It Wasn't Me

I didn’t wake up thinking today would be the day I made a bad decision. It was just a regular Wednesday. I packed my backpack, grabbed an apple for lunch, and brushed my hair the way Mom told me to.

I made it to school in time to stop in the bathroom. There it was. Sitting there, just waiting for someone to pick it up. If it wasn’t me, it would have been someone else. It wasn’t even that fancy. What harm could come from me picking it up and keeping it safe? Clearly, the owner doesn’t find it important, or they wouldn’t have left it on the sink. The shiny, little heart locket called out to me, begging me to take it and keep it safe. It even clicked when I opened and closed it. A satisfying little snap. I put it on because I thought it would bring me luck with the math test I was about to take.

I didn’t mean to steal it. I really didn’t.

I didn’t steal it, I borrowed it. Temporarily. I had every intention to give it back. That’s important, right? The intention. Like when Dad says he meant to call but fell asleep. Or when Mom says she meant to pick me up on time but “traffic was biblical.”

So yeah, I borrowed the necklace.

Maybe it was to piss off Madison, too.

Madison always has this perfect way of making you feel like a trash bag with legs. She once said my shoes looked “tired.” Not old. Not worn. Tired. Like they were emotionally exhausted from being on my feet. I laughed it off, because that’s what you do when someone like Madison says something sassy.

She’s the kind of girl who always has lip gloss. She smells like cupcakes and cruelty. Still, I wanted her to like me. Not just tolerate me but want to be my friend. I knew the necklace would catch her eye, and it did. I knew she wouldn’t be able to resist the shiny object.

Madison saw the locket during third period. She tilted her head.

“Is that real silver?”

“Duh.” I said and flipped my hair like the girls in the shampoo commercials. Everyone laughed, but in a good way. I felt ten feet tall.

My math test was easy. I passed. No, it was easy. Even the word problems made sense, which never happens. After the test, Madison asked if I wanted to come over after school. She said she had Oreos and that’s basically a peach treaty in middle school.

I imagined us taking selfies with the dog filter. I might even make it onto her TikTok. I’d wear her hoodie, and she’d say we were twinning. I didn’t expect it to last forever.

I felt invincible. Until after school when I got home, that’s when Mom found the necklace.

The part where I left it inside my pencil pouch, yea, that was stupid. I know, rookie mistake. How was I supposed to know she would be digging around in there looking for gum or Chapstick or whatever?

She held it up like it was a dead rat’s tail.

“Who’s is this?”

“Mine.”

“Don’t lie.”

“Fine. Emma.”

“Emma who?”

“You don’t know her.”

Silence.

Silence is worse than yelling. At least with yelling, you know where you stand. The silence is just so quiet. It’s like being in a dark room, you’re just waiting for something to jump out and scare you, but nothing does. You sit there, scared of your own heartbeat. I kept my eyes locked on the floor. I knew exactly what was coming next. Mom was going to bring down the hammer.

Lying. Cheating. Stealing. I was surely doomed. There was no excuse I could give that would make this go away. I crossed a line, and no amount of pleading was going to change that. All I wanted was to undo everything.

“We’re taking it back.”

“But what if I lose all my friends?”

“You won’t lose them, baby. You never had them if they need stolen jewelry to like you.”

I felt my stomach drop, I felt nauseous. I cried. It was just a little at first, droplets. Then a lot. Big, ugly sobs that made my nose whistle and I couldn’t catch my breath. I said I was sorry and that I was just a dumb kid. I told her I didn’t think it would matter, and I just wanted something everyone else thought was cool.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

She just nodded.

She didn’t say anything at first. She just stood there. Then she sat down next to me and wrapped me in her arms. She smelled like detergent and shampoo and perfume.

In her arms, I felt better. Even if I knew I was going to have to deal with punishment.

“Next time,” she said softly, “just ask me. I’ll let you borrow something of mine. Hell, I’ll write you a damn note for the test.”

I nodded. She handed me the necklace.

“Give it back. First thing tomorrow.”

The next day, I returned the necklace. Emma didn’t even notice it was missing.

“I haven’t worn that thing in ages. You keep it.”

“No, thank you.”

That night, I didn’t eat much of my dinner. My chest felt heavy. I kept thinking about Madison’s voice and how she sounded when she said, “Is that real silver?”

She never did text me after school. She never mentioned the Oreos again. Peace treaties can expire quickly.

I didn’t eat anything, and I stayed up late, lying in bed. I just stared at the ceiling fan, watching it as it spins. There was emptiness in the pit of my stomach. Guilt, maybe. Nobody at school knew what I did, but I knew things could have been much worse.

Life used to be so much easier. It was right and wrong, up and down, yes and no. Now, every decision I make feels wrong.

The bottom line is I don’t think I stole anything. I borrowed it, plain and simple. She was even willing to give it to me when I returned it. I could have just kept it in the first place, if I had stolen it, but I didn’t.

So yeah. It wasn’t me.

But then again, it kind of was.

Okay. It was.