"So, uhm...do you still want to be with me or you want to end everything now?" Tybalt asked the girl he loves as they sit beside each other watching the stars that night. He held her hand the whole time as soon as she confessed everything bothering about her on their relationship.
Ashofteh glanced at him letting her gaze fall on her toes after. 'What should I actually do?' she thought.
Tybalt has always been with her from the time her family discovered she has scoliosis until she got annoyed of the disapproval of her request for transfer to another graduate school course.
He was there when they both graduated, finished high school, found their purposes in life and bond for each other that even their workmates noticed before Tybalt began dating her.
He was also there when she won prizes for her writing skills, when she had a motorcycle accident while being in a date with some guy she met online, when she lost her favorite uncle and her bestfriend, when she finished tons of books, movies and series then excitedly tells the story to him as if she entered in those worlds for a week then got out of it just to report her adventures--these little events made him think that he should protect her at all costs dating her in the process but now, he was sensing it will all end because of things he probably didn't do or say to her during their dates and moments together.
"Sweetie, can I tell you I have no idea about what to do?" She bit her lip and fought back tears welling up in her eyes.
He nodded on her answer.
As soon as she said these words, all of the happy memories, the ones she held precious on her mind, heart and soul and the moments that made her realize he was worth it flooded back to her. She grit her teeth in desperation and clenched her left fist on her knee.
'Is it really okay to take risks with him even if I already sense and see that we have compatibility issues? Is it really okay to leave him behind after all the trouble we had together and him saving me from lots of times? Is it really okay to stay even if he's not really the type of guy for me given than he can't seem to catch up with everything I tell him? Is it okay to stick around a person you're comfortable with but has doubts as to why you should stay or not? What should I actually do?'
In that moment, Ashofteh felt like Jo March but more indecisive than her favorite character. Clearly, Tybalt is neither her Theodore Laurence nor her Friedrich Bhaer. 'Where does Tybalt fall for me? Am I stereotyping him too much?'
Her thoughts leave her hanging in the air.
Suddenly, he wiped her tears after he saw one fall on her lap from her eyes. "I don't know if my words still matter to you but I still love you, you know. I'm trying my best to be a good partner to you whatever the cost. But you seem to be more confused as our relationship deepens."
She nodded. "If emotions with people are involved, I am not so keen on that. Especially if I am comfortable with them and such."
"Yeah, I know. We've been together since I transfered to your school in elementary. And we're not each other's first love I guess. But I can't stop loving you even in times like this. I've put such a strong faith in us to work. You were the only one to believe in me, to show me how to truly love someone and to accept people in their own vulnerable shelled selves without hate or serious judgment. I really had high hopes for us to be married in the future and if I were to just not accept you anymore, everything between us would feel like it was for nothing. God knows that, Cutie. He's there from the time we met and maybe it's His doing too."
He laced his fingers between hers and rubbed the side of her thumb as he fights back tears and the urge to hug her even if this could be the last time they would be together.
Silence filled the two and only sniffing of noses were heard from them.
Ashofteh looked at the stars and squeezed her boyfriend's hand tight as her tears roll on her cheeks more. 'Now this gets more complicated. He is not like the guys I met before. He's determined. He's my long time closest friend after all. He knew how I can be so boyish and call him dude. He knew my strengths and even my weaknesses. He can just bribe me chicken nuggets and shawarma wraps when he's sorry and we'd be fine after. We don't seem to really argue unless his voice gets high from frustration on his problems and he lashes that out to me making me walk out the door. He's everything to me. What should I actually do?'
The indecisive female sighed and rested her head on the male she loved in a complicated way.
"Now I cannot be the best Jedi because I'm too attached to you," she jokingly said tearing up.
With this, he pulled off his hand from hers and wrapped an arm around her. He rubbed her shoulder as he also let his tears out from the situation they are in. "You're just a complicated being, Cutie. And that's who you are. If you really want to leave, it would hurt but I'll understand. Take your time and think about what you should really do."
"With all patience, can you wait for my answer?" She looked at him moving off of his shoulder.
He smiled shyly with his tears and scratched his nape lightly. "I guess."
She gazed at her feet again and sighed.
A long pause passed between them as crickets started playing their symphonies.
"Do you hate me?" Tybalt asked looking at her intently.
"No, not one bit. Not once, not ever." Ashofteh looked back at him sullen with her eyes swollen from crying.
"Is it wrong that I love you then?"
She shook her head of disapproval and bit her lip. He pinched her cheek lightly wiping off a tear again on her face.
"Sorry for being the trouble I am." Ashofteh clung to him tight wrapping her arms around him resting her elbow on his shoulders still indecisive but with a clearer mind than before. She cried once more as she hugged him tight.
He snuggled her back kissing her forehead and rubbing his cheek on hers smiling through the tears.