New Beginnings

 We were on the highway coming home from our not-so-romantic getaway in the mountains. It was supposed to be the perfect vacation to celebrate our three years of being together until it wasn’t. This was because five hours away from home, he uttered the dreaded words no girl wants to hear.

“We need to talk, Anne,” he says to me, almost in a whisper. My stomach dropped at the tone of those words because before he said anything more I knew what was coming. Honestly, something felt different this whole trip between us, so I was not completely blind-sighted by what was to come, but I still couldn’t believe it was happening.

“I think its time we broke up. It’s been something on my mind for a while now, and I just can’t avoid it any longer. I love you, but I wasn’t mean to love you like this.” Theo spoke in a calm, emotionless voice, staring straight at the road ahead of him. I don’t know what to say, so I turn my body to face myself to look out the window. I saw the snowstorm picking up outside, the snowflakes becoming bigger and much more frequent. Winter had always been my favourite season because I loved the beauty of it all. Snow always made me smile, but right now all I could do was cry. 

“Why?” I whisper, tears in my eyes. I could barely speak without bursting out into sobs, but I was determined not to let him see me get too upset. He did not say much more, besides for saying that it was just how he felt, so I left it at that and for the next hour we drove in near silence besides for the low-volume music playing. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak. I was stunned, how could this have happened between us? Traffic was causing the drive home to go slower and slower until we gradually came to a stop. We weren’t moving, and neither was anyone else. The snow was falling so hard and thick it was impossible to see, and all I could think was that this is the worst timing. My mind started to drift to my last memory of being snowed in somewhere. 

“Theo, remember the last time we were snowed at your parent’s place when we went to visit them?” I said to him, still not looking at him. Even though I asked him this, I knew I didn’t have to. I knew he remembered because it was the day we said our first I-love-you to each other a little over two years ago. 

“The snows coming down pretty hard, Theo. Isn’t it so beautiful?” I said to him, looking out of his childhood bedroom window. We had gone to his parent’s house for dinner but with the amount of snow coming down outside, it didn’t look like we would be leaving until morning. I jumped back on his bed, him laying on his back and me laying over him, looking down at him. 

“You really are,” he replied to me, looking into my eyes with love. I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. I leant down to kiss him, my heart was so full of love for this man. 

Like he could almost read my mind, he said it, his first I-love-you to me and there was no way I couldn’t say it back to him. I had known I loved him for months now, but at that moment with him. I knew it was real, that this was real. This was the boy I would marry one day. We spent the rest of the night in his childhood bedroom at his parent’s house, laughing and talking about our future together, and my heart had never felt so full as it did that day. 

How did we get to where we are now? 

“I will never forget that day with you, Anne. It was one of the best days of my life.” Theo said, looking at me for the first time in hours. 

“What changed then? I don’t understand.” I said to him softly. 

“I think we have just grown apart. Its nothing you’ve done and its nothing I have done. I know you must feel this way too, even just a little bit. Things haven’t been the same between us in a while.” Even though I hadn’t really thought about it that way, I knew what he said was the truth. It had been off with us for quite a bit of time now whether I wanted to admit it or not.

 “I don’t want to keep you stuck with me when we aren’t meant to spend the rest of our lives together when you could be experiencing the world for yourself in a different light. I love you enough to know I can’t take that away from you any longer.”

He was right about this. I have been holding myself back for a while now from different experiences in my life. Going to the university out of the city was the major one that came to mind. I had been dreaming of leaving our town for a long time, but when the time rolled around to make the decision to leave, I couldn’t. Theo had a career in this town, and his whole family was here. He didn’t have to say it, but I knew he didn’t want to follow me wherever I chose to go so I stayed with him and attended the college close enough that I could stay in town. At the time, I never thought of it as a bad consequence, just something I needed to do. I accepted it, with no fight and I never realized how much I wanted to leave until this moment. 

“We are luke-warm about each other, and it has been like that for a while now. We are holding onto our high school love, but we both know it’s run its course. I don’t hate you, and I hope you don’t hate me after this because I still want you in my life after this and I hope you feel the same.” 

How could I not? He had become my lifeline, my biggest fan and support system. “Of course, Theo. You’re so important to me.” 

I looked at him and smiled, tears still in my eyes. I could not express how much I loved this man, but at the same time, every word he said to me today made perfect sense. Traffic was moving again, so we continued our journey home. 

I looked out the window at the snow still falling and I couldn’t help but smile. I remembered all the memories between Theo and me, and this didn’t feel like a goodbye. Just something new, something different. It didn’t feel like this was a bad thing, because at the end of the day I still had him in my life. We drive into the town and to my house. He came around to open my door and help carry my bags into the house. We stood in my entrance as he wrapped me into a hug and tears came to my eyes. 

“I will call you later, Anne. Goodbye for now.” He looked at me and gave a sympathetic smile. He got in his car, waved at me, and began to drive away. This was the end, but also a new beginning for me. As I always am, I am thankful for the snow but this time I am thankful it gave Theo and me the time to talk and think, and resolve. We didn’t end our relationship hating each other and I will forever be grateful for that. 

I changed into pyjamas and sat by the window, watching the snowfall. It was time for my new beginning.