Shared Silences

The bathroom mirror was fogged from the shower’s heat, and Lena had to wipe a circle into it with her sleeve to see her face reflected back. As she wrung the water out of her hair, tiny droplets pattered onto the wall, their faint sounds echoing in the small apartment. Her phone buzzed again on the counter, screen lighting up with another message. A weary smile spread across Lena’s lips, she knew she didn’t even have to check to know who the messages were from. Dragging the towel off her head, she let her hair fall in damp strands onto her shoulders and she picked up the phone.

Dev: are you busy?

Dev: can we call?

Lena: Sure, in 5

Dropping the phone back down, she felt the fatigue settling deeper into her bones. It had been a rough day—morning classes blurred into hours of backbreaking work under the punishing sun, followed by a crowded bus ride home, crammed between a thirty-something year old with a screaming baby and some old dude who reeked of cigarettes. Her muscles ached from the relentless cycle she couldn’t seem to get a break from. Still, here she was pushing back sleep, driven by the flicker of anticipation she felt at the thought of hearing Dev’s voice.

Lena pulled the towel off the floor, hanging it neatly on the hook on her bathroom wall. Entering the main living area, she glanced at the cluttered space, her head throbbing from just the thought of all the tasks still undone. Unpacked boxes and discarded clothing littered the floor. Her hand found the light switch and she flicked it off. Out of sight out of mind—the mess could be tomorrow’s problem (she was going to hate herself for that tomorrow, which was also tomorrow’s problem).

She collapsed onto her bed, fingers already dialing Dev’s number. The phone rang twice before his familiar voice crackled through.

“Hi.”

“Hi yourself,” Lena replied, nestling into her pillows. “Are you still buried in your nerdy work, or do I have your undivided attention for once?” 

“Oh please, I’m turning off my laptop as we speak.” Lena hummed in response, smiling at Dev’s voice that had turned slightly raspy from the late hour. “What about you, survived another day?”

“Barely. My brain’s fried and ready to explode, and my legs feel like they’re gonna fall off if I take another step.” 

“Sounds fun, you should totally take another step.” Lena scoffed and rolled her eyes, even though Dev couldn’t see it. “So, are you on your bed?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, scoot over, I'm jumping in, in 3…2…1… “ Lena chuckled, moving over as if to make space for him. Of course Dev wasn’t actually jumping in. The distance between them made it impossible, but sometimes pretending otherwise just made life easier, more fun, and exciting. The playful pretense was a comforting ritual, and a welcome distraction from daily life. Lena could almost feel him lying next to her, the weight of his body pressing down the mattress beside her. 

They fell into an easy silence, each lost in their own thoughts but tethered together by the virtual phone line. These moments had been some of Lena’s favorites lately, the moments where the world seemed to slip away and it was just them in their shared bubble. She never knew how to answer people when they asked her who this Dev guy was to her, but she found that it didn’t really matter. Their relationship didn’t really have a specific definition and they felt no need for one. They just were.

“What time does your flight leave tomorrow?” Lena asked softly, listening to the sound she assumed was a backpack being zipped and then the shuffling that suggested Dev was finally settling into bed.

“9 a.m., I think. But I gotta be at the airport way earlier, so it’ll probably be a sleepless night for me.”

“But that’s excellent, you can make us an imaginary breakfast.”

“Umm, excuse me miss, but I think it’s your turn,” Dev shot back, and Lena could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Ugh, fine I’ll make it. It’s a good call honestly ‘cause I’ll do it better anyway,” Lena teased.

“Oh, please, I only burned the pancakes once.”

“And that was one time too many.” Lena could almost see Dev rolling his eyes and she laughed.

“So, O’ Master chef, what time are we eating?” Dev asked.

“I think both of our schedules warrant breakfast to be around 5:40.”

“Right, damn, you really have to wake up that early too. You should go to sleep.”

“No I shouldn't. And please, just worry about yourself, you’re already an hour ahead because of time zones, so I should be saying that to you.”

“Well, maybe both of us should sleep dummy. I’m not sleeping before you, though.”

“Well, I’m not sleeping.”

“Lena.” Lena’s heart skipped a beat at the sound of her name but she quickly forced the feeling aside.

“We go through this every night, you know. You tell me to sleep, I obviously say no, you get all exasperated and I get exactly what I want, which is talking to you” Lena smiling smugly to herself. 

“Flattering. Well, maybe I’m waiting for the time you actually go to sleep early.”

“You’ll be waiting a long time, bub. I already had an annoying day so please don’t take the best parts of it away from me too soon. Besides, if I stay here talking to you, time won’t move, the day won’t change, and everything can stay… I don’t know, like this,” Lena took a deep breath and turned to the left as if to face Dev. “I like this.” A brief pause followed, which gave enough time for nervous signals to shoot around Lena’s mind. Maybe she shouldn’t have said that. Maybe it was too much, too heavy. Maybe she should never say anything again. Maybe she should bury herself twenty feet underground.

“Me too. Sometimes I wish we could stay here forever. Just you and me.” And just like that the anxious thoughts were gone. Lena sighed in relief.

“Yeah.” Their voices had gotten hushed, intimate, as if they were trying not to wake their roommates, who, by the way, didn’t exist. But maybe pretending like they have something to hide made the midnight conversations that much more exciting. “But actually, I don’t want us to stay at our respective “heres” forever, you are catching that flight tomorrow, and you are flying your dumbass over here, that’s an order!”

Dev laughed, “Yes ma’am!”

“Great. See you tomorrow.”

“That sounds like a good night. Is that a good night? Please, please, please.”

“Pfft no, you’re not getting rid of me that easily.” Dev mock scoffed on the other end of the line, and Lena grinned, forgetting Dev couldn’t see her. They fell back into silence. For a moment they just listened to the other’s breathing, existing together in the moment, yet apart. Lena found herself amazed at how Dev, miles away, could still feel so present. 

“I can almost hear your thoughts,” Dev murmured, breaking the quiet.

“Hey, telepathy is my thing,” Lena said, smiling at the darkness. “But sure, go ahead, what am I thinking?”

“You’re wondering why you keep talking to a nerd like me,” Dev answered.

“I’m wondering or you’re wondering?” Lena teased. 

“Touché.”

Lena laughed softly, letting the warmth of his voice chase away her fatigue. “I suppose it’s because of your unfair amount of charm, I can’t seem to stay away from it.”

“Okay fair and very true,” Dev smirked, self-satisfied. “You know,” he continued, his voice more serious, “it is pretty amazing that we just randomly found each other, and now are… this or whatever.”

“Yeah, I know,” Lena shifted on her bed, nestling more comfortably into her pillows. “You’re just randomly like my favorite person on the planet. How did that happen?”

Dev was quiet for a beat as if absorbing her words. “My unfair amount of charm?” he finally said, smug. Lena guffawed.

“Dude,” she laughed, “I thought we were having a moment,” Lena sniffled in mock heartbreak.

“Okay, you’re my favorite person too. Anything happens, good or bad, you’re the first person I wanna tell,” Dev’s voice sounded genuine again.

“Me too,” Lena sighed and closed her eyes. The ease of their connection, the way his words and presence could banish her anxiety and loneliness—it was something she couldn’t quite put into words, but it was there in every text, every laugh and every call. She couldn’t help but feel grateful for the bond that had miraculously grown between them.

“You still there?” Dev’s voice sounded through the phone. Lena realized her eyes were still closed. She hummed in response, unable to form words. Exhaustion was finally taking the better of her but there was still some part of her telling her to stay awake, talk and enjoy the moment. “It’s okay to sleep, you know, I’ll still be here tomorrow,” Dev said. Lena groaned a wordless complaint and felt the phone vibrate as she listened to Dev laugh.

“Okay,” Lena whispered after it got quiet again. 

“Okay? Seriously?” Dev said, his voice perked up and disbelieving.

“Yeah,” Lena answered quietly, hardly believing it herself.

“Okay,” Dev answered, lowering his voice too. Just as Lena was about to press the end call button he heard Dev’s last words on the phone. “Sweet dreams, princess.”

Lena covered the blush spreading on her face with her hand, Dev's words echoing in her mind. He had ended the call before she got a chance to answer, so she pulled up their messages, grinning like an idiot and typed out a response.

Lena: Sgndjgkj good night dummy.