Paradise lost in me

I remember the days when everything was carefree. Playing outside while my dad and uncle cooked on the grill, my grandpa and my older uncles played dominoes and spades, while my mom and my aunties catches up with the latest stories happening in thier lives giggling and sipping a cold refreshing iced tea or lemonade. It was the greatest pastime, looking back I wouldn't of changed a thing until I became a teen and too big for my britches that nothing else mattered but getting out of the house, away from my parents, and my family. "Don't you walk away from us when we talk to you!" My mother yelled as we been arguing with each other over an hour about why I wanted to go to my best friend's party that night. "You are not going to this party, and you know why? The constant back talk, staying out later than your curfew and not to mention flaking off your tutor for the third time this week. You have a lot work to do, and a lot of making up so if you want to see your friends again you need to start acting your age." Acting my age? I thought as my hand was still on the doorknob with it halfway turned. I'm am acting my age, are they blind why are they doing this to me? I turned around, frowning at my parents drinking in thier appearances, my mother had her hand on her hips frowning back at me daring for me to say anything out of pocket, and my father had his arms crossed by his chest doing the same. "You don't get it do you?" My father exclaimed. "This is not who we raised, this is not the person we want you to be. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Tears dropped out in frustration stinging my cheeks as they went down. Then a slight itch in my soul beckoned me as my gut dropped down to my shoes. If there was anything that stood between me and the door it was my parents, but one thing I did regret is what was said next. "I don't need you or anyone else, I can take care of myself and I don't want to be here. I hate you!" I screamed as I flung the door open and slammed it behind me. As I went outside my best friend was already there sitting in the car popping a piece of bubble gum grinning as I walked toward her. "You did it didn't you?" She said excitedly grinning ear from ear like she heard the whole conversation. I looked at her and rolled my eyes. "Damn right I did, I'm not coming back here." My best friend looked around her car rummaging for something. "I got you some some clothes I boosted them from a couple of stores at that nice plaza up the street, we should be fine for now I just gotta see if my boyfriend will let us stay with his for a few days and we out of here in a few days to another forgein land." She joked as I playfully punched her in the arm. "Nah come on, I just wanted to go for a while, my parents are always blocking my blessings, they don't want me to live." My best friend checked her blue hair in her mirror as she drove with one hand. "Uh huh, cool, but not dressed like that. Look in the back seat and grab one of those outfits out of my bag." I started rummaging around in the bag in the backseat and came out with a bralette, a pair of shorts, and some heels. "Cute!" My bestie exclaimed as she pulled up to her mansion with all of the seniors from our class outside. I climbed in the backseat to put on my outfit, and when I was finished I fixed my hair and checked my makeup and stepped out of the car. As I walked through the crowd of teens I saw the table filled with expensive snacks and spiked punch. I poured a drink and took a sip looking around the crowd. Standing next to me was the person who was going to change my life forever. A six foot one senior who I recognized to play on the basketball team stared at me up and down stopping at my face, or was it my breast I couldn't remember. He approached me smiling with his pearly whites licking his lips in the process still eyeing me. "Wassup, never seen you before." He said rubbing his hands together. I smiled back flirtatiously and slightly looked away like I was shy. "Don't go out much, I know it's lame but my parents always have me on a tight leash I just wanted to enjoy myself." He looked away for a second and I heard him sniff hard he turned back around rubbing his nose and licking his lips. "Facts, parents can be a burden." He said calmly. We stared at each other for a few minutes and then he spoke first. "You know that punch it not spiked, that's the punch that some of these wuss teens set out here for people who don't drink." I looked down at my drink realizing I wasn't getting a buzz off of it anyways. He chuckled a little bit seeing my awkward expression on my face. "Come on I'll take to the real stuff. He said as he took the cup out of my hand and guided me into the house. As we got to the table there was another blue punch in a huge storage container with oranges, strawberries and, kiwi floating on top. I seen a couple of people pouring the liquid into thier red plastic cups getting a piece of fruit to garnish the side of thier drinks. Again that itch in my soul started and my stomach dropped to the floor, but I poured the juice in my cup anyway taking a few pieces of fruit in my cup. I took a sip and the alcohol burned my throat on the way down. I squinted my eyes for a few seconds and wiped the sticky juice off my mouth with the back of my hand. I took a few more sips and I started to feel really good. I smiled as the sensation of the drink started to take over my body. "This is really good, what is it?" I said on the top of my lungs over the music blasting in my ears. He smiled as he whispered loudly in my ear. "Love potion, garunteed for your panties to slide right off." I looked up at him and laughed. "Yeah right, I'm just here to have a good time." At that moment my best friend walked up on us. "Girl what are you doing?" She said with her eyes wide. Everything in the room started to spin but my body was getting hot and for some reason I wanted to mount the next boy I saw. "What are you talking about?" I said as I looked down at my drink. "You realize what's in there right?" I shrugged smiling drunkenly. "There's Molly in this honey, be careful don't drink too much of this." I rolled my eyes at her. "Oh so now you want to tell me what to do huh? You wasn't saying that before we got over here!" I yelled as she looked at me hurt. "So what I'm your best friend and regardless of anything I don't want to see anything happen to you." She said looking at me with judging eyes. I frowned and rolled my eyes again. "Whatever, come on." I said to the guy I was talking to yanking him upstairs. The next day I lay in bed with my bottom half aching on pain. I sat up as I seen myself in the hospital and police surrounding my parents and my best friend crying pleading with another cop to not send her to jail. A nurse entered my room to check my vitals. I was focused on the officers outside talking to my mother as she sat crying and my father comforting her. "Why are the police here?" I asked the nurse who was now finished taking my blood pressure. "It's for precaution, your friend brought you here the other night explaining what happened. We had to call the police you were covered in blood. Tears stung my eyes as I thought back to the night where I told my parents that I hated them. All of this could've been avoided if those words hadn't sprung out my mouth, and left them standing there filled with worry in there eyes and hearts.

One year later:

The fiasco at the party a year ago lead me down a very hard and long path of regrets and shame but also lessons and blessings. I found out that night that the guy I was talking to had raped me while I was knocked out, and my best friend was trying to warn me about his actions since she overheard him talking about how to get me in bed that night. I also found out weeks later that I was pregnant, and because of the abortion law I was restricted from aborting the baby so I had the baby and put them up for adoption. I didn't get a chance to graduate school so I had to take night classes and after a few attempts I got my GED and now trying to go to college. But college is a far away dream as I find myself in the bottle every night drinking away life's dreams. The trauma from last years party took a toll on me and now that it's over all I wanted to do is get a handle on life and move forward. There's nothing more that I want to do but again that itch in my soul the beckoneds me. I take a giant gulp of vodka with tears coming down my eyes. I would love to fix it. But how did you do that when everything in your life takes a tumble because of one simple sentence?