Steve Fitniss

The damp forest air clung to Steve's clothes. His pace slowed down to crawl as the sunlight quickly faded. He cut his forearms on jagged branches in an attempt to keep both his eyes in his skull and not have them dangling from a pine tree. 

Even though Steve jumped at the sound of every branch cracking, every critter scurrying about the forest floor, he marched ahead. An orange flame flickered on the horizon and Steve sighed. Brushing aside the last of the forest pines the man stood before a clay hut, an old hermit stirring into a cauldron sizing him up.

The brew brought color to his face once again.

"Thank you, is this part of the ritual?"

"It's Earl Gray with honey."

"Right. It's delicious…So, can you help me?"

The old man wore his grey beard braided with glass beads of all sizes and colors. His fur clothes draped thick thighs and broad shoulders. His harsh wrinkled face clashed with the warm blue-green eyes that looked with pity upon Steve.

"The power you wish to conjure will not bring you happiness. Go back to your city. Learn to cope."

"Please, I've nothing left. I need to do this otherwise I'll take my life."

Steve's words rang true, the hermite could see it in his eyes.

"Once we do this, there's no turning back. Once that which should stay dead will rise, it will stay such until your time runs out."

"All I care about is having it back. I'm half a man without it."

"Many said the same and after living with the curse they took their life anyway."

"Curse? It's a gift and I would sell my soul to poses it. Please, hermite -"

"Call me Cookie."

"Please, Cookie, help me, help me…"

Steve wept on Cookie's shoulder. The wolf snout dangling from the hermite's shoulder rubbed against Steves as tears soaked the furry pelt.

"Very well,  I'll grant you the power to raise the dead. Prepare yourself, the journey ahead is long and filled with sorrow. May God have mercy on your soul.``

Steve sighed and smiled for the first time in months. Losing the best part of him plunged the man in limbo. There he sat lost waiting for time to take pity on him, but relief never came. In his fever, Steve sought to find a cure or die trying. This he remembered as the hermite bathed him with smoke, spat magic potions on his skin, fading in and out of reality while chatting in the moonlight. 

Steve felt it move. Once dead and motionless his penis now stirred and jumped. Like sailors raising the mast to venture into the foamy abyss so did Steve's manhood towered casting shadows on the moss covered walls of the mud hut. He was gleaming, crying like one does when reunited with their favourite hoodie, thinking it was left with the ex. But Mom walked into one's room and placed it neatly folded on one's bed.

"I can't believe it! It's back. I can't thank you enough, Cookie. Name your price, anything you want."

The old hermit groaned and sat down on a log, his naked butt sticking to the bark.

"I hope it will bring you peace. I don't need anything from the outside world, the forest provides all."

"Mia Khalifa is the new centrefold in Soyboy and -"

"Yes, that will do just fine. I'll send my owl after it, just place it near your window."

Steve stared at his manhood grinning. He tucked it under his belt and said his goodbyes. Just before he walk into the thick brush, the hermit called out to him:

"Remember Steve the dead should stay that way and not walk among us. May God have mercy on your soul."

"I'll be carefull Cookie. Don't worry about me. I'll come visit sometime."

As he disappeared into the thick of it, Cookie knew the man was doomed. 

Steve's story is a tragic one. His life took a turn for the worse after he could get it up once more. In the beginning thinks looked promising, he could go on dates again, build a relationship even star a family. He felt like a man once more. He worked harder, doubling  his salary in just a few moths of his rejuvenation. Steve had it all. That is, util october rolled around and Halloween was upon the Earth. 

He was at home, popcorn in the microwave, a bowl of candy outside the door with "help yourself" on the label, getting ready to watch a scary movie. All of a sudden a knock at the door. His penis became instantly erect, sending jolts of pain throughout his body. Steve crumpled to the floor in agony, clutching the throbbing organ, attempting to choke the life out of it. Just then the door swung open and two college ghost girls slithered in. Judging by their clothes they must have lived in ancient Rome or perhaps were Amish, who knows. They had awesome breasts, legs for miles, and faces like goddesses. Oh, the horror! Steve felt his manhood pull towards the ghostly apparition. Horrified and horny the man was able to touch and feel their bodies, the born-again penis acting like a conduit between the world of the living and the afterlife. Such horrors did Steve endure. He was forced to make love to the two, literally smoking hot college ghost girls who by the way were roommates in ghost college so they had been experimenting for a few years. When it was done, almost one hour later, they disappeared. Steve sighed but his relief was short lived. Another knock at the door made him rock hard again. This time the door swung open but the smile faded from Steve's lips. It was Casper, he came for the  trick or treating. Oh boy, the look on his mom's face when she saw what Steve was dishing out. The ghost police came and arrested Steve for indecent exposure to a ghost minor. Steve serves his life sentence to this day and every Halloween he's forced to give a speech to ghost schools across the world.