Never Losing Sleep

Never Losing Sleep

This year has been one of the wildest years I have had yet. In January I was extremely depressed. I had been working overnights for 4 years. In the winter it was especially hard because my ‘awake’ hours were always dark, and cold, and gloomy. I missed the sun and its warmth desperately. Covid only made things harder. Not only did I go through the typical struggles of the graveyard shift, now that Covid had hit and there were new rules on where we could go and when I could no longer go shopping or out with friends at midnight on my nights off. If I wanted to get any errands done or have any type of social life, I had to flip my sleep schedule on days off. This led to me not being able to sleep at all most days, and when I did sleep it was in short periods. I was drinking heavily, and I did not see the point in taking care of myself at all. Why be healthy, fit, and happy? No one was going to be there for it. I was miserable and I needed change despairingly.

               The divine intervention happened in February. I was terribly sick. I thought I had covid or pneumonia and I am still not entirely convinced that I did not have one of them, even though I tested negative. I could hardly get off the couch. I could not breathe. I could not do anything. I was home sick and thought I was dying for a week. I could not eat or hold down anything besides water. I was quarantined and forced to stay home even after I started feeling better. By nature, my sleep schedule flipped, and I slept at night for several days in a row for the first time in years. It felt great! And I sobered up. I started crocheting again, which I had not done in years. By the time I was allowed to go back to work I found myself dreading it. My job was great, but I did not want to go back to the dark, cold, and gloomy state of being that I had been in. That was when I decided to make some changes. I would stop drinking entirely, just to help my health. I would start saving as much as I could to get ahead on finances and have a buffer in my checking account. I would start my crochet business. I would quit my job and never work overnights again. This all seemed impossible, and I did not think I would do it for real. I went back to work, and things went back to ‘normal.’ But then, stopping drinking happened, and my savings went up little by little, and I started selling crochet items on the side here or there.

               April 1^st, I took a deep breath and hit ‘send’ on my letter of resignation. I had 3 months of income saved. I had opened an Etsy store. I was still not drinking. My boyfriend had also felt the need for change and had put in his 2 weeks’ notice, to become his own boss as a delivery driver. And that motivated me to take control over my own life even more. I set myself up for success by making sure my emergency fund had enough to keep me afloat if my ship started to sink. I also had a part-time job lined up to start the day after I left the one I was in. I quit my full-time job and left my life as I knew it to pursue the unknown. People I worked with thought I would change my mind. They were wrong. Some friends and family thought, and even hoped, that I would fail. They were also wrong. My first few months as a small business owner were rough, and I did not make very many sales. But I persevered. My part-time job kept me afloat during the summer months.

Around September I slowly started making more sales. I also started running again. I started living the life of which I had always dreamed. I was liberated. My boyfriend, Nick was also doing very well with his newfound entrepreneurship. Of course, all the changes in our life added a few new hurdles to our relationship that we had not experienced before, and we sometimes fought, but we always worked it out. It was a struggle not always knowing how much income there would be. I learned: money is easy to make if I let it.

By December, my part-time job was slowing down, and my paychecks were smaller and smaller. But the universe worked in my favor, and I made more sales than ever before. I was busy working from 9am to 7pm every night for a month. It is exhausting. It is wonderful. If I want to take the afternoon off, I do not have to ask anyone. If I want to take an hour's lunch break while I am working from home, I can. No one stands over my shoulder keeping track of me. I am the best boss I have ever had. I spend as much time with my family and friends as I can if I am getting orders out on time. I watch TV with Nick every night, and if we want to go on a trip together, we can just take off without asking permission for time.

This year has taught me to never sell my time unless I am selling it to myself. I always have a choice and control over my life if I keep promises to myself. The only reason I was stuck in the dark, cold, and gloom, was because I put myself there. I will never put myself there again. Job security is not everything it is chalked up to be. If I treat money well, it will treat me well. If I treat myself well, others will treat me well. I have given myself permission to find my own happiness, and I have taken full advantage of it. The best part of this year is never losing any sleep at night.