Forgiveness

The sound of light snoring penetrated the ethereal music that droned on. It brought Jim out of his ‘mindfulness’ trance.

He chuckled, ‘That’s one expensive nap... Hope he can forgive himself… At that rate, upwards over five bucks per snore…’

Not wanting to look like a tourist, Jim didn’t look around. He wanted his money’s worth. This training had cost him a thousand dollars. Jim thought it overpriced. But if he could learn to let grudges go, it would be worth it.

Forgiving his son-in-law, Casper, was the acid test. They’d barely spoken for years. Their dispute seemed silly in light of today’s teaching.

With the gentle sound of a wind chime people began to stir. All except for the snorer. The music faded away. A staff member touched the shoulder of the sleeping man and offered him a cup of tea. Others served tea to anyone wanting it.

Once the group had settled, the host, Guru Nanchalante, walked to the podium for his closing pep talk. He framed ‘forgiveness’ as releasing negative energy. He emphasized that this intentional choice benefits the forgiver even more than the recipient.

He said, “The benefits of giving are not quantifiable in terms of quid pro quo. Not a transaction, one gives expecting nothing in return.”

While he spoke, the warm twilight of the room shifted into an enchanting moonlight blue.

The Guru presided over one last ritual while the staff chanted. The twenty participants wrote their personal grudge upon a slip of rice tissue paper. Each then rolled their paper into a tiny spiral scroll. They then placed the scrolls on end on a round table in their midst. A staff member lit the scrolls with a taper.

Everyone watched in expectant silence as the little paper scrolls burned from top to bottom. Some became anxious. As if on cue, before the flames reached the tabletop, the flaming scrolls floated into the air. They rose over their heads in a dazzling, fanciful display. The participants gasped in surprise and burst into laughter and applause.

Pulled aloft by the heat of the flames, the slips of burning paper floated about like fireflies. Reduced to ash, the flames snuffed out and drifted away.

Guru Nanchalante concluded, “For fearlessness, joyfulness, calmness, eagerness, blessedness faultlessness, stillness, and timelessness. For happiness. For wholeness. All forgiveness!”

It all made sense to Jim. The concluding ritual moved him. He resolved to call Casper, meet up, and finally resolve their dispute.

Filing out, people chattered with each other. No one hurried. They lined up to thank the Guru. Comments lengthened into commentaries.

Impatient, Jim pushed by the crowd and into the convention center lobby.

After spending the day in the enclosed space, Jim scanned the expansive center to gain his bearings. Hundreds of people walked this way and that. Recognizing someone, Jim strode toward him.

It was Casper, his son-in-law.

When he got close, Jim called to him.

“Casper!”

He turned, and on seeing Jim, his face lit up.

“Hey, man! I was thinking about you. What brings you here?”

“We need to talk. I just came out of an excellent seminar about sloughing off the past.”

Casper sobered. “You’re kidding. That’s what I’ve been doing. Were we in the same meeting?”

“I was back there. Guru Nanchalante…” He pointed over his shoulder.

“Oh. No… I was over in that meeting… Maryjane Billings.”

“That’s funny. Dueling seminars…”

They laughed.

Jim said, “Joking aside, I want to talk to you about our… dispute.”

“Let me go first. I wrote something up that should clarify things and put it all in the rear-view mirror.”

Curious, Jim looked at him.

Casper continued, “I didn’t expect to see you. It’s handwritten. Was going to type it and mail it. But here. Hope you can read it.”

He thrust an envelope into Jim’s hand. Unsure, Jim looked at him.

Casper said, “Go ahead… it’s not long.”

Jim opened the envelope and pulled out a handwritten page. As he read, his face tightened. His hands crumpled the paper. He turned it over and balked.

Jim shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you – still spinning the same drug addled absurdities… No! Wait… What am I saying? Forgive me! These absurdities are new!”

“But wait, Jim. You didn’t finish… Keep…”

“Positively unhinged! Come, let me buy you some WD-40 for that annoying squeak coming from between your ears.”

“But Jim… I don’t think you…”

“Don’t lie to me, Casper. I was there. I have witnesses. They know all the lines like some old, cult classic movie.”

“Like I told you, three years ago…”

“As usual… You’re hallucinating! We haven’t spoken in… five.” He wadded up the paper and tossed it. “I know what you did. You can’t change it now.”

“I’m not trying to…”

“I know what you’re trying, Casper. You still can’t admit you stole my parking space.”

“Jim, I didn’t steal it. It was there. I needed to park.”

“So what? I had dibs on it.”

Casper rolled his eyes. “You can’t ‘dibs’ a parking spot.”

“In front of my house? That space is mine. Why should I have to walk blocks to my own home? I pay for that space.”

“No one owns the street, Jim. The Homeowner’s Association By-laws state…”

“Yeah, yeah… I’ve seen them. They tacked that on years later.”

Casper took the by-laws from his jacket. “I happen to have a copy.”

“Ha! Should have had them when you stole my spot. Then you wouldn’t have done it.”

“Well, here they are now.”

“I see them. And that you’re trying hard to hide behind them. It won’t work.”

Casper opened the by-laws and pointed to the page.

“Read it. Here… In black and white.”

“You’re missing the point, kid. It never was about the parking space. You should’ve shown some respect.”

“Respect?”

“Yeah. Ever hear of it? Would it have killed you to defer to me… for once? Let me have the parking in front of my own home? Don’t make me walk.”

“I see… Some way to treat a guest.”

Jim laughed. “Really? A guest? You were never a guest.”

“I came to visit you in your home… What would you call me?”

Jim took his time sizing him up. “Unfortunately, Casper, you’re family. If you’d been a guest, I’d have kicked you out. By marrying my daughter, you bypassed that title. Rather, when l rarely mention you, I call you my ‘ne’er do well, drug seeking, alcoholic, philandering son-in-law.’”

They stared at each other in silence and became aware of the crowd milling about them.

Nodding, Jim added, “That’s for short. I sometimes tack on a few colorful words for nuance… when so inclined.”

Casper looked genuinely humbled by Jim’s tirade. “Oh… I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

Jim crossed his arms. His smile bore little humor. He felt no little triumph at finally getting his say.

Casper sighed. “So… I have nothing… Uhm… I see your point. Sorry it took so long.”

Jim nodded. ‘Boy, does that feel good…’

Casper looked about, wanting to change the subject. “So… how was your training?”

‘My training…’

Taking a deep breath, Jim looked up to the high ceiling of the convention center. An incomprehensible announcement echoed over the P.A. system. He felt at peace.

“You want a cup of coffee? Dinner?”

Startled, Casper said, “Oh… Sure… if you want…”

“Yeah. We should talk. I know a place a couple blocks over.”

“Lead the way…”

“Yeah. And so, I don’t keep you in suspense… Wouldn’t be fair… I want you to know - I forgive you.”

Casper gasped. “You do?”

“Well, for the parking thing, anyway…”

Casper’s face fell. “Jim, I…”

“Got ya…!” Jim laughed and clapped Casper’s shoulder. “Time to let it all go. Start fresh. Move on. Stop wasting energy. Live our lives.”

Casper grinned. He couldn’t believe it. He clapped his hands together. “I’m all for that.”

Jim pointed toward the exit. “Let’s eat, son.”

They talked as they walked. And in talking together, they laughed.