I remember

I remember. I remember every single detail of you. I remember your soft lips and how they felt against mine. I remember your gentle touch, how you would hold me while we kissed. Your fingers wrapped around my waist, like they were meant to be there all along, and you would ask me every couple minutes if you were holding on to tight. I remember your face, your perfect curved up nose and freckles that I could connect dot to dot to make some sort of pattern. I remember your voice, a deep soft-spoken voice that would make me go crazy, how it got raspy in the mornings when I woke up beside you, or how it got soft and quiet when you were sad.

I remember how you acted with me around your friends. How you didn’t change. I loved that about you. I loved that you didn’t care what anyone else thought about us, you just wanted me next to you all day every day.

I loved how you spent every day like it was your last and you spared no expense. You took me out to dinner whenever I’d let you, you never cared how much the bill was and after dinner we would go find a spot in the city and we would each put in an airpod and dance.

I remember your favorite things. You gave me a list when we first met. You were a bold one my love.

1.  Kisses

2.  Little Women (The book and movies)

3.  Spiderman

4.  Snuggles

5.  Coffee

6.  Books

7.  Dates

8.  Hair scratches

9.  Food

You didn’t have a 10. I don’t know why, but you said there was too much to choose from. You loved my kisses, at least that’s what you said. You said that my kisses were your favorite. Sometimes it’s so hard to believe you were even mine. You were an angel.

Were.

What have we come to?

I remember the night.

You came over. I opened the door and find you on my doorstep with teary filled eyes. My heart broke. You looked so sad. I hated it, I wanted all the pain to go away, I wanted you to have everything in life. At least that’s what I thought then. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You slurred out.

“What’s wrong my darling?”

“I promise it won’t happen again. Please!” You sobbed into your sweatshirt sleeve.

“Come inside. Explain what happened, alright?” I didn’t think anything of. I thought it was just about some emotions you’ve been building up. You were always emotional, and you loved a good cry.

I sat you down on the couch and got you some of your favorite mix of coffee. Tears were still streaming down your cheeks. You were wrapped up in a blanket.

“Tell me what’s up?” I said as I sat next to you, I tried to speak as softly as I could.

“I-” you took a deep breath “I cheated. I cheated.”

“Huh?” what?

“I've been cheating on you and I just- I just thought I should tell you and- and I messed up I know but I can’t lose you.”

At first, I thought you were joking because you would never do that, right? Right?

“How- how long-”

“2 months.” You interrupted quickly.

I was struck. My skin turned cold, and I swear I felt my heart break into a million pieces. You acted so normal, you still kissed me and held me, now I can’t help but to think you kissed her the same way you kissed me. I was disgusted, confused, frustrated, and most of all heartbroken. My eyes stung and a lump formed in my throat. Tears spilled. Tears spilled out of my eyes like waterfalls flowing down from a mountain.

I didn’t speak for 3 minutes, me and you in my living room didn’t speak for 3 minuets.

“Please say something.” You said, your voice hoarse and quiet.

I still didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything to be said.

“You betrayed me.”

I ended it and kicked him out of my house. I had never ever felt so much sorrow and heart ache. I thought you were my soulmate. I thought me and you were going to live the perfect life and grow old together. I guess not.

It took 3 months to finally accept it. The duration of those 3 months was spent contemplating if I should just forgive and forget, also lots of crying and eating. I wanted to forgive and forget, that’s what my brain wanted, my heart. My heart felt like it wasn’t even there, but I knew deep down that I couldn’t ever forget, I could forgive but never forget.

I was drowned in my own thoughts. What did I do wrong? Was I not enough? Those were the questions I asked myself every day. I learned over time It wasn’t me that was the problem. It was you. I didn’t know what you were thinking when you went out with her. I may never know.

The healing started, I worked on myself. Not for you, not for another guy, but for me. My broken heart started to heal, piece by piece. Everyday small piece. Now it’s almost healed, but there’s a missing piece.

You have it.

Everywhere you go, you have a piece of my heart, all I ask is to take care of it. I know I won’t ever get it back.

I remember.

I remember you.

I remember all our memories, all our laughs and giggles, our late-night talks and our stupid little fights. I remember your kisses. You may have broken my heart, but you also built it up. I hope the girl you’re with now gets all the love that you gave me and more. I hope you are happy enough with her that you won’t cheat on her. I don’t hate you, I could never.

Now that you’ve gotten through this whole thing. Just know.

I remember you.

And I hope

Wherever you are

In the world,

That you remember me too.

 (if you got this far thank you so much reading, this is one of the first things ive ever written and shown in public. Please be nice im very new to this whole thing)