The Beauty of Sakura

The petals surround me. Falling from the sky in tickertape fashion. Pink, pale rose and white, mystic and mysterious.

Strange but compelling and unforgettable.

Cherry blossoms symbolize the ephemeral nature of life. Their loveliness although tinged with volatility represent mortality and destiny.

An empathy towards things and the reality of life, yet at the same time it signifies hope, renewal and positive thought.

The cherry blossom leaves swirl around and lift my existence as I float in a lightness of being.

My memory is mostly gone with unknown faces around me: some smiling, some grim with tears rolling down.

Yet I feel at peace. Calm has at least for the moment embraced me. 

My body is free of all pain and here I am an entity without a human form.

Personification in a spiritual form.

Is this nirvana or just an illusion?

Three score year and ten yet in an instant I exist and then suddenly in human terms I do not. Right at this moment I am transient and fleeting.

Gone now.

A wistful nostalgia of times I can never return to.

My life flashing by me:

There is some recollection: at three score years and five I finished a long working life with a parting gift and a kind farewell.

At fifty my first grandchild: celebration and the beauty of birth.

Earlier at forty, I had convinced myself I had 10 years of marital bliss with love and offspring conquering all.

30 was meeting the one which society had chosen for me, with sweet children soon following.

Twenty years old and before then I spend my time exploring myself and other bodies.... education got in the way...

10 was a happy childhood, parents that cared and siblings who supported me.

When a baby: in my cot and above my head being entertained by spinning musical toys as a soft breeze animates my nursery room.

My life like so many others was full of ups and downs. Nevertheless, optimism is the way to go as I have transitioned now, and all must change.

The exotic cherry flowers engulf and support me. I am part of the delicate charm of Sakura.

Elegance and refinement: the beauty of impermanence.

As I bask in the glory of these wonderous miracles of nature, my senses are gone and my thoughts are timeless but as if drifting into a black hole I become part of these delicious petals and they are around, beside and in me.

Now I am one with these glorious miracles of existence!

Ceaseless and relentless the warrior blossoms chatter together in a language I cannot discern yet their emotion is fully understandable to me.

Images of those in my life appear in front of me, relatives and friends, partners and lovers.

Happy times and happy days fill me with goodness and gratitude for the wonder of a life lived and now over.

But then:

Slowly with some of the blossoms they get an anger, and some hostility arises, briefly but clearly.

My past is awakened by these fierce yet feminine fighters:

I then see my beloved daughter who was for years rejected by me simply for the love she has and had for own gender.

The annoyance of some flowers is momentary as soon they then give me exoneration. Previously after just a few years I asked forgiveness from my daughter and she and her partner were soon part of my family.

Then inevitably I am also reminded of myself nearer the end of my life. The secretive repressed side of me that had stayed hidden inside me had become unbearable.

Why oh why must I and others often spend our lives pretending we are someone else; but then again there are so many powerful forces to prevent us being ourselves and therefore I realize I should avoid being so hard on myself.

The cherry blossoms are revealing and reminding me about how in my final years in the mortal world I did at least allow my true feeling to flourish.

A youthful yet mature adult Adonis had come into my life showered me with his versatility that had eluded me for most of my existence.

I felt the endless chattering of the bloomers around me were full of flirting giggles are they entered every part of me and even now without having a physical form I felt pure ecstasy and spasm as the petals surged through my being front and back.

But suddenly:

As quickly as they had gathered in their thousands the cherry blossoms fled away into the light and I am swept into a dimmer light then a darkness so intense I wonder:

 has karma eventually decided against me?

I know that the cherry blossom signifies only temporariness, so maybe renewal is not part of the agenda?

Or is it?

My feelings of peace and tranquility are being disturbed.

The wonderful flowers that had come to protect and guide me have gone and now I feel so alone and isolated.

As here and now there is only dark and eternal oblivion.

No time- no space- no nothing.

Yet:

Suddenly I found myself swimming, swimming like a tadpole. In a sea of wonderment. Pushing along as hard as I can. Getting nearer and nearer.

It takes all my effort. Harder and harder. Faster and faster.

There is still veracious bleakness, but my path itself shines as I move closer and closer.

All my previous thoughts and memories have disappeared.

The sole effort is to get to my destination: 

As speedily as I can I race along this unknown journey.

Who am I? Where am I? where am I going?

And what am I doing?

I somehow knew there is not much time, so I need to move even quicker.

Determined and hopeful I glide along.

Pushing and struggling....

Destiny is upon me.

Then it happened.

A spark!

Yes, a spark!

Oh, what a lovely spark!

As if I was witnessing a mini–Big Bang.

It is like a glowing fire has ignited.

A flash of light that signified fusion. 

A new beginning has started.

Glory! Glory! Glory!