Again and Again

Every day blurs together. The same day repeated again and again. I don’t feel real. Endless blank hallways all connected like I’m lost in a labyrinth. It controls my mind as I walk through the world, confronted with the grim reality of humanity. The doors open to nothing but suffering and I am forced to sit through this pain without any chance of saving… okay maybe a tad dramatic. The point is high school is some cruel and unusual punishment and I don’t know what we did to deserve it. I don’t care how old you are, everyone knows high school is the worst (besides maybe middle school). You can not seriously tell me that you look back at your time in high school and think it was great and if you do say that you’re either a liar or were exactly like the kids who made it so awful and I don’t care to know you. Are we all clear on that? Great! Anyway, let’s get back to this boring story.

Introduction: My name is Vee, no I’m not telling you what that’s short for because it doesn’t really matter to the story since no one calls me it. I’m around 5’6 and average in every other way pretty much, brown hair and eyes, short hair with an undercut, fairly masculine but I have a more feminine voice (thank you estrogen), none of that matters but apparently you people need a visual to better understand these things. One thing I do want to make clear is that my pronouns are they/she. I’m 16 years old. I’m punk but kinda mixed with emo. I have no idea why any of this matters but apparently you should know.

To the important stuff. My first class of the day is film (easy A). Everyone in there mostly signed up because they needed to fill an empty slot but I genuinely like the class. Sure the teacher can be a bit annoying but I think that about every teacher no matter how cool they are (except one but she’s been the only exception thus far). I don’t hate school… that’s a lie. I hate school but it’s not because of the things we learn necessarily, it’s because of the people. They all suck. There’s no better way to put that they’re just all awful. Prime example: anyone named Cameron. I don’t care what you say anyone with that name I immediately hate. I just don’t trust them. I have never in my life met a Cameron who isn’t an awful human being. Like a demon crawled out of the ground and named himself Cameron and here we are. No not even demons would act like some of these people. I can hear you now asking “What does this have to do with anything?” and the answer to that question is (drum roll): Absolutely nothing! Just a quick warning for everyone out there don’t trust them. Kay?

Now that that’s been covered it’s off to second hour. Algebra (kill me). I hate this class and everything it stands for, I don’t feel I need to explain that further but in case you’re new to Earth: Algebra is a class where you learn math you will never use in real life such as the Pythagorean theorem.

Anyway, 3rd hour: Physics. 4th hour: Spanish (had to take a language and we didn’t have French). 5th hour: History (would be fun if it wasn’t the same thing repeated over and over again every year). 6th hour: English (the only thing that saves my day). When the school day is over I run out to my car as fast as possible and go home. I flop onto my bed until dinner. I flop back down after. I stay there on my phone until I fall asleep. When I dream it’s a world like the one I’ve spoken of. I can’t decide if I hate it or love it. A life I could never have. A life that is not my own. I fear the unknown yet search for it. I am a complicated and broken individual. I know something is wrong with me. I know that I am not human. I don’t know what I am.

Every day blurs together. The same day repeated again and again. I don’t feel real. Endless blank hallways all connected like I’m lost in a labyrinth. It controls my mind as I walk through the world, confronted with the grim reality of humanity. The doors open to nothing but suffering and I am forced to sit through this pain without any chance of saving… Back again. Again and again, I end up in this place. It changes my mind. It ruins my soul. I feel like I don’t belong. My eyes are red. Film. Algebra. Physics. Spanish. History. English. Home. Again and again.

Every day blurs together. The same day repeated again and again. I don’t feel real. Endless blank hallways all connected like I’m lost in a labyrinth. It controls my mind as I walk through the world, confronted with the grim reality of humanity. The doors open to nothing but suffering and I am forced to sit through this pain without any chance of saving. My skin is charred. I feel like an animal. Film. Algebra. Physics. Spanish. History. English. Home. Again and again. Save me. I turn into something new with each day, this place ruins me. I think I’m a monster now. Film. Algebra. Physics. Spanish. History. English. Home. Again and again. Help me. Horns sprout like a demon. Am I broken? Film. Algebra. Physics. Spanish. History. English. Home. Again and again. Make it stop. Film. Algebra. Physics. Spanish. History. English. Home. Again and again. Stop! Film. Algebra. Physics. Spanish. History. English. Home. Again and again. STOP!!

The world is blank. My eyes are heavy and red against black fur. My teeth are sharp and my mouth is stretched longer. Horns sprout from my snout. A slit in my tongue like a snake. Film. Algebra. Physics. Spanish. History. English. Home. Again and again. It kills me. I feel inhuman. I want one more day like it used to be. Film. Algebra. Physics. Spanish. History. English. Home. Again and again. I dream of when life was normal. Is that what that was? A dream? Film. Algebra. Physics. Spanish. History. English. Home. Again and again. Was I ever normal? Can I still be? Am I too far gone? “Vee” it calls out to me still. I don’t under… I don’t understand! My voice is lost. I don't… please! Please don't do thi… please don-