The Unceremonial Crush

It was a lovely mid-summer evening, strobing my hair, dressing in aurora white, brightening my face as a sunburst tiara, “Might be a great day!” I smiled.

Yeah! my first ever date with Jake. Streaming in my mind, “Might be for me, not him", I fastened my seat belt, got cracking right away.

“You lucky, lucky girl, if you need to know what love is” recalling the lyrics, my thoughts flew away with me. I cherished the way I prepared myself on my way to Jake's home.

‘Few months back’ 

Dull days in sequence, virtual sessions were in queue, I felt bored as usual. The unusual change in screen at the sour of the moment, caught all our attention. My eyelids fluttered repeatedly. An eye-catching visual on the screen appeared out of the blue. 

"I'm mad, who is this?” he made me crazy.

Private chat box started popping up one after the other.

“Who is he?”, “Isn't he handsome!”, “Soo Hot!!!”, “OMG”, girls in the class passed their comments.

Course coordinator Mrs. Laura delivered a welcome speech, I clicked his screen to zoom-in. Looking closer, I never got to widen my eyes to watch the screen like this, of course i didn't miss to switch off my web cam. 

Jeez!!!, our new language professor, nothing else that could be grabbed in her speech. Oh! Man, there is something in his eyes, zoomed in to maximum already. I was waiting in the wings, “Come on man!”, searching his voice scales, set his frequency in my mind. When he started to speak, I was all ears.

"Hi everybody, I am Jake”, his frequency was stunning more than i expected, as I watched his Adam's apple rising and falling.

“Your new language professor and a research scholar.” He introduced himself. Yeah! His voice was gentle, warm and welcoming, everybody in mute were listening thoroughly.

“Your in-depth language skills can take you to the heights” his words etched in my brain, he disappeared sooner in the blink of an eye.  

 I used to be the last to join nevertheless, I joined early in his class (virtual class).

“Hello!! How are you?” he waved at me. I smiled instantly.

"He was such a mighty handsome, he was like a warmth of the sun in winter and a hopeful sign of joy”, I admired. 

Zoomed in, Oh, jeez!!, those blue eyes... “Tanya, right?” He waved at me again.

“Ye-y-Yes, you are right, you have a strong memory too” I delivered my prompt response.

He shrugged and smiled; I acknowledged.

"Something in his eyes” I swore.

Multiple alerts popped up to join the class appeared in the screen simultaneously. He welcomed most of my friends by their names, everybody in mute were watching and waiting for him to start his speech.

Oh! Gosh!! his words were cream of the crop, I envision something... Those were fresh and freezing.

I entered the realm of fantasy, “just forty-five minutes session is not fulfilling” i said to myself. There was nothing I could do, I gazed at him. 

He was such a energetic person, loved to deliver speech. He was unreserved and enjoyed interactions with us. His affable nature qualified him to be a gregarious man.

I turned curious and more focused in attending all his lectures. I made multiple attempts just to collect all his personal information, I started to ask as many doubts as I could though I was struggling to frame my sentences many a time. I loved the way he responded; he replied in broad and detail. Often times I failed to logout even after his sessions ended. His absence could not be expressed and its influence could not be explained. I was attracted by his endeavoring manners; he could earn unconditional love and regards. I felt as if i had lost myself in his compassion and attitude. He stole my heart.

“Are you not working today?” I sent him a text message with hesitation.  

“Yes!” he gave me a swift response. 

“Hope you are fine” I wanted to confirm. 

“Doing great, no worries” he replied with a smiley.

I was overwhelmed with his responses. I was fond of him undoubtedly. Being anxious during lock-down, started to count the days nearing college reopen. We could stay connected via virtual sessions, phone calls and whatsApp chats. My heart awaited to meet up with him in person. 

Government started declaring lockdown relaxations in phases. Leaving the dozens of thoughts behind, I took out my phone and started to text.

"I wish to meet you in person" I typed

"sure" he replied without hesitation.

"Where are we meeting? " I asked at the speed of the light.

"I'm held up currently, shall we connect later?" he asked

My crazy urges could not get settled, I started typing with all possible haste.“I would like to meet you. Where are you?”, thought for a moment and decided to click back space.

All my brainwaves were surrounded by his thoughts, "how long will this continue? You are in my dreams irrespective of day and night. I bet your memory can gauge the depth of my love. I love you to the moon and back, I will be lost lying in your arms. Honestly, I forget myself almost....” I wandered in my thoughts while in my couch.

‘At Jake's home’ 

It was my big day, dreamt of it so long, rode my car to the shared location using google maps. His house covered with an extensive garden. Man of charm, dressed in crackling cuffs and collars, looked into my eyes.

“Hey! Welcome Tanya, how do you do?” he smiled at me in a peaceful valley. I gazed at him with astonishment.

“Go....Good!” i reacted.

He was the tall man with blue eyes, sharp jaws, tight lipped smile, I was just admired him with no words. 

 I surrendered myself in his large frame, the tall man waved his arm. “Hi!!” I smiled.

He showed me the way to his drawing room, overflowed with plenty of paintings, fixed on the walls. Definitely he was a great admirer, I could witness from all his pieces of art.

“Please come and have your seat” his orotund voice, made me turned suddenly.

I had to lift my chin to see his face, “Yeah, com-co-coming” of course my voice turned tremulous.  

“How may I help you?” he asked me while his fingers rushed to brush up his glossy hair that fell on his forehead. “How could I open my mouth, answer him?” as my mind was not streaming in line.

All that I practiced in front of my mirror had gone wrong, nothing I could remember to persuade him now. All of a sudden, my pores opened widely, my hair stood on end as his eyes were glanced at me.  

“Tea or Coffee, Tanya dear?” she was extremely soft spoken. I turned my face to her in surprise as she mentioned my name.

“My mother Hazel, Tanya”. He introduced me.

“Hello!” I greeted her, then I was in deep surprise.

“Date at his home” nothing to wonder, could go with it, but “Date in front of his mother!!” so uncommon.

“How could he have misunderstood me? how could I have expressed thoroughly on this day? Did he has really meant it for a date?”. Too many questions tagged in my brain.

“How are you?” Mrs. Hazel asked.

“Good” I whispered.

She offered us a cup of coffee and left us alone.

“Have to say something now without waste a single minute” I forced myself even more, I was aware that no one could come for a help. Shifted my silky hair on my cheeks behind my ears, my eyes were open widely, swayed my tongue over my lips, I was like a bird flapping against a wind. 

“I-I want to spend rest of my life with you” I told him openly.

His sudden gaze pierced in me; We were in deep silence for few seconds.

“Oh! God, come on man, say something” My heart rushed to witness his next expression.

“Tanyaaaa...hmm...” nothing I could hear from him except my name for a few more minutes, he left me with my deep thoughts about him,how was he going to react? 

After a few seconds, I turned following his gaze, he offered a warm smile, he rolled up his cuffs, wiped his brow free of sweat and started.

“Maybe You admired my strength and unnoticed my flaws, you are aware of things as a young adult furthermore i need not attempt to convince you. Honestly, I don’t expect this from you. Your views will change over time. What is love, meant to you is different from mine. Still, I take care of you as my student. I hope you can understand me in better ways” he spoke gently.

He turned my thoughts down yet I admired him by this accomplishment. I learnt from him that he was a great observer who delivering limited words. I loved the way he divulged his opinion when I lost in contemplation.

Though I missed him a lot, his words were accurate on life. One thing I could confirm that he was not a person roaming around, making relationships as he could make the world inside the walls. Definitely it's an art.

I could observe, his passion for painting, love for gardening, he enjoyed his home more than anything; for the world outside, he was such a broad mentor. I could not compel him and I did not do that, but he stole my heart once again. He was a man of wise thoughts.  

“I respect and value your opinion. My love and regards are always there for you, thank you Jake, definitely you made my day special, I love the way you are” I greeted him with a warm smile.

"I miss you" I said in mute and walked away since his words meant a lot to me.

-from the diary of Tanya

The End