Mermories of You

The chilly, ocean breeze brushed my skin as I gazed upon the blue wonder before me, reminiscing about the not-so-distant past.

My eyes danced across the waves as the sunbeams peaked through the thick, gray billowing clouds, and I inhaled deeply, the scent of saltwater and the last warmth of the sand instantly assaulted my senses and reminded me of you.

Out of pure fleeting need, I returned to this beach hoping to find you here, waiting for me as you assured me that you would, but as the excitement and hope dwindled from my eyes and soul, I realized you must have forgotten about me.

Another strong gust whirled around me, mussing up my hair as I continued to lean on the balcony of the condo my best friend and I would be sharing for the next month, and the sound of the gulls cawing into the afternoon air echoed in my ears as if taunting me in my dejected state.

“Syrina, we should be enjoying our holiday,”

My best friend’s voice suddenly called out, breaking me from my stupor, and as I stared back at her with a sullen expression gracing my features, she continued, “Not moping around because some summer fling isn’t here anymore.”

Her words struck a nerve within me, causing my heart to clench in pain and anger to rage beneath my otherwise calm exterior similar to a storm waiting to flood its tears upon the earth, but I reined my emotions in, not wanting to blow up at her in retaliation, and with one last glance at the ocean, I gave her a close-lipped, strained smile and said,

“You’re right, Ella. I simply wish Keegan wouldn’t have made such a convincing promise if he wasn’t going to keep it.”

My words were muttered while I huffed loudly and entered the living room of our condo, then I closed the doors to the balcony once I was inside, and I sighed, hearing the distant whistle of the wind while making my way towards my best friend.

“I know, Hon, but sometimes people make promises that are way too big to keep.”

She replied while embracing me in a warm hug, her gesture soothing the ache deep within my heart until a bright idea came to mind and I decided that this wasn’t how I wished to spend my vacation.

“Let’s go out today, El. I want to make the most of our holiday and not dwell on the things of the past. It’s time for me to have some fun with my best friend.”

“Now that’s the Syrina I know and love. Of course, we can. There’s a small festival being held at one of the boardwalks soon. Do you want to check it out?”

“Uh, heck yeah! Let me go put on my shoes and then we can get out of here, Ella.”

With that said, I rushed to my room to search for the correct shoes for this occasion, choosing to go with a more comfortable pair since Ella and I would be walking a lot, and, once I checked myself in the mirror to make sure I looked presentable, I made my way to her with faux excitement on my face.

Even though I was faking it right now, since I am harboring a significant amount of sadness about Keegan lying to me, I still wanted to be happy especially due to needing this vacation.

**

The revving of a motorcycle engine wrenched my attention from the food I was eating with Ella, my eyes immediately lighting up at the possibility you hadn’t broken your promise, but when my head swiveled around and landed on the young couple hopping off of the motorcycle in the parking lot from across the street, I deflated instantly.

“Syrina, hello? Earth to Syrina!”

Ella’s exclamation pulled me away from the motorcycle couple, my eyes finding hers as she raised her brow at me, and I chuckled nervously in response.

“Sorry, El. My ears demanded me to give the motorcycle attention and it distracted me. Were you saying something?”

My words were wispy and slightly breathless as I took a bite of my noodles, patiently waiting for her reply, and Ella sighed, shaking her head in disbelief.

“You’re still thinking about him, ‘Rina? You may have said that you wanted to forget about him, but you won’t allow yourself to do so. Please stop, you are only hurting yourself.”

Ella pleaded, her brow furrowed with concern as she placed her hand on my bicep, giving it a single squeeze, and even though my heart yearned for her words to be false, I knew they weren’t.

Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes at Ella’s truthful words, the heartbreak consuming me while I slumped in my chair, releasing a shuddering breath though I tried my best to focus on the bustling noise around me and the aroma of all kinds of food filling the atmosphere, before having the strength to speak, and I scooted away from my best friend, not wanting to be touched anymore.

“It’s difficult, El! I never, in a million years, would have thought that I would be acting like a lovesick puppy over someone I knew for a few months, but here I am and I’m hurt! Maybe I’ll get over Keegan one day, but that day isn’t today.”

I shook my head, realizing you truly had abandoned me.

Why did you vow to see me again when we both knew that, all we were to each other was some summer fun?

All I want is to feel your arms wrapped tightly around me and your breath on my neck as we watch the sunset together, but that can’t happen.

Everything that I wish for is to drown in the burning, fiery embers of your eyes and be consumed by your comforting embrace, but instead, I only have the cool, unwelcoming arms of zephyr to hold me close, and no familiar warmth of your presence.

And that is the worst torture of all.