Not So Picture Perfect

Reagan Armand had always been the life of the party.

That was something Blake had noticed from the first day he had seen her.

Tables weren’t safe from her dancing, nor was any pool left empty when she was around. The minute she stepped into a room, you would know it. Not because people were gravitated towards her presence, or because she was easily the prettiest in the room. But from the sound of her laugh. Loud, deep and full of life. That sound alone had a way of getting you to open up to her, giving off the illusion that all your secrets were safe with her.

He wished to find out if it was true or not.

He had yet to speak to her, despite the fact that their circles always ran together. He was never far away from her, nor all that close either.

He wondered if that would ever change.

Blake knew exactly who she was, where she worked and how long they had been acquainted. But he didn’t really know her. Not at all.

He knew her cousin, Taryn, having worked alongside her at the small marketing firm down the street ever since they graduated college a year ago. But he didn’t know her.

As he watched her laughing alongside a dozen other people, looking like a queen entertaining her courtiers, Blake found that he did want to know her. He wanted to know everything about her.

She didn’t belong to the same circle that he often traveled in, and really her connection to Taryn was the only reason she was even at this party. She didn’t work with them, had never gone to college with them, and yet it still felt like she belonged with them.

She had entered through the front door a mere three minutes ago, and almost instantly the room sparked into a wildfire that only she knew how to tame. Dozens of hands would always be ready to pull her into their conversations, eager to please and make her laugh. And she’d entertain them the best way she knew how. With a dazzling smile and a simple joke said around the neck of a beer bottle that had been pushed into her hands quick. A small wink when she would tease someone and a patient gaze whenever someone had engaged her in conversation.

Blake knew all of this because he had been watching her, just like everyone else. It’s not like he had a choice really. She was everywhere.

Someone bumped into his shoulder, accidentally spilling the beer in his hand.

“Crap, Sorry, B.”

It was Taryn. Blake smiled and wiped his dripping fingers on his jeans. “It’s all cool.”

And because his eyes had never really left hers in the first place, Blake saw Reagan moving towards the kitchen. An idea sparked to life and he excused himself from the group he was sitting with in the living room.

Slow anticipation burned in his chest as he moved forwards, by-passing quite a few people on his way as he responded to their greetings. He was relieved to find the kitchen near empty, and turned towards the only body in sight.

“Hi, Reagan.” His voice was cheery, already loosened by the drinks he had over the night.

Reagan jumped a little from where she was facing the sink, turning towards his voice a little too late. He expected an enthusiastic response, as she was used to giving everyone. Her face was blank for the smallest second before a wide smile overtook her features.

“Hi!” She chirped before moving forward. Blake saw her beer bottle left on the counter as she came towards him with her hand outstretched. “Wow, we always see each other at these parties and yet we’ve barely said one word to each other. Nice to see you tonight, Blake.”

“Same.” Blake smiled as his eyes roamed all over her face. She looked flushed, her skin a faint red as it darkened her copper skin. Her eyes looked glazed and bloodshot and he wondered just how many drinks she had for the night. “It’s not easy getting a minute of your time with Jacob and the boys always hogging your attention.” He teased, pleased to hear her loud laugh that came at the right time, at the right pitch.

Reagan rolled her eyes good-naturedly and blew out a deep, spearmint-flavored breath before speaking. “They just want cheap tricks that’ll help them pass their Economics class. Lucky for them I’m a fountain of information.” She smiled and tried to step back towards the sink, probably to take her beer, but her name was called from the side of the living room.

She rolled her eyes again, but Blake frowned at the way her jaw clenched briefly before she smiled widely in their direction. He had never noticed that before.

“Honestly Jacob, the only way you’re bound to pass your major is if you put up a shrine to Jeff Bezos tonight. Don’t disappear yet, Blake, You owe me a conversation.” She winked at him and rushed to where they were calling her.

Blake’s lips twitched into a short smile. His eyes moved towards the forgotten beer bottle near the sink, and he stepped forward to take it back to her. It was half-full when he lifted it, but before he could turn and take it back to her, his eyes drifted down to the sink where an amber-colored liquid was splashed over the whole interior. He looked at the bottle in hand and frowned. Was she pouring away her drink?

No, that didn’t make sense. Her flushed face and bloodshot eyes more than proved she had been drinking.

He shrugged, not thinking much about it and left the beer bottle alone. He abandoned his own as well, deciding to stick to water if he had any hopes of waking up early the next day. Stepping back into the living room, he found the majority of the group sitting on the floor, everyone with a shot glass in their hands and being obnoxiously loud. Yeah, it was best to stick to water.

And because it was only natural, his gaze moved to Reagan immediately. Noticing how she sat in the corner armchair only talking to one person. She had a shot glass in her hand as well, still full as she waited for an opportunity to drink it. He bit his lip wondering if he should join in, and just when he made the decision to do it, he saw something that had his foot stopping in mid-air.

Reagan said something, a joke perhaps judging by the wink she threw at her audience, and when they threw their head back in a laugh, her smile dropped quick as she turned behind her quickly and threw the liquid in her glass into the plant behind her.

Blake’s eyebrows raised. But they damn near sky-rocketed when she saw her smile put back in place. In fact it was even wider as she regained the attention of her audience. That confirmed the suspicion that she had been pouring her drink away back in the kitchen. And her breath didn’t have a single hint of alcohol. She hadn’t been there long, nor did she drink a single drop of alcohol, but why was her face so flushed?

He heard her laugh suddenly, and because he was now so attuned to her, he heard what he failed to before; Reagan’s laughter was fake.

Three weeks pass and that wide smile remained plastered before his eyes, all the little details he missed now there for his viewing. The tightness around the mouth, and the stiff jaw that was present every time she made conversation with someone. Was she alright?

His thoughts were occupied as he walked with Taryn outside their office building. “Will you come have lunch with us at The Fray? I’m feeling like a mac and cheese today.”

“Nah, sorry. I don’t really think I’ll be good company today.” He smiled apologetically. “Too much on my mind. Feel like having a lone lunch today.”

Taryn nodded at him and waved her goodbyes. After a few minutes walking alone, he turned into an alley that held the entrance to a tiny, hole in the wall diner that he knew none of his friends had ever heard of. It only housed two back to back booths and a few tables in the middle. One booth had one girl sitting alone, her head in a book and the back of it facing him. Blake decided to sit at the other empty booth, heaving in a great big sigh as he reveled at finally being alone.

A waitress came forwards but she smiled a little in apology as she went towards the other girl first.

“So sorry for the delay. What can I get for you today?”

A small, mellow voice spoke up that had him raising his head in disbelief. “It’s okay. Uhm, can I please have a plain cheeseburger with no onions, tomatoes or lettuce?” The waitress nodded and moved towards Blake, but he had already gotten up and murmured, “The same, please.” He saw Reagan’s spine stiffen, no doubt having heard his voice.

His smile was wide as he entered her booth and sat opposite her, but it dropped seeing the look on her face.

“Blake. Hello.” Her voice was nothing but a mere scratch that wasn’t going away no matter how many times she tried to clear it. The dark circles on her face were all he could see until his gaze dripped over the books at her hands. One of his hands reached out to touch one of the books he could see were English textbooks and syllabi, but she withdrew them from his reach and quickly stuffed them within her shoulder bag. “They’re for my class. Sorry.” Another tight-lipped smile that he couldn’t begin to understand.

A full minute dragged on where she was silent as she stared down at the table, pretending there wasn’t someone there talking to her. Blake was thrown, but the waitress returned with two plates of food and set them down.

He saw Reagan’s face drop once more, and his eyes widened when her full face flushed and her eyes began to glaze over just the slightest bit. He looked down at what caught her attention, and frowned at the loaded full cheeseburger on her plate that had every topping she didn’t ask for.

“Can I get the two of you anything else?” The waitress asked nicely enough.

Right when he thought she was going to complain and send back the food, Reagan simply smiled. “It’s perfect, thank you.” There her voice went again. High pitched and cheery. He frowned at how she seemed so normal again as she said that one sentence, when her facial expression depicted anything but.

The waitress took a step to leave when Blake spoke up. “Actually, you got her order wrong.”

Reagan gasped a little, her skin darkening even more. “It’s fine, really. Actually, can you get me a to-go box? I just remembered I’m in a hurry.”

“Reagan, what’s going on with you?” Blake murmured after the waitress left. Her behavior seemed fidgety and her eyes were downcast. She took in a few deep breaths before looking back up and smiling, but Blake knew it was fake by now. And he didn’t like that. If she was going to pretend for someone, he didn’t want it to be him.

The next few minutes passed in silence, both parties unwilling to speak. Blake demolished his burger and fries in haste, while Reagan impatiently waited for her to-go bag. The minute it arrived, she was up in her seat, shooting him another smile before dashing out the door. He rushed out as fast as he could after her, but she was already lost to the busy streets.

Blake sighed, but new determination knotted within his stomach. He’d make their next meeting count.

It wasn’t far away. Two weeks later, he was back at Taryn and Reagan’s house, and when he asked the former where her cousin was, she replied, “Oh, Reagan has some days where work gets her crazy busy. She’ll be home really late.” Blake simply nodded unsatisfied.

The hours ticked by as he sat watching the door, waiting for her to pop through any second and dazzle the crowd as she loved to do. But she was missing. As she had been for the past few weeks. Which wasn’t uncommon, she was never present every day. But the days she was, she made up for it with live energy. He found himself missing it, but not when it was possible that it could all be fake. He shouldn’t have paid that much mind, but he couldn’t really help it. Tired of sitting and watching the door, Blake trudged towards the back of the apartment to look for the bathroom.

Once he was done with the necessary, he sought to rejoin the party but a sound made him pause at the corner of the hallway. It had sounded like a small sneeze. Blake turned around and looked at the three locked doors in the hallway. He listened carefully again, but no other sound came. Hesitation burned through him as he knocked on the door he had always assumed was Reagan’s. Silence. He knocked again, calling out her name for good measure, but silence prevailed once more.

Not totally sure if it was his imagination or not, Blake walked back into the living room and found his friends getting ready to leave. “Hey, we’re going over for happy hour at The Fray. Beers are practically free at this time.”

Blake hesitated but agreed and left the building with them. He turned over to Taryn. “Will Reagan be meeting us there?”

“Nope. She said she’ll be sleeping over with a friend of hers and won’t make it.”

“I miss her already. Parties are never the same without her.” Added Jacob and a few more of their group nodded in agreement. Blake’s eyes narrowed a little, and he turned back to Taryn again.

“What job does she have again?”

“She’s a teaching assistant at Hershey Mathews University. The lecturer over there keeps her busy as fuck.”

Blake remembered the English syllabi he saw her with and hummed a little in disbelief not really believing it. But if Taryn, her own cousin, didn’t think anything was wrong, then maybe it wasn’t. But that sound he heard played continuously at the back of his mind. It played on loop so much that he couldn’t ignore it. “Hey, Taryn. I forgot my phone in your bathroom. Can I go get it then I’ll meet you guys at the bar?”

Trusting as ever, Taryn tossed him her keys and walked away with the other guys. Rushing up the stairs, he reached their floor and opened the door as quietly as he could.

He wasn’t really sure what he was expecting, but it felt like the sight of Reagan curled up on the couch in her pajamas wasn’t supposed to be surprising. But it was.

Blake stood there blinking fast, and unlike their encounter at the diner a few weeks ago, today she rolled her eyes in annoyance.

“I’m starting to think you catching me off-guard isn’t exactly a coincidence.”

Blake blinked back some life into him. “You lied to your cousin.”

Reagan snorted at him and gestured for him to come in. “Yeah, yeah. Shocking how the life of the party would want a single night to herself.”

Blake went to sit opposite her on the recliner. She looked fairly normal, but he wasn’t sure how much of that he could trust.

"Are you going to stop staring at me anytime soon?"

Blake pursed his lips.

“Look,” Reagan sighed and adjusted her position on the couch, tucking her blanket closer to her. “I’m sorry about how I snubbed you at lunch that day.” A little hesitation, and then she added. “It was just one of those days where being social isn’t easy.”

He was silent for a second as he regarded her. “I think I get it.” Blake paused. “But hiding from your cousin and her friends that you always entertain seems a little too out of order for you.”

"That I always entertain? Is that how it looks like?" Her frown surprised him. "I'm always finding everyone in my house after hours, if I could breeze through whilst ignoring everyone, trust me, I would."

"So what? You're really not a party viper?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm barely that now."

"But you said-"

Reagan groaned and threw her head back. “Don’t make me explain my social tendencies to you, please. I can barely understand it myself. Just know I would take hiding in my room over free beers any day." She changed the television channel to the sports channel and curled in on herself. “You’re welcome to stay and watch me being a hermit, if you want.”

Blake looked over at her, finally understanding her and yet not really. He couldn’t understand how to reconcile the image of her once jumping on the bar with their friends, together with the one of her hiding in her room so she didn’t get roped into hanging out with them. He was failing. But from what he had gathered from her so far, it wasn’t that hard to see that maybe being the center of attention wasn’t her favorite thing in the world.

But you could never tell with how hard she commanded a room or got everyone eating off of the palm of her hands, that the only company she really preferred was her own.

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