Child-less

I don’t know why I thought today would be any different. But I did.

It’s five already, I’m shuffling to the kitchen for a mug of cheap coffee, sitting on the couch in the same spot I do every morning. Cal was already there like he has been for the past thirteen years, silently sipping his java and checking his schedule for the day. Looking up from his phone, he’s waiting for me to settle onto my cushion and take my first gulp of caffeine.

           “Mornin’ Beautiful. Are you as excited for our date tonight as I am?” Cal’s grin is suggestive and he playfully raises an eyebrow.

           “I will be as soon as I wake up,” rolling my eyes I shoot him a half grin so he knows I’m trying to play along.

           “Well, I’m off to New Hampshire today to finish that bath renovation. I’m leaving in a few minutes so I can be done early and make it home by four. I want to make sure I have plenty of time to get dolled up for dinner.” Cal’s eyebrows are dancing on his face as he stands up.

I can hear him topping off his travel mug in the kitchen as I slowly sip my elixir of life, waiting for it to kick in. A quick peck on the lips and he’s out the door before the sun has fully risen. I only have a few minutes myself to get dressed and out the door. I’m always the first to arrive at the office.

           I’m driving and thinking of all the tasks I must complete in between assisting patients today. It feels overwhelming. I’m remembering tonight is date night, a new weekly ritual for us to enjoy life a little, I smile. Thinking of time with Cal always makes me smile. Daydreaming makes the commute seem faster. I’m pulling into my parking spot and heading into the dark office, I’m first to arrive, again.

           It’s been at least twenty minutes and I’m still the only one here. It’s no surprise Brianna is late, yet again. I wonder which kid is giving her trouble this morning. Lisa always arrives precisely ten minutes before the first patient is scheduled. She’s reliable and consistent, but never early. I’ve already set up both operatories, finished returning calls from the night before, and put away half the supply order. Nothing is going to keep me late today; I have a date.

           “Naomi, thank you so much for setting up,” Lisa says adjusting her desk chair. “Are there any emergencies?”

           “Yea, just one. I already called him back and left a message. Hopefully he calls back soon.” Because I am not staying late again, not today.

Voices are making their way up the hall, I recognize them as Dr. Lowell and Dr. Clark. Brianna is still nowhere to be found. I’m seating Dr. Clark’s first patient, a child with a loose baby tooth that mom insists is a permanent one despite my reassurances. Dr. Lowell is looking especially anxious striding up to my side.

“Naomi, why haven’t you seated my patient yet? It’s too early to be running behind.” Dr. Lowell is speaking without breaking stride.

“Because, I am Dr. Clark’s assistant today, Brianna is supposed to be assisting you.”

“Well, I can’t find her. Seat my patient before you continue with Dr. Clark.”

Dr. Lowell’s patient is an eighty-seven-year-old woman who is walking one small step at a time, I’m doing my best to not look impatient as I’m guiding her into the treatment room. It’s not her fault I’m doing the job of two people. It’s Brianna’s. Oh, look who decided to show up. It’s way to early for my thoughts to be sarcastic. At least she got here before both doctors needed me to somehow assist them simultaneously in procedures.

“Naomi, sorry I’m late. June-bug refused to put her leggings on this morning, it was such a struggle to get her out the door. Ugh, don’t have kids.” Brianna loves to pretend she hates her kids.

“I never planned to.”

I am in no mood for idle chit chat, I have two dentists barking demands at me. I’m pretending not to hear her continue her tale of motherhood as I dash into OP 3 to check on Dr. Clark. If I’m not within ear shot, she’ll finally get to work. Brianna is a great dental assistant, she knows her stuff and is great with patients, she just doesn’t have a sense of urgency.

Lunch break is approaching fast and I see two patients still sitting in the waiting room. I’m really hungry, I hope these two make it quick. Lisa is waving me over to the front desk.

“Go ahead and take lunch. These two are here for interviews.”

“Thanks Lisa. I thought they were add-ins. I’m so hungry I can’t wait to eat.”

It’s a beautiful day, sunny and warm, I’m sitting on the bench in front of the office enjoying my cranberry walnut chicken salad. It’s a moment of peace perfect for preparing yourself for the last three hours of the work day. I’m thinking of what I’m going to wear to my dinner date with Cal tonight. I can almost taste the chicken marsala at Wicked Good, it’s been our favorite restaurant since we discovered it five years ago. Brianna walks over and joins me.

           “Hey, girl. Dr. Lowell’s patient needs an emergency root canal, he put him in for five today. Lisa wanted me to tell you.”

           “Well, I can’t stay late today, remember? I have dinner reservations that were made a week ago. Plus, I’ve stayed late the last twelve times. I think it’s your turn.”

           “Girl, you know I would if I didn’t have kids at home needing baths and dinner. Just go out tomorrow night, it’s not like you’ve got to worry about booking a baby sitter or anything.”

“Brianna, just because I choose not to have children does not mean I don’t have a life outside of work. I wish you’d stop using that as an excuse to stick me with extra shifts. You’ll have to figure something out; I am not staying late again.”

I’m cleaning OP 3 and walking the dirty instruments to sterilization, there’s only one more patient until the end of the day. And she’s early! I see her sitting in the waiting room as I’m grabbing a clean kit for Dr. Clark’s exam. Lisa is watching me, trying to make eye contact. I’m hurrying into the waiting room and cheerily greeting the last patient of the day to avoid her gaze. I’m chatting with my patient about the nice weather as we’re waiting for Dr. Clark. I see Lisa in my peripheral, standing just outside the treatment room. I feel her stare, her silent menacing stare.

“Naomi, I need you for a moment.”

“Sure, I’ll be right there.”

Dr. Clark enters as I’m excusing myself from the room. I know what’s coming. Brianna no doubt went to Lisa about our lunch-time disagreement. I will not stay late today.

“Naomi, Brianna says you refused to assist with the after-hours root canal.”

“I wouldn’t say refused. I only reminded her of my previously scheduled plans that I’ve been looking forward to all day.”

“Well, you’ll have to reschedule. We need you to stay.”

“Lisa, Brianna, and I hold the same position. I have stayed late many times, I’m in before anyone else is and tonight is the one night I have plans. Please ask her to stay.”

“Naomi, that’s not fair. Brianna has two young children at home that need her. I think that’s far more important than going out with friends.”

“Lisa! I’m having dinner, which has been planned for a week, with my husband of thirteen years. I’m not going clubbing with the girls. Besides, it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to be a mother, so I’m punished with long hours and extra shifts so that everyone else can make it home on time for family supper? That isn’t fair.”

“That’s a bit dramatic, Naomi. You’ve always stayed late and we count on that. If you’re unwilling to work you’ll be let go. Do you want to keep this job?”

I don’t want to keep this job, I need to keep this job.

I’m texting Cal with an abundance of sad face emojis letting him know I can’t make it home in time for our dinner reservation. I really wanted that chicken marsala, a glass of wine and Cal’s silly jokes punctuated with excessive eyebrow wiggles. But we can’t pay for dinner if I don’t have a job.

Staring down at my emergency patient, my stomach growls. I hope Brianna is enjoying her meal with the kids she ‘hates’ so much. Sarcasm is definitely warranted for this time of the day. I feel gross. My face is oily, my hair is frizzy, my scrubs are itchy, my feet hurt and I’m hungry! My pity party is in full swing. Dr. Lowell is siting the patient up, he’s smiling, he’s free of pain. At least my discomfort is for a good cause.

I’m escorting the patient back through the waiting room. The room is empty, quiet, and Lisa isn’t at her post. A neon pink Post-It is clinging to her computer screen.

NAOMI, COLLECT $352. SCHEDULE 2 WEEK FOLLOW UP.

I’m trying to hide my anger, Lisa did not inform me she too was leaving, requiring me to do the work of three.

The emergency patient is walking down the street, I’m snapping the lock on the front door, hitting the lights, and running down the hall to finish cleaning up. I can’t wait to get into my car and blast the radio, roll down the windows and feel the cool evening air cleanse my mood.

“Good work today, Naomi. I’m sorry you got the short end of the stick again. Thanks for staying late.” Dr. Lowell is heading towards the back entrance. “I’ve already cleaned the operatory. Just pack the instruments for sterilization and call it a night.”

Thank God for Dr. Lowell.

“Have a good night doctor.”

I’m calling Cal before cranking the tunes for my commute home. I like letting him know I’m on my way so he doesn’t worry I’ve been in an accident. The radio is turned up, windows are down, and the wind is racing across my face. I feel the stress of the day being whisked away by the air.

It’s eight already, I’m stumbling into the house with heavy legs and tired eyes. I just want a hug from Cal. I’m smelling a familiar scent that tightens my stomach in hunger. The lights are low and flickering, soft music is coming from the smart speaker on the kitchen wall. Cal is walking towards me, arms spread ready for embrace and to squeeze the last drops of stress out of my exhausted muscles.

“Since I couldn’t take you on a date, I’m taking the date to you.” Cal’s silly way with words always makes me grin.

“Did you get chicken marsala from Wicked Good?”

“Why yes, I did, Wife. And your favorite wine.”

My favorite sweatpants and hoodie were not what I imagined wearing for date night, but it beats a tight dress and heels after the day I had. We’re finishing our to-go meals and laying back on the couch digesting. Cal’s rubbing my socked feet and chattering about his day.

“Cal. Best date night, ever.”

“Same time next week, babe?”

I know why I thought tonight would be the same. But it wasn’t.