Sessions 2, 5, and 9

          “You said you had some things you wanted to talk about, Helen. Tell me, what’s on your mind?”

           “I don’t know, I guess I’ve just been feeling really burnt out lately. I feel like I keep repeating the same chores every single day. I have no way to liven things up.”

           “I see. What about your friends? Why not ask them to hang out?”

           “They’re all busy. Half of them are out of state, the other few live too far away to meet up.”        

           “I can see how that could be a problem. What are you doing for fun?”

           “…”

           “Sounds riveting.”

           “I was thinking.”

           “Okay, okay.”

           “…”

           “Are you still thinking?”

           “No, no, I got something. I’m working out now. From home, of course, but that’s something right?”

           “That’s good! I want you to keep doing that. Every time you get that burnt-out feeling in your stomach, do something that’s just for you. Sing a song in your room, have a dance party, take a drive into town. Work isn’t everything, right?”

           “Yeah, I hear that.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

           “Helen, how are you today?”

           “Good, good. The rain made traffic pretty bad today, though. I’m sorry that I was late.”

           “No, that’s okay. It’s been a slow day. What’s going on?”

           “My birthday passed recently, so I guess I’m one year older.”

           “That’s exciting! Did you do anything big?”

           “No, I didn’t want to ask anybody to come. Some people are still pretty scared of the virus, and I wouldn’t want to force them or anything.”

           “Well, did you at least do something with your family?”

           “We had some pizza and watched movies. It was all right. I’ve never liked big parties anyways. My friends sent me happy birthday texts though.”

           “That was very nice of them. I wished you could have done more for your party. It must have been hard.”

           “Nah, I’m used to it. Don’t worry about it.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

           “Hi, this is Becca! If you need me, please leave a message along with your phone number, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Have a blessed day!

            ‘Hi ma’am, it’s Helen. Could we schedule my appointment earlier than next Tuesday? It’s gotten pretty bad recently, especially with what’s been happening. I just really need to talk to someone who isn’t my mom. Please let me know if you can work me in. You have my number. Thanks.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

           “I remember what it was like before all this stuff happened. Like, it was sort of simpler back then.”

           “Can you be more specific, Helen?”

           “Well, I remember being really excited for recess for one. That was always the best part of the day until I got older.”

           “What sort of games did you play?”

           “Well, we started out with the usual make-believe stuff. I think we pretended we were horses for a while? It was weird. Oh, and we did freeze tag too until someone pushed another kid into the mulch. The teachers outlawed it after that.”

           “Your teachers outlawed freeze tag?”

           “They said we were being too violent or something, I can’t really remember. We also had a honey-suckle bush near the playground fence, but one time someone saw a snake near it, and they outlawed that too. I think they cut it down after that.”

           “I think we’re getting off-topic. Let’s rewind a bit. You were saying that life was simpler back then. What other examples can you remember?”

           “Uh…math was definitely easier. Adding and subtracting were the easy days. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that.”

           “Speaking of which, if you could go back in time, what else would you say to yourself?”

           “Gosh, that’s…kind of a loaded question. I’d probably say to pick your friends carefully, and to keep studying hard even though it sucks.”

           “What else?”

           “Um, let’s see, I would probably just…man, I don’t really know. I’d want to tell myself how terrible things would get later, but I don’t know if I could do that to my…what, ten-year-old self?”

           “What do you mean, ‘terrible things’?”

           “Do I really have to explain that to you?”

           “I’d like you to try.”

           “…fine. I’d probably tell myself that the world can be dangerous, and maybe a little scary, and it won’t always be nice to ten-year-old girls.”

           “…”

           “…”

           “What else?”

           “You are really pulling my teeth here, ma’am.”

           “Come on, tell me. Or rather, tell yourself.”

           “Ha, very funny. What do you want me to say? That the world sucks and it really doesn’t seem like it will get better? That she’ll grow up in a world that constantly implodes on itself every other day, and if something terrible happens, she just prays it isn’t close to home? That by the time she’s in high school, she’ll know all the perfect places to hide if things go wrong? And, even if she’s safe, who knows if her friends and family will be?”

           “…would you really tell that to yourself, or the younger version of you?”

           “No, obviously not. In this completely hypothetical situation, I would probably tell myself to invest in Apple.”

           “You know, a lot of kids your age think the exact same things.”

           “That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

           “What I’m trying to say is that other people have the same fears as you. They have the same paranoia and negativity because the world hasn’t given them anything else to feel. It can be hard to try and go through life as if nothing is wrong, especially when you are at an age where the weight of the world seems to be on your shoulders.”

           “I guess.”

           “How about this. Let’s pretend you are still telling your younger self all those things you just mentioned. Can you think of anything, anyway, to put a positive look on things?”

           “You…want me to put a positive spin on wars, shootings, and crimes against humanity?”

           “That is not what I meant, and you know it. I want you to get your eyes off the constant negativity in your life and tell me something good that has happened in the last ten years.”

           “Okay, fine. I guess I would tell her that school still sucks, but you can get through it. The internet is your friend, and don’t stress about the English class, because your sister will help you out. And that sometimes the world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows like adults want you to believe. There are terrible people and there’s no way around that. But if you try your best to be kind to those around you and treat them like you would want to be treated, then you’ll be doing your best.

           “That was very sweet, Helen.”

           “It was cheesy, and I hated saying every word of it.”

           “Maybe, but it was true. I think you’ve grown a lot since our first session together. I’m proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself.”

           “I guess.”

           “No, I want you to say it.”

           “I’m…proud of myself.”

           “With more gumption this time?”

           “I’m proud of myself and what I’ve accomplished.”

           “Never stop telling yourself that, and I think you’ll be just fine.”

           “…Becca?”

           “Yes?”

           “How did you stop being scared? When did you start looking at the world like you do, like it’s not broken?”

           “I don’t think you ever stop being scared. The day we become used to violence is the day we lose our humanity. You have to keep your empathy and your kindness. It’s okay to feel scared and hurt by what we see. We just can’t let it consume us, right?”

           “Yeah, I guess so.”

           “Alright, so you’ve got some homework to do.”

           “Keep telling myself that I’m proud of what I’ve done so far, and all that mushy nonsense.”

           “Call it whatever you want, just believe it. I’ll see you in a few weeks. Call me if you need me.”