not always as it seems

Sadie: Hey

I stared at the screen blankly looking at the email I had just pulled up. I hadn't expected to hear from her well ever really. I thought the distance between us was too much to cross but I guess that's what technology is for. Not in my right mind considering it was early on a Monday morning and I forgot to put coffee in the machine the last night I responded.

Olivia: Hey

Her response was almost immediately like maybe she had been sitting there the whole time waiting for me to respond. It was hard no to read into that.

Sadie: To be honest I didn't think you would respond.

Olivia: Neither did I.

I stared at the screen eyes glued to the little bell that would tell me if she had responded as the time trickled by. I really should try to accomplish something even with having this Monday off for labor day. I still had a buttload of homework from the past Friday that I should at least try to get done. I was about to grab my calculus assignment but a new message popped up.

Sadie: I think we need to talk.

Olivia: Talk about what? What is there to talk about?

I looked at my email wondering if I was being too harsh but it's not like I was the one who reached out, how did she expect me to answer anyway?

Ignoring my last question she responded

Sadie: We should meet for coffee.

Olivia: Where, when, and WHY?

Sadie didn't respond till later that night and I barely got any work accomplished looking back at my screen, over and over again hoping for a reply. I thought you said you would never do that. I thought you said you were over her.

Sadie: Stepping stones coffee house, 9 am tomorrow.

Olivia: Do you seriously think I'm going to wake up that early just so we can ‘talk’

Sadie: livy….

I shut my computer and went to bed. She could live in suspense for the next twelve hours, it's the least she deserved. I pulled the covers over my head and drifted to sleep.

I woke up to the sun peeking through the blinds. I cursed under my breath and picked up the alarm clock. 9:12

My early morning mind got the best of me. I threw on some jeans, a tank top, and a sweatshirt combed my hair lazily before rushing out the door.

Stepping stones wasn't too far from my house, a ten-minute walk or a five-minute jog if you had just woken up and your limbs were barely working.

I reached the coffee house and gave myself a few seconds to catch my breath and smooth down my clothes so it didn't look like I had run here just for her.

I opened the door and stepped inside chai and pumpkin spice hitting my nose. I looked over at Sadie who was looking at me like she could read my mind She smiled and looked me up and down and then raised her eyebrows almost as if she knew exactly what happened. Sadie was like that, it was like she could see right through you.

“You came.” She said,

“I had nothing better to do,” I replied casually.

A waitress appeared with two coffees and set them down on the table. Sadie pushed the one farthest away from me into my hands. “Dairy-free pumpkin spice latte with extra sugar and no cinnamon. You're welcome.”

“Do you expect me to thank you?” I asked, looking her dead in the eyes.

“Not really.” Sadie grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulders. “Let's go for a walk.”

“So you invite me to a coffee house just so I can sit down for ten seconds and then drag me back into the cold morning for a walk?” I mumbled under my breath.

“I can hear you,” she calls from in front of me.

I sped up my pace so I'm walking in rhythm with her and then I stop. “Looks just get the point please I don't need you wasting any more of my time.” Hurt flashed in her eyes but it was quickly gone.

“Look, I've missed you.. I-” I cut her off.

“You've missed me? You've missed me huh. After you outed me to all your friends started dating that football asshole and then completely ignored me for the rest of the year because your friends didn't want to hang out with,  sorry let me quote ‘someone like me’  now you miss me after pretty much cutting me out of your life?”

“It's not like you tried to reach out!” She fired back.

“Because if you were ignoring me at school, why would you want to hang out with me outside of school? And why would you possibly think after all that I would want to hang out with you? You have no idea what it was like everyone staring and pointing at me all the comments the stuff people put on my lockers all because of you. So yeah no wonder I didn't reach out you made my life hell.” I turned away from her and started walking back.

“I never should have come, why did I think this would be any different?”

“Livy!” She reached for my hand but I jerked away.

“Don't you livy me just leave me alone and go back to your stupid popular people who make you  become something your not.”

“Liv listen to me!” She shouted her voice louder than I’ve ever heard it. “I have cancer.. And the doctors thought it went away after I survived last time but it came back, and I don't have much time, two weeks at the most maybe, and I just had to talk to you, and just tell you I’m sorry! I’m sorry okay! Is that too hard to accept?” Tears streamed down her face.

“I never meant to tell them, I never did tell them, Leah, Leah she was reading my journal when I was in the bathroom and she learned everything and told everyone. And I should have stood up for you, okay I should have, I just I don't know.. I miss you as my best friend everyone in my group, none of them are like you all they care about is what clothes and makeup their wearing and talking about how likely that certain guys are going to ask them out, none of them are true friends. None of them are you. I'm sorry for taking this long to reach out, I guess it's the realization that you might not have the time to wait another day that really drives you to say all the things you should have said a long time ago.”

I stared at Sadie and everything that happened in the last year dissolved until all that's left was my best friend her blonde hair covering her face as her tears stained the pavement and I just couldn't imagine losing her, even after what she said and what she did she was still Sadie and Sadie was still my everything.