By the time he finally revealed his icy blue, cold eyes, River already knew it was him. She’d recognize those eyes anywhere. Especially after the long, torturous months of wanting and almost never receiving his steadfast gaze. And now, as he sat in front of her, real and clear, River had never been so torn. Her mind began to race.

Six months earlier…

After almost 25 minutes of circling around the packed parking lot and stalking people leaving the university buildings in hopes of taking their parking spot, River finally pulled her silver 1997 Toyota Camry into a spot. “Unbelievable,” she muttered to herself. “I’m going to be late for my first day of class, that is JUST perfect.” Still, she took a moment to quickly check her reflection in the rear view, getting the smudges of mascara off of her under eye with her finger and fluffing her wavy auburn hair. She took a deep inhale followed by a slow exhale and stepped out of the car.

When she finally found her Geology classroom, she walked in nervously. This was the one class she signed up for this semester where she didn’t know anyone. “Excuse me, anyone sitting here?” she asked a tall, brunette who was sitting in the center of the auditorium seats. Once settled, River took stock of the other students in the classroom. A few sorority girls were already well acquainted and taking up six seats on the right side of the room. There were a couple individuals, about half guys and half girls, who probably didn’t know anyone else, just like River, and had sub consciously spread themselves out.

She sighed, and pulled out her cell phone, checking to see if Grant had left her any messages after their hook up at last weekend’s frat party. Nothing, of course. River rolled her eyes, threw her phone into her large tote bag that she had scored at a flea market on the East side of the city a couple weeks ago.

As the instructor walked into the classroom, she leaned her head back against the seat and settled in.

###

As he looked at her, he saw a flash of recognition in her large, almond brown eyes. His mind traveled back to the first time he had been moved to action as a result of her irresistible gaze.

Five months and 6 days earlier…

Amidst half graded tests, a jumble of various geologic specimens and ancient textbooks, Tom leaned back into his faded, dark brown desk chair and ran his fingers through his light, sandy hair. He slowly glanced toward the digital clock to his right, on top of a tall bookshelf as the red numbers blinked back at him. 12:44. She’ll be here any minute, he thought. In an effort to distract himself, rather than make his office look presentable, Tom began stacking books neatly on top of one another and organizing the array of papers into class categories on his desk.

He heard a throat clearing and looked up eagerly toward the door to find her standing halfway between his desk and the door. He took all of her in. She wore a green, floral sundress that fell past her knees and her auburn hair was pulled back. He felt his heartbeat quicken. “River. Thanks for coming in, have a seat,” as he gestured to the grey chair in front of his desk.

The next hour was a blur, as Tom took on the task of fantasizing about River, while attempting to offer her guidance on this week’s oceanic ridge systems and basins lesson. His mind went to the place he knew it shouldn’t and the dark feelings began to emerge. Not that they were unpleasant, no. He had long yearned for them and they always returned.

“Okay, I think I’m understanding,” River said as she studied a diagram in her copy of the Geology 101 textbook and nodded to herself. She looked up at him with those eyes. Larger than life, he thought to himself. “Thanks so much, Dr. Hunt. I don’t know why I thought that Geology would be an easy pass for me,” she laughed and shook her head as she began to stand up.

Tom’s brain moved as quickly as it could after being transfixed by her inescapable gaze. “No problem…So, River, do you mind actually having a seat?” he asked. With a questionable gaze, River sat back down, facing him.

“So, River, I know this is probably going to come off as completely inappropriate and you absolutely have every right to say no if you are uncomfortable, but would you be open at all to dinner tonight?” Tom looked up into her eyes then quickly fluttered them back down. Hopeful, he waited for the response.

###

River thrashed in the short metal folding chair that she was tied to. “What the HELL is happening, why are you doing this?!” He continued to sit with his gaze fixed on her, calm and contemplative. He watched as her eyes, those indescribable gateways to his soul, began to fill with tears.

Three months earlier…

As River jogged the last half mile to her dorm room, she felt a lightness in her pace and overall mood. For the first time in her adult life, she finally felt like things were working out the way they were supposed to. Up until this point, she’d begun to seriously doubt all of the women in her life who shared their raunchy and exciting renditions of their college experiences. Like Aunt Linda, for example, who had met her insanely hot Cuban husband of 25 years during a college trip to Havana. A year ago, she could barely get the immature college guys she hooked up with to call her back or even text her after a night of binge drinking and sex that she couldn’t remember.

As she began to slow down and catch her breath, her ringtone interrupted her upbeat Latin American dance music that accompanied her on her morning run. “Hey!” she answered excitedly and heard him laugh on the other end of the phone. “Hey yourself. Question, do you always sound that excited after a run?” She grinned, at that moment completely oblivious to her roommate Gabby staring at her questioningly from the doorway. “I’m excited to see you tonight,” she whispered.

###

He slowly got up from the folding chair across from her and began pacing the damp, dark basement. His head began to spin. Wasn’t this what he had wanted? Wasn’t having her supposed to given him some relief? He felt his body began to shake as his mind moved away from him and swarmed from one reality to another.

Two months and two days earlier…

He waved to her as River walked out of the front lobby of her dormitory building and eagerly approached his vintage sports car. He had to hand it to himself that borrowing his old colleague, Rich’s car was a huge move. College girls were into shallow, insignificant stuff like that. Hook, line, sinker. Like clockwork, she walked around the got in through the passenger side door exclaiming, “Holy shit, this is your car?!” He smiled gently, leaned over and gave her a long, passionate kiss. “Just because I’m a broke college professor doesn’t mean I can’t have nice things.”

She grinned and met his gaze, trying to hold it. Then he began to feel it, a force moving inside him greater than anything he had ever felt before leaving him completely out of control. The feeling welled up inside of him like a balloon and his mind moved at an uncontrollable pace. He quickly looked away, stared at the road and put the car in drive. “So…there is a great Thai place that I’ve heard amazing things about, how about it?”

He felt her trying to hide her disappointment on the ride over to the restaurant and knew that even though it destroyed him, this was the way that it had to be for now.

###

“Please,” River moaned. Her lower lip trembled and her face furrowed with deep pain. “Please, don’t hurt me.” Her thoughts began to flash before her as she feared what would happen next. A sunny day and her Father teaching her to ride a bike, her Mom lifting her arm and sliding on a white corsage the day of her senior prom. The smell of her favorite candle and the voice of her best friend, Layla. Him, his presence, close and hopeful, but never fully reached.

Seventeen days earlier…

She lay back on Gabby’s bed, letting out a deep sigh. “I’m just so confused. Why are dudes so confusing?” she called to Gabby who was in her bathroom curling her long, thick, dark brown hair. “Riv, we’ve been through this. College guys nowadays suck and generally they are fuckboys who don’t give a shit about you. I mean, it’s not just you. It’s me, too. We’re all suffering in this day and age,” Gabby walked out of the bathroom to look at River. Flipping over to her stomach, River faced Gabby. “It’s just in every other way, this guy is amazing…but he won’t hold my gaze, hasn’t tried anything sexually and I’m just really confused about what he’s looking for.”

Gabby folded her arms. “Well maybe if I knew more about this mystery guy, like say his name or what classes he’s in, I’d be able to help you out.” River sat up and giggled. “Niiice try. It’s my secret,” she said teasingly. As Gabby sighed, rolled her eyes and walked back in to the bathroom, River thoughtfully twirled the ends of her hair. Of course, it would be awesome to be able to tell Gabby about him and get her honest advice about what the hell his intentions were. But it was way too risky, she didn’t want him to lose his job or get in any other sort of trouble.

Despite her confusion, she longed for the connection to deepen, to grow further and she had begun fantasizing all kinds of scenarios in her head. Him meeting her parents back home in West Virginia. Getting a dog together. Marriage. She leaned back onto Gabby’s fluffy down pillows and let herself dream.

###

He bent down and put his head into his hands, trying desperately to get some respite from the swirl in his head. Her cries for help only became more noise and he was feeling himself beginning to agitate. A feeling he had not previously felt with her. Snapping his head up, he glared in her direction letting the cold, yearning captor in him emerge. “Quiet.”

Nine days earlier…

In the middle of the lecture, he saw her out of the corner of his eye, get up from her normal seat in the center of the auditorium and start towards the exit, pulling her cell phone out of her bag as she walked. “That bitch,” he thought. Though he couldn’t say he was particularly surprised. After all, he had felt her beginning to grow weary and passive aggressive as a result of his unwavering mystery and distance.

“Alright, guys, go ahead and form some small groups, I’d say five or six of you to a small group and discuss glacial processes.” Tom sat down casually, putting his fist under his chin and and resting his elbow on the desk. He needed to move now. Although he knew that the timing was right, he still questioned whether or not he could actually do it. I mean, he’d fantasized and felt this way for years. The feeling had been consistent and beside him like a lifelong friend. But this would be the first time his real-life actions would have taken him this far. He felt a tingle inside, and gently smiled to himself.

It was time.

###

Using all of her available strength to rattle the chair against the cold, hard surface, River let her anger and fear move her. She watched him stare into her, his eyes boring a hole inside of her and she knew she would never forget this moment. If she survived.

Six days earlier…

Rifling through the rack of clothes at Nordstrom, River concentrated. Finally, it was happening. All of her tactics had worked. Turns out guys were easier to manipulate than she had originally thought. Or maybe it was just the fact that he was older and had possibly been out of the game for a while. Either way, she was delighted that pouting, playing hard to get and aloof had panned out in her favor.

She pulled out a red tight bodysuit with long sleeves and a scoop neck. Could be cute, she thought, turning to Gabby. “What about this?” she angled it against herself and looked at her roommate. “Oh, I LOVE that,” Gabby nodded excitedly. “You should definitely try that one on!”

As she sauntered over to the dressing room, River thought about her upcoming date. He had finally asked her to come over to his house and it felt like the next big step that they needed to take. He’d even been pretty clear about the fact that she should Uber to his house so that they could share a bottle (or two) of wine and she wouldn’t have to leave her car overnight. River couldn’t help but think of all of the failed relationships and all of the heartache that had now brought her to this moment in time.

“Finally…” she thought, stepping out of the dressing room to meet Gabby.

###

He stood up and sat back down again. Twice again. Then he traced her body with his eyes, beautiful, young and full of life. He stopped when his eyes met hers and continued to hold her gaze.

Four days earlier…

He was out of shape as he lifted her lifeless body down the stairs and into his basement. The original owners had encouraged him to finish it, sharing some ideas they had about carpeting and creating a laundry area near the washer and dryer. None of it would work for him though. This was exactly the type of space he needed for what he was always destined to do.

He sat her down on the folding chair, began to tie her wrists together and to the chair, using the rope he had purchased at Home Depot last week. Once she was tightly secured, he made sure that the pillow case covering her head was completely secure. He didn’t have long as the tranquilizer would start to wear off soon and she would stir.

###

As she watched him sit down and stand up again, she could sense a tense, nervous energy about him. Racking her brain, she started talking to him gently, “You don’t have to do this. I didn’t tell anyone about us, I swear. Not even Layla and I tell her literally everything.” She whimpered, “Please…you have to believe me.”

Two days earlier…

As the hazy room began to clear and she felt her eyes focus, River began to register her surroundings through the dark pillowcase that covered her head. She was definitely somewhere cold and damp. There was a humming sound like a generator and slowly the fog in brain began to lift. Him. The last few days. What happened?

She searched her mind for the last clear memory she could find and remembered sitting down on his couch after an immaculate dinner and too of the 1993 Chianti he had told her all about. Then it all goes black with bits and pieces here and there. The cold, the darkness, the sound of footsteps moving up and down the stairs. She began to sob.

###

Now as they faced each other, captor and the captured. Lusted after and gained. Wanted and taken. Each taking stock of recent events.

A college girl who had never felt wanted, never felt needed by a man. Always yearning and lusting after what she wanted, but could never find.

A college professor who had a dark urge in him to take something, to have and hold something that was not supposed to be his. A lifelong yearning to take and have.

It was what she had always wanted, right? It wasn’t.

It was what he had always wanted, right? It wasn’t.