Memories To Keep

My unspoken words were just right on the tip of my tongue. I could even smell his perfume, his breathe into my face , his hands over my hips but it was just like a dream that shattered and gone because my husband called me to choose what I wanted to buy in Ace Hardware.

It was a normal day in December . The weather was fine. I could feel the whiz of the wind stroke the strands of my hair. The beautiful landscape of Mt. Arayat amazed and captivated my sense of morning good vibe. My husband and I had this early Sunday morning plan. . One of those was t:o bond with our kids. We went to SM mall to buy something for Christmas and for something that were needed in the house. My two kids told me to go to Uniqlo shop as well to look for t-shirts that they wanted; then they would just buy those with their money gifts at Christmas. I started to pick up those padlocks for the fence of my pet dogs and cats since if I didn't put anything, they would have the skill to go outside through their smart feet. We walked supposedly going to another shoe shop in front of the hardware before going to window shop t-shirts. I did not notice that someone followed us at the back. It was like his shadow tingled my mind and brought a smile on my face though I did not see him yet. I just remembered someone. Someone who I loved the most for more than a year. I felt so nervous, it seemed that my legs were numbed upon smelling the smell of the perfume that really smelled familiar in my nostrils. It seemed the smell ran through my veins, it made me giggled at the same time. I ended up smiling for a reason: I knew that he was there and if only I could hug him tightly but things were never be the same , my husband was there with my eldest daughter and my youngest son. My smile turned into sadness. The airconditioned coldness was like wiping my tears away . I asked myself if he did recognize me. Of all the places on earth why in SM Mall?

The next day was a bit busy, but I made time to log in and scroll down on Facebook , lurking and catching up with my friends' activities I suddenly got a message. My heart was thumping with joy seeing his name popped up on my messenger. I was curious why he messaged me? A lot of questions rumbling in my mind but I felt so happy, a happiness that I could not even describe. It flashed back memories where we only had laughters , teasing with other was our most romantic way of showing love with each other. It was very memorable and I wished it never ended with hanging goodbye. Tears ran down on my cheeks, it was a ramdom feeling of sadness and regrets. If only ,if only he listened to me, if only he listened the reason why he was not there the time when I looked for him. If only I listened the reason why he was with other friends and not with me.

The message said that I had to go to his house , which was supposedly built for our future family but this was not happened. He went to Italy without saying goodbye, without saying anything, he just vanished like feather swayed and drifted by the breeze. I could not bear how i felt that time and now suddenly all those crazy feelings were coming back. I replied to him and asked why. He responded: I will cook, we will be having candle lit dinner. What? I exclaimed with astonishment. "Yes, please come. I miss you so much." He retorted and typed right away the address eventhough the address was still written in my mind.I just stared the window, listened to the birds humming on the electric cable.The bees on the sampaguita flowers were busy buzzing but seemed telling me to go. I watched the sky and it was clear. It was really an azure sky in the late afternoon . A perfect day which was sycned by illusions and questions. I asked myself: Should I go or not? My husband was not at the house, he worked in Manila The guilt gave me a hint to stay in the house and just concentrate life while working in a call center company. I knew myself and have a typical day off- doing some errands but I knew what I wanted and it never stopped me from doing stuff that made me happy. I grabbed my jeans with an easy- to- wear bossini t-shirt and my rubber nike shoes. Grabbed my purse too after taking a bathe. I drove the car with a bit of uncertainty what would happen when I arrived. My heart skipped a bit when I already at the frontyard. It was a busy day in the city road where I could not even remember where should I go. Most probably because I was overwhelmed with my feelings. When the old house in front of me glimmered when the sun shine, The stracture was still the same. The gummamela flower was still alive near in that a bit stained gate. It brought a lot of memories where my ex-boyfriend showed to me the backyard and the interior of the house before.He was so sweet and very thoughtful. Everything he did was like magic in my eyes and ears. He prepared food for both of us. It seemed like a grandiose candle lit dinner that suprised me while my tears ran down once again on my face. I never experienced this kind of very romantic dinner with my husband. He never invited me for a date nor even a single small talks at the park or somewhere that we felt more bonded since the day of our matrimony. He even forgot our wedding anniversary. Everything was being forgotten but him , he brought memories in my mind in the most unexpected ways. Years passed when we did not see each other but he remained so sweet and served me as his queen. My heart cried with happiness. "C'mon,please feel at home, he said with a smile sparked in his eyes. I smiled at him while walking near towards him. I did not notice that his arms already in my waist and he swung me on his shoulders and kissed me like Romeo who kissed Juliet with very tender caresses of his lips against mine.Like me and him in the paradise. He murmured that he still loved me from the day he left until now. I was so speechless. How could I react on that scenario? How could I ever complain when I was longing for him for several years that I had never seen him? I kissed him back but my guilt kept telling me to go home because that was not right. He lifted me gently and kissed me more until I almost forgot that I had to fetch my son in school. He murmured: I remember still when you said yes to me when I courted you. It was all vivid in my mind . He kissed me more. I pushed him back a bit and told him that those were just the days, those were memories to keep. He hugged me tightly and cried. I left him without turning back. I drowned with my tears. The road was so narrow for me. I pulled over and cried . I wanted to yell in the wind.