One for sorrow, two for joy!

"It is your turn to drive the kids to school this week!" I said exasperated from a week long trip which left me exhausted and in a foul mood.

"April, I can't. I am late already as it is." my husband said trying desperately to be nice.

"I haven't showered. Are they at least ready?" I said feeling invincible, about to make happen what could be impossible a minute ago.

"Kids! Mom will drive you, hurry! Bye April!" my husband said as he rushed out of the door.

I woke up and grabbed my long oversized sweater and tights which I usually wear when I am pretending to be exercizing. I splashed cold water on my face which needed no introduction to the days and nights of rushing urges. This morning the urge was to rush and make it to school on time. I hate the notes that they send with the kids home to ask the parent to show up and explain why the pupil was late or absent without an excuse! At first it is okay, not so bad, one talks to the school like an adult, like a parent and two or more meetings, then it becomes an intervention of an alcholic fool who should be relocated to a rehab situation!

We made it on time and just as they were going to lock the gates. All the kids rushed with their backpacks hanging on their shoulders. The line was already filled up with all the kids who do not hasitate to get up in the morning. I think that they say their prayers before running to class. I think they do. They listen to someone for a few moments and then there are announcements and then teachers stand in a reception line anticipating their students. That is the drill as far as I know.

I am what you call a public speaker who goes around towns verving the residents into becoming good people, the good neighbors, the good lot. I started when I was young, talking around anyone who had time to listen. I remember well when I first had a thought and desparetely felt the desire to share it, not quietely but out loud so that there would be witnesses. I made money by having others who thought that they were insulting me by putting a twenty dollar bill in a hat which they threw at my feet. And suddenly I had a crowd, and then I had a microphone and a large building filled up with standing ovations; all meant for me! That is how I became an inspiraitonal paid public speaker!

When I returned home from dropping my kids at school, I sat down and listend to all the messages that I missed while I was away. Invitations to the bake sale at school, an invitation to a neighborhood meeting about the new street closures, a dinner party for one of my friends which I was excited about. I listened to the speech that I had just given to a standing room only crowd in Minneapolis.

The weather had been very finicky. I wore my most popular trench coat made of lambskin which I bought in Autralia from a farmer who swore I would be a trend setter with it. I looked at my luggage and saw my clothes that needed to be laundered and wished that I had an assistant. Since I decided to organize my life, I felt that cutting corners would defeat the purpose of being authentic to the message of an organized life and a well thought out structured life which should result in success. I did everything myself and timed each and every action. So that when I testified to the masses who believed in me, I would be telling the truth!

I had recorded a lot of the events that I had traveled for. I, there and then decided to listen to all of my recordings and critique what I could. ...."life takes us to places that we do not want to visit sometimes.....I remember when I first met my husband..... he was my boyfriend then..........I forgot to take my pill and the Today sponge was not in my purse. ... Oh God no!!!.

..Well to cut a long story short nine months later I was carrying an infant and wore a cheap ring from Sears.........

April what have you done! You have revisited that pain which you promised that you had gotten over! No I had not forgotten how I ended up marrying a stranger just because one had to marry anyone who made them pregnant. And I was one of those women who forgot their Today sponge and married the Tomorrow guy!

Out of that mistake I got three children, a home, a husband with a car and a lawn mower. I cleaned his house and fed his kids. I was lucky to be able to travel and have time to make the speeches that inspire others into not becoming me. I had income and I had a status. My mame meant something!

I have been good all these years only if I did not listen to my old speeches that I have outgrown. Looking back is not always good for anyone to hang on to the past. That is the truth for sure. I knew it then. I felt it then and wished that I did not remind myself how I got so far away from a mistake that took place in a far away past. I hadn't thought of how I ended up married or who my husband was to me in so long. If I was not excited about him getting a job, I was excited that my kid was off his milk into solid foods. Something was always happening in my home. That is how we passed our time and became legitimate!

I have been a good wife. I cook and take out the trash. I send him away with clean clothes. I invite friends over to glorify his aims and his successes. We do the same for them too.

I could not help but wonder what life would have been like if we did not rush to make a mistake. Was it a mistake or just a quick way to this life. He was kind to me and that is all that I could expect, that he will be kind to me.