of a sentence in a meeting today. BURPED! My God, it’s a miracle I still have a job. I am a mess. “Positive self-talk,” I tell myself. Okay, maybe I’m not a mess. I’m a “work in progress.” My therapist would love that. I make a mental note to tell her that next time. 

I’m feeling smug with my self-imposed self-talk exercise when I come back down to earth long enough to realize that the clouds are hovering. Oh crap, I forgot to check the weather forecast. I’m not in my usual frame of mind today. I mustn’t have slept well last night. 

I look up to get my bearings, realizing I’ve been looking at my feet this whole time. I decide it’s time to turn around because it looks like the sky could fall any second. I go from moving to stopping, and spin on one foot. It feels awkward. I look around to see if anyone saw that. No one around, luckily. 

I’m walking towards home and thinking about how that guy from IT seemed really interested in me. Weird but ok, I need the confidence boost.

The clouds are covering up even more of the sky now and accordingly, I pick up my pace. No time to dawdle. I’m walking past the fixer upper again and daydreaming of what I would plant in the flower beds. There is shade so I could do hydrangeas. 

The moment I think “hydrangeas,” lightning flashes and I jump. I see my reflection in the window barely break contact from the asphalt. It felt like I jumped ten feet in the air. My breath catches in my chest, and I quicken my pace. Did I just see? No, it can’t be.

Jamie

It felt like we made eye contact. Not just on my side of the glass, but on her side too. I know we didn’t, but it felt like it. 

I feel a lump in my throat, mostly because I miss my mom. And I wish I could see her again. Sally said no one was looking for me. That made me sad. But I also think she might be full of it. She did take me after all. And that isn’t the right thing to do because I wasn’t hers. She didn’t even ask. I think she’s lying because my mom used to always tell me, “Nothing will ever make me stop loving you.” She said it a lot, so I feel like she meant it. I don’t even really remember her face, but I do remember that she would pat my back while I fell asleep, and I really liked that. So I never felt alone. Now I’m always alone. Alone in this room. 

Katie

I’m totally freaked out, but I try to shove those feelings down, down, down. I make it home right when the rain begins to sprinkle. By the time my dinner is ready and I’ve poured myself a glass of wine, it’s pouring. 

I pick up my wine glass and realize I’m shaking. Not because I have low blood sugar, but because I’m panicking. Because of what I saw in that window. Because I think… I really think, I saw a girl in the glass.