The boy who dreamed he was a man.

The last drink put him over the top, or was it the first drink? Tom could never stop at just one, or two, or three. The road was a blur. He had to keep only one eye open so he wouldn't see double as he drove.

Erik was in the back seat; even at ten years old, he could tell his father wasn't right. Elizabeth starred at Tom as Erik watched. She was impatiently tapping her fingers on her lap.

The drinking was a problem. Tonight was like any other. Tom was usually drunk before he got home. At first, it seemed normal to Erik. I mean, if you grew up eating dog food, you’d probably think it was pretty good. But as time went on, the dog food didn't taste good; and he realized it wasn't normal. In the middle of the night, Erik would find his father passed out on the toilet. He never told his mom; it would have made her angry and sad. She was crying more often now. She wouldn't do it in front of Erik, but it was impossible to hide it all the time.

Some mornings, Elizabeth would sit in the kitchen and listen to music, and Erik would sit with her, they would talk. He loved talking with his mom. She would make him smile. It wasn't so much what she said, but her attitude and warmth. There was a glow about her, and he felt safe when they were together. His dad wasn’t warm. The drinking, stress with bills and work took its toll. Erik was happier when Tom wasn’t around. He felt bad about that. How could he not want to be around his father? But it was true. His father brought nothing but hurt and pain to a world that was better without him.

One morning; Erik and Elizabeth were sitting in the kitchen listening to music and out of the blue, she began crying. Erik wasn't sure why; he only knew she was sad; so, he held her, and they cried together. That’s what they did, comfort each other. Erik didn't have any siblings or friends; he was more recluse. What he had was his mom, and she had him. Maybe that’s why he hated to be around his dad. He took away her glow, her warmth. Everything that made her special disappeared when he was around.

Erik didn’t have a father. Not a real one, someone who would take him to the park, make him laugh, give him hugs and kisses. How he wished, prayed for that. He swore he would be a better father when he got older. He would shine for his son in a way that Tom never could.

“Pull over. I need to drive.” Elizabeth finally spoke her mind.

“I’m fine. Stop questioning my judgment.” Tom shouted back. His words came out slurred.

“No, you're not. I don’t care if you want to get bombed out of your mind and pass out on the couch. But when we go out, you can’t do this.”

Tom turned toward her, taking his eyes off the road. “Bob and Trish invited us over to their house for dinner. I wasn't the only one drinking. What? You want me to insult them. They kept offering me.” Their fighting made Erik cry

Elizabeth’s face dropped as she leaned over to Erik and placed her hand on his lap. “Honey don't cry. I’m sorry, sweetheart. Mommy and Daddy were just arguing. It’s over now” Her stomach twisted, and tears welled in her eyes. As she was talking with Erik, Tom’s head dipped. He nodded off.

“Mommy loves you. Don’t be afraid.” She said. Instantly, the car slammed into the metal guardrail. The impact and sound of crashing metal shook Erik. The back of Elizabeth’s head crashed into the passenger’s window, cracking it and splitting her head. Blood gushed from the wound, like a soda can exploding. Air bags deployed. The car went off the side of the road. On the other end of the guardrail there was nothing but eighty feet of space which led to the riverside below. Erik felt his stomach drop, like when he was at the amusement park and rode the roller coaster with his mom. But this time, there was something waiting at the end of the dip; hard earth lined with solid rock.

No seat belt on, Erik fell forward, hitting the windshield. It was only a few seconds before they made impact with the rock lining below. After hitting the ground, the front of the car crumbled like a piece of cardboard, pushing the engine through the dashboard, shattering the windshield. Erik went backward into the rear window. The crumbled metal and pieces of engine hit Tom and Elizabeth in the face. Blood and brains covered the remains of the car’s front as skulls cracked open. Erik fell onto the crumbled mass and laid with his parents. He saw the blood, but his head was spinning; he couldn't register what had happened.

The car upended, crushing the roof. Erik laid in purgatory. Not awake, but not fully conscious. He didn't know how long it was before he heard the emergency sirens, but the last thing he remembered before passing out was the sound of a man’s voice.

“We have a boy, and he’s still alive. Help me get him out.”

***

Erik waited outside the elementary school. Only a couple of more weeks until summer vacation. It seemed like yesterday he dropped Jacob off for his first day of kindergarten. Jacob’s lack of protest surprised Erik on that first day. He went right into class with no issue. Maybe he was more disappointed than surprised. He wanted Jacob to miss him.

Jacob couldn't wait for the last day of school. His first year was going to be celebrated with a trip to Disneyland. Erik had never been, so he wanted to give Jacob that experience.

With a deep breath, Erik inhaled the warm summer air as Jacob made his way out of the school door, in line with the other children. Lunch box in hand and a superman bookbag on his back. He ran up to his father, and they hugged.

“Give me a smacker.” Erik smiled.

Lips puckered; Jacob pressed them against his father’s cheek.

“Ah, now that’s a smacker!” he returned the favor with a kiss of his own.

“How was school today?”

“Good.” Jacob replied.

Jacob doesn't say much. His eyes and smile do most of the talking. They had a warmth and glow, just like his grandmother. Sometimes looking at Jacob made Erik think of that night. The crashing metal, the blood and the death that came with it. He wished they had never got into that car. His parents would still be here. His mother could sparkle for Jacob, but it was Erik's time to sparkle.

Walking to the car, someone caught Erik's eye. A woman standing across the street in front of the bagel shop, wearing a dress that looked wet and had rips and tears along the seams. On her feet, there were no shoes or socks. Spots of dried mud covered her legs. Erik couldn't make out her features. Her long black hair had a greasy look, and it covered the woman’s face.

“What’s the matter, dad?” Jacob was uncomfortable with Erik’s silent stare.

“Nothing, son.” Erik turned to Jacob and smiled. “I was just looking at that woman across the…” Erik pointed toward the bagel shop to show Jacob, but the woman was gone.

“Did you see that woman across the street?”

“What woman?” Jacob was confused.

“Nothing. Forget it. Let’s get you home. Finish your homework early and I’ll take you for ice cream after dinner.” Erik shook the vision of the woman out of his mind and walked Jacob to the car. Jacob placed his bookbag and lunch box into the back seat, then buckled himself into the front passenger’s side.

Before igniting the engine, Erik felt an aura. A cloud formed in his thoughts; they were tangled with a burning in his nostrils and a metallic taste on his tongue. His hands clinched into a fist. For the first few seconds, he tried to fight it off, but he knew the seizure was coming; he just didn't want it to be in front of Jacob.

Within seconds, it overtook him. Fleeting thoughts flashed through his mind. Images, some he could understand; others he couldn't. Brief pictures of the car accident, his mother reaching out to him before impact. She spoke to him, but it was nothing more than a jumble of words he couldn't understand. Then the woman at the bagel shop reaching out to him, her hair still covering her face. At the seizure’s peak, Erik felt nauseous and was about to pass out, but then the decline. The rapid thoughts slowed, his breathing went back to normal, and he unclench his hands.

“Daddy, are you ok?” Jacob placed his hand on his father’s shoulder, but Erik pulled away. Sensitive to any touch after a seizure.

Erik wanted to respond, but the words couldn't form. He raised his index finger to Jacob, requesting a minute to recover. Out the car door, he went to walk around in the fresh air. After a couple of deep breaths, he collected his thoughts.

Sitting back in the driver’s seat, he put his seat belt on; Erik tried to explain to Jacob what a seizure was. They had just begun recently, possibly related to the accident years ago.

“I'll be alright little guy.” He kissed Jacob on the top of the head.

Driving off, they passed the bagel shop where Erik saw the woman. Why did seeing her bother him? Maybe it was just the aftereffects of the seizure. Or maybe he was lying to himself. There was something familiar about her. As he drove, the summer breeze hit Erik's face from the open car window. Light-headed and dizzy, the moment didn't feel real; he pushed it deep down inside of him and turned toward Jacob, rubbing his head with his hand. Jacob smiled. That would usually make Erik’s day, but this time it made him uncomfortable.

***

With white siding, the house stood two stories tall. The picture window on the first floor was a backdrop to the porch and a three-person rocking chair. The second floor had two windows that peeked into Erik's and Riana's room. Off-white Victorian lace curtains dressed all the windows. The above-ground pool and the freshly cut grass, fed by sprinklers, were visible in the backyard.

Erik pulled the car into the driveway. He took a moment to embrace the vision of his beautiful home. A type of home that he never had as a child. Jacob unbuckled himself, taking his backpack and lunch box with him into the house.

The inside was more embracing. Victorian furniture, pristine in its appearance. Hard wood floors covered with space rugs that showcased bright colors of blue and white. Antique ornaments and vases lined the tables and shelves.

Riana was in the kitchen cooking dinner. A kitchen filled with a French door refrigerator. The chicken was roasting inside the range oven, and Riana was sauteing the vegetables on the stovetop. Slowly approaching her, careful not to give off a warning, Erik wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her on the neck.

“You're silly. One day you're going to get me burned playing your games around the stove.” Her voice was bright and warm. There was an energy surrounding her that Erik could never explain; it just made him happy. There was no way he could have picked a better wife.

“Where’s Jacob?” She took the vegetables from the pan, placing them on a dish next to the stove.

“He went upstairs to do his homework. I promised him ice cream after dinner if he finishes early.”

Riana turned toward Erik. “That’s cute…” She paused. There was something off. He looked dazed or distracted.

“Are you alright?” He gave no answer.

“You had another seizure, didn't you.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you're not. They're getting more frequent. Take care of this. Do you hear me?”

Erik smiled. “I have never had this problem before. It'll pass.”

Riana caressed his cheek as she cried. It’s related to the accident. You can’t ignore it. Stop fighting. You hear me? Stop fighting?” Her words resonated like an echo in a tunnel. Erik’s knee buckled as he lost his balance.

“You see.”

Erik regained himself and gave her a kiss. “OK, after tomorrow, I'll take care of the problem. I was thinking about keeping Jacob home from school tomorrow and all of us go to the park. I wanted to teach him to fly his new kite.”

Riana kissed him on the top if the head. “Alright. Now sit down in the dining room and I'll get dinner on the table.”

Erik walked into the dining room. Something didn't feel right. The woman from the bagel shop flashed through his mind, followed by a sharp stabbing pain in his temple. He was certain he had seen her somewhere before. Getting ready for dinner, he shook off the pain and sat down. Riana was right. The seizures were getting worse; he just didn't want to deal with it. Worried about what the doctor might find and how it would affect Riana and Jacob.

***

A clear blue sky, the sun shining down on them at midday. Perfect for kite flying. Riana placed a wool blanket onto the grass. Red and white squares decorated it. A wicker picnic basket filled with snacks for the day sat in the center of the blanket.

“Are you ready to fly the kite?”

“Can I play with mommy on the swings first?” Jacob pleaded.

“Alright, but first I need a smacker.” Jacob leaned in, pressing his lips hard against his father’s cheek, and kissed him.

An unsettling feeling filled Erik as he watched Riana and Jaicob walking towards the swings. It felt like he would never see them again. Turning away, he looked across the park at a merry-go-round. It reminded him of the one his mother used to take him to. Before he could smile, he saw the woman sitting on one of horses of the merry-go-round. His breathing quickened. Erik looked back at Riana and Jacob to make sure they were ok then turned back to the woman. He examined her more closely this time. It wasn’t grease or dirt that soiled her hair and dress. It was blood.

She stood down from the horse and motioned for Erik to come to her. His better judgment told him not to, but his legs and motions seemed to act on their own as he walked one slow step at a time. What took two minutes seemed like an eternity. Standing face to face, his brow furrowed, and he lifted his hand toward her; quickly drawing it back.

“Do I know you?” He asked.

As she lifted her head and parted the bloodied hair, Erik could see her face, but before he could take in all the features, he felt the aura. The burning nostrils, metallic taste. It all leads up to the fleeting thoughts. Thoughts of the accident. Other thoughts he couldn't understand stand, but then he heard the voice of the man that pulled him from the car. The man’s words and sentences lacked clarity and structure. It was something about a car. Head bad. Lost blood.

Then another voice took over. A woman’s voice. Again, incoherent. “Heart rate…more IV.”

The seizure slowed, and his thoughts came back to him. It took a minute, but he could see the woman now. He took a step back, rubbing his eyes in disbelief. He didn't know if he should cry or scream.

“Mom?”

His mother placed her hand on his cheek in a gentle caress. Erik couldn't help but cry.

“It’s ok sweetheart. You can stop fighting now. It’s time to come with me.”

Erik didn't understand. He looked back at Riana and Jacob, not knowing what to make of all this.

“You would have been a wonderful father.” She opened her hand, gesturing an invitation for him to follow her.

“Mommy loves you. Don’t be afraid.”

Erik felt ten years old again. When he looked back at Jacob and Riana, they waved goodbye in a fair well gesture, smiled and blew him a kiss. As he grabbed his mother’s hand, her hair was no longer bloodied, it was up in a bun. The way she used to wear it around the house. Her dress had no rips or tears. It was a white dress with red hearts. The one she wore during his fifth-grade graduation. Her legs were clean, and she was wearing her red slip on shoes.

Elizabeth pulled him close, pressing his head onto her shoulders. The warmth, the glow. Oh, how he had missed it. One step at a time, they comforted each another as they went into shimmering summer haze, until they disappeared into the horizon.

***

“Time of death.” A doctor asked

“11:45 p.m.” The nurse answered.

“Patient’s name and age?” While speaking, the doctor was taking notes.

“Erik Stolle. Ten years old.”

“Cause of death, blunt force trauma to the head from automobile accident.” The doctor said.

“Little guy, put up a fight; I'll give him that.” Before covering Erik’s face with the sheet, the nurse kissed her fingers and placed them on his forehead.

“Yeah. One hell of a fight.”

They turned out the lights, closing the door behind them.