The Cold Never Bothered Me, Anyway

“You’re stupid. You’re so fucking stupid.” Jenny ran her hands through her hair. “What are you going to do?!”

Addie said nothing. She couldn’t. Jenny’s words weren’t even cutting her – she couldn’t hear them, even though she knew she was speaking… how diabolical, the situation she found herself in. Addie sighed, sniffing. She was sitting on the kitchen floor, her legs having given up.

“Say something?!” Addie looked up at Jenny’s harsh tone. “For God’s sake, Adds, say something!”

“What?” Addie murmured. Jenny burst out laughing, incredulous.

“This is a fucking joke. Addie, you’ve fucked up. You’re stupid.”

“I should have known better,” Addie muttered, watching Jenny. “But I didn’t. Because I believed him.”

“You – wait, what?!”

“I believed him.” Addie sniffed and went back to staring at the single, fixed point in the distance, while her mind went back to the Good Times, where nothing hurt, her chest still held her lungs and heart unbroken, and life was good.

It was an icy morning, Addie’s feet slap-crunching against the flurries of snow that still sat, not yet melted enough to slush. A crisp morning, but a beautiful one, and a joy to run through. That is, until she came to a stop at a road, as a car was coming. Addie’s weight carried her forwards on a patch of black ice. The car skidded on that same ice.

Addie went into the road.

The car didn’t stop.

It hit her, slowly, but enough to knock her flying and skidding… straight into the junction. The car didn’t stop, either, but it did cover her when it hit the iceless road.

“SHIT! HOLY SHIT - ARE YOU OKAY?!” A man’s voice, then, followed by the thud of feet right by Addie’s head. She was curled up in a ball, car’s undercarriage a little too close for her comfort. The man fell to all fours beside her, his face contorted with fear, worry, anxiety. “Are you okay?!”

“I… n… no…” Addie whispered. She sniffed, the shock of it taking over. Her hip also really hurt. She started sobbing, the adrenaline wearing off a little too soon.

“Fuck – okay – are you hurt? Can you move your arms and legs?” Addie tried, and nodded. “Okay, good. Did you hit your head?”

“N-no.”

“Good! That’s good… can you get out from under there yourself?” Addie looked at him. He held out a hand, and she took it, letting him drag her out. He kneeled beside her, checking her over. “Fuck – I’m so sorry! I – the ice – I couldn’t stop! God, I thought I’d killed you!”

“My… feet… they just went from underneath me…” Addie looked down, wincing at the pain in her hip. She pulled her running tights down a bit to look. Nothing major, thankfully. “Just a bruise tomorrow, I bet…”

“Let me take you to the ER. Or urgent care?”

“I… alright.”

“I’m Patrick.” He smiled at her now, but the worry never left his eyes. Not even as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Adelaine,” Addie murmured. “But my friends call me Addie.”

“Adelaine,” Patrick smiled, helping her up. “That’s a lovely name.”

“Thanks.” Addie smiled back at him, limping around the front of the car – away from the offending patch of ice – to the passenger’s seat, and he let her in. He closed the door, and then jogged around to his side. “I’m really okay, you know? I’d be happy just to get dropped home…”

“Not happening. I just hit you with my car. We’re going to the ER, and we’re doing everything properly.” He turned the car on, pulling slowly away in the direction of the hospital.

“Well… it’s A&E, over here, actually.” Addie shivered. Patrick turned the heat on.

“Ah, England… always gotta be different, haven’t you?” He treated her to a charming grin, which made her blush lightly. Even if he had just hit her with his car, he was gorgeous… Maybe he’d take her for lunch to say sorry…

“Right. Well. His wife knows, and she’s pissed.” Jenny was scrolling Twitter, reading the comments from the news which both her and Addie had hoped wouldn’t break. Of course it broke. Of course there was a source close to the star which dished the dirt on the secret pregnancy. Of course there was someone who knew just enough to get headlines rolling… and then, of course, there was The Picture. The picture of Addie and Patrick, which neither of them knew about, which had been leaked. Grainy, slightly blurry, but there was no mistaking the posture and baseball cap of the man, with his arms around someone resolutely not his wife. Much shorter, in fact. And with longer hair.

“I think the world knows, Jen,” Addie sighed, stirring her tea.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“First, you wouldn’t have believed me. Second, he told me so many times that he was leaving her. Third, he told me he was looking for a permanent solution to living over here.” She sniffed. “That’s how it was going to be. Me and him, living here together. He’d find work here easily, he said. Loads of English and European directors and movie companies want to work with him…” she sipped her tea. “I was just stupid enough to believe it.”

“I’m so glad you see the light.”

“Jen.” Addie looked at her, and at her tone, Jenny looked up from her phone.

“What?”

“I’m having a fucking mental breakdown.”

“Speak to me.”

“While you’ve been scrolling, I’ve just bought a plane ticket.”

“ADDIE, NO,” Jenny cried, snatching the phone from Addie’s vicinity on the table. “Come ONNNNN!” she typed in her friend’s password, and sure enough, was met with the confirmation screen. And an eye-watering sum of money that she’d spent on the last-minute ticket. “Fucking hell Adelaine! That’s a month’s mortgage payment!”

“Patrick covers my tickets.”

“He might not cover them now!” Jenny picked up her phone and showed Addie the screen. “See?!”

Emblazoned across the top of the E! Entertainment web article: PATRICK JONES EXCLUSIVE: IT WAS A STUPID FLING, IT’S OVER. Addie rolled her eyes. Delusion had fully set in.

“He’ll take me, Jen. You’ll see. He’ll have to.” She drained her teacup, hissing as the hot liquid burned her. “Otherwise he won’t get to see his baby.”

Jenny nearly dropped her cup as Addie moved from the room to the stairs, to go and start her packing.

“…WHAT?!”

It didn’t take long for Addie to fall completely in love with the handsome American. Strong, tall, broad shoulders, and a running lover himself, Patrick ticked every single one of his boxes. But it wasn’t until they were quite firmly a regular thing that Addie discovered Diane, his wife.

“There’s a reason I didn’t leave England when we finished filming, Addie,” Patrick murmured, holding her from behind. “You’ve never really asked me that. If you had, I’d have told you the truth.”

“Then tell me everything, now,” Addie murmured, leaning back against him. They’d been out for a run together, when she’d been hit with a notification from her News App about the movie (which she was following, of course) and found a piece about Patrick’s wife, Diane, who was immensely proud of her husband for his work, and missed him greatly.

“Well… she’s a little bit too controlling. I’ve got two boys, but I rarely get a say in anything to do with them. She’s Bulgarian, see. She thinks her voice with the kids is more important than mine, so she shuts me out… and that’s when the problems started. I married her because we had our first accidentally, and she told me her family would disown her if she went back home pregnant. So, I saved her. Got her the right to stay and work and live in America.” He sighed, looking down at Addie. “But she wasn’t too grateful. I think she only wanted what came with my acting.”

“But you still married her! And then slept with me a lot!” Addie pushed him back, his words finally sinking in. “You’ve got KIDS?!”

“Yeah – but listen, Addie –“

“No! You listen! I come from a broken home too, and I hated my stepmum! HATED her!” Addie ran her hands through her damp hair.

“Look. You’ve got one side of the story. Everything she has is because of me and the work I do. But I don’t get anything out of the marriage anymore. She doesn’t take interest, she doesn’t speak to me – look!” he pulled his phone out and loaded up WhatsApp, and the chat with her. It was entirely Patrick sending messages, and Diane replying with either single words, or emojis. Nothing more. There was no conversation. “Take it. Look deeper, if you want more proof.” And Addie, despite her less unhinged judgement, did so. She took his phone and started hunting through everything, finding the same things. This woman did not want to engage with him at all. And they barely had any photos together, despite being all over the place in the states. Addie sighed heavily. “I’m looking for any excuse to divorce her. Or even for her to divorce me.”

“Please don’t use me for that, Patrick,” Addie breathed. “Don’t make me the scapegoat for you getting a divorce.”

“Honey, I would never,” Patrick said softly, stepping forward. “If I don’t go back, then she’ll have no choice but to want to. Because the money and the fame will dry up. Or, she’ll break and cheat and I’ll have my right to divorce her –“

“But you’ve cheated with me!”

“I have… but am I even really married if we live more like roommates?”

Addie felt torn. But then Patrick tried to call Diane right in front of her… and the woman was cold. Bitingly so. And the call lasted less than three minutes.

“Jesus,” Addie said, as Diane cut the call with a curt ‘whatever’. Patrick gave a sigh as Addie wrapped her arms around him. “She’s a fucking ice queen.”

“Well… the cold never bothered me, anyway,” Patrick sighed. Addie chuckled.

“Feeling frozen out?”

“Guess I’ll just have to let it go.” He kissed her, a grin on his face. “You’re the only girl I want, Addie. You’re a drug. I’ve missed human contact like this…” he kissed her again, leaving a trail down her jaw, his hands roaming beneath her clothes, still damp from their run. “Shower?”

“Only if you join me.”

“Woof,” Patrick laughed, picking her up light she weighed nothing.

“Do not go to the airport. Do not go over there to see him. Do not do this!”

“I have to. I have to go and put this right. He’s mine, Jenny. Come with me, or don’t –“

“DO NOT GO TO THE AIRPORT!” Jenny stood in front of the door to the taxi. This was a mental breakdown Jenny had never really seen before. She felt sick, and there was no-one to call, since Addie’s parents had gone on a long holiday to Australia and New Zealand, fulfilling a retirement bucket list item. Jenny snatched the phone from Addie’s hand and ran, unlocking it. She picked Patrick’s number and hit dial.

“I thought I told you not to call me?!” Patrick’s voice sounded pissed. “Especially not at six in the fucking morning!”

“It’s not Addie! I’m Jenny, her friend! And she’s about to get on a fucking plane to see you.”

“Who’s this?!”

“MY NAME IS JENNY,” Jenny yelled. “I’m Addie’s best friend! Known her since –“

“OH! Jenny! Sorry –“

“Listen to me, you lying piece of effervescently stupid beef!” Jenny cried, stopping when she realised Addie wasn’t behind her. Because she was climbing into the fucking taxi – “Addie is coming over to see you! She’s – she said she’s pregnant!”

“Shit.”

“Yeah! So, you’d better do something! Speak to her!”

“Put her on.”

“ADDIE!” Jenny cried, running back to the car. The driver had been waiting, thankfully. Jenny climbed in beside her. “Addie, Patrick’s on the phone.” Addie looked at the same spot at the back of the driver’s head. Jenny put the phone on speaker. “She can hear you, Patrick.”

“Adds? Addie? It’s Patrick.” Addie looked down at the phone. “Are you there, flower?”

“Yes.” She took the phone from Jenny and held it to her ear. “What do you want?”

“Jenny told me you were coming to see me… but you know you can’t, right? You know you can’t do that, sweetheart. I’m sorry for leaving you like that, but I promise you I’ll come back.”

“I don’t think you will.”

“I will.”

“Alright.” Addie cut the call, and looked at Jenny. “You get out and grab my bag, then, since I’m pregnant and all. I’ll pay the driver since he came this way.” Jenny sagged forward and climbed from the car. No sooner was the door shut, Addie reached across and locked it. “I’ll give you triple fair if you drive. NOW!”

The driver didn’t need telling twice. He threw the car into gear and burned off, leaving Jenny stood there in the middle of the road, stunned.

“As soon as the papers come through, we’ll buy our own place… and you’ll want for nothing, flower. Couple kids, a dog…”

“Kids you can actually raise…”

“Fuck yeah…” Patrick nudged her thighs open again, guiding himself into her slowly, covering her with his broad body. And Addie gave him everything he wanted, kissing every bit of him she could reach as he held her tight, pressing her into the stupidly soft mattress beneath them. She wanted the dream life that Patrick Jones came with. She wanted to carry his babies, and wear his ring, and be his entirely, in a way that his wife wasn’t. She wanted to be Adelaine Jones… she wanted him, and him alone. No-one else would be able to compete. Not when Sunday mornings were spent like this, lazily fucking until they took a shower, and then brunch somewhere…

Planning a future just seemed like the next logical step, considering they’d been a couple for a little longer than full year. Even though they’d kept it a secret… even from Jenny, but Jenny had been travelling all over the place herself with her PhD work. And good on her – she was due to finish with the best grade, and a contender for the Nobel Prize. It gave Addie all the time in the world to plan her future with Patrick…

“I’ll miss you,” Addie murmured, as she climaxed a second time that morning. Patrick held her through it, kissing her tenderly.

“Not quite as much as I’ll miss you,” he said softly. “But I’ll be back in a month… and if they don’t renew my visa for working here, then you can come to me.” Addie grinned up at him.

Only Patrick never came back, that time. All the times he had come back, all the times he’d gone to the States for a few weeks, he’d always kept the promise that he wouldn’t leave her. But he stopped returning her calls. Rejected her FaceTime requests. Never answered her texts or emails… and then he attended a red carpet with Diane. The red carpet he’d told her she could go to with him. The red carpet in London… but he never called her to tell her he was back. He showed Diane all the sights, all the places he’d gone to with her…

And then, the sickness had started. And she realised that even with her pill, she’d been late. A quick trip to the doctor had confirmed it, and they got her booked in for scans and the like… but Patrick needed to know, and it wasn’t something she wanted to tell him over the phone. But then he didn’t want to speak to her…

What was she supposed to do?!

The plane ride was long, but Addie sat back and read her books, ate the food business class offered, and slept. In no time at all, they’d landed in New York JFK. Addie was one of the first off the plane, and the moment her feet stepped on the marble flooring of the airport building, she went onto autopilot. Through border control, on the dregs of the tourist visa she had from visiting Patrick six months earlier. Baggage claim. Taxi rank. Address. New Jersey. North, towards Montclair. The taxi driver barely spoke to her, which suited her just fine.

And then… she was there.

“Who’s this?” Diane asked, looking up as someone dragged a suitcase down the manicured front garden path. “Another salesperson…”

“I’ll handle it.” Patrick murmured, sighing. His blood ran cold, but Diane wouldn’t know. Patrick opened the front door, and nearly broke character. “Hi there.”

“Patrick…” Addie said softly. “Thank god I remembered it right…” she was tired, thirsty, and felt ill. “Are… you not happy to see me?”

“No. I’m not. Because you weren’t supposed to come here.” His jaw worked, but he didn’t look her in the eye. Addie sagged. “You’re not welcome here.”

“I… but… you…” Addie made to take his hand, but he snatched it back. “Patrick… don’t do this to me…”

“I told you to stay away!” he hissed. “I told you to leave me alone! I’m married – you were right! Diane and I talked it all over!”

“But… we planned a future –“

“Oh, grow up!” Patrick breathed. “That was a bit of fun! Come on! I’m married with two kids – I can’t abandon them because we had a bit of fun!” He finally looked down at her, but his eyes betrayed him. He was torn up. “You need to go back home, Addie.”

“Patrick,” Addie whispered. “I’m pregnant, though… please… don’t do this…”

Suddenly, a gunshot rang through the air. A bullet stuck Addie in the chest, dropping her instantly. Patrick let out a scream of anguish.

“WHY?!” he screamed. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!”

“I told you to get rid of her,” Diane said coldly.