For Your Amusement

Approaching the ticket counter at Six Flags Great Adventue, Beth readied herself for a much needed day off. 

“One ticket please,” she said to the cashier, handing over cash. 

“Not the usual look coming into the park, the cashier glanced up and down, noting Beth’s pristine two piece black pants suit with black pumps. 

“Yeah,” said Beth hoisting her Nike duffel bag up. “I plan on changing.  Definitely think the pumps aren’t the best footwear for Six Flags.” She and the cashier chuckled.  

As soon as the cashier handed her her ticket, she went into the first bathroom she saw to change.  Ten minutes later, she emerged in black yoga pants, a white fitted v-neck cotton shirt, a light blue jacket, and most importantly, a pair of white sneakers with socks.  She paid for a locker near the front entrance of the park and placed the duffle bag with her suit and pumps inside. 

An impromptu Six Flags trip, she called into work, lying to her partners that her husband was on her ass about spending more time together as a family.  Of course she would be working overtime this weekend to catch up on all the time she missed today. She strictly reminded them that she was not to be disturbed today and would not be answering any calls to her cell. 

She then lied to her husband about needing to meet a deadline at work and that she wouldn’t be back until late. 

“Of course I’ll spend extra quality time with you and Billy tomorrow night,” she promised.  “But I’ll be working late tonight, so please only contact me if there’s an emergency.”

Knowing her husband would be mad, she realized she really needed to make it up to him and their son.  She hadn’t meant to shirk her mother and wife duties as well as her work duties today, but as soon as she got on the freeway to drive to work, she felt weepy and knew she needed to go to the only place that made her feel sane lately. So she called into work, called home, lying to both, thankful that she always kept her gym bag in the car, never actually using it for the gym, but for these semi-annual trips she needed to Six Flags. 

Starting off with the Green Lantern ride, she entered the line and thought about her life.  As a family law attorney, she was so sick of having to dig up dirt on soon-to-be ex-spouses who wanted nothing more than to be petty toward the person they recently loved.  Her current case was high profile, a wealthy entrepreneur who cheated, but refused to give his soon-to-be ex-wife any more of his money than necessary, claiming he was suffering from alienation of affection and that he was sure she was cheating too.  “If she was cheating too, then the pre-nup would be null and void,” she explained to her client, and now she had to find a way to set up the ex-wife because whether she cheated or not was irrelevant. It only had to look like she cheated and the pre-nup would be void.  

Finally, she made it to the front of the line, made it onto the Green Lantern ride and decided to wait to secure a spot at the very front of the ride. With its 72 foot inclined loop, she knew she was in for a thrill. 

The ride had barely taken off and she was already screaming.  Screaming because she felt like she was losing her morals as an attorney.  

“Ahhhhh!” She screamed because she hated her client and that he was willing to spend more money on attorneys than giving the woman who had been with him for the past 20 years her fair share. 

They finally reached the loop and she shrieked loudly again, angry that she was willing to do anything to win a case. 

The ride was over way too soon, but she already felt lighter.  She looked at the map and made her way over to Superman Ultimate Flight ride.  

There, she thought about how she was tired of having to constantly prove herself to the other three male partners, needing to work three times as hard just to prove herself.  While they spent half the week golfing and taking credit for her ideas, they ensured her that she was on the fast track to become partner within a few years.  Too bad that was five years ago.  Every time she thought she might quit, they’d say something else to lure her to stay, making it seem like she was simply one great case away from becoming partner.  

On the Superman Ultimate Flight ride, she screamed her heart out!

“Ahhhhh!”  That was for the partners’ sexism and for their constant surprise that she could find ways to win another case despite her vagina!

“Ahhhhh!” That’s for promising her she’d be partner in 3 years by doing extraordinary work, but lying again and again. 

“Ahhhhh!” That’s because they still thought it was funny to pretend she was the secretary and have her get them coffee, and although she refused and laughed along with them at the “joke,” she couldn’t help but want to punch each one in the face. 

Once the ride slowly came to an end, she grabbed a hot dog and curly fries for lunch, quickly eating and getting back into line for the Batman Ride. 

There, she thought of the fact that her husband, a stay-at-home dad, felt neglected and wanted her around more. 

“Do you like all the nice things we have?” she insisted.  “Then I have to keep working. Once I make partner, I won’t have to work as much. And it’ll all be worth it then!”

“Of course I like all this,” he responded. “But I love you. And I want you around.  We barely have sex. We haven’t had a real conversation outside of Billy.  And I just miss your presence.”

“Okay, we’ll set some time aside for a dinner for just the two of us,” she’d promise, knowing odds were great she’d have to cancel.  

On the Batman ride, she screamed her heart out!  

“Ahhhhh!”  She wanted her husband to understand that she was working to improve their lives. 

“Ahhhhh!  She yelled because she missed her husband’s touch and conversation and was struggling to juggle everything. 

Next up was the drop ride, Zumanjaro: Drop of Doom.  She thought of Billy, her 7-year-old son, who also had no major fear of heights and would love something like this once he was tall enough to ride. 

Billy, her happy accident, in which she thought would slow down her career, but made her more motivated to succeed because she wanted to give him absolutely everything he wanted.  

As she entered the ride and the ride shot up to 415 feet, she took in the view of the park and smiled. 

“Ahhhhh!” She screamed on the way down as the ride plummeted, trying to ignore the fact that Billy wanted to spend more time with her, the only thing she couldn’t give him. 

“Ahhhhh!” She shrieked on the twister ride!  She was never going to lose the extra 20 pounds she gained while pregnant with Billy. 

“Ahhhhh!” She yelled on the Dark Knight Coaster.  Her parents wanted her to visit and they were getting up there in age, but she just didn’t have time. 

“Ahhhhh!!!” She wished she could make everyone happy!

Finally, at 10pm, after an entire day of riding and screaming, she changed back into her work clothes and headed home. 

She finally felt 20 pounds lighter.