CIRCLES-33

CIRCLE

33

Hello.

Amy made some spaghetti sauce when they got home. Good way to get rid of the habanero pineapple sausages we had left over from last night. Jason had to break up the sauce because he couldn’t handle the heat. (pussy)

Just kidding.

He wouldn’t have been able to handle the heat.

They were even hotter second time around. But they were good in the spaghetti. A good dinner. A nice dinner. We all three, sat at the table and played Rummicube while we ate.

Together

Amy is trying to change up her sleeping schedule. It’s either still, or again. And again, Amy woke up after a few hours of sleep.

It’s 11 :28AM.

The first thing Amy did when she awoke was get this, open a door and a window. Why?!?

To let the fresh air in. It’s warm this morning. Warm enough to wake up to less, snow outside. It’s above freezing. She immediately opened a window and a door. This morning.

She needs to get the stale winter air, out. 2:43 AM. I want to go back to bed. I will wait until Jason leaves.

Until then…

3:14 AM. He’s gone.

3:37 AM. Washing for the day has begun and the headphones are on. Time to think. First, I need to get a cup of coffee.

Rock…

On…

Baby rock on.

I wish we never left.

That. was our home.

What would it be like now?

We drive by it sometimes. I don’t know why. All it does it make her remember. And that makes her feel a lot of different emotions.

And then it goes away.

So many regrets.

To this day...

However many years is has been.

The point is, is that she still gets upset when it comes to mind.

And then it goes away.

Well. We did it. We got Logan to go to the Y with us today. He played basketball with dad while I walked.

I went a mile and a quarter in 30 minutes.

Uphill, the whole way.

Sorry Carter.

Don’t miss ya.

While we were all burning off some energy, Trevor called. In his new house he has a really long plain, white wall. This wall is the wall he put his itty-bitty tv set on. So today we needed to go over and help him hang a new big-big screen TV.

To be young again.

If we knew then, what we know now. I think Trevor is better with his finances then we were at his age. We had just met. I was in an apartment on River Rd. And Jason was living across town.

For a moment

Tonight was quiet. Right now it’s 9:26 PM. The boys are both asleep. It’s normal for Jason, but not Logan. He’s always up at this time. I guess the basketball wore him down. Lol.

Yay!

It’s so nice seeing him off, and out.

Amy had energy that just wouldn’t burn off.

In about two hours she has worked on her puzzle, worked on her story, and put a roast in the crock part.

With the vegetables, all washed and cut up too.

Get it over with.

She sure won’t want to do this tomorrow. Today, she did all the stuff she has been dreading. She even called Aaron after two weeks. Two weeks ago she asked him a favor. She wanted him to finally read the book. It has been out for two years.

Oh.

I have to do that, don’t I?

Amy thought that he was actually reading it.

She didn’t ask.

She doesn’t need to. She’s done. With everything Newman related.

There is nothing I can do.

That’s too bad.

There is nothing I want to do.

That’s too bad, too.

It’s 11:25.

PM.

It’s now 4:51AM.

More snow today. Christ. It just melted. Oh, man. Jason needs to go out there and pick up, dog poop. It’s been a while.

Diamond is starting to go into my garden.

A big no-no.

Yum.

I smell pot roast see Jason’s soup in the near future.

I see it tonight actually. When Jason came home, we discussed it and decided to skip the meal and go straight for the soup. We visited about it and worked in the kitchen together.

As that was going on Amy asked Jason the help her with Facebook.

She hates it…

Jason and her made an itty-bitty Facebook thing so I can learn how to get it out there. It starts with a friend.

Marcia…

I want and need to get the book out.

Do I just forget about it?

This damn fucking book.

Dammit.

It’s all or nothing with it.

Anyway…

Now she knows that Meta is a Facebook platform. As is Instagram and What’s up? That he now says was NEVER on his phone. Liar. He fucks with my head. I wish he would go to bed. Hey-hey.

Omg.

What time is it?

I don’t give a, shit anymore.

It just doesn’t matter.

I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t know how to do this.

And if I did know how to do this, I still wouldn’t want to do this.

Good morning.

4:40 AM.

Jason is home today. He needs to take a day off a month. Today, is that day. February 28th. Fifty degrees’ today. And cloudy. A good day to get on the porch and clean it off. Sweep the rugs and take away the chewed-up bird seed from the winter.

Speaking of…

It sure didn’t feel warm today.

Fifty degree’s my ass.

They went to Jackson to go to a meat market. They wanted to get some, huge chicken breasts. With a few pounds of burger for smash burgers. The Whitlocks are coming down for dinner and cards tonight.

Change of plans…

Marcia’s brother was having a health issue so, they had to skip. And Logan went to Lansing to hang out with Pierson.

They invited Trevor and Justine for dinner.

We had enough food.

We visited for a while and then they went home.

So nice…

Amy was cold so she got under her blanket. She woke up six hours later to the smell of bacon. Hmmm…

A comforting smell.

And a sick smell, at the same time.

FYI.

Food, food, food.

Got to have it.

It was cold today. It was a bitter cold day today when she was out, in it.

Which was only twice.

Once to realize that it was too cold to be out in it. And once more to say that she is crazy for being out in it more than once.

She inside now. She’s been inside. In fact everyone is in bed and asleep right now.

Amy is soon to follow.

Jason went down about an hour ago.

Yep. She followed. She is getting real tired.

Social Media. If I want this to work, I need to join, all of it. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tik Tok. Fuck. The only one that can help me is Jason.

He knows all about social media.

I need to make a book trailer. Two ways to go through with that, idea.

One take the chance with the internet and hope you’re not being scammed. And two, stick with Page Publishing for about $300 more.

Knowing that these people are safe.

I can’t believe I am doing this. I don’t see this in my future.

But…

Who can literally see into their future?

I wish.

Three wishes…

I wish I could talk to my mother.

I wish that certain feelings would go away.

I wish a lot.

To be continued…

Satellite radio is awesome. No, ads. And the talking is minimal. It’s all new. For the first couple of months. There has been quite a bit a don’t like, also.

I feel old. I feel like my parents.

It all sounds the same.

Yep.

It does.

The new fad is screaming. From the stomach, up.

Lol.

And out.

Some of it is okay. Logan absolutely loves it.

Hey…

It’s light outside. Time to start the day.

Logan is gone…

And Nala is scratching at the door.

Hello Monday!

I slept good last night. I took some Melatonin. It will be a busy day today. Jason is coming home early to get Amy to an appointment.

An appointment to get my dragonfly touched up.

When she was done. It took almost 3 hours, but total tattoo time we were charged a cheaper rate. She didn’t charge for the whole time we were there. There was a lot still to get ready.

And a lot of chit-chat to be done.

Bullshit.

A lot, of bullshitting.

Amy did a lot of listening towards the end. Every time she gets a tattoo her patience begins to wear thin after a few hours. The nerves in her arm were playing the hurt-no hurt game. Which sends fire down to her toes.

115551.

(500)

Her toes feel like matchsticks.

And then it goes away…

Tonight was special.

It was for Amy.

Jason and Logan could give a shit, but it was I don’t know neat, watching Trevor at the dinner table. His, dinner table. With his, new family. Justine, James, and Hudson. Amy felt good inside. She just watched and listened...

She cleaned her plate. Justine, she can cook. We had a pork loin with candied carrots and green beans.

And apple pie, ala mode. A yummy dinner.

We all sat at the tabled and talked. Logan included.

My kids, they’re adults.

Wow…

And then she saw it.

It was sitting on the table, next to a pretty silver candle holder. In fact, Justine has the same one I have. It was from Bath and Body. (Amy loves that store). Pretty silver, with sparkly flowers.

Justine has good taste.

Okay…

Sitting in the tray was a white block. A phone, block. Immediately Amy flipped it over to make sure it didn’t have a black A. LOL. It was funny. Both Trevor and Jason knew what Amy was thinking. They all looked at each other at the same time. It was a funny moment. Trevor remembers…

Something he will never forget.

Something Amy will make him, never forget.

Lol.

And then we came home.

Logan was especially tired. He went directly to bed right after he walked through the door. He had a long day doing his animal investigator stuff.

Speaking of…

When comes home he always talks about his work. On this day he was excited to talk about it.

Mom, Dad, guess what I got today???

AN ALLIGATOR!

Yep.

Some insane lady had a pet alligator.

In a, bath tub.

IN MICHIGAN.

Wtf?

Cruella…

Cruella…

De Ville.

Now where are they going to keep, this thing?

How are they going to capture this thing?

Who’s, gonna capture this thing??

Logan???

Fuck that.

Crazy-ass people.

Lol.

Speaking of…

Amy is learning Facebook. She even joined her first group. A coffee club, group thing. Jason is helping her.

Yep.

He knows what to do and how to do it.

Don’t you Jason?

This can be fun. (For Amy this has become a game) Sometimes it is fun.

And…

A lot of times, it is not.

Example…

Jason fixed dinner.

This was after Amy had already planned it, and Jason had already changed it. He did that while Amy was in getting her hair cut.

And colored.

Finally…

It’s behind her shoulders.

Anyway.

He once again doubted my decision.

What’s new…

Well???

Contempt:

Noun.

The feeling in which a person regards anything considered mean, vile, or worthless. Disdain: scorn.

The state of being despised: dishonor, disgrace.

We both feel it.

What now?

Amy is going to have fun with this maybe.

Maybe not. She is doing this to get her book out.

Maybe.

1:54 AM.

She woke up in the chair with the lights on, and in front of the television. It’s been a long time since that’s happened. Falling asleep in the chair. She has been sleeping in bed for a while now. She absolutely, will not get back in that habit. She has all day and evening to be back there now. Yay! She loves this hour change. Something that she, they, them, him, her, it, the universe, needed.

She is trying hard to get her body to agree to this.

For instance…

It’s actually twenty-eight hours, later. The next day.

She skipped a whole day.

Where was she?

Well, she fell down a rabbit hole. It’s pretty deep.

It can go deep anyway. But only if she lets it. She’s learning Facebook.

There is so many people in this world.

She never stayed in one place long enough. Be it city, state, school.

Bar…

Never long enough to have a true friendship.

Yes.

I blame that on my parents.

It sounds terrible.

I don’t want it to.

But.

But I do.

I think that is why I was so hard on myself when the boys switched schools.

I completely and totally blame myself.

I want to hide.

Today is a yoga day.

I can’t hide.

Nope.

It’s yoga day.

Lol.

Second time around and Jason is still going with her to Yin. He’s made it twice so far. I think he likes it. He’s cute. Trying to stretch it out.

To be more limber.

Ha.

Ha.

Seriously though, he’s trying. It’s nice to see.

It is also fun to watch.

11:11PM

4:50AM

Today is a good day. It’s Friday. The weekend. Jason will be home in approximately, five hours. We need to go out today to return the onesies that are just gonna be too small. We need to get a bigger size.

And maybe grab another.

Or more.

Amy wants to buy a new box for her to keep some stuff in. She noticed that when they were moving Justine that she has one, too.

But hers is a, magic box.

They may do that today. They need to find something to do until Logan gets home. Because when he gets home the three of us is going to the Y to burn some energy off.

Exercise for Amy, basketball for the boys.

Facebook. She has to do it if she wants to be able to keep up with it. It being life. Social media. I need to dip my toes. So.

So I asked Jason for his help. I had three pages when I only wanted two. He had to delete one, and re-friend only two contacts. It took a little time, but he figured it out. Mumbling that he doesn’t know blah-blah-blah Facebook, whatever liar, the whole time.

Just do it…

Everything is such a pain in the ass.

There was not one thing simple about today. First of all, she slept weird. Up-down-up-down. Woke up for the last time at 12:30 pm. Late, late, late.

It is Daylight Saving time. spring forward. She had a hard time moving from the moment she awoke, to the first few steps on the treadmill. She is so thankful for that treadmill. Walking helps her with so many ailments.

And issues.

Only if she lets it though.

I learned a new word tonight, eremitism.

Eremitism- the act of gradually fading from the lives of others, not out of malice but a desire for solitude or renewal.

Ahhh…

Good time to work on the puzzle.

The owl, puzzle.

Colors, galore.

I’m too tired to do anything more tonight. Another day of exercise. The basketball court was closed off for kiddie time, so both of the boys lifted while Amy walked.

Christ. Is it never going to stop?

The snow. The cold.

The, winter.

Thirty-one for a high today. On a good note in two days, it is supposed to be in the seventies. Maybe then the grass will be green. Good morning. This morning I was tired of the computer.

She actually shut it down. Not just sleep. It needs to re-boot, or whatever the word is. She was in the mood to clean her house. She did that before they went for a ride down south. Not Toledo south, but real close.

Temperance, Mi.

That is where she is doing that mini retreat with yoga and all of the essentials that go with. This is going to be a first. Totally solo. The last time she stepped in going solo was AA.

Isn’t that ironic.

She is really looking forward to the change. Be it only a few hours.

(It’s a taste)

Her appetite is getting stronger.

Watch out here I come…

Right round baby right round.

Speaking of…

They rode around for what seemed like hours.

Amy even dozed off a little.

That was easy to do with the heated seats.

It’s been a while since she has been over by Luna Pier. It’s the beginning of March. Ugly outside. Still patches of ice and/or snow in the shade. Yuk. But Tomorrow is Sunday. Sunny all day. A high of fifty-two to tomorrow. Sixty on Monday.

Wow Sixty, three Tuesday.

Nice.

10:56 AM.

7:31 PM

11:20PM

Hello.

I woke up thinking about Justine. We went over there for an early dinner and a little conversation this afternoon. I’m tired. And I need to plan a baby shower. Wow. Yay?

Yay.

Welcome…

Trauma.

Trauma’s.

Yes Nate.

They surround me too.

I don’t care anymore.

Straight from the sad man’s tongue.

To be continued…