Her Ghost

“You’ll never be content.” 

Her sharp words echo in my head, the sharp sting of truth bleeds into my heart. 

“I know, that’s why I’m here right now,” The clock ticks again, it feels like it gets louder and louder each time. The secretary continues to type as fast as before, used to people talking to themselves. 

“An exorcism won’t do much of anything,” She leans on the side of the chair, leaning to look at my face. “Especially if you're the one that killed me,” She smiles wider than before, her dark eyes wrinkling. She never used to have dark eyes, they used to be bright and green, filled with life. Now you can’t see much of anything in them, besides malice. 

“I didn’t kill you,” I mutter out, she laughs. 

“You were the cause, and you know it, even if I’m gone, you won’t be able to live your life normally,” 

“No,” I say. She leans back into her own chair, but I can tell she’s still looking at me. 

“Whatever you say,” She sighs and goes back to humming. I don’t know why she insists on staying around me, of all people. Why not tortue her parents? She always told me how much she hated them, she sent notes to them too. It wasn’t as if I told her to go kill herself. I didn’t do anything wrong, so why is her ghost haunting me of all people? 

“Sir, she’s ready for you,” The secretary gets up and opens a door to let us into the exorcist office. 

“Thank you,” I nod at her and walk in, Mary follows me through the door. Her feet are just above the ground, hovering to be taller than me. The exorcist smiled at me, her glasses thick and round. Her slender hands typed as she nodded to one of the chairs. 

“So, we have a ghost on our hands do we?” She stops typing once I get myself settled, as does Mary in the next chair. 

“Yes Ma’am, she won’t leave me alone!” 

“I wonder why,” Mary laughs at me. “I wonder why indeed!” She likes to repeat herself. 

The exorcist looks me up and down.

“I don’t sense any spirit,” Her voice comes out in menotone. I pointed to the chair next to me where Mary was. 

“She’s sitting next to me,” The exorcist turns, but then goes back to typing on her computer. 

“There’s nothing there,” She sighs. “Please leave my office,” I stood up and put my hands on her desk. 

“Please! She won’t leave! She mocks me each day!” I plead to her, but she won’t pay me any mind, only typing. Mary bursts out laughing. 

“You look pathetic! Just leave you psycho!” She continues to laugh like crazy. I walk out of the office and the building. The parking lot is dreary and low lit, the concrete encasing the heat even worse on the outside. I know where my car is because I see Mary waiting for me. 

“I feel bad for you,” She says in the passenger seat as I start the engine. 

“Then leave me alone,” 

“Just say sorry,” 

I slam my hands on the steering wheel and scream. 

“I ALREADY HAVE! SORRY! I”M FUCKING SORRY!” I yell as the horn of my car blairs through the parking lot. I slam my head on the steering wheel as she sighs. 

“You’ve said sorry a million times, but not one time you meant it,” 

“ I DO! I PROMISE I MEAN IT! I REALLY DO!” 

“Then why am I still here?” I hit the dash again, my car makes a noise. I feel bad for hitting it, but I feel like I’m going insane. I pull out of the garage and start driving, ignoring her. It’s silent for once, but I can still hear her breathing. She’s annoying when she’s alive and dead I guess, no matter what she does. God, she’s so annoying. I park my car in my parking space, she walks along behind me into my office building. 

“You murderer,” She whispers behind me. I hear malice inside her voice. Whatever. 

I drop my bag under my desk inside my cubicle. She sits on my desk as I get settled, looking down on me. Her hair gets on my keyboard and I brush it away. 

“Why can’t you just apologize to me?” 

“I’m sorry,” I say as I type. 

“But for what?”

“I’m sorry that you killed yourself,” My typing gets faster, punching in the letters. 

“What? No wonder I’m still here, say sorry that you hurt me,” 

“I was just being honest, you asked me too anyways,” I get more frustrated, my typing becomes more sloppy. She laughs out loud, kicking her legs up. 

“So telling someone they're annoying is honest now?” 

“Yes! God, this is why! Your so fucking annoying, just get over me!” I slam my fists on the keyboard. She covers her mouth with her hand and giggles. 

“Ah, what a narcissist! I didn’t know you could do such a thing!” She giggles again. I put my head in my hands and grip my hair tight. 

“Is this a bad time?” I hear a voice from behind me. I turn my chair fast because it couldn’t be. 

I met her hazel eyes, she only had green eyes in the sunlight. She puts her hands together and fidgets with them.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to bother you, I just wanted to talk,” Her eyes flicker away as I stare at her. Shouldn’t she be dead? 

Mary’s hair is in a ponytail, it always is when we’re at work. Her tie is loose around her neck. 

“Sure, whatever,” I close my computer and sit up. Mary’s ghost was just with me, why is she here, clearly alive right now? Mary clenches her, very alive and not dead, hand. 

“I can buy you lunch,” I roll my eyes. She always likes to buy things for people. It’s condescending, as if she makes more money than me. She flinches when I get closer and smiles a little wider. 

“Sure, where do you wanna sit?” I say. 

“Just follow me!” She turns around fast and starts walking to the exit. Her strides are big and her shoulders are up, she always cared about her posture. She always acts so confident, as if she’s better than anyone else. What a narcissist. I follow her to a small cafe near the office building, she pulls out a seat and then sits on the opposite side of the table. She hands me a 20 and tells me I can order whatever I want. 

“Woah, not even offering to pay me back?” She doesn’t say that, but I hear her in my head. 

Mary’s ghost, she had been with me for 6 months now, all while Mary has been alive. 

In the office. 

Alive. 

She was alive without me. 

When I sit back down she speaks, and I already look towards the door. 

“So, how was your day?” She smiles at me, her hazel eyes turn brighter by the window. 

“Didn’t you block me?” I cut through her small talk. Her shoulders stiffen up. 

“I, I did, you, I, wanted to cut the toxic people out of my life,” She stumbles over her words. 

“Yeah, so why are we talking right now?” 

“I unblocked you! I hate ignoring you in the office, it’s a nightmare, I think about you everyday too,” 

“Why are you telling me this?” I cross my arms and bounce my foot. She’s always been so creepy.

“I’m scared of you,” She says, her hands in her lap. I pause my movements. 

“Oh,” Is all I can say. She continues to speak. 

“Everytime I look at you I feel like throwing up. I can’t wrap my head around you, the way you treated me, and the way you used to treat me. You were so nice, you loved me, and then all of sudden, boom! You disrespect me repeatedly, you call me annoying. And when I ask you what I can do to make you stop being like this. You shrug! You shrug at my sincerity and kindness. I’ve only, and still, want you to be happy, no matter what you do to me,” She lets out a breath, she’s shaking like crazy. 

“Well, I don’t see how that’s my fault? I was just being honest,” 

“You made me want to die, the least you can do is respect me,” I stayed silent after that. “You, you, were, and are, cruel! You were cruel! You made one of my biggest fears come true, I had gotten better, I had gotten happier, instead of being happy for me, you said I was annoying! You helped me at my lowest, and now, I mean nothing to you,” 

“Okay,” I say. 

“Okay,” She copies me. “Do you know why I killed myself?” 

“What?”

“I killed myself, and you never knew why, do you know why now?” 

“I-”

“C’mon, use that big brain of yours,” 

I pause, her hair has fallen to her shoulders again. 

“I’m sorry,”

“Try again love,” 

“I was part of it, right? I’m sorry, I’m sorry I made your biggest fear come true,” when I say that, she crosses her arm and eyes the door. She bounces her foot. 

“I’ll respect you from now on, even if I find you annoying,” 

“Why do you find me annoying?” 

“You’re happy,”

“Why can’t you be happy for me?” She has tears in her voice.

“That’s just the person I am,” 

After I say that, Mary is back in her ponytail, tears running down her cheeks again. I’ve made her cry before, exactly like this. 

“I-I’ve never been mean to you! Why do you hurt me so much,” She sobs through her words, clutching her face with her hands. She’s usually so happy. 

“I’m sorry,” She looks at me, her eyes a dark hazel. 

“You don’t mean it,” Her eyes look pitiful as she gets up from her chair, wiping her tears with her gentle hands. I watch her walk through the cafe door. 

Mary is right, she’s never been mean to me. 

Mary is right, I won’t ever be content with her.