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Fiction Funny Contemporary

Monday, January 1st, 2024

Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self preservation.

AUDRE LORDE

I am grateful for…

1. Not being hungover. Okay…that’s a lie. Not being as hungover as I thought*

2. No work

3. This dick! I don’t know, TV?

Daily Affirmation

At least I’m still hot

Highlights of the Day

1. A mean BECSPK from the bodega

2. Everything went downhill from there

3. I think I might be dying

What did I learn today?

Fucking nothing

Tuesday, January 2nd, 2024

WEEKLY CHALLENGE

Take time to make yourself feel extra comfortable. Rest for an extra hour, book a massage, or eat an indulgent dessert.

I am grateful for…

1. Water, which is totally just as delicious as beer

2. Another day on this delightful place called earth!

3. Still being able to eat despite the constant nausea

Daily Affirmation

You got this. You’re strong. It’s only been a day, don’t be a fucking pussy

Highlights of the Day

1. There are no highlights. This journal is NOT RELATABLE

2. I can’t stop sweating

3. I think I’m gonna pass out

What did I learn today?

How could I learn anything while fucking dying? I don’t understand how a journal like this is supposed to turn tangible negatives into make believe positives

Wednesday, January 3rd, 2024

Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day.

ALICE MORSE EARLE

I am grateful for…

1. Making it another day without drinking, I guess

2. Myself, for getting off work without any suspicions

3. Can I say myself again?

Daily Affirmation

The pain will go away soon. It can’t last forever, right?

Highlights of the Day

1. Getting three spoonfuls of soup down

2. I almost relapsed but luckily fainted before I could reach the bottle

3. TV is my only solace

What did I learn today?

Is this what dying feels like?

Thursday, January 4th, 2024

The best and most beautiful things in the world can’t be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.

HELEN KELLER

I am grateful for…

1. Evelyn. I thought she’d never speak to me again after I drowned her family’s christmas tree in puke

2. What little sleep I did get

3. Evelyn’s calming, cold hands cooling the furnace that is my forehead

Daily Affirmation

You have Evelyn now. She will save you

Highlights of the Day

1. Evelyn apologized for breaking up with me. She said it was impulsive and foolish. How could she ever live without me?

2. She said I’ve never looked healthier

3. I think we might get back together

What did I learn today?

You are too great to stay gone forever. She will be yours

Friday, January 5th, 2024

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.

DENIS WAITLEY

I am grateful for…

1. Being strong enough to make the shaking stop

2. This beautiful cabin I’m in, though I don’t remember how I got here

3. The view from the window. I can’t wait until I’m healthy enough to hit those slopes

Daily Affirmation

You are a beautiful beacon in a world of darkness

Highlights of the Day

1. I saw a wolf. He said he was gonna blow my cabin down but then he licked my face

2. I found some porridge in the kitchen. The temperature was just right

3. A white christmas

What did I learn today?

Heaven is a place on earth

Saturday, January 6th, 2024

Dreams are today’s answers to tomorrow’s questions.

EDGAR CAYCE

I am grateful for…

1. Grateful?

2. What is this journal for?

3. Whose writing is this?

Daily Affirmation

What is an affirmation?

Highlights of the Day

1. Highlights

2. Lowlights

3. Nightlights

What did I learn today?

Was this supposed to be a learning experience?

Thursday, January 11th, 2024

Very often change of self is needed more than a change of scene.

A.C. BENSON

I am grateful for…

1. My landlord, whose notorious cheapness finally came in handy. If he hadn’t forced his way into my apartment to get his precious rent payment, I’d probably be dead

2. Uber for existing in the face of “friends” who refuse to answer the phone

3. Being back home. That hospital was fucking disgusting

Daily Affirmation

Everything can go back to normal now

Highlights of the Day

1. For a moment I started to think Evelyn was really here and we were back together. It’s becoming evident that I was simply a delusional dumbass, looking for light in the face of death. It was a nice moment though, even if only pretend. I’m sure she’ll be back

2. I never thought I’d say this, but…cleaning my apt?! Shockingly, the shit did not hit the fan. It didn’t hit NOTHING but…I was relieved

3. Never has a burrito hit any harder than it has today, which is saying a lot because burritos fucking slap

What did I learn today?

Alcohol withdrawal is apparently a real thing?!

Friday, January 12th, 2024

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON

I am grateful for…

1. Not getting fired for my unexplained absence

2. Being an upper-class white guy in New York

3. The health care system somehow?!

Daily Affirmation

You are hot, you are strong, and 2024 is gonna be the best year yet. You don’t need anyone other than your sexy ass self

Highlights of the Day

1. A more mature person would say deleting those photos of Evelyn, but I already regret it not gonna lie. Well, I still got the nudes

2. Beating it

3. The first beer of the new year. Those friends weren’t real and neither was that stupid challenge they imposed on me. Fuck being dry

What did I learn today?

This journal is a waste of time

January 17, 2024 19:19

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5 comments

Joe Smallwood
15:51 Jan 25, 2024

Hello Dylan, "The Man, the Myth, and the Legend" is well written. It employs the journal format to convey the protagonist's journey through a challenging life. The protagonist's evolution is evident as the story progresses through the entries. The initial struggles with hangovers and self-destructive behavior gradually give way to moments of self-reflection and a desire for positive change. The story explores themes of self-discovery, resilience, and the impact of addiction. The protagonist's journey from denial and despair to a glimmer of h...

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Dylan Martin
22:21 Jan 25, 2024

Thanks for reading, Joe! No offense taken, all feedback is helpful! My thought is: did you not care for the MC because you did not like him? Because if so, totally understandable as the MC was not intended to be likeable. At its heart, it's mainly a comedy about a self-absorbed asshole stuck in a spiral of self-destruction (the title and, arguably, all the quotes, are meant to be ironic--this man is not a legend, though he thinks he is). So, I suppose in that way its main intent is to entertain as you said. And one of my main goals when writ...

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Joe Smallwood
22:52 Jan 26, 2024

Hi again, Yes it is certainly possible to just not like an MC. I know for certain that I would not choose to be around this person if I had a choice. That said, to really know if there is something more you could add to your writing would require at least one or hopefully two other people to offer their opinions. I think the general rule is that the reader needs to see something of themselves in the character. For instance, Thanos despite being an evil character has some good in him, something to respect, even though wiping out half the univ...

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Teddy Blight
00:13 Jan 25, 2024

Hi Dylan! shockingly, you're in my critique circle this week too xD this is very good, I really enjoyed how you've created a pre-filled journal for this guy to fill in as he goes, which I think is a great idea and kinda wish I had thought of that. love this guys voice, I can really hear this self absorbed, malicious guy talking to me here. and even though I didn't particularly appreciate him as a person I was still sad to see him fail to become his better self. which is always impressive when a short story can rope me into emotions about a...

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Dylan Martin
22:05 Jan 25, 2024

Thanks for reading, Teddy! I'm starting to think the "circle" was meant to be taken literally lol. I thought it was just an alliteration thing and all pairings were random. Does seem that we're just in little random groups instead. Glad to hear you read it that way and it was effective! I very much intended him to be unlikeable so I'm glad you caught on to how self-absorbed and self-destructive he is. Thanks again for the feedback! Always helpful :)

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