Revision Notes

FADE IN:

EXT. BISTRO MARCEL - DAY

ELENA (32, wedding ring catching light, phone buzzing) sits across from MARCUS (45, sketching on napkin). Architectural plans between them. The WAITER (20s) hovers nearby, pitcher in left hand. He adjusts the small succulent on their table - moving it slightly left.

ELENA

I just need to get this Henderson project right. The community deserves something special.

MARCUS

You always overthink the structural elements, Elena.

WAITER

Everything satisfactory?

ELENA

Perfect, thank you.

Elena checks phone - 2:47 PM. Emma's pickup at 3:30.

ELENA (CONT'D)

About the community center - what if we cantilever the children's reading nook? The natural light would be incredible.

MARCUS

Elena.

ELENA

I know we discussed the traditional approach, but picture families gathering under that overhang—

MARCUS

We agreed on the conservative solution.

Elena's wedding ring catches light as she turns it. The plans show her handwriting - passionate notes about sight lines, "reading trees."

The Waiter retreats, adjusts salt shakers. He moves the succulent back to its original position.

ELENA

Right. Conservative is safer.

MARCUS

Your ideas aren't wrong. The timing is just complicated.

The Waiter clears Marcus's barely touched salmon.

WAITER

Finished, sir?

His hand trembles slightly as he lifts the plate.

ELENA

Maybe I'm being too ambitious.

MARCUS

That's what makes you valuable to the team.

The Waiter checks his phone, sets it down with relief.

ELENA

I just want this project to serve the community.

MARCUS

It will. Just not the way you first imagined.

The Waiter places the check near Marcus.

WAITER

No rush, whenever you're ready.

ELENA

I should head back. Emma's soccer practice.

MARCUS

Elena, wait. This conversation stays between us, right?

ELENA

Of course. Why would you—?

MARCUS

Just making sure we're aligned.

The Waiter drops a glass. It doesn't break.

ELENA

We understand each other.

The Waiter watches them leave, counts the money twice.

FADE OUT.

Notes from Clark:

"Too much family detail. Marcus needs to seem more supportive. Cut the waiter subplot."

DRAFT 4

ELENA

I just need to get this Henderson proposal right. There's so much riding on it.

MARCUS

(warmer tone)

Hey, you've got this. That's why I recommended you for team lead on the residential components.

Elena checks her phone - 2:52 PM. Five minutes later than last time.

MARCUS (CONT'D)

How are things at home? Jake's been understanding about the extra hours?

ELENA

He's trying to be supportive. Says I light up when I talk about community projects.

MARCUS

That's what good partners do. Support each other's growth.

The Waiter retreats. The succulent hasn't moved.

ELENA

About the community center - what if we could make the cantilever work within budget?

MARCUS

There are other considerations. Client expectations. Professional reputation.

The Waiter shifts the succulent slightly to the right.

ELENA

So we stick with the traditional approach.

MARCUS

Sometimes traditional is traditional for good reasons.

ELENA

Maybe I'm overthinking the whole thing.

MARCUS

Passionate about your work. That's admirable, but it needs to be channeled effectively.

The Waiter checks his phone - concern, not relief.

ELENA

Jake says I care too much about making every project perfect.

MARCUS

Jake doesn't understand the architecture world. The pressure, the politics.

ELENA

This conversation stays between us.

The Waiter examines the money as if it might contain some hidden message.

Notes from Clark:

"Better tone, but Elena's still second-guessing. Make her more grateful. Cut the family drama."

DRAFT 9

ELENA

I just need to get this Henderson project right. Thank you for taking the time to guide me through the complexities.

MARCUS

(reaching across to touch her hand briefly)

That's what mentorship is about, Elena. Helping talented people reach their potential within realistic frameworks.

The Waiter approaches cautiously.

WAITER

(whispered)

Everything satisfactory?

Elena's phone buzzes - 3:15 PM. She silences it without looking.

ELENA

About the community center... maybe the traditional approach is more responsible.

MARCUS

(surprised)

Really? Yesterday you seemed so passionate about the cantilever concept.

ELENA

I was. But passion doesn't always translate to practical solutions, does it?

The succulent sits in the center now, as if the Waiter couldn't decide where it belonged.

MARCUS

Practical matters. Especially when we're talking about public safety, structural integrity.

ELENA

Exactly. And you have so much more experience with institutional projects.

MARCUS

Experience teaches you when to push boundaries and when to respect them.

ELENA

I used to think I knew which battles were worth fighting.

MARCUS

(carefully)

And now?

ELENA

Now I wonder if I was just being naive about how the architecture world actually works.

MARCUS

Not naive. Enthusiastic. There's a difference.

The Waiter checks his phone, then immediately puts it away. He moves the succulent to the left edge.

ELENA

Sometimes Jake says I get too emotionally invested.

MARCUS

Jake doesn't understand the architecture world. The pressure, the client relationships.

ELENA

Maybe I haven't been explaining it right. The stakes.

WAITER

No rush.

ELENA

I should head home. Try to make it up to Emma for missing practice yesterday.

MARCUS

This conversation about design approaches stays between us.

The Waiter holds the money, staring at it. He moves the succulent back to center.

Notes from Clark:

"Good progress. Elena's seeing things more clearly. But what's with the waiter constantly rearranging things? Either make it meaningful or cut it."

DRAFT 12

ELENA

I just need to get this Henderson project right. I'm grateful you're here to make sure I don't make costly mistakes.

MARCUS

(leaning forward with practiced concern)

That's what senior partners do, Elena. We guide. We protect the team from errors that could damage everyone's reputation.

The Waiter approaches, but this time he's watching Marcus rather than Elena.

WAITER

Everything... satisfactory?

The pause is deliberate now.

ELENA

(not meeting his eyes)

Fine. Everything's fine.

Elena's phone buzzes - 3:20 PM. She declines the call without looking.

MARCUS

(to Waiter)

We're discussing sensitive client matters. Some privacy would be appreciated.

The Waiter nods curtly and retreats, but positions himself where he can still observe.

ELENA

About the community center - I think you're absolutely right about the conservative approach.

MARCUS

I'm glad you've come to see it that way. Experience has taught me to spot potential problems before they become disasters.

ELENA

What kind of disasters?

MARCUS

Structural failures. Budget overruns. Professional reputation damage that follows you for years.

The Waiter has moved the succulent again, this time to the very edge of his station, precariously balanced.

ELENA

I wouldn't want to damage the firm's reputation.

MARCUS

Or your own career trajectory. These things have a way of following you in our industry.

ELENA

This conversation stays between us. I understand completely.

The Waiter doesn't count the money this time. Instead, he steadies the succulent and types something on his phone.

DRAFT 15

ELENA

I just need to get this Henderson project right. I'm grateful you're here to prevent mistakes.

MARCUS

That's what senior partners do. We protect the team from reputation damage.

Elena's phone buzzes - 3:25 PM. She declines without looking.

The Waiter approaches, watching Marcus rather than Elena. The succulent sits precariously on the edge.

WAITER

Everything... satisfactory?

ELENA

Fine. Everything's fine.

MARCUS

We're discussing sensitive client matters. Some privacy would be appreciated.

ELENA

I think you're absolutely right about the conservative approach.

MARCUS

Experience taught me to spot potential disasters.

The Waiter clears the plate, deliberately catching Elena's eye.

WAITER

(to Elena)

Was everything prepared to your satisfaction?

MARCUS

I think we're satisfied with what we ordered.

WAITER

I'll be right over there if anything... changes.

He checks his phone and smiles for the first time.

ELENA

He's very attentive.

MARCUS

Some people don't understand boundaries.

ELENA

This conversation stays between us.

The Waiter approaches before they leave.

WAITER

(to Elena)

Maybe try something different from the menu next time.

MARCUS

We have everything we need here.

WAITER

This place has been serving the community for a long time. We've learned to recognize when someone might benefit from... exploring new options.

The Waiter types: "She's not ready yet, but getting closer."

Notes from Clark:

"What the hell is happening with this waiter? Cut his dialogue entirely. He's becoming some kind of white knight."

DRAFT 22

ELENA

(barely audible)

I just need to get this Henderson project right.

MARCUS

Guidance only works when people listen.

The Waiter approaches but stops short. The succulent is gone.

WAITER

(mouthed silently)

Everything satisfactory?

Elena doesn't respond.

ELENA

I was wrong to question the traditional approach.

MARCUS

You're learning to think strategically instead of emotionally.

ELENA

I don't know what I was thinking.

MARCUS

Some people are meant to lead, others to execute.

The Waiter checks his phone, face crumpling, then deletes his message.

ELENA

And I'm meant to execute.

MARCUS

This conversation will never be mentioned again.

The Waiter whispers "I'm sorry" to no one.

Notes from Clark:

"Better. But Elena needs to seem grateful, not defeated."

DRAFT 31

ELENA

I just need to get this Henderson project right. Thank you for being patient.

MARCUS

Patience is easy when the student is ready to learn.

A DIFFERENT WAITER - older, professional - refills water and vanishes.

ELENA

I understand now that my approach was inappropriate.

MARCUS

You were thinking individually instead of as a team member.

ELENA

I feel like I'm finally seeing clearly.

MARCUS

Clarity is a gift.

ELENA

What's the next step?

MARCUS

Complete trust.

Elena glances around briefly, looking for something that isn't there.

Notes from Clark:

"Much better. Clean. But Elena looked around - cut that."

DRAFT 47

ELENA

I just need to get this Henderson project right. This mentorship is exactly what my career needed.

MARCUS

Structure. Clear expectations. Professional growth.

ELENA

I was so lost in my individualistic approach.

MARCUS

You're becoming valuable. There's no higher achievement.

ELENA

I feel like I'm finally becoming the architect I was meant to be.

MARCUS

Execute the vision. Support the leadership. Trust completely.

ELENA

That sounds like freedom.

MARCUS

Freedom from the burden of uncertainty.

ELENA

This conversation is the beginning of my real career.

MARCUS

Finally.

DRAFT 1

FADE IN:

EXT. BISTRO MARCEL - DAY

ELENA (32, wedding ring catching light, phone buzzing) sits across from MARCUS (45, sketching on napkin). Architectural plans between them. The WAITER (20s) hovers nearby, pitcher in left hand. He adjusts the small succulent on their table - moving it slightly left.

ELENA

I just need to get this Henderson project right. The community deserves something special.

MARCUS

You always overthink the structural elements, Elena.

The Waiter approaches, fills Elena's glass. But now we see what we couldn't before - the way he positions himself to stay within earshot, the deliberate steadiness of someone who's watched this scene forty-seven times.

WAITER

Everything satisfactory?

The question carries weight now. He's offering Elena recognition as a separate person.

ELENA

Perfect, thank you.

But her tone isn't casual anymore - it's the voice of someone who still believed her vision mattered.

Elena checks phone - 2:47 PM. Emma's pickup at 3:30. But now we understand - this is the last draft where she still protected time for her daughter.

ELENA (CONT'D)

About the community center - what if we cantilever the children's reading nook? The natural light would be incredible.

The vision that seemed impractical now reveals itself as brilliant - an architect who understood buildings should serve human joy.

MARCUS

Elena.

One word. But now we hear the threat underneath.

ELENA

I know we discussed the traditional approach, but picture families gathering under that overhang—

MARCUS

We agreed on the conservative solution.

The interruption that seemed professional now shows itself as the first step in disconnecting Elena from her creative voice.

Elena's wedding ring catches light as she turns it. The plans show her handwriting - passionate notes about sight lines, "reading trees." Evidence of the vision being murdered by degrees.

The Waiter retreats, adjusts salt shakers. He moves the succulent back to its original position - a signal that someone is keeping track.

ELENA

Right. Conservative is safer.

The moment Elena first learned to doubt her own expertise.

MARCUS

Your ideas aren't wrong. The timing is just complicated.

Acknowledging her talent while systematically dismantling confidence in it.

The Waiter clears Marcus's barely touched salmon.

WAITER

Finished, sir?

Marcus has barely eaten - too focused on Elena's professional destruction.

His hand trembles slightly - the effort of not intervening in manipulation he's witnessed forty-seven times.

ELENA

Maybe I'm being too ambitious.

MARCUS

That's what makes you valuable to the team.

She's valuable for her passion, but only when it serves his purposes.

The Waiter checks his phone, sets it down with relief. Confirmation that backup is in place, that someone knows what he's witnessing.

ELENA

I just want this project to serve the community.

Elena's authentic connection - the thing Marcus is systematically poisoning.

MARCUS

It will. Just not the way you first imagined.

He's telling her that her vision doesn't matter while making it sound like mentorship.

The Waiter places the check near Marcus - reinforcing the power dynamic.

WAITER

No rush, whenever you're ready.

But his eyes are on Elena. He's offering her time, choice - everything Marcus has been removing.

ELENA

I should head back. Emma's soccer practice.

Jake accommodating her absence, Elena missing Emma's activities, all so she can erase her own vision.

MARCUS

Elena, wait. This conversation stays between us, right?

Cutting Elena off from colleagues who might support her vision.

ELENA

Of course. Why would you—?

She doesn't understand she's being isolated.

MARCUS

Just making sure we're aligned.

Positioning himself as gatekeeper of which ideas get heard.

The Waiter drops a glass. It doesn't break. Not clumsiness - deliberate disruption, the only protest available.

ELENA

We understand each other.

She thinks they're partners when she's being managed.

MARCUS

Good.

Satisfied by how effectively he's undermining her confidence.

The Waiter watches them leave, counts the money twice. Not about the amount - about time. How many lunches like this he's witnessed.

Elena checks her phone - 3:25 PM. She'll be late for Emma. The structure Marcus promised is making her a less present mother.

The Waiter looks at Elena's abandoned plans - passionate notes about natural light and children's spaces. He folds them carefully into his apron.

He moves the succulent back to the left side - exactly where it was in Draft 1. A signal: I remember every version of this story.

He types: "Draft 1 complete. She's starting to remember. Are you ready?"

He deletes the thread. Some conversations must stay between people who understand that revision isn't always improvement - sometimes it's recovery.

Some stories need witnesses. Some plans deserve preservation. Some versions of ourselves are worth returning to.

FADE OUT.